Our Research Robot Monkeys are always combing the web and the globe for all things worldly and apostate as they are able to find the devil in anything and everything. Recently a worldly and demon possessed cheese has been brought to their attention:
What makes this cheese so evil and reprobate? Just listen to the name Babybel which sounds too much like Babel which was in Babylon. Oh the rank apostasy—not only that we believe Babybel cheese is truly Satanic for when our Research Robot Monkeys parsed the letters out of Babybel, they discovered it was a secret codeword for Baby Bel. Bel as in Bel, Ba’al or Belial which of course are other names for the devil.
We concur as here are some of the worldly promises which Babybel offers:
- they suit alternative vegetarian dietary needs (this is nothing but liberalism).
- they make Goat cheese (Goats are symbolic of Satan and the unsaved non-Elect unregenerate reprobates).
- they promise laughter (Discernmentalists don’t believe in laughter as laughter is too fun and fun leads to rebellion and rebellion is of the devil. We do believe in laughing at the non-Elect however and rejoice in their predestined damnation which brings gory glory to God).
- it’s feminist (their commercial says that the cheese is “for the laughing girl”).
- We Know that Emergents probably like it and if it was used in their churches it would cause women to disobey I Corinthians 14:33-35: “33For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. 34Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. 35And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” (KJV).