Posts Tagged ‘Ultra-Newsworthy!’

Legacy: The Late Ken Silva Wanted To Rename Southern Baptist Convention newly rediscovered documents reveal

December 3, 2019

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Quote the late Ken Silva: “As one who was ordained as an SBC pastor in the mid-90s I kind of agree that a name change for the SBC would help clarify where this denomination is currently at. Filled as it is with leaders who don’t have to lead, hiding as they do behind its Idol of Autonomy, the SBC’s becoming anything goes.”
(Source: Apprising Ministries)

How dare those Southern Baptists believe in Baptist doctrine! We must most mightily put a stop to this. While we’re at it we must put a stop to the SBC’s Idol of Credobaptism as well. Anything goes in this Truth War, right? As we all know the Roman Catholic Church and the Reformers taught that Infant Baptism is the only correct way to baptize. How dare those Southern Baptists lack Doctrinal Purity in their man-centered idolatry of baptizing believers!

We must also bring back State Churches… who needs to keep religion and government separate anyways? We most greatfully thank you our late Affectionate Uncle Ken for being in the front-lines in getting our important message across that God wants America to be enslaved to theocratic tyranny. Rushdoony, David Barton and the great and all powerful Worldview Weekend couldn’t have done as great a work as he did.

We vote that we also place statues of Spurgeon and the great General and Holiest Apostle of our Truth War: our Pope of all Truth John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) in the sanctuary of every Southern Baptist church. Phil Johnson agrees and Rhoblogy adds that a statue or two of James White—“Rockstar” wouldn’t hurt as that would provide extra protection from Doctrinal corruption. Speaking of Spurgeon whom Discernmentalists love to quote from ala our late Uncle in Discernmentalism—our Research Robot Monkeys discovered that he was doctrinally impure so he might not be as great as Phil and his John, son!

Personally the ODMafia moves to change the SBC’s name to Saved By Calvinism as only Calvinism saves not Jesus.

Breaking: Antifa Bear killed Epstein… linked to Russia!!!

November 25, 2019

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Antifa backed Russian Bear now blamed for Jeffery Epstein’s “supicious” death as noted by a top Discernmentalist from Conspiracy News Network (a subsidiary of BS.Com a subsidiary of InfoWars):

Dave Noelle I watched MSNBC today. They bashed white men, claiming they were the root of all of the world’s problems. They used Hitleresque language towards conservatives, dehumanizing them and encouraging violence by defending the ANTIFA terrorists. I’m shocked (not really), that a major network would claim anyone right of Marx is a Nazi. (Nazis are social justice warriors) They painted anyone with a different opinion as a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, sexist, blah blah blah blah blah – because they have no argument so that is all they can do. They even continue to push the thoroughly debunked Russiagate conspiracy theory! Lmao. (Anyone Left of Reagan is a Commie)

They have already started a civil war. The Antifa bears they really have and really do hate America. They hate democracy and are co conspirators in trying to destroy it. They have declared war on democracy, war on freedom, war on the individual, war on the constitution… (Separation of church and state is a myth—up with theocracy) They just want equity, and facts do not matter as their means are always justified by their imaginary theoretical utopian ending if, in their mind, everyone was forced to be ideological clones of them! (Support our Troops-)

yup, exactly the same as all leftist MSM does too. That’s the problem with politics. (We hate all politics but ours)

Or do you not remember 2.5 years of ridiculous conspiracy theories about Russian Collusion? How short your memory is. (Russia colluded with Antifa and lured bears to Epstein’s jail gate with pizza)

Wade Duroe wait, you must have missed 2.5 years of daily Russiagate Conspiracy Theory nonsense!? Omg. Have you even turned on the TV since Trump ran for president? The insane hyperbolic fake news has ramped up to unprecedented levels. (Obama is the antichrist) Not just Trump, but anything related to Trump by the nth degree. Kavanaugh Witch Trials 1.0 and 2.0. Jussie Smollett. The Covington Boys!!! (I read this in Hillary’s emails that this was prearranged secretly by some guy see)

You clearly haven’t seen the latest PV leaks that came out about CNN and ABC!? Cold hard video evidence, hot mics and screen shots that are VERIFIED as legit. CNNs Jeff Zucker was caught demanding fake news be pushed to smear Trump and shutting down stories that don’t fit their narrative. (Libturdz r dumbz) He full on is caught saying the news doesn’t matter, it’s about an agenda. And unless you’ve lived under a rock you should have heard about ABC spiking the Epstein story 3 years ago, protecting the most prolific child sexual predator in American history because it would have made Hillary look bad and they might lose interviews with Will and Kate!!! Unbelievable. (Epstein didn’t kill himself with pizza—his gate was clawed open—therefore the Antifa bears linked to Russia must have done it)

Spread the Conspiracy!

Don Jobson and Truthslayer

Mrs. Jobson speaks on Mothballs

June 24, 2019

I’m proud of my wife’s article against the feminist assaults we’ve been facing and how to combat them that I wrote for her in keeping with our Clear Teachings on wifely submission—I tried to submit it on her behalf to The Council On Biblical Manhood and womanhood for publication in the latest issue of their magazine on Biblical womanhood but they rejected it and laughed in my face. I suspect it is because they saw her name as the author—I know it can’t be because of the references to mothballs in the article because they agree with Our Brand. For those of you who don’t know the main definition of mothballs as defined in Volume Two of The Discernmentalist Dictionary is:

MOTHBALLs or (Modernism’s Old Theologies of Hate Bringing About Legalism on  Ladies): (noun)- the only known protection against Mothra and feminist attacks on Discernmentalist Truth. Also useful in warding off Bibliophiles.

Anyways here is my lovely wife’s beautiful and well-written article:

0_300x300_Back_Color-WhiteMy Life As An Unfeminist Submissive Mothball Wearing Wife

By Mrs. Brandy Hose Jobson

Contrary to what our annoyed tortured faithful readers may think Mrs. Jobson indeed loves wearing  her mothball necklace. In fact just smelling them have calmed Mrs. Jobson’s (her)  fears of Mothra’s feminist Agenda assaulting our Truth. Mrs. Jobson wishes more women would learn the joy of being submissive and the benefits of wearing mothballs for protection. I (Don Jobson) told her (my wife Mrs. Jobson) that any time she’s tempted to even think the unbiblical thought of women being able to pastor a church—just keep calm by focusing on her mothballs. Now you can see the Clear benefits of our Teachings. I was telling Mrs. Jobson the other day that if “tolerance” is the core value of political correctness then feminism is it’s most cherished cause–and the implications of apostate culture’s cultural devotion to feminism are monstrous. Feminism is not about equal rights for women but about the feminization of the American male.

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My wife’s lovely mothball necklace 4 Protection against Mothra and feminists

It has indeed turned even more monstrous ever since these Mothra attacks started occurring on innocent unsuspecting Southern Baptist churches but thankfully our Brand works like a charm. In fact its extra magical almost like the heretical Mormon cult’s secret undergarments—only ours is Truly Biblical. Sadly though it has yet to be seen as working on gay feminists. This content is for Premium members only. Login or sign up to gain access to over $164440 in Worldview Weekend resources. (Whoops looks like Brannon is charging now for us Discernmentalists to crib from his self-righteous site. How dare he!).

Feminist Mothra dogma decrees that women can never be successful. That shows how out of touch the feminists are. Now Mothra as you may not know was never successful especially since:

Mothra is one of the most powerful psychics in the Toho universe. She has had the ability to use this power benevolently, to communicate with humans, or defensively, to destroy her enemies. As suggested earlier, Mothra is assumed to be divine and draws many parallels to the Phoenix, which makes her one of the more powerful kaiju of the Toho universe. Mothra has become one of Godzilla’s more challenging opponents, having achieved the greatest success rate in battle save Godzilla himself…

Anyways just remember mothballs for your protection against the Mothra feminist hordes. Mrs. Jobson agrees with me because I told her to.

My wife still protected by mothballs from Mothra feminists,

Don Jobson

Breaking News: Ingrid and the Mighty Slice Of Laodicea got Raptured from the Net!

June 8, 2010

I couldn’t believe my eyes today as our valiant Research Robot Monkeys were combing the net of our favorite Discernmentalists’ websites and blogs—when they  suddenly  noticed the absence of the presence of one of our  very favorite Mighty Truth Warrior blogs (under our own Affectionate Uncle Pastor-Teacher’s personal site, of course)—which had mysteriously and completely vanished into thin air…Poof…gone but not forgotten. Quite frankly we were quite shocked and  saddened to see that Ingrid Schlueter (who partners with the Great Pastor-Teacher himself on Christian Researchmentalist Network sometimes) and her Mighty Slice of Laodicea had been raptured off the Internet.

In a private conference with my fellow Discernmentalists, Dr. Truthslayer quipped:  “It has to be another evil Emergent plot at work.” I however fear for the very worse. I fear that Obama has finally taken control of the Internet in order to shut down any sites that are fighting against for the Truth. I mean why else would a blog that is so dedicated to lies and slander Truth disappear and vanish completely without a trace like that? We here and of the OD Mafia promise to stand firm in our convictions for protecting the Truth against Obamanation and E-mergent-ness. If Obama or an Emergent or any of our other enemies try to rapture up our Truth Warrior blogs, they’ll have to pry them from our cold dead hands first and even then we won’t let them.

Fellow Discernmentalists and Truth Warriors against for Truth, let us now take a moment of silence to remember with fondness the good ole days—back when Ingrid sliced up the Truth fought for the Truth on Slice of Laodicea before it succumbed to a genuine case of Internet rapture. Here to help us pay our respects and tribute to Ingrid’s SOL is a commemorative memorial photo of the former Great Slice of  Laodicea as it was in all of it’s Truth-Warrior missive glory before it’s tragic end of being raptured from  the net:

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Farewell Mighty Slice of Laodicea, we will miss you (and all the lies and slanders that you spread against fellow Christian Brothers and Sisters over the years of your short Internet lifespan) so! R. I. P… You may be gone, but you’re definitely not forgotten.

P. S. We heard a rumor that before Slice got raptured off the net they were working on a new pocket-sized version of their Truth-Grinder for a test market.