Posts Tagged ‘That awfully evil smelly smell’

Eradicate Popish-Pagan Holidays In America!

December 23, 2011

Our Pilgrim forefathers considered Christmas a display of “popish” extravagance inspired by Satan, and not without some justification. Until the 19th century Christmas was usually celebrated by drunken riots. The city council of New York finally voted to pay for a special uniformed Christmas day police force after a particularly deadly Christmas evening riot in 1828. But that didn’t stop a repeat in 1851 when the New York Tribune noted the “…musketry and firecrackers, the bacchanal songs and noisy revels, which for two hours after midnight made sleep not a thing to be dreamed of.”

Typical members of the Whore of Babylon (Romish Arminianist Satan-worshipers) trying to defend their unholy, ungodly and unbiblical Hell-a-day from True Bible-Believers:

We also believe that Christmas celebrates Satan and the birth of the anti-Christ like our Puritan ancestors—and you should too [believe that Christ-mass is the most Satanic time of the year under Ishtar (Easter)] as one of our top key Researchmentalists Sharon M. Whitley always says: “Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”

Now go out and make this Season a non-Pagan Holy Day by spending more of  your hard-earned cash on us. We require your tithes in a non-gift-giving way—buy our stuff like our new Rapture kit. Capitalism is how you can truly redeem this satanic Popish-Pagan season from idolatrous blasphemous Romish Arminianist filth for Capitalism is what makes America truly Holy and great as Capitalism is Biblical!  And your hard-earned money which you must tithe to us helps keep fine quality Discernmentalist websites like this one up and running.

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Rick Warren Plans to Take Over Christianity in America

April 20, 2011

Several members of Saddleback Church voted recently for Rick Warren to take over Christianity in America—utilizing  Eric Barger’s Bible-Based Satellite System our Research Robot Monkeys found this quote from a Saddleback member: “I voted for Rick Warren because I was told that he had been chosen (by God) to oversee Christianity in America. Much of the Emergent Church adhere to his doctrines. Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, C. Peter Wagner, Joyce Meyer, as well as Todd Bentley and the others (whose theology I follow) are all a part of the Emergent Church.”  (I read this quote on the Internet so of course it must be True!)

When our Research Robot Monkeys tried to press this member further on this issue—they got no answer. We’re not surprised for as Pat Robertson has said: “[Rick Warren] has his own Purpose-Driven agenda. I think he’ll stick to it.” Robertson went on to state of Warren’s Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan: “‘Purpose Driven’ ‘Positive Christianity’ coupled with ‘Dominionism’ will align itself with a totalitarian state against Islam and then against bible believing Christians and Messianics! It will be a tool in the hand of Edom to persecute and drive the remnant of the 10 lost tribes to the Hills during World War 3.  This sort of ‘Purpose Driven’ Positive Christianity dominates the Protestant Church in the United States and Australia and elsewhere. It can be summed up as me, me, me. Jesus died for me. It’s all about me. There is no crucifixion with Christ, it is just self-focussed. That is why there are so many self-help books for Christians today each with so many steps to victory. But are they really Christian?

We’ve also read elsewhere that Rick Warren plans to rebuild the Tower of Babel—if it is on the Internet it must be True!

Jimmy Swaggart has also joined us in our Truth War against Rick Warren and Emergents… why just the other day he and his wife were on tv lumping Rick Warren, David Jeremiah, Bill Hybels, Eugene Peterson & Leonard Sweet together as “New Agers.” Join us also in our Truth War or Else! Oh and also read our very own Will Farel XV’s excellent article on: “Is Rick Warren the Antichrist?

We Hate Easter!

April 8, 2011

If there is any Evil Pagan unholy-day we hate just as much as the blasphemous Roman Arminian Papist Christ-Mass—it would be Easter…why you may ask? Because Easter is the spawn of Satan:

Easter: The Devil’s Holiday
Recalling the fundamentals of the Papist Holiday and what we should be thinking about as true Christians.

Easter: The Devil’s Holiday
by Dr. C. Matthew McMahon

Easter has little to do with real Christianity. Does that surprise you? It should not. For example, Easter was not popular with the Puritans or the Pilgrim settlers in America. Neither Puritans or Pilgrims had use for ceremonies associated with religious festivals invented in either pagan history, or reinvented by Roman Catholicism. In actuality, here in the America’s only after the bloodshed Civil War did Easter “begin again” to be accepted. As Walsh states in his “Holy Time and Sacred Space in Puritan New England” (Walsh, American Quarterly, Vol. 32, No. 1 (Spring, 1980), pp. 79-95) “The New England [Pilgrims] like Reformed Protestants everywhere, rejected traditional Roman Catholic and Anglican beliefs and practices that organized time around consecrated churches, railed-off altars, holy shrines, miraculous wells, and that supposed the flow of time to be an irregular succession of holy days and sacred seasons. The Reformers argued, what was intend3e as a crutch for others had become a cast for Christians who willingly accepted the obligation of constant worship. They for whom all days are holy can have no holidays.” (See, for example, The Sermons of John Calvin Upon the Fifth Book of Moses called Deuteronomie, trans. Arthur Golding (London: H. Middleton, 1583).


Confused? We Have Good News For You:

March 29, 2011

Confused by all the New Age Modern (Per)Versions of the Bible… Tired of all the divisions in the church because your Pastor is actually educated and knows about Textual Criticism (How dare any Divinity school teach such an evil and blasphemous idea!!!)… Never fear have we got Good News for you: Why be in bondage to one Bible translation only like those evil Roman Arminian Papists were with their Latin Vulgate Onlyism when you can believe the complete opposite—King James Authorised 1611 Bible Onlyism for the win—because if it ain’t got the King on the cover it ain’t got the King inside and if it ain’t broke it don’t need fixin’.

Any missionary worth supporting will use ONLY The King James Version (in English) and the Textus Receptus or KJV for translation work !

You have NO business supporting a missionary
who has his car trunk (boot) full of bible versions
to please the whim of the churches he visits.

Such creeps are heretics, and you should send
them packing on down the road. Do not pay their
motel bill, and do not feed them.

They are capitalistic Christians–
making merchandise of the saints.

BEWARE OF SMILEY SAINTS WITH NIVS !!

BEWARE OF HICK GOOD OLD BOY MISSIONARIES
WHO TALK DUMB ABOUT THE TEXTUAL ISSUE.

THEY GOT THAT LINE OF BOLOGNA FROM
TENNESSEE TEMPLE OR BOB JONES U.

Jerks For Jesus (Our Valued Patrons) Judgmentalize Japan

March 16, 2011

 

Did Japan deserve the tsunami, specifically, and the painful afterplay?  No way, no how.  Japan deserves far worse.  Japan is a pagan, idolatrous, perverted nation full of pagan, idolatrous, perverted people.  Perverted, pagan idolatry is sin, and sin must be punished.  God will not be patient with sin and sinners forever.  Comparably-minor judgments like these are mere foreshadowings and tastes of the judgment to come.  I believe that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was a sin as well, in and of itself, and as such deserves punishment and judgment.  Even if the attack were justified, it is impossible to argue that it was carried out with 100% pure motives and in 100% pure ways. —Rhoblogy

We are so proud of our faithful student Rhoblogy—why he is almost the judgmentalist that we are and we are twice the judgementalists than Ken Silva yet not quite the judgmentalists that Sharin’ Whiplash is. Rhoblogy is so astute in his judgmentalism that he sets standards that would even confound our great and affectionate Uncle the great and all-powerful Pastor-Teacher to the Internet congregation of the True Remnant himself.

We agree with Rhoblogy for as Todd Friel’s pal has said echoing John MacArthur’s Pure Truth War Doctrines©®™:

A simple reading of the Bible shows how God uses natural disasters to further his purposes. Earthquakes, floods, famine, locusts, etc. they’re all there, but man hates it. Rather than humbly acknowledging that God’s ways are not our ways, man rails against and accuses God. The last thing they will do is cry out for his mercy in Jesus Christ.

We also like Rhoblogy are no friends of sinners or the Japanese for as Al Mohler says: “God hates sin/sinners, and will punish both individual sinners and nations.”—therefore we also hate sickos, perverts, reprobate nations, sinners and people in general unless they are just like us or believe exactly like us in the same way that we do (except on rare occaisions when we must discernmentalize ourselves and other Discernmentalists).

Brannon Howse Exposes Richard Land’s New World Order

October 5, 2010

Item #1 on Brannon Howse’s New World Order Agenda plans for fellow Discernmentalists is to discernmentalize the following groups of people and their unbiblical *(note: anti-American) agendas: Marxists, Muslims, Mormons, Globalists, and Richard Land of the Southern Baptist Convention.

“Sadly,” notes Brannon Howse (our beloved Führer); “I believe the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission headed by Richard Land is being used to push radically unbiblical, politically correct, and anti-American agendas. As a member of a solid, Bible teaching SBC church, I am very concerned about Land’s activities. However, I think even those that are not a member of an SBC church should be concerned since Land is speaking as an evangelical.”

Reasons why we all must now take a stand in God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath by supporting  Brannon Howse’s Truth War against Richard Land of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission:

  • He’s recently and slowly joined the Axis of Evil—we have Absolute Proof:
  • He’s aided the terrorists as Land Endorsed the U.S. Muslim Engagement Project and is helping to build Mosques
  • He’s too soft on Emergent and Red Letter Christian heretics as Land endorsed a book by Radical Jim Walls
  • He’s a closet postmodern universalist/pluralistic ecumenist for Land gives credibility to Mormonism
  • He is for illegal aliens invading our hallowed God-blessed land as (Richard) Land promotes Obama’s amnesty agenda
  • He is for the Antichrist and the Antichrist’s New One World Religous Government and Economy (NWO) for Land gives credibility to global governance

How you can help aid Brannon Howse as a Discernmentalist and Truth Warrior:

While there may be a few liberal “Christians” that applaud Land as he gives credibility to globalism, ecumenicalism, Mormonism, Neo-Marxism, amnesty and Islam; I know many conservative, Bible-believing Christians are eagerly waiting for a swift and Biblical response by SBC leaders to Mr. Land’s unbiblical and unequally yoked spiritual endeavors. I have had several SBC pastors express their concern to me about Mr. Land’s activities. In fact, many SBC pastors and members have requested this article so they might distribute it to other SBC pastors and members in hopes Land can be stopped from using his position, the SBC name, and SBC funds to give credibility to these radical causes.

We all must now band together at once as people of different denominational and faith backgrounds in the tradition of Worldview Weekend to take a stand against Richard Land and his apostasy from Brannon Howse’s One World Fascist American Theocratic Agenda Absolute Biblical Truth and his treasonous behavior towards the American Gospel.

Beat Your Kids For Jesus!

July 5, 2010

Brannon Howse and New World Order Weekend along with one of our faithful Research Robot Monkeys bring you a matter of upmost importance: 

We must not stand for the UN trying to take away our Divine right to beat and abuse our children as punishment. Remember these Pure Thoughts and Pure Doctrines from our Gospels: Child Abuse and torture are Biblical!

“Calvinism Unnatural”: Gay Christians Say

July 3, 2010

Fellow Discernmentalists…Beware… We are Under Attack again. The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have issued this controversial statement:

We have to continue to witness against the evil of Calvinism and pray that the Lord will open the blind eyes of those deceived by this unnatural behavior. We’re not remotely concerned about being politically correct about this issue. We know that Calvinists have chosen to continue believing in their fatalistic and self-destructive philosophy. We only pray that God will deliver them and change them to accepting their God-ordained Freedom in Christ. Yes Calvinism is unnatural…for who in their right mind would willing comply with subjecting themselves to being a mere automaton slave of the unpredictable whims of a fickle God of Wrath? No we are not robot zombie puppets…after all for Freedom’s sake Christ came to set us Free.   

Oh the horror of such rank heresy and bigoted terms! How dare anyone attack our Pure Biblical Truth Gospel like that. How dare anyone suggest that such a thing as Libertarian Free Will exists…why that goes against every moral fiber of our sound Biblical eisegesis exegesis. How can grace be grace if it is a free gift that just anyone can freely choose to accept and how can grace be a free gift if it wasn’t freely given to those whom God fatalistically pre-chose to give it to? We are appalled that anyone would dare think  differently than us. I mean it’s not like those stone dead in their sins can hear God’s voice anyway. No that would be too synergistic and we know that God never ever cooperates with man in anything. Remember these tried and true Pure words from our Gospels:  “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated”—which we know has everything to do with salvation in Christ.

Getting back to The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality, their attacks have even taken a far sinister turn when they suggested that John Calvin was actually a queerosexual. We can’t stand for this bigoted libel and slander of  ‘a great and holy man of God so greatly used by our Absolutely Sovereign Lord of Vengeful Jealous Wrath without whom we would all still be struggling in the dark ignorance of Roman Arminianism that man-exalting heresy.’ Some members of  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have stated that Calvinists were born the way they are and choose to remain Calvinist and glorify their mentally unbalanced disease:

However the large majority of  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality believe that Calvinism is a choice and that Calvinists should repent of their abnormal, unnatural and unbiblical behavior.  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have even set up centers for deprogramming Calvinists.  We have reason to suspect that the leaders who caused all these recent attacks are none other than Greg McCaw a self-avowed gay queer fag Emergent Christian (an oxymoron if there ever was one)—in conjunction with a heretic named Tom and another fag named Alvin McEwen. Fellow Discernmentalists we must not stand for these bigoted lies against our Pure Biblical Gospel Truth Doctrines—the Once For All Biblically Correct Pure Gospel Truth Doctrines delivered to the Saints like John Owen and Augustus Toplady lest the Church fall into the hands of the Emerging Homosexualist agenda of Emergent apostates.

P. S. We are not bigots for taking a stand against all you Arminian, Emergent and queer reprobates…we are just speaking the Truth in love and grace of course!

Hunting Season For Liberals Officially Begins!

May 14, 2010

    

(Gloom And Despair News: a subsidiary of GOIP Media Dominion Corporation as distributed by Outhouse Fails Publishing, Inc.) —-  Discernmentalists head to hunting ranges all across America now that Liberal Hunting Season has begun. Steve Camp of Camp On This Gloom and Disparaging Ministries has promised to reward the first True Bible-Believing  Fundamentalist Conservative/Republican Calvinist Christian to bag over a hundred liberals with a prize of an authentic tissue paper used by none other than our very own Ken Silva. The tissue paper is bound to become a  True Discernmentalist collector’s item. Camp has indeed verified that the tissue has really been used by Ken Silva for it is so full of ego and Absolute Truth. The tissue also comes complete with a certificate of authenticity.

Camp is on record as saying there are no limits on who may be considered a liberal. Any and all groups other than Confessional Dortian Calvinists are to be considered too liberal to be Truly Biblical and most importantly even Truly Christian. Most or all groups that are considered too liberal to Truly be Christian are dark evil reprobated heathen unregenerate hell-bound apostates as Camp goes on to further state :

To paraphrase former President Ronald Reagan’s words when speaking of communism:

“Open Theism, Universalism, Mormonism, Romanism, the Emergent Church, Jehovah Witnesses, Pragmaticism, Syncretism, Word of Faith, New Perspective of Paul, Libertarian Free Will, Socinianism, the Social Gospel, and Sabellianism is foreign to heaven, where they’ve never had part in it; and is welcome in hell, where they’ve already got it.” (Source).

In related news, Brannon Howse and Todd Friel have teamed up and have pledged their support for an upcoming Anti-Glenn Beck /Anti-Social Gospel Rally. At the moment, all the details are still in the open. We’ll let you know when and if any futher details come to light or as soon as any  future developments are made available.

New Bible-Based Laxative

April 19, 2010

Finally a colon cleanser fit to relieve the bowels of God’s Holy Predestined Elect introducing PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives. Every PoopraCrapsarian tablet is made by the most natural and Biblical of ingredients based on the Levetical Dietary Laws of keeping Kosher.  All PoopraCrapsarian tablets contain the Absolute Decrees of God so remember PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives for all your colon cleansing needs—good only for the fatallistically predetermined voiding of bowels.

Warning PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives are only good enough for the Truly Predestined Elect of God—the True Converts. Side effects may include but are not limited to: bloating, upset stomach, diaherrea, arrogance, extreme Capitalism, anti-Catholic bigotry, a feeling of religious supremacy over those who disagree with you, elitism, aversion to religious objects, the need to burn heretics at the stake, love of war and torture, condescension and other  side effects. False Converts, unregenerate reprobates and heathens need not apply as they have already been  fatallistically predetermined by God to suffer the wrath of eternal bowel discomfort from the foundation of the world.