Posts Tagged ‘Love Wins?’

Discernmentalists Declare: “Rob Bell Worse Than Bin Laden!”

May 3, 2011

(Newsweek)- Pastorboy aka (Name Withheld by Request) in a Press Conference today stated unequivocally and without reservation nor hesitation that he believes that the Truth War against Spiritual Terrorism has yet to be completed as long as Rob Bell is still alive–for he truly believes Rob Bell is worse than Bin Laden. Pastorboy aka (Name Withheld by Request) proves his case by quoting directly from the sinister and vile arch-heretic Rob Bell himself: “Rob Bell: Osama Bin Laden is in hell? Really? And you feel compelled to tell people this? I have to say that love wins, and this story is so much larger. Remember, Jesus painted blood on the doorposts of the universe and has reconciled ALL things to himself. Imagine the hell he has already experienced living in that one million dollar bunker on the border of Pakistan. Now that he is dead, he will be sure to choose Jesus. I am sure I will see him in the new creation someday.”

How dare anyone believe any one of America’s enemies make it to heaven! After-all, America’s enemies are God’s enemies and God’s enemies are all of America’s enemies. Todd Friel quoting from our Final Prophet John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has noted similar reservations–noting that we should rejoice in the destruction of America’s enemies with a commendable hatred and praise God that America’s enemies will roast in hell and thank our Sovereign God of Wrath for sparing American warlords the same fate by granting them get out of hell free cards.

Pastorboy aka (Name Withheld by Request) would agree and so do we–finally we offer you a stern word of loving wrath from our Final Prophet John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.): “Scripture presents a terrifyingly clear case for a literal hell. It’s a place where God punishes unbelievers for all eternity. Contrary to what some so-called evangelicals are teaching, hell is not a state of mind or a hard life on this earth. Your state of mind can change; your circumstances can improve. Hell never changes, never improves. Hell is not chastisement; it’s everlasting, insufferable punishment at the hands of an angry God.” This is why Rob Bell is worse than Bin Laden for even Bin Laden believed in a literal and “real place” called hell–praise our loving God of Sovereign Wrath to His Glory!

The Emergent Church Agenda Exposed

April 20, 2011

New evil Emergent plot uncovered: “Drink Dr. Pepper Cherry believe Love Wins!” We are quite astounded at the lengths these Purpose-Driven Seeker-Sensitive Emergent types will go to spread their evil Universalist message. We are angered that these Emergents dare to leave their Emergent Villages and treat the world as their Cohorts. How dare they chant their Contemplative chants on our airwaves… Let alone in public! Can’t they keep their mystical Hindu Voodoo to themselves and go back to their Emergent Villages and smoke one of Shaine Claiborne’s doobies? But no… they’ve got to go and ruin everything as usual with their Subliminal Contemplative Centering Messages! Actual quote from Rob Bell: “Hahaha…if I use the same colors on the book cover of Love Wins as Dr. Pepper Cherry, people will have to believe my Universalist message that Love Wins.” Ken Silva who isn’t half the Discernmentalist that we are—failed to catch this. Thankfully though we have warned you at just how crafty the Emergent Church’s secret Agenda is!