Posts Tagged ‘I Don’t Get It’

Rick Warren Plans to Take Over Christianity in America

April 20, 2011

Several members of Saddleback Church voted recently for Rick Warren to take over Christianity in America—utilizing  Eric Barger’s Bible-Based Satellite System our Research Robot Monkeys found this quote from a Saddleback member: “I voted for Rick Warren because I was told that he had been chosen (by God) to oversee Christianity in America. Much of the Emergent Church adhere to his doctrines. Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, C. Peter Wagner, Joyce Meyer, as well as Todd Bentley and the others (whose theology I follow) are all a part of the Emergent Church.”  (I read this quote on the Internet so of course it must be True!)

When our Research Robot Monkeys tried to press this member further on this issue—they got no answer. We’re not surprised for as Pat Robertson has said: “[Rick Warren] has his own Purpose-Driven agenda. I think he’ll stick to it.” Robertson went on to state of Warren’s Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan: “‘Purpose Driven’ ‘Positive Christianity’ coupled with ‘Dominionism’ will align itself with a totalitarian state against Islam and then against bible believing Christians and Messianics! It will be a tool in the hand of Edom to persecute and drive the remnant of the 10 lost tribes to the Hills during World War 3.  This sort of ‘Purpose Driven’ Positive Christianity dominates the Protestant Church in the United States and Australia and elsewhere. It can be summed up as me, me, me. Jesus died for me. It’s all about me. There is no crucifixion with Christ, it is just self-focussed. That is why there are so many self-help books for Christians today each with so many steps to victory. But are they really Christian?

We’ve also read elsewhere that Rick Warren plans to rebuild the Tower of Babel—if it is on the Internet it must be True!

Jimmy Swaggart has also joined us in our Truth War against Rick Warren and Emergents… why just the other day he and his wife were on tv lumping Rick Warren, David Jeremiah, Bill Hybels, Eugene Peterson & Leonard Sweet together as “New Agers.” Join us also in our Truth War or Else! Oh and also read our very own Will Farel XV’s excellent article on: “Is Rick Warren the Antichrist?

Discernmentalists Teach True History

January 14, 2010

Some of our Secret Discernmentalist Agents have infiltrated a Canadian website to spread lies propaganda revisionist history the Absolutely True history of Lucy Maud Montgomery:

Montgomery for McCain

Postby TrueChristian » Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:51 am

Our beloved author LM Montgomery, as a conservative, would have clearly voted for John McCain if she were a US citizen and living now.

Obama wants to pull out of Iraq and declare defeat. President Bush has been winning the war against terrorism and spreading democracy in the middle east. McCain, as a war hero and experienced senator, will continue to defeat terrorism. If Obama becomes president, we are going to get hit by terrorists. Joe Biden has admitted this will happen.

I encourage every elligeble us citizen, in the spirit of Lucy Maud Montgomvery, to voet next week for Senator McCain.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16

Postby Wild Roses » Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:49 pm

McCain might be a war hero, but beyond that, he isn’t much else but a hypocrite. This U.S. citizen proudly voted for Obama.

I’m sure Captain Jim would be quite proud of me.

“We couldn’t buy the logic that Jesus was the only way. That meant the Buddhists and Hindus who had never even heard of Christ Almighty were doomed to hell, while Ku Klux Klan members were not.” From THE HUNDRED SECRET SENSES by Amy Tan.
Wild Roses
Rose Cottage Resident
 
Posts: 154
Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2005 10:34 am

Postby TrueChristian » Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:13 am

So you would rather vote for Obama and get hit by terrorists instead of voting for someone experienced who could prevent a terrorits strike?
For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16
TrueChristian
Planted Magic Seeds
 
Posts: 32
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:05 pm

Postby Shelly » Thu Oct 30, 2008 4:52 pm

You don’t know that terrorists would strike with Obama in office. Nor do you know that terrorists would leave the US alone with McCain in office.

And bringing democracy to Iraq? Ha! More like occupation.

Nope. I’m not voting for McCain. (Or Obama.)

foreverzach.netavonleaconvention.org
“Luck. It had nothing to do with it.” ~ Izzy Pettibone
by TrueChristian » Sat Nov 01, 2008 9:31 am
Obama’s own running mate said that they were going to get hit by terrorists, and hes got years of foreign policy experience. And we are bringing democracy to Iraq. Now they can vote for there leader without fear of getting poisoned with nerve gas cant they?

The terrorists haven’t attackedus again because President Bush has been beating them. President Bush said we have to fight the terrorists there so we dont have to fight them here and hes been doing that. I think people have forgotten baout 911. Thats why its so imaportant that we vote for McCain like Lucy Maud would have.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16

Postby Shelly » Sat Nov 01, 2008 3:23 pm

I will NOT vote for McCain. Nothing you can say is going to change that.

Also: Who are you to say how LMM would’ve voted if she lived in the States?

foreverzach.netavonleaconvention.org
“Luck. It had nothing to do with it.” ~ Izzy Pettibone
User avatar
Shelly
Holder of the Blue Chest Key
 
Posts: 512
Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2005 1:20 pm
Location: new england
Website

Postby Wild Roses » Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:02 pm

The terrorists didn’t hit us when Bill Clinton was office–they hit us when George W. Bush, a conservative, entered office. If Bush had been paying attention to the memos he gets while he’s on vacation, the attack wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Also, we’re not ‘beating’ the terrorists. In Afghanistan, they have regrouped.

And, why haven’t be bombed and invaded other countries where dictators still rule? Why is Iraq so important that it gets singled out but not the other countries where dictators hurt their people?

At least Obama has foreign policy experience. What is Sarah Palin’s? She can see Russia from her house. (She also has less political experience than Obama. He has years as a community organizer, President of the Harvard Law Review, was in the Illoinois State Senate, and in Senate. Palin only has two years as mayor of a town smaller than where I live, and two years as gov.) Furthermore, you are twisting Biden’s words.

I am so sick of McCain’s years as a POW being trotted out. What about the fact that he cheated on his first wife–a wife who waited for his return home for years, only to get dumped so he can marry a rich woman who stole drugs from her charity to feed her addiction. What about his role in the Keating scandal in the 1980s? What about the fact that he has more votes on veteran benefits than has Tim Johnson (who was in a coma!). McCain is a veteran–but somehow can’t make it to DC to enable a bill on veteran benefits to get passed.

I don’t think anybody in the U.S. has forgotten about 9/11. However, it was SEVEN years ago. You want to know a tragedy that doesn’t get enough attention? Hurricane Katrina. New York City has come back from the ashes, New Orleans is still stuck in the shams.

Montgomery may have been a conservative, but she was a Canadian. Based on her books, she only a had fleeting interest in US politics.

“We couldn’t buy the logic that Jesus was the only way. That meant the Buddhists and Hindus who had never even heard of Christ Almighty were doomed to hell, while Ku Klux Klan members were not.” From THE HUNDRED SECRET SENSES by Amy Tan.
Wild Roses
Rose Cottage Resident
 
Posts: 154
Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2005 10:34 am

Postby TrueChristian » Tue Nov 04, 2008 11:42 am

Alquaida bombed the US Cole while Clinton was in office and he failed two chances to kill Bin Laden. The Bush administration said they warned the airline industry about a possible attack. You’lljust have to take Pres. Bushs word for it.

We are beating the terrorists. They have not attacked us again, have they? This is because President Bush has them on the run or in hiding incaves. But Presient Bush doesnt get credit for that? He was the most popular president in modern history and now everyones forgotten about that because the economies bad.

Palin isn’t running for president, McCain is, so it isnt as importnatn that she has foreign policy experience. Ronald Reagan was another governor without foreign experience and he defeated communism and was one of the greatest presidents.

Montgomery would have voted for McCain if she were still alive and a US citizen because she supported world war I–Another war against evil. She didn’t believe in the cut and run strategy.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16
TrueChristian
Planted Magic Seeds
 
Posts: 32
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:05 pm

Lets Start The New Year Off Right

January 3, 2010

Let us  do all the thinking and researchmentalism for you so that you won’t have to strain any of your brain cells. In the words of the OD Mafia:

God’s truth is so fragile we must take a stand in God’s sovereignty to protect it. If we do not, the perverts and sickos of this world will destroy the church. Are you tired of those wimpy so called Online Discernment Ministries? We are and we want to stand up and protect our God and His Truth…Truth is so fragile and if we do not make a stand in the sovereignty of God, the Church might be lost to the sickos and perverts out there who are invading it! We know who and what they are. They are in our pews. They are on your TV. They are corrupting the most godly of things, the Internet!

 This blog is about protecting the truth of God that is so fragile.

What we promise.

To expose all to God’s wrath.

To preach that Jesus is coming back and He is so angry with sinners!

Hell is a real “place”.

If you do not hold to true doctrine then you will be blotted from the Lamb’s Book of Life forever!

Spread the gospel of Spurgeon and John MacArthur (the only truth living teacher of God’s word) to all the world.

 We are tired of emergents, RCC wannabes, Rich Warren, Rob Bell, Beth Moore, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagget, Tony Jones, sinners in general who are not worthy of our God, and anyone that sounds like or acts like any of these apostates.

Meet  our GOIP Bots who assist us in our Absolute Truth War efforts as fully-fledged supporters of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars

GOIP  BOT 2000.10  or our God-Jesus Robot is the latest model in the GOIP Bot 2000 series and assists us in all of our judgementalist needs by helping to pour down God’s Wrath upon all, judging others, frontline defense, heresy hunting, omniscience, omnipresence, fortune telling among other judgemental tasks.  We stole the top secret plans for the GOIP  BOT 2000.10 from Japan. A home version of the GOIP  BOT 2000.10 is now available from GOIP Labs:

Revised:*Here are two videos of one of our GOIP  BOT 2000.10s in action—

When  we asked if Brian McLaren is a heretic he responded “The answer is yes”:

When we asked if John MacArthur is ever wrong he responded “The answer is no”:

*

Finally meet GOIP Bot 3000 which along with GOIP Eye 3 is the backbone of GOIP Discernmentalism and helps assist us in counter spiritual terrorism, Truth War ways, arrogance, greed, hate, torture, self-righteousness, keeping God in a box, Nationalism, burning heretics, among other tasks, etc. Using Eric Barger‘s Bible-Based Mathematics System in which 2 + 2 doesn’t always equal 4 but sometimes equals 10—-here is the logically sound Biblical equation which proves this Absolute Fact: 2 + 2=4 but when turned upside down 2 looks like an inversed s and s looks like a 5 so therefore 2(s) or s + s really is 5 + 5 which means 2 + 2 turned upside down means that 2 + 2 sometimes equals 10—we calculated the technical details involved in the making a GOIP Bot 3000. With Ken Silva’s Seal of Approval  our slave laborers created the GOIP Bot 3000 the top of the line in Truth War Discernmentalism:

This is why we will preach the Good News of God’s Wrath to you and force you to listen!

Emergents Hack Our Discernmentalists’ Wishlist

December 17, 2009

We are sorry to say that Emergents have hacked our Discernmentalists’ Christmas Wishlist so that items 5-1 have gone missing. We regret not being able to reveal them to you but in the True Spirit of the Season we wish to make up for it by sharing our joy in receiving this Christmas card from Saint John MacArthur:

After all, war and torture  are profitable and lucrative for our churches and Discernmentalists’ Doctrines—why because Saint John MacArthur said so:

GOIP Discernmmentalists Uncover A Secret Muslim Plot

December 3, 2009

Muslims are gaining the momentum to beat us to world domination. How dare they! Hear what my colleague in Discernmentalizations Dr. Truthslayer has to say:

“Muslims, within the span of 20-50 years, will essentially control the entire world because of their numbers;” We also believe that Muslims will build mosques on Mars very soon….perhaps even by 2018 if we do not act fast!

This is why we must take the world back for Jesus as we The Theocratic Calvinist Christian Fascist Party (GOIP)  and American Calvinists are predestined and Elected to rule the world—for God’s Absolute Glory—by God’s Absolute Sovereign Decree from the foundation of the world. We Absolute Truth Warriors also need to become more aggressive in our Absolute Truth War efforts against the dark and false religion of Islam. Here Saint John MacArthur explains the True and Pure Gospel of the Truth War against Mooslems:

Der Führer Ron Luce has also ordered us to step up our efforts in our Truth War as he has said that “secularism (Emergent and liberal Christianity) and Islam are almost indistinguishable, in that they’re in this war together to destroy Christianity.” Indeed this is Absolute Truth because our Führer said so and why we must  never compromise on preaching the whole ‘discernmentalist’ truth of the Truth War against all liberal, apostate, heretics such as Muslim-enabling Emergents!

Typical Emergent Teachings Exposed

November 2, 2009

7326_161326995886_510820886_3323472_7900809_n

Typical Emergent teachings lead souls to communism and socialism and communism and socialism lead souls to hell.

Emergent teachings exposed by our Researchmentalist Spider Monkey Bot:

I don’t think this is necessarily to save the poor; I think it’s for our salvation. I think that we have been blessed beyond measure, and if we don’t give it away and steward it well, our own souls are going to shrivel up. This is about the state of our own souls. According to Jesus’ teachings, we’re in trouble if we hog it or keep it to ourselves.

There’s 2103 verses on the poor and oppressed. This is how Jesus began his first sermon: ‘I’ve been anointed to preach the good news to the poor.’ God is with the poor; we’re with God when we’re with the poor.

God has no interest in us building our empires.

This is a huge issue. The rich man and Lazarus… I mean, the rich man is in hell because he ignored the needs of Lazarus by his front gate. So for Jesus, there’s a very literal, earthly hell for those who ignore the need of those around them. I would even argue the man who builds bigger barns… the only clear passages where Jesus speaks of somebody in hell are about a religious person with extraordinary wealth that doesn’t share it with those who are in need. That’s where he gives specific cases of those who are in hell even if they are parables.

Rob Bell.
We hear “kingdom of heaven” and we think “kingdom of life after death.” But that’s the very opposite of what Jesus is talking about. Remember—he says repeatedly, the kingdom of God, the kingdom of heaven, has arrived! It’s near, here, at hand, among you! It’s not just about after you die; it’s about here, now, in this life! (New Kind of Christian, 107)
—Brian McLaren.

Glorify God And Support War

November 1, 2009

war

If you don’t believe in war, you don’t believe in Jesus—why, because Saint John MacArthur said so:

Also because Saint Augustine’s words are above Jesus’ words. Our resident Redneck GOIPer adds: 

The Iraqi War is God’s War

  OK everyone listen up. I am going to go over a subject that many liberals may not want to know. That’s right, God is supporting our troops. This is not the Alliance of the Willing, nor is it an American war, this war is the will of God. We are just mere pawns in God’s master plan for happiness for all humanity.

Let’s start off with the simple fact Muslims are going to hell. I didn’t say ALL Muslims are going to hell, but let’s say 99.99% will know the heat of Dante’s inferno. Only accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior can one spend eternity with God. So what are the odds that any self respecting Muslim will accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I am guessing .01%, but suffice it to say, that hell is LOADED with Muslims.

Anyways point made. If they are going to spend eternity in hell, do they really deserve all that oil? Who made the oil anyhow? God did, and these guys can’t even recognize the sacrifices his Son made for all of humanity. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. Talk about ingrates. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil.

It is clear to God and I that these ingrates don’t deserve this oil any more. There I said it. It’s not about Weapons of Mass Destruction, taking down an evil dictator, or creating a beacon for democracy, it’s about OIL. God created a decoy, so we can get into this vile country, so we can have their oil. God wants us to have their oil. We are going to heaven and they are going to hell.

But liberals want to ignore the immense glory of Lord Almighty. His mighty hand is guiding our troops to victory, but God is quite busy fighting the sand monkeys. He needs our help by fighting the liberals. So here’s the next piece of news. God hates liberals as much as I do. Liberals may say they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, but God knows they are lying. Hell if I can tell they are lying, don’t you think that God can as well?

Speaking of which, it is hard enough putting up with liberals here on earth. Do you really think that God would make us suffer with liberals in heaven. Hell no. Not only are there no towel heads in heaven, there aren’t very many liberals either. Of course, God lets a few liberals into heaven each year. We need someone to clean the toilets.

So I want to personally thank God for guiding our troops, and also for the best Christmas present of all. Iraq’s oil. Yea, God! We get a bunch of oil for killing a bunch of people that were going to hell anyhow.  That’s what I call a win – win.

We here at the Official GOIP and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia sites agree. Praise God and pass the ammo!

29 12 2007—- # of heretics we hope our weblogs slay with their blog ammo of Absolute Truthiness.

Todd Friel Presents Brokeback Mountain

November 1, 2009

second3

Todd Friel to star in God’s version of Brokeback Mountain. It should bring you relief as it’s a much needed remedy to that Leftist media one that promotes the homosexual agenda and acceptance of an abominable lifestyle. Watch it or else.

Global Warming: Praise God!

October 30, 2009

global_warming

Typical Arminian Romanist Apostates

October 17, 2009

armmolechdees

ThisManIsYourFriend

All Arminians are evil pagans who glorify man by believing in free will instead of glorifying GOD by believing in Absolute Predestination like we the True Elect do. Arminians can’t be saved because their doctrines are impure and lead men back to Rome. They may as well worship Molech and be communists—Ken Silva and John MacArthur told me so.