Posts Tagged ‘GOIP Consumerist Products’

Saint John MacArthur’s Certs

November 3, 2009

macarthurabsolute certs

Do you need to be Absolutely Certain that you are truly of  the Regenerate Elect? Are those evil Arminians and Emergents trying to confuse you of the Absolute Truth? Never fear we here at GOIP Food Labs have come up with the Absolutely Perfect product to suit your Discernmentalist needs–introducing Saint John MacArthur made Absolute Certs: for those times when you need to stay fresh in  your Discern-ments! These Discern-ments are flavored with Absolute Truth in every piece and are guaranteed to protect your doctrines from the impurities of those evil Arminians and Emergents and ensure you that you are truly of  the Regenerate Elect complete with Saint John MacArthur’s seal of approval. You’ll also be Absolutely Certain  of the Absolute Truth of everything.

Side Effects may include but are not limited to: Judgmentalism, a Purposeless Driven Life, Reformed thinking, loss of friends, vomiting, arrogance, hate, a black and white worldview, heartburn, gall, the urge to vote for Ultra-Right-Wing Conservative Christian Republicans, Fundamentalism, bibliolatry, Calvinolatry and Spurgeon-worship—-a superiority complex, legalism, constipation, upset stomach, indigestion, diarrhea, etc.

John MacArthur Backs Our GodPod

November 1, 2009

iBelive

John MacArthur backed IPod set to only pick up CCFP approved listening materials like the King James Bible as read by Darth Vader, John MacArthur sermons, Way Of The Master radio, Rush Limbaugh and tons of other CCFP materials. Automatically set to screen out the Glen Beck program as his political views are Orthdox— his religious views however are satanic. The CCFP IPod comes preloaded with a library of John MacArthur and John Piper sermons, the ESV bible, the MacArthur study bible and the Scofield study bible.

If you force your kids to come to Ron Luce Hitler’s Youth Group For True Christians—your kids will own one of these before leaving our camp.