Posts Tagged ‘End Times’

Under Attack by Fictional Gay Cartoon Rats!

May 15, 2019

 

 

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Gay cartoon rats (Our Real enemies) turning kids ghey!

Now that our war with (Insert PP joke here-File Not Found) is over and we declared ourselves the winners—we can get back to focusing our discernmentalizing energies on fighting against real enemies like fictional characters such as gay cartoon rats. Yes gay cartoon rats as The Queerosexualist PC agenda has struck again our beloved Arthur threatening our hetero-marriages once again. Run…run and lock  your doors…bar your windows and hide the children. The Sanctity of our marriages are being destroyed. Our Pure marriage Doctrines are now in danger unless we come against this and forbid fictional characters from getting ghey married and exposing kids to gheybuttsecks against our Clear Teachings of it’s ickyness.

Oh the horror…the  sheer horror! I had to shield my eyes several times from the horror of that picture and out of fear of turning ghey by sight osmosis (from all the gaydiation that picture emits) while I was writing this important article. In fact Mrs. Jobson threatened to divorce me as she had thought I was looking up ghey furry porn sites—but I explained to her I was doing researchmentalism for this very urgent article that required my discernmentalism. We warned you when we already apprised you of the rabbit hole that ghey buttsecks leads to: Manimals.

You should have heeded our warning when you had the chance…now America has truly fallen since this travesty has been allowed to pollute the Purity of our airwaves. Personally Dr. Truthslayer blames the liberal Commiefied Canada’s involvement with Arthur for this assault on our Biblical marriages. Dr. I. Todyaso is now at this very moment working closely with Eric Barger inventor of Stretch Technology; Smocking Gun Technology; and co-inventor of our Gaydar on inventing a Fictional Gay Character Eraser  (Codenamed: Fig Leaf) in order to stop this menacing threat that will surely prevent us from having Hetero-marriages by turning everyone ghey.

Thankfully you have True Biblical manly-men like us to warn you of these real and present dangers contributing to the downfall of our society.

Update: [H/T]- Sadly Ken Ham beat us to the punch-line of our Discernmentalist Researchmentalism but we were working on our article first* as we are still # 1 in Discernmentalism as just like him we were totally scandalized by fiction depicting reality that we had to get this worked up about the love life of a cartoon rat all over again after having to edit in Ken’s comment:

{Edit}-

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*- Proof

Update # 2: We’ve had to repent several times from staring at the unholy horror of that picture once to edit in these updates and again to post this article. We’ve all had to spend extra time in our re-sanctification closets to wash away that disgustingly dirty pic from our minds. {Edit}- We almost questioned our manhood so we had to reread Dr. I. Todyaso’s recent sermon on the manliness of beards  several times to reassure ourselves that our manhood was still intact while we were in our re-sanctification closets.

Update # 3: Suspected Sintologist Franklin Graham has now joined our Truth War against fictional gay cartoon rats. Quote: “PBS receives government funding — why should our government be financing programming that promotes behavior the Bible says is sinful?” {Edit}- Mrs. Jobson has now threatened to go stay with my Mother-in-Law after seeing that sinful picture again in my browser but I reassured her that was the last time as I needed to finish this utmost and urgently important article soon to stop the encroaching hordes of even more fictional gay cartoon rats spawning and spreading the gheyness around. Now she knows that without us Online Discernmentalists protecting society from the sin of fictional characters no one would be safe.

New Life Form Possibly Found on Saturn’s Biggest Moon

April 25, 2019

Editors’ Note: Ken’s race of ODMs live on even-though Ken passed on a soldier fallen in battle in our Truth War 

 

Ken Silva may have passed on—blessed be his memory but his race of Super Secret ODMs  still live on. He is still a leader in our hearts with his ever-apprising ways. We pledged allegiance to help Ken in his fight against Truth for Truth  in support of our Pope John MacArthur (PBUH)’s Truth War to divide the church with unite the church around our Doctrine. United we still stand with or without one of our beloved leaders—able to judgmentalize and discernmentalize all those who stand against us in our ministry of division Truth. Here we stand because we’re always Right.

Pope John MacArthur (PBUH) Was There

April 16, 2019

At every major event of history that’s how he knows all Truth.

Jan Markell Caught With An Unbiblical Pet

May 5, 2010

We Know that the Bible and not Jesus is the whole point of Christianity. We also Know that to maintain Biblical integrity one must live by the Absolute infallible and inerrant standard of our interpretation of the Bible. The Bible is literal in all aspects of it’s Absolute Truth and is the direct dictation of God to us. This is why we must live wholly and solely by the Bible and not Jesus as Todd Friel (Wretched) always says which is why when our Research Robot Monkeys caught Jan Markell with a cat we were concerned.

Why is this such a big concern you may ask? Why for one thing cats are unbiblical. Yeah that’s right cats are unbiblical as cats do not appear anywhere in the Bible. Dogs however do. Secondly if God wanted us to have cats as pets, He would have commanded it in His Holy Inerrant and Infallible Word—our Absolute Divine Authority. Last but not least, cats have origins in false religions like the dark and Satanic cults of Ancient Egypt who worshipped cats. Black cats are especially ungodly and unholy:

Black cats have religious origins as well. Black cats were considered to be reincarnated beings with the ability to divine the future. During the Middle Ages it was believed that witches could turn themselves into black cats. Thus when such a cat was seen, it was considered to be a witch in disguise.

For someone who prides herself on Absolute Biblical Certainty and Absolute Biblical Correctness, you would think that Jan would own a  Biblically correct pet. Repent Jan for the End is nigh.