Confused by all the New Age Modern (Per)Versions of the Bible… Tired of all the divisions in the church because your Pastor is actually educated and knows about Textual Criticism (How dare any Divinity school teach such an evil and blasphemous idea!!!)… Never fear have we got Good News for you: Why be in bondage to one Bible translation only like those evil Roman Arminian Papists were with their Latin Vulgate Onlyism when you can believe the complete opposite—King James Authorised 1611 Bible Onlyism for the win—because if it ain’t got the King on the cover it ain’t got the King inside and if it ain’t broke it don’t need fixin’.
Posts Tagged ‘Biblical’
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(Gloom And Despair News: a subsidiary of GOIP Media Dominion Corporation as distributed by Outhouse Fails Publishing, Inc.) —- Discernmentalists head to hunting ranges all across America now that Liberal Hunting Season has begun. Steve Camp of Camp On This Gloom and Disparaging Ministries has promised to reward the first True Bible-Believing Fundamentalist Conservative/Republican Calvinist Christian to bag over a hundred liberals with a prize of an authentic tissue paper used by none other than our very own Ken Silva. The tissue paper is bound to become a True Discernmentalist collector’s item. Camp has indeed verified that the tissue has really been used by Ken Silva for it is so full of ego and Absolute Truth. The tissue also comes complete with a certificate of authenticity.
Camp is on record as saying there are no limits on who may be considered a liberal. Any and all groups other than Confessional Dortian Calvinists are to be considered too liberal to be Truly Biblical and most importantly even Truly Christian. Most or all groups that are considered too liberal to Truly be Christian are dark evil reprobated heathen unregenerate hell-bound apostates as Camp goes on to further state :
To paraphrase former President Ronald Reagan’s words when speaking of communism:
“Open Theism, Universalism, Mormonism, Romanism, the Emergent Church, Jehovah Witnesses, Pragmaticism, Syncretism, Word of Faith, New Perspective of Paul, Libertarian Free Will, Socinianism, the Social Gospel, and Sabellianism is foreign to heaven, where they’ve never had part in it; and is welcome in hell, where they’ve already got it.” (Source).
In related news, Brannon Howse and Todd Friel have teamed up and have pledged their support for an upcoming Anti-Glenn Beck /Anti-Social Gospel Rally. At the moment, all the details are still in the open. We’ll let you know when and if any futher details come to light or as soon as any future developments are made available.
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