Posts Tagged ‘attacks’

Joel Osteen Threatens Bible-readers with unbiblical toothpaste!

May 14, 2019

untitled

We can’t say we are shocked at this horror as we’ve been apprising you of the hideousness of all these seeker-driven Emergents out there living as though God has a plan and purpose for their lives. In Joel Osteen’s latest attack on Bible-readers he unveiled his apostate unbiblical toothpaste and threatened to brush the teeth of anyone who dared open their Bibles. If he would only let them read their Bible then they would know: The Bible contains all the wisdom man needs for solving all the spiritual struggles, problems, and issues of life.

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia is now offering Bible Studies on how to prevent tooth decay to counteract this worldly assault on our Truth.

Bible verses we’ve found so far that help us in fighting and preventing cavities; gingivitis; tooth decay and other dental infirmities:

  • 0 Bible results for “brush your teeth.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothpaste.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothbrush.”
  • 0 Bible results for “mouthwash.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothache.”
  • 0 Bible results for “gingivitis.”

This proves how little of the Bible Joel Osteen has read. In fact we suspect he uses alcohol-based mouthwash against our Clear Teachings.

 

Is Anonymous Commenter (Name Withheld) Secretly Trump in Disguise?

May 13, 2019

anturny

Why else would Anonymous Commenter (Name Withheld) post an article about Trump? Why just why? His friends already know about Trump so there’s no need for him to expose Trump for all the world to see unless he was in actual fact Trump himself. In fact we see zero moral difference between Trump who makes outlandish statements to incite outrage and Anonymous Commenter (Name Withheld) that posted this outlandish anti-Trump article to incite others to be outraged with him. No difference whatsoever. If indeed Anonymous Commenter (Name Withheld) is really Trump himself then we humbly praise him for being our most Biblical and Godly President ever by giving Trump more attention—but if he is really against Trump then we Biblically curse him for unbiblically cussing Trump to give Trump more attention.