Archive for the ‘YRR (Young Restless & Reformed)’ Category

Are You Truly Reformed?

June 3, 2019

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Only Truly Reformed Calvinists who tip the scales of our Discernmentalist Rating scale will be saved. Can you get a high score on our meter and pass our test:

You might be a TR (Totally Reformed) if…

1. You first quote the Westminster Confession and then say, “Oh yeah, the Bible says this somewhere, too.”
2. You refuse to vote for Jesus as Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” because you don’t want an image of Christ on the front cover.
3. You secretly believe that you have to believe in election to be saved.
4. You think Puritans are really, really, really, REALLY cool.
5. While not being a theonomist, you completely understand them.
6. While officially affirming the “priesthood of all believers,” the only people you really trust to interpret Scripture are Calvin and yourself, and you only trust yourself on Thursdays before noon.
7. For you, a Baptist and stupid are the same word.
8. A “Reformed Baptist” and a “square circle” are equally as difficult for you to imagine.
9. You wonder what the Holy Spirit was up to between the times of Paul and Calvin.
10. You think women belong in the home and not in any pulpit, much less a staff position in large churches.
11. At some point in your life, you honestly believed that the only people who are saved are you and your buddy who thinks just like you, and then you kind of have to wonder about him because he DOES think just like you.
12. You think any church that has more than 200 people is probably apostate.
13. You are personally repulsed by Campus Crusade for Christ.
14. It is harder for you to keep the Sabbath than it is to fill out your taxes.
15. You keep telling yourself that Willow Creek has to be a really bad dream.
16. You’ve considered stoning someone.
17. You’ve seriously thought about lighting up a cigarette in church.
18. You think “that Pope as the Antichrist thing” should never have been taken out of the Confession.
19. Saying a blessing before the first round of drinks doesn’t seem strange to you at all.
20. Your favorite Bible is your “Authorized Bahnsen Version.”
21. You’re convinced that everyone in your Presbytery is secretly a 33rd degree Mason.
22. You know that the Apocrypha doesn’t belong in the canon, but you wonder sometimes whether we should add Van Til’s, “The Defense of the Faith.”
23. You pray daily for God to release His judgment on para-church ministries.
24. You think no true evangelism has been done without at least 3 lengthy quotes from the Confession.
25. You can’t figure out why God didn’t take Van Til like He did Enoch.
26. For you, tobacco is its own major food group.
27. You like Sproul Jr. a whole lot better than his father.
28. You think John Gerstner was an Arminian who knows better now.
29. You think the “Concerned Presbyterians” are way too moderate.
30. The only reason you haven’t condemned Covenant Seminary is because you went there and you don’t want to invalidate your entire theological training.
31. You have no idea what personality type you are, which explains why you are a TR.

Phoenix Considers ‘Sin Tax’ On Young, Restless & Reformed Churches

April 18, 2019

(From the front-lines of the Truth War)- Frequenters of Phoenix strip clubs aka Young, Restless & Reformed Church-goers might be paying a little more than usual in the future. That’s because of a potential “sin tax,” first proposed to the city government by John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) on Tuesday. The tax would be imposed on establishments including strip club, tattoo parlors, and escort services, and other places that the Young, Restless & Reformed Movement (YRR) frequent to hold their “church” services reported Phil Johnson of Hugh Jass News.

Our Research Robot Monkeys reached YRR Guru Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church for comment on this proposal—he said: “Rats….garbled language….*censored for filthy language*….now I may not be able to continue practicing my Pornographic Divination.”

Typical YRR heathen response: “Smoking and drinking are so much cooler than obeying the rules against such in the bible given to us by the Sovereign decrees of our God of wrath. Besides Spurgeon was a Christian hedonist too so he would be cool with us smoking doobies; drinking hooch and using locker room talk to prove how much cooler than our Ruling Elders and more countercultural than carnal Pagan we are.” Nonsense. That’s why we must be ever discernmentalizing and concernmentalizing. The Truth War still rages on.

John Calvin “Frisked” At Liberty and Grace Reformed Church

September 21, 2011

Pastor Steven Dilday in echo of George W. Bush’s “Patriot Act” opts to create the first ever “Clergy Act” in an attempt to root out all those spiritual terrorists who dare to partake in the sins of the Whore of Babylon—the Scarlet Mother of all Harlots: the Roman Catholic Cult by wearing robes and stoles to preach. Quote Steven Dilday: “this is the most pressing and urgent of issues of our time—we should hold the theology of those who wear vestments in the pulpit suspect.” One of the first victims of Pastor Dilday’s Clergy Act was a John Calvin impersonator who was held suspect for looking too sinisterly like a Jesuit gestapo in his black robes:

We most mightily thank Pastor Dilday for bringing this clear and most important teaching on one  of  “the most pressing and urgent of issues of our time.” Why if a John Calvin impersonator can be held theologically suspect then we must also hold the real Calvin theologically suspect! On a related note—Pastor Dilday elsewhere declared that Calvinists should abandon Calvin for not being Truly Refomed and Calvinistic enough. We agree as Calvin was a little too Semi-Pelagian for our tastes and did not hold to the Truth of the Ways of our Master.

Remember this is a Truth War after-all so we must hold everyone accountable to ourStandard of ourTruth of ourPure Doctrines. Thankfully you have this humble Truly Reformed Bible-Believing Truth War Discernment Ministry to Take A Stand in ourDoctrines on “this most pressing and urgent of issues of our time.” We here at this ministry are all about grace and nothing but Grace… in fact we are the most Grace-loving man-hating site on the net. We would never ever heap the burden of the Law upon you or preach anything like a Works-Salvation unlike those Grace-hating man-glorfiying Catholic-worshippers. We just expect you to keep ourRules lest we deem you unworthy of God’s Grace and therefore unfit for the Kingdom.

So Liberty and Grace To You, God’s Only Elect in the Great Grace of the wide and loving mercy of our Angry God’s Sovereign Hate and Wrath.

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Update # 1: Martin Luther wore vestments clearly he must have hated liberty and grace for partaking in the sin of the Papists.

Update # 2: We caught one of our own Ken Silva wearing a bathrobe… he must be on the Road to Rome. Now we must put his site under surveillance.

Update # 3: Johnathan Edwards wore a clerical collar… a clear perversion of the Doctrines of Grace.

Update # 4: We wiretapped Ken Silva’s phone and overheard Ken talking with Chris Rosebrough (an avowed Lutheran) and Ingrid of SOL/Crosstalk (a possible Lutheran). Now we must really put his site under surveillance as now we really have reason to suspect that he is Emerging into Rome.

Update # 5: Oh horror of horrors… the Ways of the Master himself caught preaching sans coat and tie in a Rick Warrenesque shirt. He’s one step closer to Rick Warren’s heretical Purpose-Driven Agenda.

The Pure Gospel

September 17, 2011

Anyone who doesn’t believe this is a heretical Semi-Pelagian Godless Reprobated Pagan. We know with Absolute Certainty that world doesn’t mean world but means Elect only which is why the Biblical author of John used the Greek word κόσμος (literal meaning: universe) instead of the Greek word for Elect ἐκλεκτός. Of course to the Truly Saved, this makes Absolutely perfect sense being that we are of the True Regenerated Converts which is why this Hard and Mature Teaching will go over the heads of heretical False Converts.

This is why Arminianist Whack-jobs, Barthians, Eastern Orthodox Romanists, Emergents, Lutherans, Papists, Pentacostal toungue-Babel-ers, Purpose-Seeker-Driven Contemplatives, rebaptizers and any other group who hates our Pure Doctrines are ignorant of the True Gospel. Armianian merit-mongering Free Willists are especially ignorant because of their man-centered idolatry in believing that world means world. What’s next— are ignorant Arminian pseudo-Math scholars going to tell us True Bible Believers that 2+2=4.  “2+2” always=4, right? Laughable and blasphemous heresy as we of God’s Truly Regenerated Elect know that 2+2 really=10.

Spurgeon Exposed As A Young Restless & Reformed Type Sinner

September 12, 2011

We are so tired of these Young Restless & Reformed type heathens trying to justify their fleshly desires and rebellious nature. How dare they flaunt their tattoos, smoke tobacco, drink one sip of an alcoholic beverage or even swish with an alcoholic mouthwash! Don’t they know that all of these things are a sin—how dare they disrespect our glorious Elder John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) and his clear teachings of our Pure Biblical Doctrines.

John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) is clearly head and shoulders above any of these heretical YRR apostates as John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) is the only True Living Teacher of God’s Word in history. Never-mind the fact that the bible never mentions tobacco or that the bible never mentions drinking in itself is a sin—(hect even Jesus drank wine)—if our glorious Elder (P. B. U. H.) says these things are a sin then that must be the Absolute Biblical Truth.

I mean how can one  use sinful activities to the glory of God—sheer blasphemy—just listen to this hideous description of your typical Young Restless & Reformed type sinner:

“Last Sunday evening, at the Metropolitan Tabernacle, the deservedly popular, unquestionably benevolent, and eminently shrewd Mr. Spurgeon was preaching a sermon on the sinfulness of little sins—a somewhat favourite topic among Nonconformist clergymen, and on which, under the title of ‘The Little Foxes,’ some curious lay-sermons have been written by Mrs. Harriet Beecher-Stowe.
“The gist of Mr. Spurgeon’s discourse was that habitual indulgence in little sins leads to the commission of great ones—a position enforced by one of the most famous English divines in the illustration of the ‘boy who plays with the devil’s rattles.’
“At the close of his useful sermon the minister introduced an American clergyman who, he said, was anxious to address a few words to the congregation. This reverend gentleman ‘improved the opportunity’ by inveighing fiercely against the sin of smoking tobacco, especially in the form of cigars, and told his hearers how he had struggled and fought against the pernicious habit, and how at last, by the blessing and with the assistance of Providence, he had conquered his addiction to the weed.
“Then uprose Mr. Spurgeon and, with quiet humour, remarked that he would not allow the congregation to separate without telling them that he did not consider smoking to be a sin, and that, by the grace of God, he hoped to enjoy a good cigar before going to bed that night.
“Hypercriticism should discern no irreverence in the conclusion of those remarks. We should be thankful for all things; and in observing that he hoped to enjoy a cigar through the Divine grace, he was but echoing the natural piety of Charles Lamb, who asked why we should not say grace before going out for a walk in the fields as well as before and after meat. Dr. Johnson said grace before he began the ‘Rambler’; and if Mr. Spurgeon be a smoker, he only adds another and most excellent name to the long catalogue of distinguished English divines of the Established and the Dissenting Churches who have solaced themselves with that Indian weed.”2