Archive for the ‘Truthslayer commended; Itodyaso backed and approved’ Category

A New PSA Message from Our Conspiracy-Driven Church!:

May 22, 2019

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FEAR… ANGER… HATRED… AGRESSION… SUFFERING….

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”—John Howard Yoder

“Together, these elements helped create a society in which many Americans see millions of snares, laid by a menacing group of enemies, all the more alarming for how difficult they are to identify and pin down.

Let’s pause to attempt to define a conspiracy theory. It is a belief that a small group of people are working in secret against the common good, to create harm, to effect some negative change in society, to seize power for themselves, or to hide some deadly or consequential secret. An actual conspiracy is when a small group of people are working in secret against the common good – and anyone who tells you we can always easily distinguish fictitious plots from real ones probably hasn’t read much history.

Conspiracy theories tend to flourish especially at times of rapid social change, when we are re-evaluating ourselves and, perhaps, facing uncomfortable questions in the process. In 1980, the civil liberties lawyer and author Frank Donner wrote that conspiracism reveals a fundamental insecurity about who Americans want to be versus who they are.” (Source)

We Discernmentalists are Conspiracy Theory-addicts—the more unbelievable the conspiracy the better to defend our Truth with. If your church teaches social justice—say George Soros is funding this teaching even-though it is in the Bible and Church History. Social Justice sounds too much like Socialism. If your Preacher preaches that God is love and loves the world—accuse him of preaching Universalist heresy among other heresies. Thankfully we Discernmentalists can find a conspiracy to suit our every need. We love our tin-foil hats and we love to keep them on extra tight.

And remember Conspiracy theories are I. Todyaso backed…Truthslayer and Don Jobson approved

 

JMac caught preaching unBiblically

May 16, 2019

We almost couldn’t believe our eyes—could it really be that the Pope of all Truth has erred? Proof:

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We almost forgot for a moment that our Pope is exempt from following the Doctrines he places over others. The evangelical culture—including churches and religious media—has for years moved away from preaching. Some experts claim there is nothing sacred about traditional preaching, so why not change to please the tastes of society? Wouldn’t congregations be better served by methods more in step with the times?

While that rationale may sound spiritual and completely reasonable, it actually puts churches on precarious ground. The potential for disaster is real. You need to be concerned. And as our Pope himself preaches that the only True mode of preaching is Expository not Topical:

You know, one of the things that’s become apparent to me as you just kind of keep your ear to the ground and watch what’s going on in terms of theology today is that expositors never come out of institutions with a low view of Scripture…never. Liberals make terrible Bible expositors…in fact, they don’t make them at all simply because they do not believe there’s anything significant about the terms, so why bother to deal with the terms. But it isn’t only the liberals that concern me in that dimension, I think that even evangelicals and fundamentalists have the same problem. We would say that liberals attack the authority of Scripture in a head-on attack. They deny it. They want to deal with a different level of inspiration, whether it’s the inspiration of someone’s thought or whether it’s the existential approach that if it zaps you somewhere then that’s inspired for you, or whatever approach they take that’s less than verbal plenary inspiration. The result of all of that is that there are no real significances attached to the terms themselves, so they don’t bother to deal in an expository manner. They talk in broad generalities.

But it’s amazing to me also that even evangelicals do the same thing. Recently I, and I’ve done this a couple of times, but when I was giving some messages along this line to a group of pastors, I said “The liberals attack the Bible by denying its truth,” you know, and you can hear the “amens” ripple across the room. And I said, “And then the people who have sort of flipped out on the experiential end and on the Charismatic end and have taken those things to excess, they come along and say…Well, Jesus said to me…or I had a vision…or God spoke to me…or the Lord showed me what this meant.” And what they’re doing really is adding their own experience, their own revelations, their own visions to the Bible and in so doing that they undermine the authority of Scripture, too, and it becomes just as important to for them to teach their experiences as it does to teach the Bible. And so, the purity of expository preaching is watered down. And also what invariably happens is in that particular movement you wind up with a tremendous freedom to use the Bible almost as a creative instrument, it’s almost like a paint brush. You can use it to paint anything you want. You can make verses say whatever you want them to say. You can be very fanciful. You can be very allegorical because your experiences and your feelings and your emotions and your intuitions and your visions and your revelations are substantively the equivalent of Scripture.

And then you have, of course, the evangelical and the fundamental people who would die for the absolute authority of Scripture but they get up week after week in their pulpits and never delineate its principles. And in my judgment, that’s the worst of all because to him that knoweth to do good and doeth it not, to him it is sin. I mean, we know that every word is pure, right? And if we don’t deal in an expository manner with the Word of God, then we’re denying the precept of the Bible itself, that it is in fact in every word the Word of God. And so the greater sin is at the door of the evangelical who affirms this high view of Scripture but number one, doesn’t believe that he should be involved in an expository ministry, or number two, is involved in exposition in a superficial non-diligent way. You can’t treat Scripture like that. If you’re going to do it, you’ve got to get in and be diligent.

We’re surprised the Mighty Hugh Jass Phil Johnson hasn’t covered up this mistake of our inerrant Pope like when he attacked his Truth. Even the late Ken Silva almost turned against the Pope of the Truth War. So remember to preach expositionally instead of topically like Spurgeon preached unless of course you’re the Pope over Truth.

Holding all to the Standard of their Doctrines,

Don Jobson

 

Beard Shavers are weak and Spineless Truth Warriors!

May 14, 2019

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We need beards now more than ever in these Perilous times to fight the good fight of the Truth War but not just any beards—we must keep our beards Biblically Pure in order to separate ourselves from worldliness and the Spiritual Terrorists who are always attacking our Truth as:

In our current culture, the progressive trends of gender confusion and transgenderism is all the more reason we should uphold the biblical picture of a masculine man by having beards to stand separated from the pagan culture of today.

Truth Warriors without a  beard lack a Backbone and are most likely theologically suspect and part of the weak womanly gutless-grace Girlieman sissified wimpy Evanjellyfish church. Beards are a must for protecting our Truth as all the greatest of the greats Truth Warriors had beards like Spurgeon. In fact we believe beardless weirdos are responsible for sissifying churches today as they are most likely to believe in weak doctrines and like Spurgeon we must take a stand for the Hard Truths of the Bible.

This matter of Christians rejecting the biblical truth of gender distinct (roles) and beards is essentially a form of Gnosticism reviving in these last days. Beards make a man a man as distinct from women.

Strangely, the few churches and Bible colleges today that remain biblical in the teaching of gender distinction of women wearing modesty dresses ignore the topic of a man’s facial hair as part of this doctrine. Every Bible school that I am personally aware of that teaches gender distinction also implement rules that the men must be clean shaven. Where does such thinking come from? Where is the consistency when it is taught women have to dress like women but men can claim “christian liberty” when it comes to shaving off the God given mark of masculinity? Adam Clarke (1762- 1832) commented on Deuteronomy 22:5, “It certainly cannot mean a simple change in dress, whereby the men might pass for women, and vice versa. This would have been impossible in those countries where the dress of the sexes had but little to distinguish it, and where every man wore a long beard. It is, however, a very good general precept understood literally, and applies particularly to those countries where the dress alone distinguishes between the male and the female. The close-shaved gentleman may at any time appear like a woman in the female dress, and the woman appear as a man in the male’s attire. Were this to be tolerated in society, it would produce the greatest confusion.”39)Adam Clarke, Adam Clarke Commentary.

Besides that beards provide extra protection from wetness. Be true to what the bible teaches and you will be saved. Levitcus 19:27 should answer all your remaining questions.

I want you to know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up,

Pastor I. Todyaso

Facebook Is Still Persecuting Us

May 12, 2019

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After some of our unintelligence reports were accidently leaked—after we posted one of our current enemy’s article that catches them almost practicing Jehovah’s Witnesses’ post-mortem beliefs publically by mistake. We have been harassed by drones that we believe are connected to Bulpit & Pen—after a photo was released exposing the super secret highly classified entrance to one of our Truth Bunkers (thankfully an unoccupied one). Dr. Truthslayer was so ashamed by our enemies’ droning attacks that he personally fears for his life and is currently hiding in one of our re-sanctification chambers trying to get cleansed from the filth of such a blatantly harsh attack on us. Why must our many enemies hate us for sharing the truth of our Good News that God hates them? What did we do to deserve all these attacks?

Update #1- Dr. ITodyaso coaxed Dr. Truthslayer out of our re-sanctification chamber.

Update # 2-We now suspect that the attacks were connected to evil Emergents rather than Bulpit & Pen as their language was too filthy and sounded like censored Driscollian cussing rather than Pure Biblical curses.

Special Discernmentalist Alert—Spurgeon Exposed: Reported Evidence recorded that he slid into False Teaching…

May 11, 2019

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 James Grant wrote: “With the deadly heresies entertained and taught by the Plymouth Brethren, in relation to some of the most momentous of all the doctrines of the Gospel, and to which I have adverted at some length, I feel assured that my readers will not be surprised at any other views, however unscriptural and pernicious they may be, which the Darbyites have embraced and zealously seek to propagate”[20]

Breaking we’re being attacked from the grave by one of our own—Spurgeon (False Convert) who we already revealed as a False Convert wrote a critique* of one of our Truth War Pope’s Holiest of Doctrines.

 Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Pastor of the Metropolitan Tabernacle and contemporary of Darby, published criticism of Darby and Brethrenism.[19] His main criticism was that Darby and the Plymouth Brethren rejected the vicarious purpose of Christ’s obedience as well as imputed righteousness. He viewed these of such importance and so central to the Gospel that it led him to publish this statement about the rest of their belief in the Sword and Trowel.

We thought Spurgeon was more of a measure of Truthiness than that but since we exposed him as a False Convert we can’t say we’re surprised that we now have to add False Teacher to his now growing list of impurities in following our Pure Doctrines properly. Here is a quote from Spurgeon (False Convert/False Teacher)’s attack* on the founding father of our Truth War Pope’s Pure Bible Teaching:

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*- Phil Johnson’s Hugh Jass raptured this attacking critique from his Hugh Jass Spurgeon (False Convert/False Teacher) site as he didn’t want others to know that “self-respecting Calvinist” Spurgeon (False Convert/False Teacher) had impure doctrines for not following the Ways of the Master himself— the Clear Teachings of our Pope of the Truth War John MacArthur (PBUH) that: “Every Self-Respecting Calvinist Should Be A Premillennial Dispensationalist Rapture Believer” (in other words follow Darby’s teachings).

Dr. I. Todyaso of ODMafia fame called to fact check Babylon Bee

May 7, 2019

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Daily Bunker ODMs Express— Our very own Dr. I. Todyaso named Head Researcher and Fact Checker for Babylon Bee after they pledged to support us in being #1 in Absolute Truth; Alt-facts; journalism and Fake News in Discernmentalism. Quote: “We look forward to our new partnership in helping us spread our Truth War Pope’s Absolute Truth (PBUI) to more people and helping us fight the good fight in lying; slandering as well as falsely accusing others of heresy by spreading misinformation and made up quotes about them. Before the Babylon Bee there was only us and our mentor the late Ken Silva—we were lone voices in the wilderness calling out all those sliding off the True Path set before us by Calvin; purified by the Puritans and perfected by our Pope John MacArthur (PBUH). We’d like to think we taught the Bee everything we know.”—Dr. I. Todyaso of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia.

Will this match be made in heaven? We can only hope so as more people need to be exposed to the Purity of Discernmentlism’s Doctrines. Certainly the Babylon Bee and the ODMafia share the same sense of humor Doctrinal Clarity in common as this news report of theirs makes clear:

John MacArthur, pastor of Grace Community Church and president of The Master’s College and Seminary, has made a lofty promise to his congregation. He has reportedly committed to building a 20-foot thick, 30-foot high concrete wall around the entire perimeter of the church campus in order to keep out charismatics that might otherwise infiltrate their ranks.

“I will build a great wall, God willing. And I’ll build it very biblically. I will build a great, great wall all around our campus—and I’ll make the Pentecostals pay for it. Mark my words,” MacArthur was quoted as saying Friday.

—Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer for the Online Discernmentalist Mafia on Daily Bunker ODMs Express.

STATUS QUO JOE!

May 4, 2019

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‘They call him Status Quo Joe…she was his Discernmentalist rose lost in the flow…saying sayonara made him cry…but that’s not what they meant when they said goodbye…’

Eric Barger stars as Status Quo Joe—a down on his luck heresy hunter always ready to defend the Status Quo at all costs. Joe gets called to investigate a church outside of town—running into old troubles a long the way—causing him to discernmentalize by misunderstanding that any new way of doing church leads to Roman Catholic mysticism. After seeing couches and candles—Joe becomes increasingly convinced that this Emerging church has apostatized to contemplative meditation and therefore is no longer Bible-believing. Just when Joe is about to call down the wrath of God upon this church—the ghost of John Knox appears accusing Joe of being guilty by association for reciting Apostolic Creeds and also of being a reprobate (as Joe is an Arminianist Nazarene and Arminianism is the Road Back to Rome). Tearfully Joe bids farewell to the Status Quo for now—at least until his Doctrines are considered Pure once again.

—This film features the song Tokyo Joe based on the film of the same name which ironically this movie is not based on.

 

Emergency…Emergency…we are…

April 30, 2019

Once again by one of our own. Pulpit & Pen have launched missives at us and our Truth Bunker so we’re firing off our weapons of Massive destruction from all fronts to counteract their missives. Rallying all True Truth Warriors fighting for the Truth of our Pope John MacArthur (PBUH)’s glorious Truth War to  hunker down in our Truth Bunker where we’ll keep you safe in the Purity of our Great Doctrines for:

Right now, truth is under attack, and much is at stake. Perhaps no one in America is more passionate than John MacArthur about exposing those who are mounting this attack? especially those bringing the assault right into the church.

There is no middle ground? no safe zone for the uncommitted in this war. The battle for truth is raging, and (we alone are here to reveal):

  • The pitfalls of postmodern thinking

  • Why the Emerging Church Movement is inherently flawed

  • Past skirmishes in the Truth War and their effect on the Church

  • The importance of truth and certainty in a postmodern society

  • How to identify and address the errors and false teachings smuggled into churches

Blessed Are The Peacekeepers!

April 29, 2019

Blessed are the Peacekeepers missiles which were personally blessed by pagan American Jesus. Blessed are they who are consistently so Pro-Life it kills. Blessed are they who call for more war an end to war. Blessed are they that sew division through hate unity through love. Blessed are they who hate love their enemies. Blessed are they who hold true to Christian American values. Blessed are the peacemakers warmongers who sew war where there is no war peace where there is no peace.

Trish of Fish With Trish flubs answer to Important Doctrinal Question…

April 26, 2019

Resurrecting an old ODMafia post that got *raptured by an evil Emergent plot:

Thankfully found hidden deeply and safely within our Super Secret ODM Archives.

March_09_Cover1Note Trish of Fish with Trish who partners with Todd Friel (Wretched); Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) and Ray Comforts (Awesome) states: “Questioner: How can I as a woman get over my fear of evangelizing others? Trish: Women  should read their Bible out loud daily at home in front of their families in order to get over their fear and practice sharing their faith with others.”* [*Editors’ Note: This was a long lost screenshot so just take our word for it.] {1} {2}

We are greatly concerned here for many reasons. First of all why would any Godly woman ever read the Bible—an oxymoron of terms—for as the Apostle Paul proclaimed: “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.” Secondly, we must Absolutely forbid women reading the Bible under any circumstances just in case she slips up and reads a passage of Scripture aloud…  in front of men and women… say like Romans 1:18-32 and therefore ‘usurps authority over man’ by preaching the Gospel to them.

If women want to know what the Bible says, they should find a man whose feet they can sit under and ‘learn in quiet submission’… especially if that man is the greatest Man of God in our Age of uncertainty, our Pope of the Truth War John MacArthur (P. B. U. H). Thirdly, we mustn’t ever let any woman share the Gospel as that leads to the slippery-slope of female Pastors preaching the Gospel and as we all know preaching/sharing the Gospel is a Divinely mandated role for males only. However, Trish wrongly states:

One of the greatest signs of being born again is to have the desire/boldness to speak the Word of God and to tell others about his glorious gospel (Acts 4:31). A biblical woman is a woman that shares the good news of the Gospel with her family members, her children and the lost in general. There is no distinction. You can’t be a biblical woman and not talk about the Gospel. The Gospel is at the very center of a biblical woman.

This supports that slippery-slope. What’s next? Women prophesying* in churches? Women leading in prayer? Women becoming Ruling Elders? Heaven forbid that—this is what the Ways of the Master of the Truth War himself teaches and so should we. Remember “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” This is why we should never ever under any circumstances let a woman preach, speak or even share the Gospel… let alone Pastor a church. I hope this clears up where we all must stand in the Absolute Sovereignty of the Angry God of our Doctrine and His Holy Wrath.

Humbly serving in His gracious Wrath,

Pastor Don Jobson

*- Note: Prophesy means preach.

P. S. In related news: woman caught preaching from the Bible—millions accidently get Saved.