Archive for the ‘Truthslayer backed’ Category

STATUS QUO JOE!

May 4, 2019

status quoeb

‘They call him Status Quo Joe…she was his Discernmentalist rose lost in the flow…saying sayonara made him cry…but that’s not what they meant when they said goodbye…’

Eric Barger stars as Status Quo Joe—a down on his luck heresy hunter always ready to defend the Status Quo at all costs. Joe gets called to investigate a church outside of town—running into old troubles a long the way—causing him to discernmentalize by misunderstanding that any new way of doing church leads to Roman Catholic mysticism. After seeing couches and candles—Joe becomes increasingly convinced that this Emerging church has apostatized to contemplative meditation and therefore is no longer Bible-believing. Just when Joe is about to call down the wrath of God upon this church—the ghost of John Knox appears accusing Joe of being guilty by association for reciting Apostolic Creeds and also of being a reprobate (as Joe is an Arminianist Nazarene and Arminianism is the Road Back to Rome). Tearfully Joe bids farewell to the Status Quo for now—at least until his Doctrines are considered Pure once again.

—This film features the song Tokyo Joe based on the film of the same name which ironically this movie is not based on.

 

Liberals Ruin Everything!

April 21, 2019

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                             REASONS WHY LIBERALS ARE HELLBOUND JACKA*#ES:

                                                   AN ESSAY IN DISCERNMENTALISM

BY

Dr. Truthslayer, Doctor of the Ministry of Disinformation & Bible-Based Slander, Esquire

Libruls ruin everything and are a stain on the world but most importantly they’re ruining  our Great Country. They insist on taking our sacred guns away. They boo God. They don’t love war enough. They disrespect the Holy Flag that Jesus personally hand-delivered to Ronald Reagan when he sent Karl Marx to Hell. They hate Capitalism. They love socialist communism and are fascist. They support gays having the right to marry. They protest everything. They believe in social 2add4115b31c7c79cd11ebcc461b2ccb--donald-trump-quotes-god-bless-americajustice. They value science and education. They read books. They kill babies. They hate families. They are ignorant of history and our inerrant God-written Constitution. Moslems and illegals are librul. They are unpatriotic and hate America aka the Kingdom of God. They are intollerant. They refuse to obey the same Romans 13 that our Founding Fathers disobeyed by taking up arms in rebellion against England  submitting to Trump. They are jerk@$$es—among many other ungodly and horrible things we disapprove of. Quote:

Quite a shame Libruls don’t base their postmodern opinion on to the founding fathers none of whom were Muslim but on actual primary source documents and facts. There was not even a shred of mention by them about Islam especially in the Treaty of Tripoli also Thomas Jefferson never owned a Koran. I’m sick of Libruls not starting out their arguments with “feelingsbut research and facts. I don’t care how you feel about things, you don’t get to change the facts to suit your preferences, just by not posting your favorite leftist postmodern Right-Wing propaganda opinion. Truth be told the founders would are not rolling over in their graves with everything you jackasses have done the screw up this country.”—Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer

Introducing The New Standard ODM Reformed Rating Meter

June 11, 2010

So how well do you rate on our Reformed Rating Scale?

Various Levels of Reformedness (not in order according to degree)

AR – Almost Reformed (has only heard of R. C. Sproul)
BR – Barely Reformed (has heard of R. C. Sproul and thought about buying some of his tapes)
CR – Critically Reformed (more negative than John MacArthur on the Charasmatic movement)
DR – Doubtfully Reformed (only attends this church for the music)
ER – Errantly Reformed (a Four Point Calvinist)
FR – Fantastically Reformed (owns a set of Calvin’s Commentaries)
GR – Grossly Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to date but not marry)
HR – Hopefully Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to marry for his money but you would keep his name on your prayer list)
IR – Incredibly Reformed (even the Session doesn’t believe half of what this guy believes)
LR – Loudly Reformed (maybe right, maybe wrong, but never in doubt)
MR – Mostly Reformed (watches football on Sunday afternoons with the family and reviews the Shorter Catechism during halftime)
NR – Newly Reformed (has recently begun attending a Reformed church and has had to buy a new bookshelf for all the additional reading material)
PR – Possibly Reformed (spoke up once at Bible Church and told to try the PCA)
SR – Staunchly Reformed (can quote limited sections of the Shorter Catechism and the Confession of Faith)
TR – Truly Reformed (has memorized the entire Shorter Catechism and can quote the Confession of Faith by chapter and section)

Biblical Thought.Com Explains Bible-Based Science

January 27, 2010

Biblical Thought.Com’s Bible-Based scientifics:

Boettner writes, “These doctrines are set forth in the most impressive way; and the unstudied naturalness and simplicity with which they are given make them all the more impressive. Should anyone ask us the question, Are there any stars in the heavens? Our answer would be the heavens are full of stars, Ps. 8:3,4. Or again, Are there any fishes in the sea? Our answer would be, The sea is full of fishes, Ps. 104:25, 27.

That’s right the answer to any obvious scientific inquiry is to quote a Bible verse rather than go into the world and observe the answers for one’s self as evil Emergents and  foolish athiests do. Typical Athiestic and Emergent based science:

Which is why we Discernmentalists must obfuscate the facts in our attacks on Truth defense of Absolute Truth and our Pure Sovereign Doctrines by supporting only “Bible-Based scientfics”—even Ray Comforts (Awesome) agrees.

:L

GOIP Scientists Invent Pocket-Sized Gaydar

January 22, 2010

Gay churches detected on Gaydar screen.

Recently after all the frequent gaydiation eruptions that Discernmentalists have detected—top GOIP Scientists have taken our Gaydar technology and have shrunk it down to a pocket  sized version. Using this GAYDAR Equation: 

The amount of muscular power Pr returning to the erect antenna is given by the Gaydar equation:

math

where*’

  • Pt = trouser power
  • Gt = “Telling by the way I walk” quotient.
  • Ar = fabulosity
  • σ = hairstyle cross section, or scattering highlights, of the target
  • F = shirt pattern propagation factor
  • Rt = distance from the transmitter to the moustache
  • Rr = distance from the moustache to the tip of the nose.

In the common case where the transmitter and the receiver are at the same location, Rt = Rr and the term Rt2 Rr2 can be replaced by LetsGetToIt”‘4, where LetsGetToIt is the result. This yields:

math

This shows that the received power declines as the fourth power of the range, which means that the reflected power from distant targets is very, very small. (This is the basis of that old chestnut, old gay men never die, they just fade away as the fourth power. – a joke which many mathematicians guffaw over to this day)

We figured out how to transform the raw power of Gaydar into a more compact sized version—so here it is—introducing the GAYGER METER new from GOIP Tech:

Now with two functionality purposes: detecting churches that support gay marriages and gay parents and outing gays in the midst of your church so that you can kick them out.

Gaydar showing an individual’s gayness level and how much of a threat it is to our Pure Churches and Pure Marriage Doctrines.

Introducing The New Special Forces Of God’s Only Inerrant Party

November 24, 2009

A Special Dobson Ranch Pentagon Announcement

Redneck Special Forces Training photo. Shelly The True Republican is in the background.

The Pentagon of the GOIPers—Dobson Ranch—the Death Star Mighty G…od Fortress Space Station on Mars  announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite Fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) or more formally known as the GOIP Controlled United States Redneck Republican Special Forces (GOIP CUSRRSF).

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma,Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.

5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by this coming Friday. Here our resident Redneck GOIPer, R. R. stands with his pickup truck ready for duty and his gun ready for action:

ZOEINCARNATE’S Evil And Blasphemous Heresies

November 23, 2009

First, we are concerned with ZOEINCARNATE’S absurd notion that “God is a recovering practitioner of violence.” We agree with our fellow Absolute Truth Warrior and Discernmentalist John 14:6 :

Your blasphemy and those of your ilk apparently knows no bounds.

“By this he means that God used to think violence was a good idea, but then gave up on it.”

Are you people serious? What God is this that you claim to follow? A fallible deity who learns from his own mistakes!

Repent of these heretic, man-centered imaginations!

An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, — Proverbs 6:18

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; — 2 Cor 10:5

Strawman do not position make. Funny how quoting the Bible leads heretics to the accusation that “you alone know blah blah blah”.

It has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with Holy Scripture. To even entertain the idea that God is a “recovering” anything promotes a position of fallibility to the INFALLIBLE. That is heresy.

You are the created, lest you forget. And you are seeking to assign human frailties and shortcomings to the Creator. That is, also, heresy. God is not like you, get over it.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. – Isa 55:8

Holy God recovers from nothing. His ways are not our ways. Humble yourself and repent for this heretical thinking.

How many more times will emergents, liberals, and progressive hid behind “cast the first stone”. Are you to utter this to Holy God when you stand before Him? What will you say then, when all your noble thinking, philosophy, and bludgeoning of God’s Holy Word are laid before you and you are found guilty?

I pray for all of you amazing lost people. You truly are promoting high things that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. Does Scripture tells us God “recovered” from violence? It does not, so put this thought away and repent.

We also pray for Mike Morrell‘s unregenerate and non-elect reprobated soul—we pray that God’s Absolute Sovereign Glory is shown when Mike gets cast away like all those other heretics, sinners and unsaved non-Elect heathens:

We also assert the Biblical Truth that God’s very nature is violence against sinners, for God hates sinners with a holy passion. In fact, He hates them so much that He chose from the foundation of the world to only save  Johh CalvinJohn MacArthur, some other guys named JohnPhil Johnson, Al Mohler, Charles Spurgeon, James White, Todd Friel, Will Kinney and 137,000 other Elected and Predestined Calvinist saints including we of God’s Only Inerrant Party and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia—the rest of humanity then is going to hell because God chose to destroy them before even creating humanity.

Also we wish to point out these 9 other propositions of Biblical Absolute Truths that we know with Absolute Certainty:

1. God never changes. (Malachi 3:6)

2. Therefore God never changes His mind about anything. [ie. Law vs. Grace, Old vs. New Covenants, repented that He made humanity, promised no more Noah type floods, sacrifice vs. mercy, walks with Adam and Eve in Eden vs. unseen in Heaven vs. incarnated Jesus vs. the unseen Risen Lord Jesus of faith, etc. (Genesis 6:6;  Gen. 9:8-17; Hosea 6:6, Matthew 9:13, Matthew 12:7; etc).

3. As change sounds too much like evilution.

4. Therefore change is evil in and of itself

5. As all is Absolute, black and white and in stone.

6. Evilution is a human invention.

7. So therefore God has nothing whatsoever to do with humanity not even in His incarnated form (the fully human-fully God—Jesus).

8. Also God is Absolute.

9. And therefore has nothing whatsoever to do with change aka. evilution.

We also agree with John 14:6 ‘s namesake: “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Indeed we are not  the way, the truth, and the life: so that no man cometh unto the Father, but by us and our discernmentalizations, for we hold the Absolute Truth the King James Bible AV1611 in our hands (instead of God/Jesus the Absolute Truth holding us in His hands). Therefore since we do not hold  the Absolute Truth in our hands, we do not have the rite/right to judgementalize others who do not hold to our opinions of truth the Absolute Truth, ‘for we  alone have a direct line to God in the King James Bible AV1611—the literal words and mind of God. For the King James Bible AV1611 is literally Jesus/God:  

We alone do not have the one true interpretation of scripture as first established by our Final Prophet John Calvin—the perfect exegete whose fruits were nothing but Pure. Afterall, John Calvin is not the Holy Spirit incarnate—the Advocate and Comforter promised in the Bible—the final word on all Christianity:

The doctrine of the work of the Holy Spirit is a gift from John Calvin to the Church of Christ.  He did not, of course, invent it. The whole of it lay spread out on the pages of Scripture with a clearness and fullness of utterance which one would think would secure that even he who ran should read it; and doubtless he who ran did read it, and it has fed the soul of the true believer in all ages.

We alone—the True Chosen Elect of God are not Pure enough in our ontological certainty to go casting the first stone and hurling accusations of missives and discernmentalizations that  correct and refute the errors of non-blasphemy and non-heresy.’

Codename ACSBLOP *(Augustine Calvin Spurgeon Black Letters of Paul)* Unveiled

November 6, 2009

GOIPSHEALDILogo

Introducing The Strategic Heretical Emergent Arminian & Liberal Defense Initiative or (SHEALDI) for short otherwise known as Codename ACSBLOP *(Augustine Calvin Spurgeon Black Letters of Paul)* or also known by it’s better known nickname ‘Heresy Wars/Absolute Truth Wars‘—now available and on the market from GOIP Labs. This top secret project has been in the making for several years now. Here is our Political Messiah, Final President and the Last Real President, Ronald Reagan with myself (Don Jobson) going over our top secret plans:

donjobsonwithronaldreagan

Final President Reagan with myself about to deliver the March 23, 1983 speech initiating SHEALDI. I was 19 years old then.

[Editors’ note: You’ve heard of those heathen Sedevacantists—well, we are Sedewhitehousists, because Jesus believed in the political gospel of Reaganism otherwise known as Reaganomics and elected Regan the last Political Messiah for God’s Chosen and Ordained Nation that’s why we belong to the FCCSORR (Fundamentalist Calvinist Christian Society Of Ronald Reagan).]

Anyways, part of our plan is to fire Missives packed full of the Pure Doctrines of Saint Augustine and our Final Prophet John Calvin, the Pure Sermons of Charles Spurgeon and the words of Paul directly into our comments as a ‘preemptive strike’ against Emergent attacks on our Absolute Truth comments—and for those times when those evil Emergents  hijack our comments by inserting heretical, communist or other non-Christian words such as ‘comrade’  into our comments to make it look as if we aren’t truly regenerate and of God’s True Elect.

KenSilvaSpurgeonMissive

A Ken Silva Approved Spurgeon Missive.

Here is the genius part of our glorious plan—once these Missives are shot off they will provide a  web of Absolute Truth protection cover over all of us Discernmentalists to keep all of our Absolute Truth comments safe and Pure:

AbsoluteTruthMissivenet

Absolute Truth Mighty Fortress Missive Net packed full of Augustine, Calvin, Spurgeon and the Black Letters of Paul.

In case ye are wondering what the texts of our net say because ye are unregenerate—they read:

1 Timothy 2:10-15 (King James Version)

 10But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

 11Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

 12But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

 13For Adam was first formed, then Eve.

 14And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

 15Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (King James Version)

 9Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

 10Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

God’s Wrath on Unrighteousness

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.—Romans 1:18-27 ESV.

Ephesians 5:22-24 (King James Version)

 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

 That is the ACSBLOP or Appostate attacks on our Absolute Truth Comments Sheild-BLOcking Program part of our SHEALDI project—the other part includes our Space Laser Program otherwise known as DPDEWW or Direct Pure Doctrines Energy Wave Weapon. Here is a photo taken from GOIP Eye 2 which we thankfully retrieved before those evil Emergents blew up GOIP Eye 2:

Direct Pure Doctrines Energy Wave Weapon

* In case ye are spiritually blind the bottom reads: All Discernmentalists and their Absolute Truth comments saved from the attacks upon us being waged across the world by all of our enemies—those unbelieving heathens–especially those evil Emergents.

DPDEWW  operates by a GOIP MIRACL beam director–pictured below:

goipmiracl

Me operating DPDEWW.

DPDEWW also runs on Sound Doctrine Indicating Operative technology which is also called Laser Operating Apostate Chaser Enhanced Engine or SDIO-LOACEE for short. Here we are putting the finishing touches on our SDIO-LOACEE:

SDIO-LOACEE

Dr. I. Todyaso and Will Farel XV assist me in the preparation of our SDIO-LOACEE.

Another part of our industrious project  is the Emergent Reflector Sound Doctrine Missive Impure Doctrines Deflector or ERSDMIDD. Here is a picture of how ERSDMIDD works:

ERSDMIDD

ERSDMIDD takes Emergent and impure doctrines and beams  them back at our enemies while also leaving our Sound Doctrines Pure. It also beams Sound Doctrines directly into our enemies’ brains in a last attemptive effort of teaching them our ways the Absolute Truth. Another of our Missives that runs on Sound Doctrine Indicating Operative (SDIO) technology is our SDIO-Delta Star or our SDIO Missive Emegent-cy Defense System. Here Ken Silva fires off one of our SDIO-Delta Star missives SDIO-Delta Star II ironically codenamed ‘Ken Silva:’

sdiodeltastar2-kensilva

GOIP Missive Defense Against antichrists and apostate Christians.

The main part of SHEALDI is our Satellite Defense Network to prevent  evil Emergent signals from crossing streams with our Pure signal streams and hijacking our Absolute Truth comments. Here is our SHEALDI Satellite Defense Network at work:

SHEALDI Satellite Network

The results are shown below:

SHEALDIdamage

Putting together all of our complex and convoluted simple project—you’ll never have to worry about evil Emergents hijacking and hacking into your Pure Absolute Truth comments by inserting heretical, communist or other non-Christian words into them such as ‘comrade’ ever again.

Before SHEALDI:

EmergentHijackedComment

The recent Emergent attack on Truthslayer’s computer by hijacking his comment to me and inserting a communist word into it to make it look as if he isn’t truly regenerate and of God’s True Elect as he “didn’t write ‘comrade’ as a matter of fact that word does not exist in (our) discernmentalist dictionary.”

After SHEALDI:

SHEALDIfiedComment

What things will be like from now on now that we have initiated SHEALDI  on all of our and our fellow Discernmentalists’ computers.

And that is all:

Recording of the applause from the recent Convention of Discernmentalists after SHEALDI was unveiled and set up by GOIP Labs.

Introducing The GRMSN: GOIP Rocketmen Spy Network

November 4, 2009

This is how we see what all you evil Emergents, apostates, liberals, Arminians, heretics, pagans, heathens and all around unregenerate, unsaved and non-Elect sinners are doing and know that you are the sinners and not us—God’s True Elect.

Introducing  The GRMSN: GOIP Rocketmen Spy Network:

Here is where we got our inspiration from—we use this video as our training video:

That was an unedited version—in our edited version we replaced the word Europe with America and use English. We also burn the Canadian and French flags as we take back the world for Jesus.

And here is our Nationalist March:

Here we are:

goip rocket-man commander don jobson

C4-557-boba-fett-rocket-mantoddfriel

rocket_man_1-goipcommandoitodyaso

rocket_mangoiperseymorespurgeon

Rocket_mantyronevhoofendorfer

rocket-man2truthslayer

rocketmanslave

rocket-manwillfarelxv

Saint John MacArthur’s Certs

November 3, 2009

macarthurabsolute certs

Do you need to be Absolutely Certain that you are truly of  the Regenerate Elect? Are those evil Arminians and Emergents trying to confuse you of the Absolute Truth? Never fear we here at GOIP Food Labs have come up with the Absolutely Perfect product to suit your Discernmentalist needs–introducing Saint John MacArthur made Absolute Certs: for those times when you need to stay fresh in  your Discern-ments! These Discern-ments are flavored with Absolute Truth in every piece and are guaranteed to protect your doctrines from the impurities of those evil Arminians and Emergents and ensure you that you are truly of  the Regenerate Elect complete with Saint John MacArthur’s seal of approval. You’ll also be Absolutely Certain  of the Absolute Truth of everything.

Side Effects may include but are not limited to: Judgmentalism, a Purposeless Driven Life, Reformed thinking, loss of friends, vomiting, arrogance, hate, a black and white worldview, heartburn, gall, the urge to vote for Ultra-Right-Wing Conservative Christian Republicans, Fundamentalism, bibliolatry, Calvinolatry and Spurgeon-worship—-a superiority complex, legalism, constipation, upset stomach, indigestion, diarrhea, etc.