Archive for the ‘transformations’ Category

Harry Potter Fans Will Be Tortured For Eternity!!!!

July 21, 2011

Harry Potter fans will burn in hell for all eternity, because Harry Potter is as evil as Rick Warren and the KKK combined. If Rick Warren is Satan-incarnate and the KKK are Rick Warren’s gay butt-sex slaves then Harry Potter is their demon infested love-child. There is nothing remotely Godly or Christian about the Harry Potter series. Hello…our sources have reason to believe that Harry Potter was created by Saddam Hussein and Obama Bin Laden in order to destroy the American Church… Hello… the Harry Potter series is full of divination, demons, witch-craft and devil-worship… Duh!!!!

Children would do better to read such Pure, Godly and True Christian literature on our Pure Doctrines such as: The Malleus Maleficarum,  The Death of Death,  A Vindication of the Doctrine that the Sacrifice of the Mass is Idolatry, The Two Babylons, etc.

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Fanatic for Jesus calls John MacArthur’s Jesus: “New Age.”

May 20, 2011

“All those who truly love Christ and care about the truth have a solemn duty to defend the truth by exposing and opposing these lies that masquerade as truth. If we fail in that duty because of indifference, apathy, or a craving for the approval of men, we are no less guilty than those who actively spread the lies.”

~John MacArthur, Excerpt from Unholy Trinity

Donna Martin aka Fanatic For Jesus is on record as proclaiming that the Premillennial Dispensationalist’s Christ is a “New Age” Christ:

Even-though as we all know John MacArthur the Ways of the Master himself (P. B. U. H.) believes in Premillennial Dispensationalism and the Rapture. In fact John MacArthur has stated with Absolute Certitude that “Every Self-Respecting Calvinist is a Premillennial Dispensationalist Rapture Believer” so obviously Donna Martin aka Fanatic For Jesus isn’t really a Fanatic for the True Jesus of the Bible: John MacArthur’s Jesus. Repent Donna Martin aka Fanatic For Jesus before it’s too late—for the End is nigh—don’t be a fool and get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathen reprobates and Postmodern Unbelievers…believe in Premillennial Dispensationalism and the Rapture or Else! By the way it’s not too late to stock up on our fine and quality John MacArthur approved hand-crafted RaptureHatches before the Rapture occurs this Saturday.

John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) Will Get You Rapture Ready For Saturday!

May 19, 2011

John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) unlike Brian McLaren and his Emerging Babylonian hordes never falls prey to the winds of ear-tickling doctrines. This is because Saint John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) keeps his doctrines so Purer than anyone else’s that he can never fail at being the True Truth Warrior of Absolute Biblical Truth that he Truly is. Take the Pure Biblical Doctrine of the Rapture for instance—John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has said: “It’s become kind of popular today, in the last two or three years, to believe in the rapture occurring at the end of the tribulation. There has been three positions, historically, “pre-trib,” “mid-trib,” and “post-trib.” What that means is the rapture occurs at the end of the tribulation: “post-tribulation;” the middle of the tribulation: “mid-tribulation;” the beginning of the tribulation: “pre-tribulation.” Now if you wanted to catalog me I would have to claim to be a “pre-tribulationist.” I believe the Church will be taken out before the tribulation.

Of course because Truth Matters, we all know that the Rapture is Pure Biblical Teaching and not a man-made invention by a deluded Scottish teenager unlike Brian McLaren’s heretical notion that the Kingdom of God is present in the world and within us. Phil Johnson and the Pyromaniacs agree as John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has also said after being questioned about his Premillenial Dispensationalist Rapture beliefs:

Questioner: I am concern about Dispensationalism, I have been listening to Charles Swindoll, yourself and Dave Hawking, I really enjoy their ministry. And they all preach the pre-tribulation rapture, and I can buy that. I think it’s great. And then I hear some other respected men in the Lord say, “Well that is a dispensational point of view,” and they imply that that is something that has taken place within the last hundred years or so within the church. I just like to hear a little from you.

John MacArthur’s Answer: You see, that is just a label that they throw. What do you mean a dispensational point of view? The word dispensation is a NT word, Paul said “It was committed unto him the dispensation of the grace of God, dispensation of the mysteries.” It simply means a stewardship, it’s simply a term, that’s all. This is the accusation over and over again that Dispensationalism popped up with J. N. Darby, and C. I. Scofield, and all of that? But we are not working our way through a system, but rather attempting to interpret scripture on its own merit.

Ok, you have some basic things to deal with. Dispensationalism, by the way, is simply a title for theology that recognizes a literal nation Israel to be restored in the future. And recognizes a literal kingdom, and a literal tribulation, and a literal return, and a literal rapture, and that is dispensational. The other perspective is what’s called non-dispensational or covenant theology, which has no place for Israel, no kingdom in the future, and spiritualizes everything rather than making it literal.

Now, what you have to do is to go back to some very basic things. Dispensation simply means that God manages things in a certain way at a certain time. Everybody is a dispensationalist, everybody. I don’t care who they are in theology, they’re dispensational.

Elsewhere John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has defined Every Self-Respecting Calvinist as a Premillennial Dispensationalist—in other words all True Christians are Premillenial Dispensationalist Rapture believers like John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) and Harold Camping. We hope this helps get you Rapture Ready for the Rapture and Judgement Day this Saturday—oh and don’t forget to buy one of our handy dandy RaptureHatches to be prepared… so  don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… be Rapture Ready with our Final Prophet John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.).

Rick Warren and Islamists’ Secret Death Star Plans Exposed

May 18, 2011

“We are currently prototyping and testing our global P.E.A.C.E. plan.”—Rick Warren, USA Today

Rick Warren seen secretly plotting with Islamists to inact the terror of his New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan across the universe. Part of Rick Warren’s plan is to build a fully operational Death Star with the aid of Islamists.  Warren expects the Death Star to be fully operational by 2013—Warren’s Death Star will force Christians to support his New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan or so Discernmentalist Researchmentalist experts say. “Rick Warren Hits Home Run with Announcement of Global Peace Plan to Battle the Giants of Our World.” —Assist News Agency

Warren’s Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire planet, was adopted from designs stolen from George Lucas’ studios and used by Vladimir Putin in his successful takeover of Russia in the late 1900s. It was re-stolen by Rick Warren and in the works using the gargantuan profits made by both Halliburton and Islamists in the Iraq War, now referred to as ‘Liberating Iraq’s Oil.’

Brannon Howse says of Rick Warren’s Global Peace Plan:

Certainly the world is all about solving its problems without the God of the Bible. Yet many professing Christians are rushing to remedy the world’s troubles in ways that are without the support of Scripture, some even in contradiction to what the Scriptures teach. Rick Warren’s global P.E.A.C.E. plan is one of many programs and teachings that, for the most part, cannot be reconciled with God’s prophetic Word. It is Warren’s “50-year plan” to cure global issues such as “pandemic diseases, extreme poverty, illiteracy, corruption, global warming, [and] spiritual emptiness” (see http://www.thebereancall.org). He claims that his social-works agenda developed from his reading of the Gospels–that Jesus gave him the model that was the antidote to the five biggest problems on the planet (see http://www.thebereancall.org). Warren subsequently expanded that model from an exclusive endeavor of Christianity to one requiring the support of all religions.

Rick Warren’s “ill-curing” ecumenical agenda is illogical as well as unbiblical. How can his game plan for remedying “spiritual emptiness” work with those who promote a false spirituality?   We agree which is why there are a number of pastors, ministries and authors throughout the world who are opposing Rick Warren, including Dr. John MacArthur, who exposed Warren in a chapter in his book called Fool’s Gold by Dr. John McArthur. We all must take a stand against Rick Warren‘s secret New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Death Star Plans.

Emergents Deconstruct ODMafia’s New Ally

January 7, 2011

After chanting Contemplative babbling for a few minutes—those evil Emergents have deconstructed the site of our newest ally in John MacArthur’s Truth Wars©®™. Their New Age Eastern Mystical voodoo seems to have deconstructed Holywrathministriesinc’s website to the point of deconstructing it all the way off of the Internet. We are quite disappointed as we were looking forward to working with “holywrath.wordpress.com is no longer available” in our humble discernmentalist ministry. The ODMafia and the GOIP combined with”holywrath.wordpress.com is no longer available” would have been a triple combo threat in spreading the True Gospel of  God’s Holy Absolute Sovereign Wrath against all those who disagree with us like Postmodern infidels and refuse to bow down before our Pure Doctrines. What a shame…What a shame!

Cat Glasses!

July 11, 2010

Wretched News exercising a test of the Sound Doctrines Detecting Tester of Locating Out of Order New Age Trends noted that anyone caught wearing “Cat Glasses” is suspect theologically. Reasons given are:

  1. Cat Glasses are synonymous with Catholics
  2. Catholics are semi-Pelagian quasi-Universalists
  3. Rob Bell, “Emergent guru” is also a semi-Pelagian quasi-Universalist
  4. Rob Bell wears Cat Glasses
  5. Rob Bell is also a heretic
  6. Therefore anyone caught wearing Cat Glasses is also suspect of being a heretic

Our logic is flawless who can argue against these points. We all must do whatever we can to take a stand and come against those who would dare wear Cat Glasses in our churches. Dr. Truthslayer my colleague in Discernmentalism adds that: “we support this kind of discernmentalism as absolute truth and so should you. We KNOW Rob is an emerging-liberal apostate…so anything we say or do (even if not factual) should still be accepted as truth.”

P. S. “Rob Bell is definitely not like Jesus” so you should never wear, imitate or do anything he does.

Trish Of Way Of The Master Fame Supports The Heretical Sinner’s Prayer

June 16, 2010

        

Day by day it seems  that more and more of our Mighty Truth Warriors are falling by the way into the slippery slope of apostasy and heresy. We are appalled by such spinelessness in these Last Days when God’s very own fragile Truth is under attack daily by Spiritual Terrorists who are out to corrupt it. We must all do our part and take a stand for Absolute Biblical Truth and Absolute Biblical Certainty against these apostates so that God’s fragile Sovereign Truth might be protected from those out to destroy it.

This is why we were so disappointed when it was recently brought to our attention that Trish (of  Way Of The Master and Fish With Trish fame) and her husband’s church are so supportive of the heretical Sinner’s Prayer formula. We are so shocked that Trish’s husband’s church would stand for such man-exalting heresy especially after Way Of The Master took such a hard and self-righteous stand against Sinner’s Prayers and those churches that ask those who want to follow Jesus to recite some form of a Sinner’s Prayer. As Todd Friel has said:

The Sinner’s Prayer

As a rule, I do not lead them in prayer. It is not Biblical. If someone you know committed adultery against his wife, would you lead him back to his wife and say, “Repeat after me, I am really sorry and I shouldn’t have slept with that woman?” You would not do it in that case and you shouldn’t do it with a sinner. However, if they say they want to pray now, you can say, “Go ahead and pray and then I will pray for you.” Otherwise, send them on their way and ask them to let you know if they have made their decision. If they do, God saved them. If they don’t, you will be glad you didn’t manipulate them into prayer.

Our Research Robot Monkeys found this tract on Trish’s husband’s church Sovereign Wrath Community Church Sovereign Joy Community Church’s homepage and brought the man-centered and man-exalting semi-Pelagian errors to our attention—behold Sovereign Wrath Community Church’s Sovereign Joy Community Church’s own form of a Sinner’s Prayer:

We know what you have done Trish so there’s no need to try to hide and deny it. You’ve been caught and we’ve now exposed you for the hypocrite that you are your heretical sins before the world. Here we have zoomed in on your man-exalting heresy for Absolute Clarity’s sake:

What would John MacArthur say?* We have to wonder how many False Converts your husband’s church has produced Trish? Notice how the formula in the tract above is the same formula as your typical Sinner’s Prayer which follows as such: confess that you are a sinner, ask for forgiveness from your sins and finally ask Jesus to save you so that you can spend eternity in Heaven with Him and thank Him for the gift of salvation or some other form of this formula. Given all the evidence presented in front of you—we have one last question to ask of you Trish: “Are you a good person?” 

In order to finally get right with God we ask that you please read our excellent and quality well-researched unscholarly Discernmentalist essays: Discernmentalist Altar Calls: How To Make Sure Of Your Election and Ten reasons to UNASK Jesus from your heart.

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* John MacArthur’s Sinner’s Prayer:

How many times have we come upon writings by Reformed men, whether online or in books, denigrating the use of the sinner’s prayer? I came upon this sermon by John MacArthur of Grace Community Church and it closes with what appears to be a sinner’s prayer: “While your heads are bowed for just a moment, if you do not know Christ but you desire to receive the salvation that He offers, the forgiveness of sin and eternal life, will you in the quietness of your own heart say…Lord God, I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe that He God in flesh died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin, rose again, provided perfect satisfaction and I receive the gift of salvation in His name, turning from my sin I commit myself to follow Him. Pray that prayer and may true salvation be yours this day. Amen. (“Looking At The Cross from God’s Perspective,” a sermon on Romans 3.24-31)”

Ken Silva Finally Reveals His True Form

June 1, 2010

(Secondhand Internet Discernmentalist News)—  After years of keeping his true identity hidden the highly elusive and private recluseKen Silva, our affectionate Uncle in Online Discernmentalism has finally decided to publically bless his adoring fans by coming out of hiding from his secret underground Discernmentalist bunker in a closet at our ranch. Ken has planned a Discernmentalist Tour at various public places–further details are unknown as of now, but of what we do know: we know  that he may come to a mall near you along with your favorite Discernmentalists. The tour will include a discernmentalizing session of all the sinful and apostate public. The sessions will be free of charge but donations are welcome.

Secondhand Internet Discernmentalist News has obtained this exclusive photo above of the rare moment of Ken emerging from hiding. The photo was snapped only yesterday by the “ODM” paparazzi league. The photo has been verified by Ken Silva himself that it  actually is of the enigmatic Ken Silva of Apprising Ministries. The anonymous photographer said: “This very rare photo was taken as ODMs hurriedly came emerging from their latest powwow somewhere in an underground bunker by brackish lagoons deep within the backwater forests of some secluded hills.”

Sources close to Ken have heard that he has stated on record that he has been planning his first public appearance for years, but wanted to make sure the public would take him seriously enough first. Hopefully more public appearances will follow suit.

Socialists Defect From Canada And Join The GOIP

April 20, 2010

A group of former hockey playing feminists aka the Fernie Swastikas  have fled from Communistic Canuckistan in order to escape to a better life of being a man’s property. We applaud their bibliolatrous efforts and have welcomed them with opened arms to their new freedom of  the right to be a man’s slave here in the Bible Belt of America. What a great testimony to the bible centeredness of our True Republican and True Christian party:  God’s Only Inerrant Party.

We are so inspired by the Fernie Swastikas’ story as they said that it was Final President Ronald Reagan who brought them to repent of their former feminist and Socialistic ways which ultimately led them to reject their non-Calvinistic soteriology and therefore get regenerated in the Discernmentalist faith in Calvin by God’s Predetermined Grace. Praise God!  They also said that Final President Reagan’s version of the Little Red Hen folktale convinced them to escape Communistic controled Canada. Thank God and remember Soli Calvinus et Reaganus Gloria!

New World Order Weekend Notes The Wrong Person

March 24, 2010

Using the Discernmentalist art of Connecting the Dots, New World Order Weekend notes the wrong person:

(Above) is a clipping from a July 1982 DSA newsletter, listing the three Religion and Socialism Commission co-chairs. Note the center name Jim Wallace. Spelled differently, but is this a typo? Note the address – Quincy Street – one of five streets running through Columbia Heights in Washington D.C. Was this actually Barack Obama’s future spiritual adviser?

Applying the same principle of Discernmentalist Connect The Dots—we have discernmentalized the following facts: Anyone named Karl, Carl, Mark, Marx, Marks, Markson, Lenin, Lennon, Stalin, Fred, Karlson, Fredrick, Karlton, Friedrich, Freddy, Carlton, Carlson, Vlad, Vladmir, Engels, Jim, James, Wallis, Wallace, Barbara, Van, Van Buren, Jimmy,  John, Johnathan, Balzer, Johnny, etc. is clearly a Commie spy out to destroy America. Anyone with C, O, M, U, N, I, S, T, A, L, R and X anywhere in their name is truly a secret Socialist/Neo-Marxist. We Know!

Jim Wallis and Jim Wallace are really the same name  just  as  Karl Marx, Karl Marks, Karl Mark, Carl Marx, Carl Marks, Carl Mark, Marx Karl, Mark Karl, Marx Carl, Mark Carl, Mark Carlson, Carlton Marx, etc. are really the same name. Also the Marx Brothers are Absolutely Communists and related to Karl Marx. We Know so!

Connecting the Dots all our Fax/Facts fit our Absolute Truth as We have concluded and you can plainly see using our Absolute Biblical Certainty.