Archive for the ‘Slice/Cross-Talk’ Category

John Calvin “Frisked” At Liberty and Grace Reformed Church

September 21, 2011

Pastor Steven Dilday in echo of George W. Bush’s “Patriot Act” opts to create the first ever “Clergy Act” in an attempt to root out all those spiritual terrorists who dare to partake in the sins of the Whore of Babylon—the Scarlet Mother of all Harlots: the Roman Catholic Cult by wearing robes and stoles to preach. Quote Steven Dilday: “this is the most pressing and urgent of issues of our time—we should hold the theology of those who wear vestments in the pulpit suspect.” One of the first victims of Pastor Dilday’s Clergy Act was a John Calvin impersonator who was held suspect for looking too sinisterly like a Jesuit gestapo in his black robes:

We most mightily thank Pastor Dilday for bringing this clear and most important teaching on one  of  “the most pressing and urgent of issues of our time.” Why if a John Calvin impersonator can be held theologically suspect then we must also hold the real Calvin theologically suspect! On a related note—Pastor Dilday elsewhere declared that Calvinists should abandon Calvin for not being Truly Refomed and Calvinistic enough. We agree as Calvin was a little too Semi-Pelagian for our tastes and did not hold to the Truth of the Ways of our Master.

Remember this is a Truth War after-all so we must hold everyone accountable to ourStandard of ourTruth of ourPure Doctrines. Thankfully you have this humble Truly Reformed Bible-Believing Truth War Discernment Ministry to Take A Stand in ourDoctrines on “this most pressing and urgent of issues of our time.” We here at this ministry are all about grace and nothing but Grace… in fact we are the most Grace-loving man-hating site on the net. We would never ever heap the burden of the Law upon you or preach anything like a Works-Salvation unlike those Grace-hating man-glorfiying Catholic-worshippers. We just expect you to keep ourRules lest we deem you unworthy of God’s Grace and therefore unfit for the Kingdom.

So Liberty and Grace To You, God’s Only Elect in the Great Grace of the wide and loving mercy of our Angry God’s Sovereign Hate and Wrath.

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Update # 1: Martin Luther wore vestments clearly he must have hated liberty and grace for partaking in the sin of the Papists.

Update # 2: We caught one of our own Ken Silva wearing a bathrobe… he must be on the Road to Rome. Now we must put his site under surveillance.

Update # 3: Johnathan Edwards wore a clerical collar… a clear perversion of the Doctrines of Grace.

Update # 4: We wiretapped Ken Silva’s phone and overheard Ken talking with Chris Rosebrough (an avowed Lutheran) and Ingrid of SOL/Crosstalk (a possible Lutheran). Now we must really put his site under surveillance as now we really have reason to suspect that he is Emerging into Rome.

Update # 5: Oh horror of horrors… the Ways of the Master himself caught preaching sans coat and tie in a Rick Warrenesque shirt. He’s one step closer to Rick Warren’s heretical Purpose-Driven Agenda.

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Slice of Laodicea Introduces New Pocket-sized Truth Grinder to Test Market

June 28, 2010

Ingrid formerly of the great and mighty Truth Warrior Blog: Slice of Laodicea (which was secretly raptured off the internet after Ingrid merged with Crosstalk Blogs but not in an evil Emergent way) has finally released her brand new pocket-sized Truth Grinder in handgun form to a public test market. Now you can grind Truth with ease with this rare one of a kind SOL Collectible Pocket-Sized Truth Grinder Magnum.

Now you can turn any quote into a misquote with ease. You can spin any belief other than your own into heresy. You can grind, turn and twist any truth until it is so pulverized that you are able to remake Truth into your own image and the image of your fellow discernmentalists.

Ken Silva gives Ingrid and SOL’s brand spanking new Pocket-Sized Truth Grinder Magnum his personal seal of approval. Here are a few examples of the Pocket-Sized Truth Grinder Magnum in all of it’s Truth-grinding glory from some of our test runs:

Tony Campolo has said: “I have already made the point that we need to have to win people to Jesus Christ, but we must also preach the whole Gospel which not only calls people to love Jesus but to bring His justice into the political and economic arena in which we live.” Clearly that makes him a Communist/Socialist.

Rob Bell attended an event with the Dalai Lama—clearly Rob Bell doesn’t think Jesus is God.

Brian McLaren has said: “The church latched on to that old doctrine of original sin like a dog to a stick, and before you knew it, the whole gospel got twisted around it. Instead of being God’s big message of saving love for the whole world, the gospel became a little bit of secret information on how to solve the pesky legal problem of original sin.” Clearly he is not only a Gnostic but also a Pelagian/Semi-Pelagian.

We wish to weed out all the sinful reprobates and false converts from the Church—however, we are not Donatists/Semi-Donatists—just to make that clear, etc…

Breaking News: Ingrid and the Mighty Slice Of Laodicea got Raptured from the Net!

June 8, 2010

           

I couldn’t believe my eyes today as our valiant Research Robot Monkeys were combing the net of our favorite Discernmentalists’ websites and blogs—when they  suddenly  noticed the absence of the presence of one of our  very favorite Mighty Truth Warrior blogs (under our own Affectionate Uncle Pastor-Teacher’s personal site, of course)—which had mysteriously and completely vanished into thin air…Poof…gone but not forgotten. Quite frankly we were quite shocked and  saddened to see that Ingrid Schlueter (who partners with the Great Pastor-Teacher himself on Christian Researchmentalist Network sometimes) and her Mighty Slice of Laodicea had been raptured off the Internet.

In a private conference with my fellow Discernmentalists, Dr. Truthslayer quipped:  “It has to be another evil Emergent plot at work.” I however fear for the very worse. I fear that Obama has finally taken control of the Internet in order to shut down any sites that are fighting against for the Truth. I mean why else would a blog that is so dedicated to lies and slander Truth disappear and vanish completely without a trace like that? We here and of the OD Mafia promise to stand firm in our convictions for protecting the Truth against Obamanation and E-mergent-ness. If Obama or an Emergent or any of our other enemies try to rapture up our Truth Warrior blogs, they’ll have to pry them from our cold dead hands first and even then we won’t let them.

Fellow Discernmentalists and Truth Warriors against for Truth, let us now take a moment of silence to remember with fondness the good ole days—back when Ingrid sliced up the Truth fought for the Truth on Slice of Laodicea before it succumbed to a genuine case of Internet rapture. Here to help us pay our respects and tribute to Ingrid’s SOL is a commemorative memorial photo of the former Great Slice of  Laodicea as it was in all of it’s Truth-Warrior missive glory before it’s tragic end of being raptured from  the net:

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Farewell Mighty Slice of Laodicea, we will miss you (and all the lies and slanders that you spread against fellow Christian Brothers and Sisters over the years of your short Internet lifespan) so! R. I. P… You may be gone, but you’re definitely not forgotten.

P. S. We heard a rumor that before Slice got raptured off the net they were working on a new pocket-sized version of their Truth-Grinder for a test market.

Fear AND LOATHING on the INTERNET…

June 7, 2010

        

Ken Silva stars in this New inspirational film full of Truth War motivation in which our hero the Great Pastor-Teacher over a whole Internet congregation of wanna-be Discernmentalists and the Internet Church of The True Remnant (Ken) discernmentalizes the “sinfully-ecumenical quasi-mystical Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox-loving Evolutionary Third-Way Christian Pelagian Socialist and heretical Spirituality of the Emerging/Emergent Church and Emergence Christianity” by “Apprising” it.

Our film (Fear And Loathing On The Internet) opens with a montage of Ken protesting against apostates such as the “sinfully-ecumenical” Purpose-Driven and Contemplative-driven Emerging/Emergent Church and “po-mo Christian” sinners in general by using big TRUTH WARRIOR words such as “gutless crybaby,” “spineless” and “sissified jellyfish.” Later on under the influence of Ingrid of the former Slice of Laodicea, Ken begins to have visions (but not in a heretical Charismatic Pentecostal or Contemplative Spirituality/Lectio Divina-driven sort of way) after reading a Puritan mystic text and complains of hallucinating that Brian McLaren and Rob Bell are after him because of his Truth and Pure Doctrines. After that he vowed to donate a “spine” and “Backbone”  to any apostate heretic that would repent and believe upon the Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and Biblical American values such as capitalism and war.

Realizing that none of the “spineless” “gutless” “sissified jellyfish” liberal sinners and Grace-hating man-loving apostates of the “sinfully-ecumenical quasi-Catholic and mystical Emerging/Emergent Church” that he had discernmentalized so far had changed their positions in the War on Truth for Truth yet, he decided the best tact was to unleash the Pure Gospel of our Angry Sovereign God’s Law and Wrath upon  sinners on them. Our film ends as the camera fades and we hear our Wise One and affectionate Uncle saying: “let’s hope that these spiritually bankrupt mainline emergence churches do…kill each other off…and go back home to Hell…”

Brian McLaren Worse Than Hitler

June 3, 2010

 

Commenters on Chris Rosebrough’s Mighty Truthwarrior blog-site of extreme Discernmentalism, Extreme Theology note:  

The  “theology of fascism” sounds EXACTLY like the excerpt I’ve heard from Brian McLaren’s “A New kind of Christianity”.

Not to be outdone by Chris Rosebrough’s commenters we’ve come to a more Extreme conclusion that Brian McLaren is in fact worse than Hitler. What makes Brian McLaren worse than Hitler you may ask?—why he dares to question our Pure Doctrines! Yes!, questioning our Pure Doctrines is worse than genocide as to question our Pure Doctrines may turn people against True Christianity (Ken Silva’s and John MacArthur’s interpretation of Calvin’s Reformed Christianity) and therefore deceive millions into hell.  I mean at least with genocide the Regenerate Elect will automatically go to heaven while the unregenerate reprobates will automatically be damned to hell by God’s Sovereign good pleasure of course which works out to His Absolute Glory (which is the Absolute Biblical Truth Gospel of the Truth Wars™).

Besides the most Pure and Godly of all Christians the Puritans commited mass genocide against Native Americans so that should exempt Hitler from being a total False Convert in that respect for at least he praticed the Orthodox Orthopraxy of the Puritans’ Pure Doctrines unlike Brian McLaren. Speaking of Brian McLaren—here is an insidious quote that is just dripping and oozing with fascism in every word from his hideous new book,  A New Kind of Christianity:

A large number of both Protestant and Catholic leaders aligned with a neoconservative political ideology, trumpeting what they called “conservative family values,” but minimizing biblical community values. They supported wars of choice, defended torture, opposed environmental protection, and seemed to care more about protecting
the rich from taxes than liberating the poor from poverty or minorities from racism. They spoke against big government as if big was bad, yet they seemed to see big military and big business as inherently good. They wanted to protect unborn human life inside the womb, but didn’t seem to care about born human life in slums or prisons or nations they considered enemies. They loved to paint gay people as a threat to marriage, seeming to miss the irony that heterosexual people were damaging marriage at a furious pace without any help from gay couples. They consistently relegated females to second-class status, often while covering up for their fellow males when they fell into scandal or committed criminal abuse. They interpreted the Bible to favor the government of Israel and to marginalize Palestinians, and even before September 11, 2001, I feared that through their influence Muslims were being cast as the new scapegoats, targets of a scary kind of religious inspired bigotry. (7)

If that doesn’t prove that Brian McLaren is worse than Hitler and that all Emergent/Emerging Postmodern type peoples are heretical Roman mystic fascists from hell then ye must be spiritually blind.

Ken Silva Finally Reveals His True Form

June 1, 2010

(Secondhand Internet Discernmentalist News)—  After years of keeping his true identity hidden the highly elusive and private recluseKen Silva, our affectionate Uncle in Online Discernmentalism has finally decided to publically bless his adoring fans by coming out of hiding from his secret underground Discernmentalist bunker in a closet at our ranch. Ken has planned a Discernmentalist Tour at various public places–further details are unknown as of now, but of what we do know: we know  that he may come to a mall near you along with your favorite Discernmentalists. The tour will include a discernmentalizing session of all the sinful and apostate public. The sessions will be free of charge but donations are welcome.

Secondhand Internet Discernmentalist News has obtained this exclusive photo above of the rare moment of Ken emerging from hiding. The photo was snapped only yesterday by the “ODM” paparazzi league. The photo has been verified by Ken Silva himself that it  actually is of the enigmatic Ken Silva of Apprising Ministries. The anonymous photographer said: “This very rare photo was taken as ODMs hurriedly came emerging from their latest powwow somewhere in an underground bunker by brackish lagoons deep within the backwater forests of some secluded hills.”

Sources close to Ken have heard that he has stated on record that he has been planning his first public appearance for years, but wanted to make sure the public would take him seriously enough first. Hopefully more public appearances will follow suit.

Your Typical Worldly Seeker-Sensitive Emergent Type Worship Service

May 17, 2010

 

      

A video of a typical Worldly Seeker-Sensitive Emergent Type Worship Service:

An Emergent believer on this video:

love THIS vid! it’s almost from the same angle that I was ;)) so I can re-live this outer world experience over and over again!! I was too awed to record it, I just stayed there motionless and gobsmacked the whole song, almost crying and with goosebumps all over my body.. It really felt I could see his soul.. I don’t know if it was the lighting, but the brightness around him looked like an aura, something celestial.. I felt whole.
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Thankfully you have us to set you straight and to warn you about these evil mystic apostate demon spawns from hell. And remember you only need the Holy Inerrant Bible apart from  it’s Christ-Centeredness/Christ-Centered teachings to be whole!

Discernmentalist Ecumenism

April 25, 2010

   

We must stand against those who oppose our Pure Doctrines. Certainly even being seen with those who think differently than Us sends a message to the world—a message that says We approve of their false beliefs even if their politics are Orthodox. We must not even look in the same general direction as those who disagree with Us or else people may mistake Us for our enemies. If someone says anything moderately approving of Michelangelo‘s statue of David or the Sistine Chapel, they are clearly suspect of being a closet Pope-worshipping Romanist.

If anyone invites a Muslim over for dinner, they secretly approve of Islamic terrorism. If you like any Elton John song, you condone the unnatural and deviant behavior and immorality of homosexuality. We may approve of someone’s Orthodox Politics aka Republican leaning politics but unless they believe in our Pure Religious Doctrines they’re Pure Political Doctrines are meaningless. We may stand against abortion but if We stand against abortion in the presence of a Roman Catholic, they may think that We approve of  their Dark, Satanic, Degenerate, Reprobate, False and Cultic Religious Belief System even if We agree with their anti-abortion stance as We most certainly can’t approve of anything Roman Catholic, worldly or apostate.

We Discernmentalists are not ecumenists while at the same time We are ecumenical, however, We must be ecumenical in our divisionism and divisional in our ecumenism. Using our Discernmentalist logic which We apply to everything We’ll illustrate this point: When anti-Pedobaptism Credobaptist Al Mohler joins together with the staunch Pedobaptist defender of Pedobaptism  R. C. Sproul in partnership to unite against the Emergent heresy—this is an example of Good Discernmentalist Ecumenism aka being ecumenical without being a ecumenist. Another example is when “Ingrid Schuelter (who may also have Lutheran leanings as she partakes in Advent against Ken Silva’s clear teachings of its Pagan origins)” and Ken Silva agree on anything in order to defend our Pure Doctrines against apostates. Get it, got it…good, because We told you so.

New World Order Weekend Notes The Wrong Person

March 24, 2010

Using the Discernmentalist art of Connecting the Dots, New World Order Weekend notes the wrong person:

(Above) is a clipping from a July 1982 DSA newsletter, listing the three Religion and Socialism Commission co-chairs. Note the center name Jim Wallace. Spelled differently, but is this a typo? Note the address – Quincy Street – one of five streets running through Columbia Heights in Washington D.C. Was this actually Barack Obama’s future spiritual adviser?

Applying the same principle of Discernmentalist Connect The Dots—we have discernmentalized the following facts: Anyone named Karl, Carl, Mark, Marx, Marks, Markson, Lenin, Lennon, Stalin, Fred, Karlson, Fredrick, Karlton, Friedrich, Freddy, Carlton, Carlson, Vlad, Vladmir, Engels, Jim, James, Wallis, Wallace, Barbara, Van, Van Buren, Jimmy,  John, Johnathan, Balzer, Johnny, etc. is clearly a Commie spy out to destroy America. Anyone with C, O, M, U, N, I, S, T, A, L, R and X anywhere in their name is truly a secret Socialist/Neo-Marxist. We Know!

Jim Wallis and Jim Wallace are really the same name  just  as  Karl Marx, Karl Marks, Karl Mark, Carl Marx, Carl Marks, Carl Mark, Marx Karl, Mark Karl, Marx Carl, Mark Carl, Mark Carlson, Carlton Marx, etc. are really the same name. Also the Marx Brothers are Absolutely Communists and related to Karl Marx. We Know so!

Connecting the Dots all our Fax/Facts fit our Absolute Truth as We have concluded and you can plainly see using our Absolute Biblical Certainty.

Capitalism Could’ve Saved Haiti

February 27, 2010

We Know  that Capitalism could’ve saved Haiti from God-ordained destruction as Capitalism is BiblicalJoel McDurmon writes:

Socialism and the corruption that attends welfare-Statism in Haiti have consistently rejected free markets and the prosperity that come with them for decades. Walter Williams documents Haiti’s combination of 1) lack of economic freedom, 2) rampant corruption, 3) catastrophic crime, and 4) denigration of private property rights. He notes, “Haitian President Rene Preval is not enthusiastic about free markets; his heroes are none other than the hemisphere’s two brutal communist tyrants: Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez and Cuba’s Fidel Castro.”

 

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Chavez and Castro? Perhaps Pat Robertson was not so far off. Haiti has indeed made a pact with the devil—incarnate in the political style of Chavez and Castro.

Clearly this is why Haiti had to be destroyed by God’s Wrath. We Know so.