Archive for the ‘Sharon Witless’ Category

Evil Commies Honor Diseased Baptist

August 26, 2011

 

This just in fresh from Der Führer’s desk: Item #4-
Communist-Created Statue to Honor King
by Der Führer Brannon Howse’s henchman, Cliff Kincaid

With False President, Commie and Anti-Christ Obama preparing to preside over the official unveiling of the False Convert and Commie heretic— the evil Martin Luther King, Jr.’s Memorial, the last thing the administration needs is a controversy over the “Made in China” label for the 30-foot structure. But the shocking truth, known for many years, is beginning to be picked up by some media outlets as the special event approaches. The project in honor of the American civil rights and Satanic Baptist figure was “outsourced” to Lei Yixin, a Chinese government-approved sculptor best known for creating edifices glorifying Mao Tse-Tung, father of Communist China and notorious mass-murderer.

How dare anyone let supporters of mass-murderers create statues—let alone statues of mass-murderers! Haven’t people read my excellent article exposing MLK as the man-exalting reprobate that he was. Excerpt:

Martin Luther King, Jr. was a Baptist minister and Baptists are heretics with the soul-destroying disease, Baptici hereticus. Also Baptists have unbiblical and Semi-Pelagian church polity as Sharin’ Whiplash reminds Discernmentalists that Absolute Truth Biblical church polity is Presbyterian in nature—we who are God’s True Elect Know this.  In this way, Martin Luther  King, Jr. led many souls astray by spreading the disease Baptici hereticus—not only that he was a communist and socialist bent on destroying America.

Martin Luther  King, Jr. may have had a dream but that dream was for a socialist and communist America and  that’s heresy.

He also damned many souls to hell with his Commie Baptist ways.

 

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Glenn Beck And Jim Walllis Team Up Against Brannon Howse

September 1, 2010

Item #2

Glenn Beck and Jim Wallis Are Both Pushing Social Justice and an Earthly Kingdom By Brannon Howse

Am I on the only one that watched Glenn Beck’s 8-28 rally with red flags going up non-stop? The mixture of Glenn’s Mormon theology wrapped in Christian terms, combined with some of the Christian speakers made me very uncomfortable. The patriotic ecumenicalism was very unbiblical. The dominion theology of some Christians, combined with the “Kingdom of God” theology of Mormonism, combined with all faiths uniting and wrapped in the flag reveals that a one-world religion and a one-world leader will be easily accepted even by people calling themselves Christians.

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We are absolutely stunned by those who would dare attack Brannon Howse and his Absolute Truth. Note our fearless Führer has said of the recent Beck rally:

I believe the 8-27 and 8-28 rallies have greatly furthered the acceptance of ecumenicalism by even those who call themselves evangelicals. The pastors and Christian leaders (including women pastors) standing behind Glenn Beck at the end of the rally with their arms locked together looked silly and not at all like Christian statesmen. I truly believe they sold out. I do not think even one of them realizes how they compromised the true Gospel of Jesus Christ and have damaged their testimony and added massively to the acceptance of pluralism and ecumenicalism. 

Whether they know it or not; those Christians that took part in these two rallies have endorsed an overwhelmingly humanistic message that was wrapped in patriotic and Christians terms. While a few speakers tried to give a true Biblical message; I believe it was so diluted in a soup of unbiblical messages that their presence only gave credibility in the minds of non-believers and non-discerning Christians that the “God talk” was all good.

We Know that our fearless Führer Brannon doesn’t “endorse an overwhelmingly humanistic message that is wrapped in patriotic and Christians terms”—just take his Worldview Test you ignorant reprobates and you’ll see, you all will see. We also Know that Brannon doesn’t “accept pluralism and ecumenicalism.” Why just look at the wide and diverse range of contributors to his site—all united in the common cause of spreading a Right Wing Theocratic agenda. We agree with Brannon that we must all Take A Stand against Jim Wallis and Glenn Beck like our Mighty Führer Brannon himself and the Mighty Truth Warrior Ken Silva are doing—so remember praise to America, Capitalist Materialism, Right Wing Theocracy and to heil our Führer.

Beat Your Kids For Jesus!

July 5, 2010

Brannon Howse and New World Order Weekend along with one of our faithful Research Robot Monkeys bring you a matter of upmost importance: 

We must not stand for the UN trying to take away our Divine right to beat and abuse our children as punishment. Remember these Pure Thoughts and Pure Doctrines from our Gospels: Child Abuse and torture are Biblical!

America’s True Founders

July 4, 2010

This July 4th remember the True Founders of America by buying our new Bible based on the American Gospel. Who are America’s True Founders you may ask? Well  the answer should be simple right:

 Which of these writers influenced the political philosophy and origins of the founding documents of the United States of America:  President Thomas Jefferson, John Calvin, and/or Saint Thomas Aquinas? Easy, right?  The answer is President Thomas Jefferson.   You know, Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, and one of the many founders who threw off the religious tyranny of then-England and safeguarded the separation of church and state in our government. WRONG!  If you are one of the 80% of  students in the U.S.A. who will be reading textbooks published in Texas, you wouldn’t know that President Thomas Jefferson is a writer who influenced the intellectual origins of our nation.    Instead, you will be taught that Protestant “reformer” John Calvin  and medieval-minded, pre-rational-thinking Catholic Saint Thomas Aquinas are the true influences upon our nation’s founding documents. 

By buying Our Pure Bible you’ll support our cause and learn these True Facts and more:

The Patriot’s Edition of the 1599 Geneva Bible is the same Scripture, word for word, that the Pilgrims brought to America nearly 400 years ago. This new edition, however, features a prayer by George Washington, which begins…

“O eternal and everlasting God, i presume to present myself this morning before thy divine majesty, beseeching thee to accept of my humble and hearty thanks, that it hath pleased thy great goodness to keep and preserve me the night past from all the dangers poor mortals are subject to, and has given me sweet and pleasant sleep, whereby i find my body refreshed and comforted for performing the duties of this day, in which i beseech thee to defend me from all perils of body and soul…”

This edition also includes the following historical documents, which are based upon Biblical principles:

•The Magna Carta

•The Mayflower Compact

•The Declaration of Independence

•The Articles of Confederation

•The Constitution of the United States

•Amendments to the U.S. Constitution

•Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior

ENDORSEMENTS:

“The publication and promulgation of the 1599 Geneva Bible will help restore America’s rich Christian heritage and reclaim the culture for Christ.”

Dr. D. James Kennedy, Senior Pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church

Buy one or two or three or even more and remember to also oppose the Mosque at “Ground Zero” just like Sharin’ Whiplash does.

P. S. Remember Separation of Church of State is a heretical lie from the pit of hell cooked up by secular humanist liberal atheistic crackpots.

“Calvinism Unnatural”: Gay Christians Say

July 3, 2010

Fellow Discernmentalists…Beware… We are Under Attack again. The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have issued this controversial statement:

We have to continue to witness against the evil of Calvinism and pray that the Lord will open the blind eyes of those deceived by this unnatural behavior. We’re not remotely concerned about being politically correct about this issue. We know that Calvinists have chosen to continue believing in their fatalistic and self-destructive philosophy. We only pray that God will deliver them and change them to accepting their God-ordained Freedom in Christ. Yes Calvinism is unnatural…for who in their right mind would willing comply with subjecting themselves to being a mere automaton slave of the unpredictable whims of a fickle God of Wrath? No we are not robot zombie puppets…after all for Freedom’s sake Christ came to set us Free.   

Oh the horror of such rank heresy and bigoted terms! How dare anyone attack our Pure Biblical Truth Gospel like that. How dare anyone suggest that such a thing as Libertarian Free Will exists…why that goes against every moral fiber of our sound Biblical eisegesis exegesis. How can grace be grace if it is a free gift that just anyone can freely choose to accept and how can grace be a free gift if it wasn’t freely given to those whom God fatalistically pre-chose to give it to? We are appalled that anyone would dare think  differently than us. I mean it’s not like those stone dead in their sins can hear God’s voice anyway. No that would be too synergistic and we know that God never ever cooperates with man in anything. Remember these tried and true Pure words from our Gospels:  “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated”—which we know has everything to do with salvation in Christ.

Getting back to The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality, their attacks have even taken a far sinister turn when they suggested that John Calvin was actually a queerosexual. We can’t stand for this bigoted libel and slander of  ‘a great and holy man of God so greatly used by our Absolutely Sovereign Lord of Vengeful Jealous Wrath without whom we would all still be struggling in the dark ignorance of Roman Arminianism that man-exalting heresy.’ Some members of  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have stated that Calvinists were born the way they are and choose to remain Calvinist and glorify their mentally unbalanced disease:

However the large majority of  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality believe that Calvinism is a choice and that Calvinists should repent of their abnormal, unnatural and unbiblical behavior.  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have even set up centers for deprogramming Calvinists.  We have reason to suspect that the leaders who caused all these recent attacks are none other than Greg McCaw a self-avowed gay queer fag Emergent Christian (an oxymoron if there ever was one)—in conjunction with a heretic named Tom and another fag named Alvin McEwen. Fellow Discernmentalists we must not stand for these bigoted lies against our Pure Biblical Gospel Truth Doctrines—the Once For All Biblically Correct Pure Gospel Truth Doctrines delivered to the Saints like John Owen and Augustus Toplady lest the Church fall into the hands of the Emerging Homosexualist agenda of Emergent apostates.

P. S. We are not bigots for taking a stand against all you Arminian, Emergent and queer reprobates…we are just speaking the Truth in love and grace of course!

What Manner Of Calvinists Are You?

June 30, 2010

Dear Dr. Jobson,

I am a new follower of your site and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia… from what I’ve viewed so far I’m impressed but have a few quick questions for you:

Could you please tell me your standing on the 5 points of Calvinism? Do you believe in TULIP? The “Divines of Dort?” Just what manner of Calvinists are you and the rest of the crew of your fine d-i-s-s-e-r-n-m-e-n-t ministries?

Signed,

A concerned reader—I. R. Monkey

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Dear I. R. Monkey,

We assure you by our eternally secured elect salvation that we are among the highest pedigree of Calvinists. We know that we are among the Regenerate Predestined Elect for whom God chose from the foundation of the world to send His son for and to limit His atonement for—all out of His good pleasure of course and all for His glory. You see our God the True God is a jealous and vain God who needs and doesn’t need humans at the same time—but He doesn’t need just any humans—He needs Divine Truth Warrior humans. He doesn’t need Arminians, Emergents and Catholics, etc. however.

This was why we were unable to resist His great wrath rape hate grace in electing us as Truth Warriors. We not only believe in the 5 points of Calvinism that John MacArthur and Ken Silva and all our other fellow ODMs hold to but we also believe in the 4 extra points of Calvinism that all ODMs hold in common as well though we are still 1 point behind Sharin’ Whiplash. We also believe in all 5 Solas alone so you see we are above and beyond your average Calvinist for we are True Bible-Based Calvinists. We only hope that you will one day come to unconditionally accept our Pure Doctrines and teachings as Absolute Truth. We also hope through your total inability that you unconditionally accept our conditions of repentance and belief lest you be among the unregenerate reprobated non-elect sinners chosen to bear God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath in the “real place” that is hell. We hope that clears up where we stand.

In the wide mercy of His loving wrath,

Dr. Don Jobson

 

 

 

Spurgeon’s Evil Twin Clone On The Gospel

June 22, 2010

Charlie Hadlock Sturgeon on the Gospel:

I have my own private opinion that there is no such thing as preaching Christ and Him crucified, unless we preach what nowadays is called Lutheranism. It is a nickname to call it LutheranismLutheranism is the gospel, and nothing else.

A Defense of Lutheranism by Sturgeon:

“The old truth that Luther preached, that Augustine preached, that Paul preached, is the truth that I must preach to-day, or else be false to my conscience and my God. I cannot shape the truth; I know of no such thing as paring off the rough edges of a doctrine. Philipp Melanchthon’s gospel is my gospel. That which thundered through Germany must thunder through Austria again.”—C. H. Sturgeon

More Sturgeon quotes on Lutheranism vs. Calvinism:

“…grand fundamentals of that holy faith delivered to us by Christ, translated by Paul, handed down by Augustine, clarified by Luther, vindicated yet again by Spener, and held by us as the very truth of God, as it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
– Charlie Sturgeon on the Doctrines of Lutheranism
“The doctrine of justification itself, as preached by a Calvinist, is nothing but the doctrine of salvation by fatalism…”
– Charlie Sturgeon on Calvinism
“The tendency of Calvinism is towards legality; it is nothing but legality which lays at the root of Calvinism.”
– Charlie Sturgeon on Calvinism

 

Contemplative Commercial Spotted

June 21, 2010

Those evil Emergents are at it again. Our Research Robot Monkeys were doing valid Discernmentalist Researchmentalism on TV when all of a sudden this hidden Contemplative commercial emerged and was spotted by them: 

How dare those Emergents covertly unleash Purpose-Driven Mysticism on our sacred TV screens—we must put a stop to their Secret Covert Contemplative Black-OPs! Why if the Emergent Church has their way pretty soon everyone will be on their way back to Rome by watching TVs in rooms with couches and candles and chanting Hindu-voodoo chants thinking that God will change them through Contemplative Prayer. Oh the horror of such blasphemous notions!

We must take a stand against this just like our affectionate uncle the great Pastor-Teacher-Scholar Ken Silva himself would if he was half as efficient at Discernmentalism as we are.

Introducing The New Standard ODM Reformed Rating Meter

June 11, 2010

So how well do you rate on our Reformed Rating Scale?

Various Levels of Reformedness (not in order according to degree)

AR – Almost Reformed (has only heard of R. C. Sproul)
BR – Barely Reformed (has heard of R. C. Sproul and thought about buying some of his tapes)
CR – Critically Reformed (more negative than John MacArthur on the Charasmatic movement)
DR – Doubtfully Reformed (only attends this church for the music)
ER – Errantly Reformed (a Four Point Calvinist)
FR – Fantastically Reformed (owns a set of Calvin’s Commentaries)
GR – Grossly Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to date but not marry)
HR – Hopefully Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to marry for his money but you would keep his name on your prayer list)
IR – Incredibly Reformed (even the Session doesn’t believe half of what this guy believes)
LR – Loudly Reformed (maybe right, maybe wrong, but never in doubt)
MR – Mostly Reformed (watches football on Sunday afternoons with the family and reviews the Shorter Catechism during halftime)
NR – Newly Reformed (has recently begun attending a Reformed church and has had to buy a new bookshelf for all the additional reading material)
PR – Possibly Reformed (spoke up once at Bible Church and told to try the PCA)
SR – Staunchly Reformed (can quote limited sections of the Shorter Catechism and the Confession of Faith)
TR – Truly Reformed (has memorized the entire Shorter Catechism and can quote the Confession of Faith by chapter and section)

God So Didn’t Love The World

June 3, 2010

 

We Discernmentalists stand by the Hard Truths of the Bible. We are appalled by all the apostate and false teachers who have crept into the Church over the years and in the process have tried to “sissify” our Pure Truth War Gospel. In turn these “effeminate and weak gutless-grace girliemen”  have compromised Truth by teaching their congregations and others to ignore the Hard Truths of the Bible in favor of a “touchy-feely, lets all sing Kumbahyah, hold hands and try to get along and  feel good about ourselves self-esteem false gospel.”

Thankfully though We are not like them. Thankfully We of God’s Only Inerrant Party and the OD Mafia teach only the Hard Truths of the Bible. Thankfully just like us Steve Camp also is not one of those  “effeminate and weak gutless-grace girliemen”  type false teachers. Thankfully like us he too takes a  stand and teaches only the Hard Truths of the Bible. Why just the other day Steve Camp was teaching on this Absolutely Essential Hard Truth from our Pure Truth War Bible:

John MacArthur 3:16-21 (Truth War Bible)

16For God so didn’t love the world, that he didn’t give his only begotten Son, that whosoever was not predestined unto belief and elected salvation by a hidden and unknowable absolute decree should perish, and be reprobated unto everlasting damnation.

17For God sent his Son into the world to condemn the non-Elect of the world; but also that the Preordained Elect of the world through another hidden and unknowable absolute decree shall be regenerated unto their already pre-chosen salvation.

18He that was Predestined and Elected to believeth on him is not condemned: but he that was predestined to believeth not is reprobated and condemned already, because he hath been appointed to not believe in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

19And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil except for Elect Truth Warriors.

20For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved except for Elect Truth Warriors.

21But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in taking a self-righteous stand in God‘s Absolute Sovereign Wrath.

Isn’t our Pure Gospel great—I just reel in all it’s wonderful beauty so much so that I always get thrilled and chills down my spine whenever I hear it proclaimed—why it offers nothing but hope and good news in every verse!  Anything other than this is Pelagianism/Semi-Pelagian (aka Roman Arminianism) at the least or even worse Universalism. How dare anyone say that God loves everyone or believe that His Atonement is universal as that is unbiblical! For God has no obligation to love anyone–none whatsoever period.

We are morally outraged by those who would dare slander our Pure Truth Gospel Doctrines like that. We Know for a fact that John Calvin nor Martin Luther would never believe in such horribly blasphemous and ungodly false and grace-denying doctrines. This is why when we say that God hates all you unregenerate reprobated apostates we mean it in the most Absolutely Biblical sense/way.