Archive for the ‘Seymore Spurgeon’ Category

Spurgeon Attacks Calvin Yet Remains Calvinist

May 20, 2019

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How dare Spurgeon attack Calvin by saying that Calvin’s enemies were before him! Doesn’t he know that Calvinism is the Gospel? We can’t say we’re surprised as we’ve already apprised that he had a false conversion.

”We believe that the Baptists are the original Christians. We did not commence our existence at the Reformation, we were reformers before Luther or Calvin was born; we never came from the Church of Rome, for we were never in it, but we have an unbroken line up to the Apostles themselves. We have always existed from the very days of Christ, and our principles, sometimes veiled and forgotten, like a river which may travel underground for a little season, have always had honest and holy adherents. Persecuted alike by Romanists and Protestants of almost every sect, yet there has never existed a government holding Baptist principles which persecuted others; nor, I believe, any body of Baptists ever held it to be right to put the consciences of others under the control of man. We have ever been ready to suffer, as our martyrologies will prove, but we are not ready to accept any help from the State, to prostitute the purity of the Bride of Christ to any alliance with Government, and we will never make the Church, although the Queen, the despot over the consciences of men.”—Spurgeon

Only Calvinists are True Christians as we were the original ones.  None of our enemies are Christians as they all are unsaved for teaching the wrong kinds of doctrines that we Discernmentalists disapprove of such as attacking Pre-millenial Dispensationalism. In fact Baptists were even worse than Romanists for attacking our Doctrines: “Calvinists in  the time of the Reformation considered the Anabaptists to be more dangerous and threatening to the Reformation and to true Biblical Christianity than Romanism.” And our Doctrines have nothing whatsoever to do with Romanism as we only teach the Pure ones!

If that Young Restless and Reformed sinner Spurgeon really felt that way about those grace-hating man-loving semi-Pelagian Baptist reprobates—he should have at least had the Spine to leave our Holy Doctrines and join the heretical Baptist cult! The old Truth that Augustine; Calvin and Paul preached—the thunderous Gospel of Knox indeed…ha! Quote the Old Truth from the Gospel of the Johns against Baptists:

TO write against all the false opinions & errours of the Anabaptists, should be a thing too long, & such a bottomless pit, as I could not well come out of. For this canker differeth in this thing from all other sects of hereticks: that she hath not erred only in certain points: but she hath engendered a whole sea, as it were, of foolish & false opinions. In such wise that scant shall a man find one Anabaptist which hath not some fantasy singular: which his fellows have not. So that if we would pluck out, or rehearse all their wicked doctrines, we should never make an end. But now at length they become unto two principal sects: whereof the one, though she be full of wicked & pernicious errours, yet doth she abide in much more simplicity. For she yet receiveth the holy scripture, as we do. And if men do dispute with those that be of that sect, it shall be perceived wherein they differ from us, & they will express their meaning, & in conclusion it may be perceived in what they accord, & wherein they dissent. The second sect is a mass of such foolish & beastly opinions, as the like cannot be found, insomuch that it is wonder how creatures which bear the figure of a man, can be so clean without sense & reason, as to suffer themselves so to be deceived, & fall into fantasies more than brutish. This sect call themselves libertines. And [they] counterfeit [pretend, imitate] so much the spiritual, that they set no more by the word of God, than they do by fables: except it be when it pleaseth {5.A.} them, and when as they may deprave it, and by force make it to serve for their devilish opinions. And besides this they have a charming or croaking as it were Cranes, so that a man cannot tell what it is, that they would say, and no more do they wot what it is themselves: but that by this craft they cover the filthiness of their doctrine. For their principles are to confound all differences between good & ill, & to mingle God so with the Devil that it should not be discerned between the one and the other, and so to make men not only without all feeling in their consciences before God: but also without shame before the world. Now see you wherefore they drive themselves into such caves of obscure and doubtful words, to the end that their villainy should not be perceived, lest we should have them in horror and execration. As indeed our nature repugneth against such monstrous things as they bring forth. So now to write in a sum against the errours of the Anabaptists, the shortest and most expedient way is to keep this division, and to gather apart in one treatise the errours of them which be not altogether so mad and desperate: and in another treatise to discover the venomous malice of those wicked, which under the colour of spirituality, would make men like unto brute beasts. Now it is very true, that those which be of the first sort, do not so agree together in opinions, that a man can easily gather their errours together for to reprove {5.B.} them by any certain order; But, because the principal doctours, and as it were the Patriarchs of the whole Synagogue, after they had well ranged about, have made a final conclusion, wherein they comprehend the sum of all that which they do hold against us, and the Papists, in seven Articles: unto which all Anabaptists commonly cleave: insomuch that they have found the means to cause this fair resolution to be imprinted, and have together agreed to sow their poison by it all abroad: and so to infect the poor people: I will be contented for this time, and I think also that it shall suffice, to declare the falsehood contained in the most part of these seven Articles: to the intent that they do not complain and say that I lay that to the charge of them all, which is done but of some particulars, & so unjustly defame the whole sect. This once done, if I may have at any time leisure, I will write some other little treatise, against the other second sort, of which I spake before, that is, the Libertines. But as I have said, it shall be sufficient for this time, to declare unto all lovers of the truth, that, that thing which these poor people with one common accord hold for a foundation invincible, of their faith, is a deadly abusion [abuse, deceit], of the which we must beware, as we would be[ware] of the pestilence.—Gospel of Calvin

 

As Kevin Reed notes, in refuting this Anabaptist, Knox unequivocally states, “For with the Pelagians and papists, you have become teachers of free will, and defenders of your own justice,” clearly recognizing that, “the defence of man’s free will, to do good and avoid evil,” is “the damned heresy of Pelagius.”

Moreover, regarding this work, Reed continues, “A perceptive reading of this dispute will reveal the parallels between the Anabaptists and modern proponents of free will. Advocates for free will are commonly found among Baptists, ‘evangelicals,’ Charismatics, and cultists. Their line of argumentation is virtually identical to that of Knox’s opponent” (Kevin Reed, John Knox the Forgotten Reformer, pp. 219-20).—a Gospel about Knox

Joel Osteen Threatens Bible-readers with unbiblical toothpaste!

May 14, 2019

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We can’t say we are shocked at this horror as we’ve been apprising you of the hideousness of all these seeker-driven Emergents out there living as though God has a plan and purpose for their lives. In Joel Osteen’s latest attack on Bible-readers he unveiled his apostate unbiblical toothpaste and threatened to brush the teeth of anyone who dared open their Bibles. If he would only let them read their Bible then they would know: The Bible contains all the wisdom man needs for solving all the spiritual struggles, problems, and issues of life.

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia is now offering Bible Studies on how to prevent tooth decay to counteract this worldly assault on our Truth.

Bible verses we’ve found so far that help us in fighting and preventing cavities; gingivitis; tooth decay and other dental infirmities:

  • 0 Bible results for “brush your teeth.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothpaste.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothbrush.”
  • 0 Bible results for “mouthwash.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothache.”
  • 0 Bible results for “gingivitis.”

This proves how little of the Bible Joel Osteen has read. In fact we suspect he uses alcohol-based mouthwash against our Clear Teachings.

 

Beard Shavers are weak and Spineless Truth Warriors!

May 14, 2019

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We need beards now more than ever in these Perilous times to fight the good fight of the Truth War but not just any beards—we must keep our beards Biblically Pure in order to separate ourselves from worldliness and the Spiritual Terrorists who are always attacking our Truth as:

In our current culture, the progressive trends of gender confusion and transgenderism is all the more reason we should uphold the biblical picture of a masculine man by having beards to stand separated from the pagan culture of today.

Truth Warriors without a  beard lack a Backbone and are most likely theologically suspect and part of the weak womanly gutless-grace Girlieman sissified wimpy Evanjellyfish church. Beards are a must for protecting our Truth as all the greatest of the greats Truth Warriors had beards like Spurgeon. In fact we believe beardless weirdos are responsible for sissifying churches today as they are most likely to believe in weak doctrines and like Spurgeon we must take a stand for the Hard Truths of the Bible.

This matter of Christians rejecting the biblical truth of gender distinct (roles) and beards is essentially a form of Gnosticism reviving in these last days. Beards make a man a man as distinct from women.

Strangely, the few churches and Bible colleges today that remain biblical in the teaching of gender distinction of women wearing modesty dresses ignore the topic of a man’s facial hair as part of this doctrine. Every Bible school that I am personally aware of that teaches gender distinction also implement rules that the men must be clean shaven. Where does such thinking come from? Where is the consistency when it is taught women have to dress like women but men can claim “christian liberty” when it comes to shaving off the God given mark of masculinity? Adam Clarke (1762- 1832) commented on Deuteronomy 22:5, “It certainly cannot mean a simple change in dress, whereby the men might pass for women, and vice versa. This would have been impossible in those countries where the dress of the sexes had but little to distinguish it, and where every man wore a long beard. It is, however, a very good general precept understood literally, and applies particularly to those countries where the dress alone distinguishes between the male and the female. The close-shaved gentleman may at any time appear like a woman in the female dress, and the woman appear as a man in the male’s attire. Were this to be tolerated in society, it would produce the greatest confusion.”39)Adam Clarke, Adam Clarke Commentary.

Besides that beards provide extra protection from wetness. Be true to what the bible teaches and you will be saved. Levitcus 19:27 should answer all your remaining questions.

I want you to know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up,

Pastor I. Todyaso

Special Discernmentalist Alert—Spurgeon Exposed: Reported Evidence recorded that he slid into False Teaching…

May 11, 2019

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 James Grant wrote: “With the deadly heresies entertained and taught by the Plymouth Brethren, in relation to some of the most momentous of all the doctrines of the Gospel, and to which I have adverted at some length, I feel assured that my readers will not be surprised at any other views, however unscriptural and pernicious they may be, which the Darbyites have embraced and zealously seek to propagate”[20]

Breaking we’re being attacked from the grave by one of our own—Spurgeon (False Convert) who we already revealed as a False Convert wrote a critique* of one of our Truth War Pope’s Holiest of Doctrines.

 Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Pastor of the Metropolitan Tabernacle and contemporary of Darby, published criticism of Darby and Brethrenism.[19] His main criticism was that Darby and the Plymouth Brethren rejected the vicarious purpose of Christ’s obedience as well as imputed righteousness. He viewed these of such importance and so central to the Gospel that it led him to publish this statement about the rest of their belief in the Sword and Trowel.

We thought Spurgeon was more of a measure of Truthiness than that but since we exposed him as a False Convert we can’t say we’re surprised that we now have to add False Teacher to his now growing list of impurities in following our Pure Doctrines properly. Here is a quote from Spurgeon (False Convert/False Teacher)’s attack* on the founding father of our Truth War Pope’s Pure Bible Teaching:

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*- Phil Johnson’s Hugh Jass raptured this attacking critique from his Hugh Jass Spurgeon (False Convert/False Teacher) site as he didn’t want others to know that “self-respecting Calvinist” Spurgeon (False Convert/False Teacher) had impure doctrines for not following the Ways of the Master himself— the Clear Teachings of our Pope of the Truth War John MacArthur (PBUH) that: “Every Self-Respecting Calvinist Should Be A Premillennial Dispensationalist Rapture Believer” (in other words follow Darby’s teachings).

Praise Our Angry God: Easter Worshippers Aren’t TRUE CHRISTIANS!

April 22, 2019

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Thank our Angry God and his  commendable hatred for continually pouring down His satisfied wrath (that He already poured down on Jesus in our place) upon our enemies against our war on Truth Truth War. We most mightily thank humble Discermentalist ministries in divisionism like ‘s for bringing our Clear Teachings to all who should bow down to us and our Pure Doctrines: “The worst part about this tragedy is that the vast majority of these victims are likely facing eternal judgment in hell where they were pre-damned to right now. The last thing they need is affirmation of their idolatrous system of worship.”

We who are True Bible-Believing Sola-Scripturist Conservatives affirm what the Westminster Confession not the Bible says: “There is no other head of the Church but the Lord Jesus Christ; nor can the Pope of Rome, in any sense, be head thereof; but is that Antichrist, that man of sin, and son of perdition, that exalts himself, in the Church, against Christ and all that is called God.”—against all man-made unbiblical doctrines and traditions. For as Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) not the Bible says:

In today’s spirit of ecumenism, many evangelicals have called for the Protestant Church to lay aside its differences with Rome and pursue unity with the Catholic Church. Is that possible? Is Roman Catholicism simply another facet of the body of Christ that should be brought into union with its Protestant counterpart? Is Roman Catholicism simply another Christian denomination?

While there are many errors in the teaching of the Catholic Church (for example its belief in the transubstantiation of the communion wafer and its view of Mary), two rise to the forefront and call for special attention: its denial of the doctrine of sola Scriptura and its denial of the biblical teaching on justification. To put it simply, because the Roman Catholic Church has refused to submit itself to the authority of God’s Word and to embrace the gospel of justification taught in Scripture, it has set itself apart from the true body of Christ. It is a false and deceptive form of Christianity.

We  are also thankful for our angry Sovereign God sending fire to destroy perverted pagan places of worship that pervert our Pure Gospel. We pray that His gracious loving wrath might smite more grace-hating man-loving reprobates hip and thigh. Which is why we must take a stand against all those who dare take a stand against us:

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Besides that Lutherans aren’t Calvinistic enough  to be True Christians and as we all know because Saint Charles Spurgeon (PBUH) not the Bible told us so: “Calvinism (not Jesus) is the Gospel!” Our Research Robot Monkeys noted that Luther observed Easter against our clear teachings of its pagan catholic origins—but enough about Easter lets get back to TRUE BIBLE DOCTRINES like our American Gospel of CAPITALIISM.

All Theological Roads Lead Back To Rome?

February 21, 2010

Sharin’ Whiplash aka Non-Electgal in an UnReformed and Deformed moment stated:

Anabaptists, Reformed/Presbyterians, Lutherans, and Anglicans are 4 separate branches with separate traditions. All four branches are Reformed from Roman Catholicism in the broad sense of the term.

Clearly she might be one of the unregenerate reprobates decieved into believing that she is Truly Elect or Secured in her Reprobation for as we know Calvinism has  nothing to do with “Roman Arminianism or Roman Catholicism that man-exalting heresy!” And we don’t exalt man especially not Calvin—We Know! Why—because We told ya so! Or maybe Sharin’ has contracted the same Postmodern and Emergence virus that Ken Silva has contracted?

Codename ACSBLOP *(Augustine Calvin Spurgeon Black Letters of Paul)* Unveiled

November 6, 2009

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Introducing The Strategic Heretical Emergent Arminian & Liberal Defense Initiative or (SHEALDI) for short otherwise known as Codename ACSBLOP *(Augustine Calvin Spurgeon Black Letters of Paul)* or also known by it’s better known nickname ‘Heresy Wars/Absolute Truth Wars‘—now available and on the market from GOIP Labs. This top secret project has been in the making for several years now. Here is our Political Messiah, Final President and the Last Real President, Ronald Reagan with myself (Don Jobson) going over our top secret plans:

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Final President Reagan with myself about to deliver the March 23, 1983 speech initiating SHEALDI. I was 19 years old then.

[Editors’ note: You’ve heard of those heathen Sedevacantists—well, we are Sedewhitehousists, because Jesus believed in the political gospel of Reaganism otherwise known as Reaganomics and elected Regan the last Political Messiah for God’s Chosen and Ordained Nation that’s why we belong to the FCCSORR (Fundamentalist Calvinist Christian Society Of Ronald Reagan).]

Anyways, part of our plan is to fire Missives packed full of the Pure Doctrines of Saint Augustine and our Final Prophet John Calvin, the Pure Sermons of Charles Spurgeon and the words of Paul directly into our comments as a ‘preemptive strike’ against Emergent attacks on our Absolute Truth comments—and for those times when those evil Emergents  hijack our comments by inserting heretical, communist or other non-Christian words such as ‘comrade’  into our comments to make it look as if we aren’t truly regenerate and of God’s True Elect.

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A Ken Silva Approved Spurgeon Missive.

Here is the genius part of our glorious plan—once these Missives are shot off they will provide a  web of Absolute Truth protection cover over all of us Discernmentalists to keep all of our Absolute Truth comments safe and Pure:

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Absolute Truth Mighty Fortress Missive Net packed full of Augustine, Calvin, Spurgeon and the Black Letters of Paul.

In case ye are wondering what the texts of our net say because ye are unregenerate—they read:

1 Timothy 2:10-15 (King James Version)

 10But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

 11Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

 12But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

 13For Adam was first formed, then Eve.

 14And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

 15Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (King James Version)

 9Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

 10Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

God’s Wrath on Unrighteousness

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.—Romans 1:18-27 ESV.

Ephesians 5:22-24 (King James Version)

 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

 That is the ACSBLOP or Appostate attacks on our Absolute Truth Comments Sheild-BLOcking Program part of our SHEALDI project—the other part includes our Space Laser Program otherwise known as DPDEWW or Direct Pure Doctrines Energy Wave Weapon. Here is a photo taken from GOIP Eye 2 which we thankfully retrieved before those evil Emergents blew up GOIP Eye 2:

Direct Pure Doctrines Energy Wave Weapon

* In case ye are spiritually blind the bottom reads: All Discernmentalists and their Absolute Truth comments saved from the attacks upon us being waged across the world by all of our enemies—those unbelieving heathens–especially those evil Emergents.

DPDEWW  operates by a GOIP MIRACL beam director–pictured below:

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Me operating DPDEWW.

DPDEWW also runs on Sound Doctrine Indicating Operative technology which is also called Laser Operating Apostate Chaser Enhanced Engine or SDIO-LOACEE for short. Here we are putting the finishing touches on our SDIO-LOACEE:

SDIO-LOACEE

Dr. I. Todyaso and Will Farel XV assist me in the preparation of our SDIO-LOACEE.

Another part of our industrious project  is the Emergent Reflector Sound Doctrine Missive Impure Doctrines Deflector or ERSDMIDD. Here is a picture of how ERSDMIDD works:

ERSDMIDD

ERSDMIDD takes Emergent and impure doctrines and beams  them back at our enemies while also leaving our Sound Doctrines Pure. It also beams Sound Doctrines directly into our enemies’ brains in a last attemptive effort of teaching them our ways the Absolute Truth. Another of our Missives that runs on Sound Doctrine Indicating Operative (SDIO) technology is our SDIO-Delta Star or our SDIO Missive Emegent-cy Defense System. Here Ken Silva fires off one of our SDIO-Delta Star missives SDIO-Delta Star II ironically codenamed ‘Ken Silva:’

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GOIP Missive Defense Against antichrists and apostate Christians.

The main part of SHEALDI is our Satellite Defense Network to prevent  evil Emergent signals from crossing streams with our Pure signal streams and hijacking our Absolute Truth comments. Here is our SHEALDI Satellite Defense Network at work:

SHEALDI Satellite Network

The results are shown below:

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Putting together all of our complex and convoluted simple project—you’ll never have to worry about evil Emergents hijacking and hacking into your Pure Absolute Truth comments by inserting heretical, communist or other non-Christian words into them such as ‘comrade’ ever again.

Before SHEALDI:

EmergentHijackedComment

The recent Emergent attack on Truthslayer’s computer by hijacking his comment to me and inserting a communist word into it to make it look as if he isn’t truly regenerate and of God’s True Elect as he “didn’t write ‘comrade’ as a matter of fact that word does not exist in (our) discernmentalist dictionary.”

After SHEALDI:

SHEALDIfiedComment

What things will be like from now on now that we have initiated SHEALDI  on all of our and our fellow Discernmentalists’ computers.

And that is all:

Recording of the applause from the recent Convention of Discernmentalists after SHEALDI was unveiled and set up by GOIP Labs.

Rush Limbaugh Unveils A New Dating And Diet Site For All GOIPers

November 4, 2009

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Here is the site: Limbaugh Love-N-Diet! Dr. Seymore Spurgeon and Phil Johnson can vouch for the benefits of El Rushbo’s site. Here are some of the present results of this Religo-Politico-Dietary Ministry of Absolute Truthiness:

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Introducing The GRMSN: GOIP Rocketmen Spy Network

November 4, 2009

This is how we see what all you evil Emergents, apostates, liberals, Arminians, heretics, pagans, heathens and all around unregenerate, unsaved and non-Elect sinners are doing and know that you are the sinners and not us—God’s True Elect.

Introducing  The GRMSN: GOIP Rocketmen Spy Network:

Here is where we got our inspiration from—we use this video as our training video:

That was an unedited version—in our edited version we replaced the word Europe with America and use English. We also burn the Canadian and French flags as we take back the world for Jesus.

And here is our Nationalist March:

Here we are:

goip rocket-man commander don jobson

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rocket_mangoiperseymorespurgeon

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John MacArthur Explains The Absolute Poop

October 16, 2009

HOW TO POOP IN A BIBLICALLY CORRECT WAY

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POOP BIBLICALLY: A SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY ON HOW TO POOP IN A BIBLICALLY CORRECT WAY—SO AS TO PLEASE OUR HATEFUL VENGEFUL GOD OF WRATH AND GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY IN YOUR POOPING

By

John “Funky Smell” MacArthur

  • 1 Kings 14:10 (New King James Version)
    New King James Version (NKJV)
    Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
    10 therefore behold! I will bring disaster on the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam every male in Israel, bond and free; I will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as one takes away refuse until it is all gone. “one burns dung, until it is all gone.” (NIV)
    —-What does this verse say? It tells us to burn our excrements until they are all gone, but man exercising his humanistic pride thought he was better than God by inventing plumbing and toilets. The secularized carnal minds of New Agers and that old line of theological liberals want to deceive the Elect into thinking the Elect can use the modern conveniences of indoor plumbing and toilets (which are a sin) instead of the God ordained method of getting rid of our excrements as prescribed in His Holy Inerrant and Infallible Word.
  •  Job 20:6-8 (New King James Version)
    New King James Version (NKJV)
    Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
    6 Though his haughtiness mounts up to the heavens,
          And his head reaches to the clouds,
    7 Yet he will perish forever like his own refuse;
          Those who have seen him will say, ‘Where is he?’
    8 He will fly away like a dream, and not be found;
          Yes, he will be chased away like a vision of the night. “he will perish forever, like his own dung; banished like a vision of the night.” (NIV)
    — What does this verse say? It tells the Elect that God decrees them to defecate at night—that any other time of day is a prideful sin against the Divine Sovereignty of our Hateful, Vengeful, God of Wrath.
  • Deuteronomy 23:12-14 (New King James Version)
    New King James Version (NKJV)
    Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
    12 “Also you shall have a place outside the camp, where you may go out; 13 and you shall have an implement among your equipment, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig with it and turn and cover your refuse. 14 For the LORD your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and give your enemies over to you; therefore your camp shall be holy, that He may see no unclean thing among you, and turn away from you.
    — What does this verse say? Here is where the Orthodox Doctrine of the Holy Pooping is clearly laid out, which we can know with Absolute Certainty as our Divine Sovereign Hateful, Vengeful, God of Wrath spoke with His own lips in His Holy Inerrant and Infallible Word to defecate outside and that all other places for defecating are sinful. Our Holy Sovereign Creator, God of Wrath, is most pleased when we (the Elect) obey and submit to the Orthodox Doctrine of the Holy Pooping as clearly laid out in His Holy Inerrant and Infallible Word. When the Israelites obeyed our God of Wrath not love (Theological liberals want to delude you into thinking God is a lovey dovey inclusive God of let’s hold hands and sing kumba-yah but the Bible is clear on this matter when it says: “God is an all consuming fire, a God of Vengeful Wrath and no respecter of persons”) by defecating outside, they gave God the glory by defecating in a holy manner. 

One other thing I would like to say to Bible-minded Christians is to remain Bibliocentric and hold onto Biblical Integrity, one ought to confront all Christians living in the sin of using toilet paper as toilet paper was invented by Pagan Chinese, who worshipped false gods and not our God of Wrath as Revealed in the Inerrant and Infallible Holy Bible.  Also, paper itself was invented by Pagan Egyptians to inscribe their demonic and blasphemous scriptures to their false gods, in their dark, morally and spiritually corrupt religious practices—so that if the Elect falls prey to the sin of using toilet paper, they in affect may be welcoming in false gods (disguised as seducing demons) into their lives. So as we can see using toilet paper is an unholy sin of humanistic pride against our Divine Sovereign God of Wrath, who in His Absolute Sovereignty created (6000 years ago in 6 literal days) our hands, wool, lace or hemp, wood shavings, leaves, grass, hay, stone, sand, moss, water, snow, maize husks, fruit skins, or seashells, and corn cobs for us to use to clean our anuses. Toilet paper then is for that old line of theological liberals, evolutionists, secular humanists and atheistic communists and not True Bible-Believing Christians.

In conclusion to my God-honoring Expository Sermon (the only sermons recognized by God are Expository, because that’s how Calvin and Spurgeon preached), I pray that the Elect Church purges itself of the errors of the modernistic and post-modernistic ways of thinking about defecating before the Holy Rapture in the Predestined and God-ordained Premillenial Dispensationalist End Times and returns itself to the Fundamentally Orthodox Doctrine of the Holy Pooping as clearly laid out with Absolute Certainty in the Inerrant and Infallible Holy Bible that we please and give glory to our Absolute Divine Sovereign Hateful, Vengeful, God of Wrath by: defecating only outside at night, burning or burying our excrements and using the God-ordained method of our hands, wool, lace or hemp, wood shavings, leaves, grass, hay, stone, sand, moss, water, snow, maize husks, fruit skins, or seashells, and corn cobs that our Absolute Sovereign Wrathful Creator created for us to use to clean our anuses. Amen.
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Courtesy of John “No Grace To You—More Grace For Me”  MacArthur, Pastor of no Grace Community Church and Founder of no Grace To You Ministries.