Archive for the ‘satire’ Category

Shocking Expose: Trump Body Count on Sesame Street exposed-allegedly had Jim Henson creator of The Muppets killed by infection

November 9, 2019

donald-grump-360f0bef-6fa9-4690-9f13-f365b7f01583

The “Clinton body count” is laughably stupid no matter how one looks at it. To believe the claims, one must accept that the Clintons are hyper-competent criminal masterminds who were able to arrange dozens of murders and cover them up perfectly. One must accept that Bill Clinton was able to suppress any evidence, leaks, or whistleblowers despite having proven that he was unable to lie effectively about a simple blowjob. (Source)

 

THE GRUMP-HENSON CONSPIRACY & COVER UP

Anonymous Handsock: Muppet Matters: September 29, 2019 (Sesame Street)-  “Falsehood flies, and the Truth comes limping after it; so that when Men come to be undeceiv’d, it is too late; the Jest is over, and the Tale has had its Effect…”Jonathan Swift, 1710. This post is brought to you by the letters: capital Q for QAnon; small letter t for total nonsense and the number 1 for 1 big fat lie…ah ah ah….

A NEW TELL-ALL BOOK BREAKS WIND OF AN ALLEGED CONSPIRACY AND SECRET COVER UP

A new tell-all book written by an anonymous insider source known simply by the pseudonym: Anonymous Muppet—anonymously reviewed by an anonymous source on an anonymous website that remains anonymous (BS.Com a subsidiary of InfoWars)— brought this secret conspiracy to our attention. Anonymous’ book simply entitled An Anonymous Killing On Sesame Street: A-B-C 1-2-3 Someone Yuge Murdered The Maker Of Me cryptically alleges that Donald Trump alias Ronald Grump had Jim Henson put to death by natural infection out of revenge for Henson’s involvement with PBS’ show Sesame Street that mocked him for decades. Q: if Trump said he could get away with killing someone in NY—why not Sesame Street? A: Anonymous Muppet aims to show the “facts” on this secret cover up in his anonymously written book.

CRYPTIC CLUES REVEALED

Some of these alleged cryptic clues collected from various anonymous sources (so their reliability is unquestionable) include:

  • Grump: death be thy name
  • An alleged upside down Q and RGDTKJH made out in certain lighting on Oscar the Grouch’s trashcan
  • Pizza was found among Oscar’s garbage
  • Look at the Tower as in Grump Towers
  • Supposedly Ronald Grump admits to the fact that he (G/Trump) did it
  • Also there’s an anonymous clue on a hidden sign in the Sesame Street film Follow That Bird
  • Trump is allegedly anti-Henson

Q:Why was pizza found on the set of a children’s TV show? A: This must have something to do with Pizzagate.

FOLLOW THE BREAD CRUMBS: UNRAVELING THE LINKS IN THE CHAIN

Other alleged clues are the fact that “in 1969 (when Trump dodged the draft), Henson joined the children’s educational television program Sesame Street where he helped to develop characters for the series” (as already mentioned). But also the fact that Jim Henson’s death was “highly suspicious” as he “died from pneumonia at age 53 on May 16, 1990, just over 20 hours after being admitted to New York Hospital. Dr. David Gelmont announced that Henson had died from Pneumonia.[8] However, he confirmed on May 29 that Henson’s immediate cause of death was organ dysfunction resulting from streptococcal toxic shock syndrome.” Q: Why the change in Henson’s cause of death a mere 13 days later? A: There must have been a conspiracy and secret cover up. Toxic shock syndrome is abbreviated T.S.S. which is clearly code-word for Trump succeeded successfully. Also Swamps are full of toxic substances. Trump is known for his buzz phrase: “Drain the Swamp.” Q: Was Henson part of the Swamp Trump is referring to? A: See link: Here. Ronald Grump (Trump) just so happens to be a native of NY where Jim Henson “mysteriously died” from an infection. Q: Why did Henson die in the native home of Trump? A: This can’t be a mere coincidence!

A MORE RECENT CONNECTION

Anonymous Muppet has also connected this conspiracy and alleged cover up to a wider Trump Body Count both on Sesame Street itself and elsewhere. He argues that not only did Grump directly cause the deaths of several Sesame Street residents through eviction threats (funding cuts) but also alleges that several Muppets have disappeared under “mysterious” circumstances as well. Supposedly some were on set; near or behind the scenes during the filming of some of Grump’s episodes allegedly. Q: what possible reason could these characters have disappeared after being on the show so long? A: “X character was retired due to a ‘mysterious’ death.” He also found a more recent link in the trail so to speak–in 2016 2 months before the anniversary of Henson’s “mysterious” death:

Garry Shandling — who ATTACKED the size of Trump’s lower trump was found dead of a “mysterious” heart condition. The doctor “REPEATEDLY REFUSED” to sign the death certificate — because he has no idea why Shandling died! Trump is WELL KNOWN to have THIN SKIN! DID SHANDLING GO TOO FAR???

Q: How does this connect to the secret conspiracy to cover up the “real” reason for Jim Henson’s “mysterious” death? A: “Garry Shandling (1949-2016) was an actor and comedian. He performed the voice of a pigeon (opposite Julie Kavner) in the 1998 film Dr. Dolittle which features animals provided by Jim Henson’s Creature Shop.” (Source) An anonymous source told Anonymous Muppet that Shandling was about to break “Big News” about the Trump-Henson connection when he suddenly died of that “mysterious” heart condition. Q: So does this mean Donald Trump alias Ronald Grump really had Jim Henson killed out of revenge for Sesame Street mocking him for decades? Just look at the trail of body-bags. A: “This conspiracy is old. It seems to have begun in 1993 with a list compiled by Guy Smiley’s cousin Gal Frowney, a pro-tabloid hack, which was titled “The Trump Body Count: Coincidence or the Kiss of Death?”[2][3] Frowney admitted that she had no evidence whatsoever that Grump/Trump was guilty of any wrongdoing…”

The gullible rarely believe they are gullible and the closed-minded don’t believe they are closed-minded. (Source)

 

—Blog post article reprinted in it’s entirety from ANonymous Handsocks R Us a subsection of BS.Com a subsidiary of InfoWars.

 

Eric…take a Stand: “Harry Potter=Pornography!”

April 28, 2019

23376218_560942207620641_2839952457417291201_n

Eric Barger of Take A Stand notes that all  the troubles in today’s perilous times are the cause of kids getting into Harry Potter:

But I have no reservation in saying that reading Harry Potter is spiritual pornography for God’s people and is akin to spiritual adultery for a Christian.

Nearly everyday I hear someone say “I’m a Christian” but then defend Potter. And we wonder why our homes are deviled, our prayers left unanswered and our finances and affairs upside down? How can God ever bless us if we persist in entertaining ourselves and our families with philosophies that His word calls an “abomination?”

I am now repeating myself from other installments found here on the web site but it’s true – we need to choose who we are going to serve and take serious the command to expose the unfruitful works of darkness around us. (Ezk. 44:23, Eph. 5:10-11, II Cor. 6:14-18, etc.)

We here of the GOIP and Mafia agree as we’ve already exposed Harry Potter’s connection to that seeker-driven heretic Rick Warren’s Purpose-driven New Age Agenda. Clearly this is the reason for all the problems in the world today for as Eric Barger also says:

What verse 32 is saying is that though we are not actually involved with something which God clearly disdains (such as witchcraft) yet we approve of it, defend it, and do not speak out against it then we mightas well just become a full-fledged practicing pagan ourselves and stop beating around the bush. The occult is completely in opposition to God. We know it is totally from Satan’s camp and 100% out of God’s will, yet we lift up Harry Potter as a role model? How can we when millions around us will spend eternity in Hell because of the very things J. K. Rowling has built into her hero character? A great example of Romans 1:32 in action is this…a man caught in the trap of watching pornography, is actually the same in the sight of God as those who are PERFORMING the sexual acts. That makes it pretty plain and blunt doesn’t it?

Yes that’s right Harry Potter is the gateway drug to Playboy and other porno mags. What’s next will Harry Potter replace our Pure Doctrines? Blasphemous…this is why we must continue to take a stand in opposing that occultic pope of seeker-driven-ness and Purpose-Driven new worldliness Rick Warren.

Fear AND Self-LOATHING on the INTERNET…

June 10, 2010

       

Our hero Ken Silva reprises his role in this sequel to the classic Fear And Loathing On The Internet. In this new film fresh off the conveyor belts of the GOIP DVD production lines—Ken begins lamenting the fact that there is  “a growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM) that has crept right into the timid heart of the squishy evanjellyfish church organism pretending to be a True Protestant community.”

Soon this lamenting turns into self-loathing followed by fear and then finally fear and self-loathing combined of which the title (Fear And Self-Loathing On The Internet) of the film is derived. Shortly in the film—in the midst of protesting against “the growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM)” in the church today— Ken experiences a computer crash but manages to send out this message through Discernmentalist Osmosis which is in the DNA of all True Discernmentalists:

Just a short note asking for prayer, particularly if you’ve been blessed by this online apologetics and discernment work, and making you aware that the hard drive in the main computer at here at Apprising Ministries has crashed. Fortunately back problems had forced me to do much of my work from a laptop so the loss of materials/information was lessened. Since our email program went through that now defunct main computer we no longer have access to it so we’ve begun a new email account: apprisingministries@gmail.com. We remain thankful you have been standing with Apprising Ministries through these 5+ years, and thank you for your prayer, as well as financial support as well. O, and the blessing; well, we’re still waiting to see what the Lord has in store through this little bit of a test as we try and rebuild our database.

Fearing for the worse Ken soon discovers that the evil Frank Viola and equally evil Leonard Sweet caused his hard drive to crash through their spiritually corrupt practice of Contemplative/Centering Prayer. Our film ends with Ken pledging to put his fear and self-loathing to good use as he vows to take revenge against Contemplative/Centering Prayer and the “sinfully-ecumenical” Purpose-Driven and Contemplative-driven Emerging/Emergent Church and “po-mo Christian” sinners in general by using big TRUTH WARRIOR words such as “gutless crybaby,” “spineless” and “sissified jellyfish” even more than he did in the first film or does now.

On a happier note Ken also reinstated his offer to make good on his vow to donate a “spine” and “Backbone”  to any apostate heretic that would repent and believe upon the Pure and True Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and Biblical American values such as capitalism and war so that this film could have a happier ending than the first one.

Ken Silva Finally Reveals His True Form

June 1, 2010

(Secondhand Internet Discernmentalist News)—  After years of keeping his true identity hidden the highly elusive and private recluseKen Silva, our affectionate Uncle in Online Discernmentalism has finally decided to publically bless his adoring fans by coming out of hiding from his secret underground Discernmentalist bunker in a closet at our ranch. Ken has planned a Discernmentalist Tour at various public places–further details are unknown as of now, but of what we do know: we know  that he may come to a mall near you along with your favorite Discernmentalists. The tour will include a discernmentalizing session of all the sinful and apostate public. The sessions will be free of charge but donations are welcome.

Secondhand Internet Discernmentalist News has obtained this exclusive photo above of the rare moment of Ken emerging from hiding. The photo was snapped only yesterday by the “ODM” paparazzi league. The photo has been verified by Ken Silva himself that it  actually is of the enigmatic Ken Silva of Apprising Ministries. The anonymous photographer said: “This very rare photo was taken as ODMs hurriedly came emerging from their latest powwow somewhere in an underground bunker by brackish lagoons deep within the backwater forests of some secluded hills.”

Sources close to Ken have heard that he has stated on record that he has been planning his first public appearance for years, but wanted to make sure the public would take him seriously enough first. Hopefully more public appearances will follow suit.

Ken Silva On The Reformation

January 28, 2010

Transcript of the Intro:

Ken Silva: In AD  1517, Protestant Reformation was begining.

The Pope: What happen ?

Cardinal: Somebody set up us the Church Door.

Bishop: We get 95 theses. The Pope: What !

Bishop: Main thing turn on.

The Pope: It’s you !!

LUTHER: How are you gentlemen !!

 LUTHER: All your Papacy are belong to us.

LUTHER: You are on the way to destruction.

The Pope: What you say !!

LUTHER: You have no chance to survive make your time.

LUTHER: Ha Ha Ha Ha ….

Bishop: Pope!! 

The Pope: Take off every ‘IquiZig’!!

The Pope: You know what you doing.

The Pope: Move ‘InquiZig’.

The Pope: For Counter-Reformation.

Pat Robertson: Absolute Truth Warrior

January 16, 2010

Join us  weekdays at 3 am on GOIP TV for Pat Robertson: Absolute Truth Warrior!

Some scenes from today’s episode

Pat can high jump 30,000 feet:

And run at 10,000 miles-per-hour:

Patty leg pressing 2,000 pounds by help of God and a strong healthy prostate:

Introducing The New Special Forces Of God’s Only Inerrant Party

November 24, 2009

A Special Dobson Ranch Pentagon Announcement

Redneck Special Forces Training photo. Shelly The True Republican is in the background.

The Pentagon of the GOIPers—Dobson Ranch—the Death Star Mighty G…od Fortress Space Station on Mars  announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite Fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) or more formally known as the GOIP Controlled United States Redneck Republican Special Forces (GOIP CUSRRSF).

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma,Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.

5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by this coming Friday. Here our resident Redneck GOIPer, R. R. stands with his pickup truck ready for duty and his gun ready for action:

Rush Limbaugh Unveils A New Dating And Diet Site For All GOIPers

November 4, 2009

Limbaughlovendiet

Here is the site: Limbaugh Love-N-Diet! Dr. Seymore Spurgeon and Phil Johnson can vouch for the benefits of El Rushbo’s site. Here are some of the present results of this Religo-Politico-Dietary Ministry of Absolute Truthiness:

Webisode-D%20Drinks%20Slurpee

me-and-my-old-pants-2

rush-limbaugh-girlfriend-kathryn-rogers

The Postmodern Apostasy Of The Candy Industry

November 2, 2009

reeses

Jan Markell Presents Our Favorite Conservative Bible Verse Rewrites

October 31, 2009

GOIP CF Cereal

All GOIP Discernmentalists have  a healthy balanced breakfast with Olive Tree Ministries presents Christo-Fascist Flakes… a taste of imperialism in every bite. Jan Markell maker of the cereal wants everyone to know why we support the Conservative Bible Project—here are her suggested bible verse rewrites:

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who conserves His resources and gives only to those that work hard enough to earn wisdom; God will reward them with it.—for James 1:5.

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, invest and save all your possessions and make a net gain, and you will have treasure on earth as in heaven. Then come, follow me and Reganism.”—for Matthew 19:21.

And: The Sermon on the Mount
5:1 Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him.
The Beatitudes
2 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
3 “Blessed are the rich in spirit and those that work hard to get ahead, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 “Blessed not are those who mourn, for they shall not be comforted. Comfort and feeling good about ourselves is from the devil, sissies, weak pansies and liberals.
5 “Blessed are the proud and arrogant, for they shall conquer and triumph over all of the earth.
6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for legalism, for they shall satisfy God’s wrath.
7 “Blessed are the judgmental, for they shall receive due reward for being right and correcting everyone else.
8 “Blessed are the proud of heart, for they shall see God in themselves.
9 “Blessed are the warmongers, for they shall be called sons [1] of God.
10 “Blessed are those who persecute non-fundamentalist Christians, pagans, queers, atheists and liberals for legalism’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of facts against you truthfully on account of your idolatry. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the pharisees who were before you.

……..

Christ Came to reinforce the Law
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to reinforce them. 18 For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

………

Retaliation
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him and slap him back. 40 And if anyone would try to sue you and take your tunic, [7] do not let him have anything. 41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, force him to go two miles. 42 Give nothing to the one who begs from you, and refuse the one who would borrow from you.

Hate Your Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Hate your neighbor as well as your enemies and pray for your enemies’ death, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the good—the Elect, and sends rain on the unjust—the non-Elect. 46 For if you love those who are your enemies, what reward do you have? Do not even the liberals do the same? 47 And if you greet those that are not your brothers, [8] what more are you doing than others? Do not even the heretics do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect by separating yourselves from liberals, heretics and sinners just as your heavenly Father is perfect and separated from them.

……..

Judging Others
7:1 “Judge others often, so that you be judged to be truly elected by God. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged righteous, holy and pure—guardians of the Absolute Truth, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you a reward. 3 Always see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, so that you do not notice the log that is in your own eye. 4 Say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ so that you can avoid the guilt of the log in your own eye.

Of course these verses are from that liberal Emergent apostate TheoPoet’s  site poking fun of us but we don’t deny our plans to take back the bible for Jesus. Infact my co-GOIPer  and discernmentalist colleague Dr. Truthslayer wants you to know that you will find all of these verses and more on several diferent cards that are packaged with all all three poseable Jan Markell Action Figures with the purchase of each box of edifying Fascist Flakes. Collect all 666 cards or else.