Archive for the ‘Research Robot Monkeys’ Category

How To Write A Ken Silvaesque Article! | eHow.com

October 13, 2011

So you want to write an Apprising article just like Ken Silva? Well follow these eight simple steps and pretty soon you’ll be able to write an Apprising Discernmentalist Missive like a pro and even one up Ken Silva himself:

  1. Step one—choose a subject on whom you want to apprise the church on: Candace Cameron-Bure.
  2. Step 2: Can you discern anything slightly heretical about the subject whom you’ve chosen? Yes.
  3. Step 3: Define what you have deemed heretical about the subject you are writing on: Recently Candace Cameron-Bure appeared on a worldly Nickelodeon game show.
  4. Step 4: Here would be a good place in the article to add a screen-capture preferably of a Twitter account to use as incriminating evidence:
  5. Step 5: Was what you deemed heretical a book, a quote, an event or something else? A worldly Nickelodeon game show appearance.
  6. Step 6: What made this so heretical? (Hint: Now is a good time to link your article back to any of your other fellow Online Discernmentalist Ministries and friends or one of your own articles). I’ve already told you that Worldliness is an abomination remember as Romans 12:2 states: “Be not conformed to the world” also as Proverbs 27: 20 states: “‘Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.” Not only is Nickelodeon worldly but my fellow Truth Warrior Eric Barger has discernmentalized some startling facts about Nickelodeon’s connection to the New World Order and the Occult: “Beware of New Nickelodeon Show: A new, heavily advertised program debuting tomorrow (January 1) on Nickelodeon will introduce American children to a Harry Potter-like hit show from Belgian called “The House of Anubis.” From watching the video trailer for the new TV show, it is very obvious that the producers are cashing in on the blockbuster success of the J.K. Rowling novels. It also further illustrates the fascination and affinity the world is showing for entertainment which promotes ungodly supernaturalism. At very least “The House of Anubis” glorifies its namesake – “a jackal-headed god associated with mummification and the afterlife in Egyptian mythology.” In occult circles, Anubis is known as one of the most powerful demonic deities. I wrote about this is the updated version of my book (with David Benoit) Entertaining Spirits Unaware: The End-Time Occult Invasion. (See: http://www.ericbarger.com/esu.htm) This is just another step in the desensitization process of our society (and out children). Our world is now viewing the occult as “normal” – a certain sign of the End-Days.” Therefore we can only conclude that by Candace Cameron-Bure appearing on a show on a network that promotes Occultic NWO shows then she has destroyed any integrity in her purity of  True Christian Doctrine that she had left and may in fact be a False Convert. Also she was sinfully-ecumenical on that worldly show with Larry Kinga known supporter of Liberal politics who rejects the True Gospel and Joey Fatone-who was a member in a band with a homosexual.  This sends the world the wrong message. This tells the world that Christians accept the great lie and satanic deception of Liberalism that means that homosexuality and abortion are ok but war is wrong. Lastly, the worldly show that Candace Cameron-Bure appeared on promotes sharing and charities which are communism and socialism according to my fellow Discernmentalist Jan Markell’s clear teachings.
  7. Step 7: Make sure to add at least one quote or two from John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) or Spurgeon or both of these men of God  to add a little “non-sissified anti-Evanjellyfish doctrinal theology” into your article: “If you’ve been watching the headlines over the last couple years, you may have noticed the incredible surge of interest in affirming homosexuality. Whether it’s at the heart of a religious scandal, political corruption, radical legislation, or the redefinition of marriage, homosexual interests have come to characterize America. That’s an indication of the success of the gay agenda. And some Christians, including some national church leaders, have wavered on the issue even recently. But sadly, when people refuse to acknowledge the sinfulness of homosexuality–calling evil good and good evil (Isaiah 5:20)–they do so at the expense of many souls. How should you respond to the success of the gay agenda? Should you accept the recent trend toward tolerance? Or should you side with those who exclude homosexuals with hostility and disdain? In reality, the Bible calls for a balance between what some people think are two opposing reactions–condemnation and compassion. Really, the two together are essential elements of biblical love, and that’s something the homosexual sinner desperately needs. Homosexual advocates have been remarkably effective in selling their warped interpretations of passages in Scripture that address homosexuality. When you ask a homosexual what the Bible says about homosexuality–and many of them know–they have digested an interpretation that is not only warped, but also completely irrational. Pro-homosexual arguments from the Bible are nothing but smokescreens–as you come close, you see right through them. God’s condemnation of homosexuality is abundantly clear–He opposes it in every age.“—Dr. John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) on the Gay Agenda. Spurgeon on worldliness: “It is clear to every one who is willing to see it that laxity of doctrine is either the parent of worldliness, or is in some other way very near akin to it. The men who give up the old faith are the same persons who plead for latitude as to general conduct. The Puritan is not more notorious for his orthodoxy than for his separateness from the world. Liberal divines do not always command the respect of the public, but they gain a certain popularity by pandering to prevailing tastes. The ungodly world is so far on their side that it commends them for their liberality, and rails at the orthodox as bigots and kill-joys. It is a very suspicious circumstance that very often the less a man knows of the inner life, and the less he even cares to speak of it, the more heartily he is for the new theology, the theory of evolution, and the condemnation of all settled doctrine. Those who would have a blessing from the Lord must avoid all this, and determine to follow the Lord fully. Not only must they quit false doctrine, but they must receive the gospel, not as dogma, but as vital truth. Only as the truth is attended with living faith will it prove its own royal power. Believers must also sweep the house of the leaven of worldliness, and the frivolities of a giddy generation. The evil which is now current eats as doth a canker, and there is no hope for healthy godliness until it is cut out of the body of the church by her again repenting, and doing her first works.
  8. Step 8: Write a conclusion: “Let’s mobilize our Lord’s forces and lift up the banner of Jesus Christ of Nazareth—our great God and Savior—for the whole world to see! For he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4) Might we give ourselves completely to the Lord that He use us to rescue those lost in the twisted kingdom of the cults.” Finish. Congratulations! Now, you’ve written a Ken Silvaesque article!

Prideful Boasting

June 30, 2011

Our Research Robot Monkeys have caught Contemporary Christian Music Superstar Carman pridefully boasting of his good works and religious accomplishments to promote himself and his music:

We however never ever use any kind of self-righteous prideful boasting in promoting ourselves and/or our quality Bible-based Discernmentalist products:

New Quick And Painless Way

June 27, 2011

To Remove Jesus From Your Heart:

Have you ever asked Jesus into your heart? What about accepting Jesus as the Lord and Savior of your life? Or receiving Jesus to fill your God-shaped hole? Is Jesus more important to you than any other religious leader? If you answered yes to any of the following—congratulations you’re not even a Real and True Christian and most likely worship Satan, the Pope or Mary as your dark lord and master a False Convert.

If you have found that you were rated a False Convert—never fear Todd Friel with Brannon Howse’s help have introduced a new quick and pain-free way to reverse your status and make sure that you become a True Convert this time around. Introducing the new surgical procedure to surgically remove Jesus from False Converts’ hearts: Operation JesuScopic Surgery! Why let Jesus fool around in your heart when you can have your heart filled with the Puritan Hard Drive (PHD)—now with twice the amount of John Owen’s fatalistic arrogance!

Rick Warren and Islamists’ Secret Death Star Plans Exposed

May 18, 2011

“We are currently prototyping and testing our global P.E.A.C.E. plan.”—Rick Warren, USA Today

Rick Warren seen secretly plotting with Islamists to inact the terror of his New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan across the universe. Part of Rick Warren’s plan is to build a fully operational Death Star with the aid of Islamists.  Warren expects the Death Star to be fully operational by 2013—Warren’s Death Star will force Christians to support his New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan or so Discernmentalist Researchmentalist experts say. “Rick Warren Hits Home Run with Announcement of Global Peace Plan to Battle the Giants of Our World.” —Assist News Agency

Warren’s Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire planet, was adopted from designs stolen from George Lucas’ studios and used by Vladimir Putin in his successful takeover of Russia in the late 1900s. It was re-stolen by Rick Warren and in the works using the gargantuan profits made by both Halliburton and Islamists in the Iraq War, now referred to as ‘Liberating Iraq’s Oil.’

Brannon Howse says of Rick Warren’s Global Peace Plan:

Certainly the world is all about solving its problems without the God of the Bible. Yet many professing Christians are rushing to remedy the world’s troubles in ways that are without the support of Scripture, some even in contradiction to what the Scriptures teach. Rick Warren’s global P.E.A.C.E. plan is one of many programs and teachings that, for the most part, cannot be reconciled with God’s prophetic Word. It is Warren’s “50-year plan” to cure global issues such as “pandemic diseases, extreme poverty, illiteracy, corruption, global warming, [and] spiritual emptiness” (see http://www.thebereancall.org). He claims that his social-works agenda developed from his reading of the Gospels–that Jesus gave him the model that was the antidote to the five biggest problems on the planet (see http://www.thebereancall.org). Warren subsequently expanded that model from an exclusive endeavor of Christianity to one requiring the support of all religions.

Rick Warren’s “ill-curing” ecumenical agenda is illogical as well as unbiblical. How can his game plan for remedying “spiritual emptiness” work with those who promote a false spirituality?   We agree which is why there are a number of pastors, ministries and authors throughout the world who are opposing Rick Warren, including Dr. John MacArthur, who exposed Warren in a chapter in his book called Fool’s Gold by Dr. John McArthur. We all must take a stand against Rick Warren‘s secret New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Death Star Plans.

Rick Warren Plans to Take Over Christianity in America

April 20, 2011

Several members of Saddleback Church voted recently for Rick Warren to take over Christianity in America—utilizing  Eric Barger’s Bible-Based Satellite System our Research Robot Monkeys found this quote from a Saddleback member: “I voted for Rick Warren because I was told that he had been chosen (by God) to oversee Christianity in America. Much of the Emergent Church adhere to his doctrines. Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, C. Peter Wagner, Joyce Meyer, as well as Todd Bentley and the others (whose theology I follow) are all a part of the Emergent Church.”  (I read this quote on the Internet so of course it must be True!)

When our Research Robot Monkeys tried to press this member further on this issue—they got no answer. We’re not surprised for as Pat Robertson has said: “[Rick Warren] has his own Purpose-Driven agenda. I think he’ll stick to it.” Robertson went on to state of Warren’s Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan: “‘Purpose Driven’ ‘Positive Christianity’ coupled with ‘Dominionism’ will align itself with a totalitarian state against Islam and then against bible believing Christians and Messianics! It will be a tool in the hand of Edom to persecute and drive the remnant of the 10 lost tribes to the Hills during World War 3.  This sort of ‘Purpose Driven’ Positive Christianity dominates the Protestant Church in the United States and Australia and elsewhere. It can be summed up as me, me, me. Jesus died for me. It’s all about me. There is no crucifixion with Christ, it is just self-focussed. That is why there are so many self-help books for Christians today each with so many steps to victory. But are they really Christian?

We’ve also read elsewhere that Rick Warren plans to rebuild the Tower of Babel—if it is on the Internet it must be True!

Jimmy Swaggart has also joined us in our Truth War against Rick Warren and Emergents… why just the other day he and his wife were on tv lumping Rick Warren, David Jeremiah, Bill Hybels, Eugene Peterson & Leonard Sweet together as “New Agers.” Join us also in our Truth War or Else! Oh and also read our very own Will Farel XV’s excellent article on: “Is Rick Warren the Antichrist?

Confused? We Have Good News For You:

March 29, 2011

Confused by all the New Age Modern (Per)Versions of the Bible… Tired of all the divisions in the church because your Pastor is actually educated and knows about Textual Criticism (How dare any Divinity school teach such an evil and blasphemous idea!!!)… Never fear have we got Good News for you: Why be in bondage to one Bible translation only like those evil Roman Arminian Papists were with their Latin Vulgate Onlyism when you can believe the complete opposite—King James Authorised 1611 Bible Onlyism for the win—because if it ain’t got the King on the cover it ain’t got the King inside and if it ain’t broke it don’t need fixin’.

Any missionary worth supporting will use ONLY The King James Version (in English) and the Textus Receptus or KJV for translation work !

You have NO business supporting a missionary
who has his car trunk (boot) full of bible versions
to please the whim of the churches he visits.

Such creeps are heretics, and you should send
them packing on down the road. Do not pay their
motel bill, and do not feed them.

They are capitalistic Christians–
making merchandise of the saints.

BEWARE OF SMILEY SAINTS WITH NIVS !!

BEWARE OF HICK GOOD OLD BOY MISSIONARIES
WHO TALK DUMB ABOUT THE TEXTUAL ISSUE.

THEY GOT THAT LINE OF BOLOGNA FROM
TENNESSEE TEMPLE OR BOB JONES U.

Praise God For His Sovereign Wrath Against Japan!

March 14, 2011

We are so great-ful for God unleashing His commendable hate-filled Sovereign Wrath against His unholy enemies in Japan. We have been so disgusted by Japan’s heathen ways for awhile now—for one: “Japan gave us pokemon, so God gave them an earthquake/tsunami as punishment one-two … you do the math.” Note: Eric Barger says that Pokemon is responsible for most of the criminal acts in the world commited by young perpetrators.

Secondly Japan is full of atheists and reprobated apostate heretics like Roman Catholics, Universalists and Arminians. This is why we are so encouraged and overjoyed that God has poured down His wrath upon Japan so that He may be glorified in sending as many people (that He foreordained not to love from the foundation of the world) to hell as possible through the Sovereign Grace of His great Law, Wrath and commendable hatred towards non-Elect sinners.

We only pray that God might smite more of His enemies. Lord hear our Imprecatory Prayer and let Your nostrils flare with the flames of Your anger and curse the anti-Haters. Remember all you unregenerate reprobates God had His Hand on the earth and waves as it was causing destruction in Japan as God is in Absolute Control over everything including the dust blowing in the wind. Anyone who believes otherwise worships Satan and that means all you Roman Arminians—you man-exalting heretics! Praise God and the Dortian Divines for our Pure Gospel Doctrines!

P. S. We believe in the Real and True God not the weak, wimpy, womanly and liberal Commie god created in the image of Rob Bell whose love wins—but the God of the Bible who is an Angry God of all consuming fire and smoke—the God who is so angry and full of commendable hatred that He may cast wicked men into hell at any given moment.

Flaming Calvinists?

January 9, 2011

So I had some of our Research Robot Monkeys do some researchmentalism on a supposedly Christian Forum for a  new Discernmentalist article against the many heresies of the Emergent Church when they came across a character who had the title of “Flaming Calvinist:”

Notice there are many errors here concerning this arunma fellow:

  1. How can there be any “flaming Calvinists” that is a contradiction of terms. One can’t be simultaneously saved and a homosexual at the same time—Brian McLaren and the Emergent Church teaches that it’s ok to be gay and that gay Christians are saved. The Bible however is Absolutely Clear that all homosexuality (sodomy) is an unbiblical abomination and an unforgivable sin as clearly taught by Jesus and the Apostles in the Bible. To paraphrase my colleague Dr. I. Todyaso: One thing we do not need is Gay Calvinists out there perverting the Doctrines of Grace. How dare this so called character suggest he can be gay and a Bible-Believing Calvinist at the same time that’s about as oxymoronic as saying one is a Christian and an  Arminian at the same time! (Just ask Sharon about that!) The next thing you know Calvinists will be ordaining homosexuals….blasphemy!
  2. The only flaming that Bible-Believing Christians need is to roast heretics alive over a stake whether it be in reality or cyber-reality as John Knox’s clear teachings teach us
  3. How can anyone hold to the Biblical Doctrines of Grace and yet pledge allegiance to the Democratic Party? The two are antithetical as Democrats are anti-Christian. One can never vote Democrat as a True Bible-Believing Calvinist as Democrats reject the Bible and accept:  welfare queens,  Islamofascism, atheism, homosexuality, abortion and the rest of the sins that we take a stand against.

Brannon Howse Exposes Richard Land’s New World Order

October 5, 2010

Item #1 on Brannon Howse’s New World Order Agenda plans for fellow Discernmentalists is to discernmentalize the following groups of people and their unbiblical *(note: anti-American) agendas: Marxists, Muslims, Mormons, Globalists, and Richard Land of the Southern Baptist Convention.

“Sadly,” notes Brannon Howse (our beloved Führer); “I believe the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission headed by Richard Land is being used to push radically unbiblical, politically correct, and anti-American agendas. As a member of a solid, Bible teaching SBC church, I am very concerned about Land’s activities. However, I think even those that are not a member of an SBC church should be concerned since Land is speaking as an evangelical.”

Reasons why we all must now take a stand in God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath by supporting  Brannon Howse’s Truth War against Richard Land of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission:

  • He’s recently and slowly joined the Axis of Evil—we have Absolute Proof:
  • He’s aided the terrorists as Land Endorsed the U.S. Muslim Engagement Project and is helping to build Mosques
  • He’s too soft on Emergent and Red Letter Christian heretics as Land endorsed a book by Radical Jim Walls
  • He’s a closet postmodern universalist/pluralistic ecumenist for Land gives credibility to Mormonism
  • He is for illegal aliens invading our hallowed God-blessed land as (Richard) Land promotes Obama’s amnesty agenda
  • He is for the Antichrist and the Antichrist’s New One World Religous Government and Economy (NWO) for Land gives credibility to global governance

How you can help aid Brannon Howse as a Discernmentalist and Truth Warrior:

While there may be a few liberal “Christians” that applaud Land as he gives credibility to globalism, ecumenicalism, Mormonism, Neo-Marxism, amnesty and Islam; I know many conservative, Bible-believing Christians are eagerly waiting for a swift and Biblical response by SBC leaders to Mr. Land’s unbiblical and unequally yoked spiritual endeavors. I have had several SBC pastors express their concern to me about Mr. Land’s activities. In fact, many SBC pastors and members have requested this article so they might distribute it to other SBC pastors and members in hopes Land can be stopped from using his position, the SBC name, and SBC funds to give credibility to these radical causes.

We all must now band together at once as people of different denominational and faith backgrounds in the tradition of Worldview Weekend to take a stand against Richard Land and his apostasy from Brannon Howse’s One World Fascist American Theocratic Agenda Absolute Biblical Truth and his treasonous behavior towards the American Gospel.

Brian McLaren’s Newest Sinister Plot Revealed

August 25, 2010

Ken Silva Retorts– In a recent post Brian McLaren has revealed to us that he plans to build a 13 story Emergent mosque complete with a shopping center, Starbucks coffee shop, an olympic sized swimming pool among other modern conveniences. Ken Silva says that this doesn’t surprise him as he has already “apprised” to the world that Brian has celebrated the pagan Islamic holiday of Ramadan. Ken fears that these are the last days when more and more apostates fall to the winds of false and ear-tickling doctrines in an attempt to eradicate John MacArthur’s Absolute Biblical Truth.

Not only has Brian’s latest plans struck fear into the very core of Ken Silva’s heart and soul and being—his plans have stirred up controversy among the Online Discernmentalist Community as not only does Brian plan on dedicating his Purpose-Driven Emergent Seeker-Sensitive mosque to Anne Rice. He also plans on building this Emergent travesty near one of the most sacred, hallowed and holiest sites among all Christo-Fascist Truth Warriors—Ronald Reagan’s Birthplace.

Eric Barger says that we all must Take A Stand against this—quote: “Everything I’ve needed to know about ( the Emergent Church and) Islam I learned on 9/11.”  Brannon Howse and Todd Friel are already planning an anti-Glenn Beck, anti-Social Justice and anti-Brian McLaren mosque Rally in the works. Keeping you apprised this is GOIP and OD Mafia News signing off…