Archive for the ‘Redneck GOIPers’ Category

New Quick And Painless Way

June 27, 2011

To Remove Jesus From Your Heart:

Have you ever asked Jesus into your heart? What about accepting Jesus as the Lord and Savior of your life? Or receiving Jesus to fill your God-shaped hole? Is Jesus more important to you than any other religious leader? If you answered yes to any of the following—congratulations you’re not even a Real and True Christian and most likely worship Satan, the Pope or Mary as your dark lord and master a False Convert.

If you have found that you were rated a False Convert—never fear Todd Friel with Brannon Howse’s help have introduced a new quick and pain-free way to reverse your status and make sure that you become a True Convert this time around. Introducing the new surgical procedure to surgically remove Jesus from False Converts’ hearts: Operation JesuScopic Surgery! Why let Jesus fool around in your heart when you can have your heart filled with the Puritan Hard Drive (PHD)—now with twice the amount of John Owen’s fatalistic arrogance!

Advertisements

The Unfolding Saga Of Beck-Gate

May 19, 2010

    

Discernmentalists we are under attack again as usual. This time one of our Pure Schools has let the apostate and non-Christian Glenn Beck speak at it’s Graduation ceremony. Glenn Beck is a Mormon as you know and Mormonism is not only heretical but also a False Religion with an unbiblical and False Jesus.  Why would any of our Pure Schools invite an unregenerate reprobate to speak to the regenerate and True Godly Elect? All they are doing is inviting danger into their midst…who knows some of the audience may really be False Converts who were never saved to begin with and now they may have slipped up big time and have  lost their Sanctification status.

We are appalled at the Seeker-Sensitiveness of Liberty University letting this ecumenical heresy slide. What happened to Liberty’s Godly Stand in our Truth Wars…are they now Emergent?  Ever since Jerry Falwell passed on to Heaven, Liberty has been getting more and more worldly. Why they’ve even let Arminian heretics on their staff—sheer blasphemy as We Know Arminians are unsaved. We must take a self-righteous stand in God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath to put a stop to this.

However we all still must continue to stand against the socialist false gospel of socialist justice.

Our Plans For Big Government

May 7, 2010

As True Bible-Believing Conservatives and the only True God Honoring Republican Party, We stand against Socialism and Big Government— here are a few of our favorite Bible verses which back up our stances:

Ronald Reagan 18:22- Thou shalt not let Communists or Socialists take office: it is abomination.

Ronald Reagan 20:13- If the Socialists and Communists take over there will be Big Government and all will have committed an abomination: you shall surely be put to death. Your blood shall be upon them for they supporteth the muderous buisness of abortion which is a great evil. However, genocide, torture and the slaughter of our enemies both foreign and domestic are all okay in mine eyes for thou must protecteth thy Pure Doctines and my Truth by any means necessary.

These verses set the foundations for our Anti-Big Government platforms. They also set the foundations for our pro-Theocracy and Theonomist/Dominionist mindset. We Know that the big issues of our day are found in the Constitution which is why we plan on legislating these Constitutional values when we take back the White House for Jesus: our Pure Biblical notions of individual morality such as gay marriage, abortion and public prayer. All of these must be enforced on everyone else by our God-honoring Theocratic Calvinist Government. Remember a Big God Government equals happy and healthy families but only those God already predestined.

A Big God Government equals Absolute Sovereign protection for those of us God saw fit to Elect especially after God pours down His Sovereign Wrath upon all of our enemies out of His good pleasure of course. A Big God Government equals welfare for the rich as only we deserve money.  A Big God Government gives us the right to slaughter our enemies eventhough murder is a sin since We are Truly Elect we don’t have to live by the Law for We are Once Saved Always Saved no matter what. So We ask you this is a Big God Government for you? The answer is yes because We already tell you what to think so Obey Us or else.

Lets Start The New Year Off Right

January 3, 2010

Let us  do all the thinking and researchmentalism for you so that you won’t have to strain any of your brain cells. In the words of the OD Mafia:

God’s truth is so fragile we must take a stand in God’s sovereignty to protect it. If we do not, the perverts and sickos of this world will destroy the church. Are you tired of those wimpy so called Online Discernment Ministries? We are and we want to stand up and protect our God and His Truth…Truth is so fragile and if we do not make a stand in the sovereignty of God, the Church might be lost to the sickos and perverts out there who are invading it! We know who and what they are. They are in our pews. They are on your TV. They are corrupting the most godly of things, the Internet!

 This blog is about protecting the truth of God that is so fragile.

What we promise.

To expose all to God’s wrath.

To preach that Jesus is coming back and He is so angry with sinners!

Hell is a real “place”.

If you do not hold to true doctrine then you will be blotted from the Lamb’s Book of Life forever!

Spread the gospel of Spurgeon and John MacArthur (the only truth living teacher of God’s word) to all the world.

 We are tired of emergents, RCC wannabes, Rich Warren, Rob Bell, Beth Moore, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagget, Tony Jones, sinners in general who are not worthy of our God, and anyone that sounds like or acts like any of these apostates.

Meet  our GOIP Bots who assist us in our Absolute Truth War efforts as fully-fledged supporters of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars

GOIP  BOT 2000.10  or our God-Jesus Robot is the latest model in the GOIP Bot 2000 series and assists us in all of our judgementalist needs by helping to pour down God’s Wrath upon all, judging others, frontline defense, heresy hunting, omniscience, omnipresence, fortune telling among other judgemental tasks.  We stole the top secret plans for the GOIP  BOT 2000.10 from Japan. A home version of the GOIP  BOT 2000.10 is now available from GOIP Labs:

Revised:*Here are two videos of one of our GOIP  BOT 2000.10s in action—

When  we asked if Brian McLaren is a heretic he responded “The answer is yes”:

When we asked if John MacArthur is ever wrong he responded “The answer is no”:

*

Finally meet GOIP Bot 3000 which along with GOIP Eye 3 is the backbone of GOIP Discernmentalism and helps assist us in counter spiritual terrorism, Truth War ways, arrogance, greed, hate, torture, self-righteousness, keeping God in a box, Nationalism, burning heretics, among other tasks, etc. Using Eric Barger‘s Bible-Based Mathematics System in which 2 + 2 doesn’t always equal 4 but sometimes equals 10—-here is the logically sound Biblical equation which proves this Absolute Fact: 2 + 2=4 but when turned upside down 2 looks like an inversed s and s looks like a 5 so therefore 2(s) or s + s really is 5 + 5 which means 2 + 2 turned upside down means that 2 + 2 sometimes equals 10—we calculated the technical details involved in the making a GOIP Bot 3000. With Ken Silva’s Seal of Approval  our slave laborers created the GOIP Bot 3000 the top of the line in Truth War Discernmentalism:

This is why we will preach the Good News of God’s Wrath to you and force you to listen!

GOIP Discernmmentalists Uncover A Secret Muslim Plot

December 3, 2009

Muslims are gaining the momentum to beat us to world domination. How dare they! Hear what my colleague in Discernmentalizations Dr. Truthslayer has to say:

“Muslims, within the span of 20-50 years, will essentially control the entire world because of their numbers;” We also believe that Muslims will build mosques on Mars very soon….perhaps even by 2018 if we do not act fast!

This is why we must take the world back for Jesus as we The Theocratic Calvinist Christian Fascist Party (GOIP)  and American Calvinists are predestined and Elected to rule the world—for God’s Absolute Glory—by God’s Absolute Sovereign Decree from the foundation of the world. We Absolute Truth Warriors also need to become more aggressive in our Absolute Truth War efforts against the dark and false religion of Islam. Here Saint John MacArthur explains the True and Pure Gospel of the Truth War against Mooslems:

Der Führer Ron Luce has also ordered us to step up our efforts in our Truth War as he has said that “secularism (Emergent and liberal Christianity) and Islam are almost indistinguishable, in that they’re in this war together to destroy Christianity.” Indeed this is Absolute Truth because our Führer said so and why we must  never compromise on preaching the whole ‘discernmentalist’ truth of the Truth War against all liberal, apostate, heretics such as Muslim-enabling Emergents!

R. R., This Diploma Is For You!

November 24, 2009

We of God’s Only Inerrant Party and The Online Discernmentalist Mafia do hereby award you, R. R., Redneck Republican, this  honorary diploma of academic excellence and achievements in the online world of Redneck GOIP Republican Discernmentalism. Congratulations!

We will now recite your essay that you wrote for your graduation speech:

The Problem with Liberals

…  Grade: A- for suggesting that Liebrals can actually go  to heaven as they are of the unregenerate, reprobated, unsaved, non-Elect sinners.

Liberals are gullible. Liberals are being led around by the nose by the liberal media. Take global warming as an example. Liberals want to believe all of these liberal chicken-little scientists that the earth is warming. The reality is that we are just going through a little hot spell, and they are using that as a trick to have the government control our lives.

We of the OD Mafia and GOIP agree as the earth warming is a Sign of Jesus’ sure return and the Blessed Rapture. Praise God!

Liberals are naive. Remember when Saddam Hussein told the UN that he had no weapons of mass destruction? The liberals and the idiot United Nations wanted to do give Hussein the benefit of the doubt and do an inspection. Saddam Hussein was a liar and an evil man and we needed to take him out whether he had WMD or not. Believing anything other than that is naive.

Yes the UN is the Anti-Christ’s headquarters of a New World Order Of A One World Religious  Government. Evil indeed—we heard from Brannon Howse that Saddam controlled the UN while he was alive.

Liberals are weak. One of the first things our idiot Communist president, Barry Obama, did was close down Guantanomo where we were torturing some of the most evil enemies of our great nation. Liberals are against torture because they are weak. For America to succeed in the war against terror, we must torture MORE not less. We should be opening up a chain of Guantanomo prisons throughout the world. Only then will the world realize how strong we are as a nation.

We know—Dr. Truthslayer warns that even preaching on gentleness leads to liebralism.—Don Jobson. How dare those liberal fools try to turn our Jesus (the True one)  into Mister Rogers when we who are God’s True Elect know that He was like General Patton and General Douglas (John) McArthur.—Arthur McJohn.

Liberals are no fun. Liberals like to point at Abu Ghraib as American foreign policy gone bad. In fact, it is the opposite. During George W Bush’s term, America had the best foreign policy in the history of time. Actually, Final President Reagan had the greatest foreign policy of all time as it is the Pure Biblical Standard for all foreign policy for all time. The Bible clearly teaches this Absolute Truth. Insofar as Bush followed the political Gospel of Reaganism which the Bible teaches, he was okay in our book. However, George W. Bush is a closet socialist and a globalistAbu Ghraib was just a few of the youngsters having a little fun at the expense of the evil Muslims. Liberals definitely need to lighten up a bit.

Amen!—only we Fundamentalists are fun as our system begins with the word fun, whereas liberalism begins with lie.—Arthur again.

Liberals are going to hell. This is a key and critical point. Not all liberals are going to hell, but a lot of them are. We are concerned with your wording here. The reason is that God is a Republican. God wants liberals to fail but he also gave humans free will because he wants all humanity to choose Republican. Here. The ramifications are dire because heaven is full of Republicans and HELL has a lot of Democrats. Liberals need to get their heart right with God. And here.

Actually all liberals and Demon-c-rats are going to hell as they were born unregenerate, reprobated, unsaved, non-Elect sinners and God chose them as vessels of Wrath and destruction from the foundation of the world. However, we True GOIP Republicans were born regenerate, predestined Elect, saved vessels of Glory according to God’s Absolutely Sovereignty. If you don’t like this Pure and Sound Bible teaching—suck it up,  because this is the Pure Gospel. We thought your opening thesis was strong until you fell into the error of the man-centered Grace-hating man-loving romanist papist semi-Pelagian heresy of Arminianism. This is why we had no choice but to give you an A- for effort despite your critical, heretical and soul destroying error.

Liberals are bad with money. The reason that we are in the current economic crisis is 100% because of liberals. Of course, liberals are doing everything in their power to escape blame by blaming tons of innocent people. They want to blame the Fed for printing too much money. Then on top of that, they blame Bush for entering a costly war with no exit. Can you believe it? They think that Bush was not frugal. The reality is that liberals need to own up for creating this crisis so we can move on.

We agree—Capitalism is the Absolute Truth Biblical economic system.—Arthur McJohn.

Liberals hate our military. This one makes me a little perturbed. We owe our freedom and the best quality of life on the planet to our military. It is the ultimate in disrespect. This is also related to why liberals are so weak.

Yes war is God’s Divine Command to His Holy Elect. This charge I commit unto thee, son Timothy, according to the prophecies which went before on thee, that thou by them mightest war a good warfare; 1 Timothy 1:18 King James Bible AV1611

Liberals hate freedom. Liberals want all of us to be slaves to a Orwellian Big Brother government. The government tells us what to do, and we just nod our head like puppy dogs. Liberals are submissive, and conservatives love freedom.

Theocracy is the only True Freedom. 

“A new heresy has been discovered,” he said. “We must stamp out this burst of hell-fire before it spreads over the surface of the earth…. Freedom of conscience is a doctrine of the devil…. Better to have a tyrant, however cruel, than permit everyone to do what he pleases.”

—John Calvin. Which is why we must triumph over Satan’s philosophy of liebralism.

Conclusion. There is more, but liberals should start working on improving themselves as people. It is not only important for themselves but for the nation as a whole. Rush Limbaugh (another one of the great ones) has it right. We are in a battle between good and evil. Right now, Satan is winning and the hateful racist non America Barry Obama is president. For America to succeed Obama must fail. We must unite as a nation again the evil that Obama represents. Liberals repent.

Checked and graded by: Don Jobson and Arthur McJohn, Online Discernmentalists and key GOIP Officials.

Introducing The New Special Forces Of God’s Only Inerrant Party

November 24, 2009

A Special Dobson Ranch Pentagon Announcement

Redneck Special Forces Training photo. Shelly The True Republican is in the background.

The Pentagon of the GOIPers—Dobson Ranch—the Death Star Mighty G…od Fortress Space Station on Mars  announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite Fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) or more formally known as the GOIP Controlled United States Redneck Republican Special Forces (GOIP CUSRRSF).

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma,Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.

5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by this coming Friday. Here our resident Redneck GOIPer, R. R. stands with his pickup truck ready for duty and his gun ready for action:

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer On Vice President Joe Biden’s Murder Spree

November 20, 2009

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer 5:27PM (11/15/2009)

If Bush was the President and this happened all of the liberal ass wipes (pardon my redundancy) would be screaming about Bush; somehow blaming him. Why aren’t your stupid America hating mouths shooting off now when we have this America hating Communist in office???

———

[H/T] Auto Blog

———-

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer On Affirmative Action

November 20, 2009

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer

1:20PM Nov 18th 2009
Hey Jrotced, could you please shut the F^ck up already!! You act as though you are the only one here with an opinion. You call everyone who has a negative opinion of Obama a bigot while in reality YOU are the disgusting bigot. You are to full of yourself to realize it. I myself am a VICTIM of the wretched practices of “affirmative action.” There isn’t one damn thing affirmative about this practice. I was poorer than ALL the black kids going to my school, yet they had the audacity to say things like “all you white people are rich,” as about 30 of them bravely chased me to my home in the projects. I was not considered for promotions in my early 20’s though I attended night school and worked hard. The higher paying jobs went to the Hispanics and Blacks with ABSOLUTELY NO COLLEGE; and they were fresh off the street. A young black lady in the H.R. dept. admitted this to me. This happened to many of my friends as well. I could go on and on with MANY atrocious stories, but the only stories YOU would be interested would be the stories of the struggles of a black man. WHY? Because YOU are a BIGOT!!!!!!!!
———–
———–

Our Standard Nationalist Flags

November 20, 2009

Our Party’s Nationalist Flag—soon to be the sole and official flag of God’s Chosen NationAmerica:

The Personal Flag Standard Of  Our Beloved  FührerRon Luce: