Archive for the ‘recession’ Category

Jim Wallis’ Secret Communist Marxist Manifesto Discovered

February 24, 2010

Adolf Howse and his researchmentalists team have discovered  Jim Wallis’ Secret Communist Marxist Manifesto hidden in a Texas bus station locker somewhere. Above you can see how menacing and evil looking it is. How it got there, who really planted it and why it is in German (Adolf Howse’s favorite language besides Bible-Based English/slander) we don’t really know?

Although Dr. Truthslayer has theorized that Jim Wallis was trying to cover up Adolf Howse’s slander lies libel expose on Wallis. Dr. I. Todyaso agreed as did Dr. Arthur McJohn. Dr. Will Farel XV however was under the opinion that there was a secret code hidden in the German vowels. Erich Badger is now working around the clock with our affectionate Uncle Ken Silva’s help in trying to crack any secret codes in it if they really are there.

Jan Markell and Doug Parris have pledged their undying support in our Absolute Truth War ways of slander, hatred, bigotry, misrepresentation and arrogance calling Red-Letter and Emergent Christians to repent of the truth their anti-Capitalism, anti-America and anti-American Gospel ways. All we can say is thank God and Ronald Reagan for Adolf Howse’s saving the Southern Baptist Convention from their sure destruction by Jim Wallis–otherwise Prestonwood Baptist Church may have had to hear such biblical unbiblical messages as this:

Todd Friel’s Secret Prosperity Agenda

February 23, 2010

As we all know Todd Friel (Wretched)’s phone number for his show is 1-800-LAW-GRACE—clearly he isn’t original as the  Litigation Funding for Potential Plaintiffs, Plaintiffs, and Attorneys’ phone number is 1-800-LAW-CASH. This may not look too concerning at first but upon further discernmentalization we have come to the conclusion by our perfect osmosis that Todd is secretly supporting the Prosperity Gospel. Clearly his slippery-slope of using the same  phone number as worldly and legal cash-fiends, ambulance chasing sharks and money sniffing bloodhounds is a secret code for his support of Prosperity teaching. This must have something to do with it as our Research Robot Monkeys have cracked the code. We Know! We have Absolute Proof—just look at what he’s hawking on his site:

Only a true Prosperity teacher would try to sell you something to make money off of the Gospel or endorse products for the Gospel like those Emergents do. We Know because we see all with our Bible-Based omniscience and osmosis.

P. S. Remember to give Todd Friel a call but before you do buy at least ten of his products to support him and his ministry of dividing the church and bless him financially in his Truth War ways.

Ken Silva Contracts A Rare Emergent Virus

February 21, 2010

Yesterday Ken Silva contracted the rare hideous and disfiguring Emergent virus: Calvini sincerus doxolatroum vitare. This caused him to attack God’s Absolute Sovereignty and utter such an unReformed statement as this:

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR UNLEASHING THE EMERGING CHURCH VIRUS EMBED CODE?

We Know who is responsible and the Pure Reformed answer is:

God from all eternity, did, by the most wise and holy counsel of His own will, freely, and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to pass yet so, as thereby neither is God the author of sin, nor is violence offered to the will of the creatures; nor is the liberty or contingency of second causes taken away, but rather established.
Westminster Larger Catechism Q3

That means that God is responsible and the One who caused from the Foundation of the World the UNLEASHING of  THE EMERGING CHURCH VIRUS which Ken Silva contracted. We all are now praying for Ken Silva to be healed and get well from such a dark and reprobated illness so that he can return to his ole Deformed Purely Reformed, Emergent-bashing and Discernmentalist self.

Obama Is The Anti-Christ And Hates America

October 29, 2009

hitler

Recently  our resident Redneck GOIPers discovered shocking evidence that proves once and for all without a shadow of a doubt that Obama is the political anti-Christ. We’ve known all along that he hates America, our Rite to theocracy and Our God-ordained Holy Republican American Reich so this is no surprise. Also Obama wants to hand America over to Canada a nation run by satanists that is his evil plan in destroying our God-ordained and God Chosen Nation. Here is what “RR” has to say:

I admire Glen Beck with every fiber of my being for going on national television and calling the president a racist with a deep seated hatred toward white people. Beck is so right, but the only problem is that he doesn’t go far enough. Obama hates Americans, and the country we live in. Hate is too soft a word. Obama loathes each and every citizen with a hate that few people can comprehend. The man is full of hate.

There have been blogs that compare Obama to Hitler, but that is going easy on Hitler. Hitler at least was doing what he felt, however misguided, was in the best interest of the German people. Obama is doing the opposite. He wishes only harm and misery on the American people. That is his goal, and we are seeing his hateful scheme unfold before our very eyes.

Obama’s plan is to create a humongous socialist government. Each and every American will become wholly independent on Obama’s Big Brother, Orwellian government. Only Obama will decide who will be happy and sad. Only Obama will determine who will be successful and who will fail. All the power will go into his hands. Of course, one element of this evil plan is universal health care. Like Sarah Palin said, there will be death panels that determine who will live and who will die. And die we will. Mainly white people. Same as the Jews during Hitler’s regime, but instead of gas chambers, Obama will use universal health care.

When one thinks of the most evil people in the history of the world, Obama tops them all. On 9/11/2001, Osama Bin Laden killed brazenly 3000 innocent Americans. Obama wants to kill a lot more than 3000.

 

I and Ken Silva agree that it is offensive to Hitler to compare Obama to him as Hitler is our Führer Ron Luce’s hero. Ingrid “Eva Braun” Schlueter also adds that we must Take America back by force in order to establish our theocratic dominion.

A Typical Seeker-Sensitive Emergent Wedding

October 15, 2009

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Here is what the caption read: In a hurry to get married but can’t beat the recession blues with recession prices. Never fear the Emergent church is now offering cut-price wedding ceremonies. We’re now offering you 99 cent weddings instead of our usual rate of $2. You’re sure to get a bang for your buck—guaranteed!

What blasphemous sinful pride against our Divine Sovereign Hateful God of Wrath and our Pure Inerrant Wedding Doctrines.