Archive for the ‘Pyros’ Category

Pope Pyro the First says: “Education Smeducation!”

April 20, 2019

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Our Illustrious Infallible Grand Poobah the Most Inerrant Most Holy Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) decrees: “Education smeducation…students keep your mouth shut…I am the Master and you barely worthy to sit at my anointed feet of discernmentalism…I have no need of degrees as  I already know all Truth. Did Paul have a  degree? Did Spurgeon? For I was personally appointed by God to lead the Truth War and spread disimformation slander discernmentalism. I know all Truth and history as I was there.”

Elsewhere Phil Johnson aka Hugh Jass noted that our Holy mecca Vatican school University of Discernmentalism is under attack:

Pastor John MacArthur has described the probation of his Master’s University and Seminary by an accrediting agency as an “orchestrated” attack, possibly by Satan, and directed students to keep quiet about the controversy.

A Nov. 29 report from the Chronicle of Higher Education published an audio recording of an hourlong sermon from August wherein the 79-year-old Reformed pastor told the student body that their accreditor’s actions amounted to an effort “orchestrated, if not by humans, by Satan himself.”

MacArthur also told students not to ask questions about the accreditation issues, they had no right to learn the details, and that it was not their responsibility.

“There are things that God hates, right?” he said, referencing Proverbs 6. “One of them is the one who stirs up strife,” he said, urging students to keep their complaints within the university and seminary.

“Keep your mouth shut,” MacArthur told them.

“Don’t stir up strife. You don’t know the whole story.”

Phoenix Considers ‘Sin Tax’ On Young, Restless & Reformed Churches

April 18, 2019

(From the front-lines of the Truth War)- Frequenters of Phoenix strip clubs aka Young, Restless & Reformed Church-goers might be paying a little more than usual in the future. That’s because of a potential “sin tax,” first proposed to the city government by John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) on Tuesday. The tax would be imposed on establishments including strip club, tattoo parlors, and escort services, and other places that the Young, Restless & Reformed Movement (YRR) frequent to hold their “church” services reported Phil Johnson of Hugh Jass News.

Our Research Robot Monkeys reached YRR Guru Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church for comment on this proposal—he said: “Rats….garbled language….*censored for filthy language*….now I may not be able to continue practicing my Pornographic Divination.”

Typical YRR heathen response: “Smoking and drinking are so much cooler than obeying the rules against such in the bible given to us by the Sovereign decrees of our God of wrath. Besides Spurgeon was a Christian hedonist too so he would be cool with us smoking doobies; drinking hooch and using locker room talk to prove how much cooler than our Ruling Elders and more countercultural than carnal Pagan we are.” Nonsense. That’s why we must be ever discernmentalizing and concernmentalizing. The Truth War still rages on.

Rick Warren and Islamists’ Secret Death Star Plans Exposed

May 18, 2011

“We are currently prototyping and testing our global P.E.A.C.E. plan.”—Rick Warren, USA Today

Rick Warren seen secretly plotting with Islamists to inact the terror of his New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan across the universe. Part of Rick Warren’s plan is to build a fully operational Death Star with the aid of Islamists.  Warren expects the Death Star to be fully operational by 2013—Warren’s Death Star will force Christians to support his New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Plan or so Discernmentalist Researchmentalist experts say. “Rick Warren Hits Home Run with Announcement of Global Peace Plan to Battle the Giants of Our World.” —Assist News Agency

Warren’s Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire planet, was adopted from designs stolen from George Lucas’ studios and used by Vladimir Putin in his successful takeover of Russia in the late 1900s. It was re-stolen by Rick Warren and in the works using the gargantuan profits made by both Halliburton and Islamists in the Iraq War, now referred to as ‘Liberating Iraq’s Oil.’

Brannon Howse says of Rick Warren’s Global Peace Plan:

Certainly the world is all about solving its problems without the God of the Bible. Yet many professing Christians are rushing to remedy the world’s troubles in ways that are without the support of Scripture, some even in contradiction to what the Scriptures teach. Rick Warren’s global P.E.A.C.E. plan is one of many programs and teachings that, for the most part, cannot be reconciled with God’s prophetic Word. It is Warren’s “50-year plan” to cure global issues such as “pandemic diseases, extreme poverty, illiteracy, corruption, global warming, [and] spiritual emptiness” (see http://www.thebereancall.org). He claims that his social-works agenda developed from his reading of the Gospels–that Jesus gave him the model that was the antidote to the five biggest problems on the planet (see http://www.thebereancall.org). Warren subsequently expanded that model from an exclusive endeavor of Christianity to one requiring the support of all religions.

Rick Warren’s “ill-curing” ecumenical agenda is illogical as well as unbiblical. How can his game plan for remedying “spiritual emptiness” work with those who promote a false spirituality?   We agree which is why there are a number of pastors, ministries and authors throughout the world who are opposing Rick Warren, including Dr. John MacArthur, who exposed Warren in a chapter in his book called Fool’s Gold by Dr. John McArthur. We all must take a stand against Rick Warren‘s secret New Age Purpose-Driven Global Peace Death Star Plans.

Think Just Like Us Or Else:

January 31, 2011

Phil Johnson Takes A Stand against John Knox’s Church (yet still remains a good Calvinist)

June 7, 2010

”The typical Evangelical Church has become Weak and Womanly” says Phil Johnson.

In a slur of unbridled and irate self-righteous Discernmentalism, one of our fellow Truth Warriors said of Presbyterians:

I reminded you that Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary is allegedly a seminary in the Presbyterian-Reformed tradition, which would have originally been against giving podcasts to apostates. Following is an illustration of the kind of “voice” that’s been given through the evil influence of the EC…

 In the real world, doctrines that contradict each other cannot all be true; they can all be false, but they cannot all be true. In addition, even though in today’s spiritually spineless visible church you won’t often hear this, both the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church are apostate forms of Christianity. And apparently in the PCUSA one can be a pastor and a universalist; welcome to the very near future of mainstream evangelicalism…

…let’s hope that these spiritually bankrupt mainline churches do…kill each other off…and go back home to Hell.

If that wasn’t bad enough just a few months ago Phil Johnson gave a discourse against “sissified” churches like John Knox’s church:

Phil, our inspirational motivator went on to say:

“Today’s evangelicals seem committed to keeping the church a soft, delicate, sissified environment.”

“Even the tone of the preacher has to be suited to the sewing circle”

“Have you ever thought carefully about what’s implied in just that term (seeker-sensitive)? It sounds like something a weak and frightened person thought up. Where does “seeker-sensitivity” fit into the biblical description of what the church should be. Answer: it doesn’t. It’s a typically effeminate trend.”

In all of those descriptions against those “skirt-wearing” Presbies who have even now begun to ordain gays sometimes against John MacArthur and Ken Silva’s clear Reformed teachings—do we detect a hint of “womanly” whining from Phil? Thankfully Phil saves his manhood by calling the “sissified” Church in general and “emasculated, weak and womanly skirt-wearing” Presbyterians in particular back to their “Absolute Biblical Fighting Fundamentalist Reformed Masculine Truth Warrior” roots:

Here’s the thing: manliness is not about bravado, and it’s not about boyishness. Going out into the woods with a bunch of other men, putting on war paint, making animal noises, telling scary stories around a campfire, and then working up a good cry might be good, visceral fun and all, but that has nothing to do with the biblical idea of manliness.

Real manliness is defined by Christlike character, and not just the Gentle-Jesus-meek-and-mild-style character, but the full-orbed fruit of the Spirit rounded out with strength, courage, conviction, strong passions, manly love, and a stout-hearted willingness to oppose error and fight for the truth—even to the point of laying down your life for the truth if necessary.

That’s what Scripture portrays as authentic manliness, and it’s the duty of every man in the church to be a model of that kind of manhood. Until men themselves stop listening to those who define manhood in terms of beer, stogies, and cage fighting; until Christian leaders quit fooling around with various tokens of artificial manhood; and until Christian men en masse seriously begin to cultivate real courage, conviction, and commitment to Christ and the gospel, the problem will persist.

We here agree with Phil Johnson (aka Hugh Jass) as it seems Presbyterians have gone off the True path that Calvin and Knox blazed over 500 years ago or so. In fact, many Presbyterians now accept Anabaptists/Baptists, believe that Servetus was a “hero of conscience” and tolerate Arminian heresy. Even the RCC has begun to state positive things about the Presbyterians and has begun the process of dialog with them! Or as the great Pastor-Teacher to the whole internet congregation of Discernmentalists, Ken Silva once noted:

The PCUSA has made its choice, along with the ELCA, Episcopal, American Baptist and other mainline denominational churches, taking a stand against the Word of God. In doing so, they have become apostate. Come out from them, separate from them, and join with Calvin, Luther and other reformers who have made a stand at risk of life and limb on the Word of God, trusting in God alone to be their Savior and protector.

This is why we all must come against this abomination of “effeminate and weak gutless-grace girliemen“ like “soft, delicate, sissified” skirt-wearing Presbyterians. Though we must wonder if Phil Johnson really thinks that ‘John Knox’s gospel is still his gospel.’

Our Non Man-Centered Gospel

May 12, 2010

      

We are dissappointed about the state of the American Church today for there are too many False Converts being produced in our churches today.  Millions have been turning away from the Pure Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ to a sissified watered-down false gospel. We are Angered at the American Church’s slide into setting  the stage for the growing  numbers of False Converts by the unbiblical nature of the modern, man-centered gospel American preachers like Joel Osteen, Brian McLaren and Doug Pagitt preach.

We hope that America repents and turns back to our non man-centered Gospel—the Pure Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™. We only Expect you to bow down to a statue of Calvin rejoicing in the burning of Servetus at the stake. We also Expect you to pray in the direction of Geneva 7 times a day. Pray for America to become a Theocratic nation like God preordained it to be. Also We Expect you to preserve, defend and protect the Sovereign Legacy of Final President Ronald Reagan.

There is nothing man-centered about our Gospel. It is simply what everyone needs in order to be Truly Elected unto Salvation: the Simple and Pure Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™.

Terrorist Beard Alert System

May 6, 2010

Frequently we get questions about beards so our very own Dr. I. Todyaso wrote a award winning massive on the subject of Bible-Based Beards which gets hit up very often by those wanting to learn the Absolute Biblical Truth about beards. Recently however the question of terrorists’ beards came up so a few of our Research Robot Monkeys infiltrated secret terrorist bases deep in the mountain caves of Pakistan and elsewhere. Our Research Robot Monkeys with their perfected skills in discernmentalism came up with the above poster in order to better understand the phenomenon of terrorists’ beards.

You can never be too careful about these things for your next door neighbor might secretly be in league with the terrorists all based on the style of beard they wear. Aparrently terrorists dye their beards to expose their true colors and show you their thoughts, feelings and true intentions—but usually if you are close enough to see a suspected terrorist’s beard color by then it is too late. Never fear if you heed our warnings and advice we can help you expose a true terrorist’s beard from a fake terrorist’s beard and a Bible-Based Beard:

Step # 1: It’s all in the dye job but don’t get too close always observe a suspected terrorist’s beard from as far away as possible. Particularly using far-reaching telescopes, Research Robot Monkeys or GOIP Satellites helps in observing suspected terrorist’s beards from a distance.

Step # 2: If someone has a pet name for their beard they are most  likely a terrorist.

Step # 3: Use Bible-Based beard mite identifying scanners in order to scan where the suspected terrorist’s beard mites are from for if the beard mites are from anywhere near the vicinity of the Middle East then we have a match for terrorism.

Step # 4: Terrorists are tricky though and sometimes shave off their real beards and trade them in for fake beards if that happens it becomes tricky to identify them. In order to expose a suspected terrorist then you must discover where their fake beard comes from. If it is from anywhere other than America they are probably a terrorist.

Last, Bible-Based Beards  have already been explained by Dr. I. Todyaso so read his massive on them. Remember that we say all of this in the love of our God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath in which we stand so heed all  of our precautions and remember as the Patron Saint of our Truth War John MacArthur says:

From the very beginning, the battle between good and evil has been a battle for the truth. The serpent, in the Garden of Eden, began his temptation by questioning the truthfulness of God’s previous instruction: “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’? … “You surely shall not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen. 3:1,4–5). And this has been his tactic ever since—casting doubt on the straightforward revelation of God.

Throughout the centuries, this age-old war on truth has been repeatedly fought even within the church. The biblical writer Jude, for instance, faced such a situation when he wrote his epistle. Though he had wanted to write about the wonders of the common salvation that he shared with his readers, he was compelled instead to urge his readers to “contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints” (v. 3). False teachers, like spiritual terrorists, had secretly crept into the church (v. 4). The lies they were spreading, like doctrinal hand grenades, were spiritually devastating. They were enemies of the truth, and Jude was compelled to expose and confront them.

Over the past few decades, the church in the United States has fought this very battle on several fronts. In the sixties and seventies, the doctrine of biblical inerrancy came under direct attack. The Bible, it was said, was full of errors, and thus could not be trusted as historically or scientifically accurate. In the eighties and nineties, the sufficiency of Scripture was targeted. The charismatic movement (with its need for additional revelation from God) and Christian psychology (with its emphasis on neo-Freudian counseling techniques) attempted to undermine the fact that God “has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of Him,” as revealed in Scripture (2 Pet. 1:3).

As the millennium drew to a close, the attack on God’s revealed truth came in a new way. This time the relevance of Scripture was the point of attack. Rather than being directly maligned, the Bible was quietly discarded by church leaders for whom biblical teaching was simply not a major priority. “The Seeker Movement,” more or less advocated limiting the presentation of divine truth to what unbelievers are willing to tolerate.

A new movement is now arising in and around evangelical circles. Now, it appears, the main object of attack will be the perspicuity of Scripture. Influenced by postmodern notions about language, meaning, subjectivity, and truth, many younger evangelicals are questioning whether the Word of God is clear enough to justify certainty or dogmatism on any point of doctrine. Ironically, this new movement more-or-less ignores all of the previous debates. Instead, its proponents are much more interested in dialogue and conversation. As a result, propositional truth (which tends to end dialogue rather than start it) is scorned and rebuffed as an outmoded vestige of twentieth-century modernism.

This movement is very diverse and still developing, but it is generally referred to as “the Emerging Church.

A terrorist just may be hiding out in your church but now thanks to our impeccable researchmentalism you know how to expose them.

Discernmentalist Ecumenism

April 25, 2010

   

We must stand against those who oppose our Pure Doctrines. Certainly even being seen with those who think differently than Us sends a message to the world—a message that says We approve of their false beliefs even if their politics are Orthodox. We must not even look in the same general direction as those who disagree with Us or else people may mistake Us for our enemies. If someone says anything moderately approving of Michelangelo‘s statue of David or the Sistine Chapel, they are clearly suspect of being a closet Pope-worshipping Romanist.

If anyone invites a Muslim over for dinner, they secretly approve of Islamic terrorism. If you like any Elton John song, you condone the unnatural and deviant behavior and immorality of homosexuality. We may approve of someone’s Orthodox Politics aka Republican leaning politics but unless they believe in our Pure Religious Doctrines they’re Pure Political Doctrines are meaningless. We may stand against abortion but if We stand against abortion in the presence of a Roman Catholic, they may think that We approve of  their Dark, Satanic, Degenerate, Reprobate, False and Cultic Religious Belief System even if We agree with their anti-abortion stance as We most certainly can’t approve of anything Roman Catholic, worldly or apostate.

We Discernmentalists are not ecumenists while at the same time We are ecumenical, however, We must be ecumenical in our divisionism and divisional in our ecumenism. Using our Discernmentalist logic which We apply to everything We’ll illustrate this point: When anti-Pedobaptism Credobaptist Al Mohler joins together with the staunch Pedobaptist defender of Pedobaptism  R. C. Sproul in partnership to unite against the Emergent heresy—this is an example of Good Discernmentalist Ecumenism aka being ecumenical without being a ecumenist. Another example is when “Ingrid Schuelter (who may also have Lutheran leanings as she partakes in Advent against Ken Silva’s clear teachings of its Pagan origins)” and Ken Silva agree on anything in order to defend our Pure Doctrines against apostates. Get it, got it…good, because We told you so.

Todd Friel’s Secret Prosperity Agenda

February 23, 2010

As we all know Todd Friel (Wretched)’s phone number for his show is 1-800-LAW-GRACE—clearly he isn’t original as the  Litigation Funding for Potential Plaintiffs, Plaintiffs, and Attorneys’ phone number is 1-800-LAW-CASH. This may not look too concerning at first but upon further discernmentalization we have come to the conclusion by our perfect osmosis that Todd is secretly supporting the Prosperity Gospel. Clearly his slippery-slope of using the same  phone number as worldly and legal cash-fiends, ambulance chasing sharks and money sniffing bloodhounds is a secret code for his support of Prosperity teaching. This must have something to do with it as our Research Robot Monkeys have cracked the code. We Know! We have Absolute Proof—just look at what he’s hawking on his site:

Only a true Prosperity teacher would try to sell you something to make money off of the Gospel or endorse products for the Gospel like those Emergents do. We Know because we see all with our Bible-Based omniscience and osmosis.

P. S. Remember to give Todd Friel a call but before you do buy at least ten of his products to support him and his ministry of dividing the church and bless him financially in his Truth War ways.

Jim Wallis Out To Destroy The Southern Baptist Convention

February 18, 2010

Brannon Howse warns:

One of the largest Southern Baptist Churches in America has invited the Rev. Jim Wallis to speak at a church function on March 9, 2010. This is extremely shocking because Prestwood has a long history of being a solid, Bible teaching church. Brannon has warned for several years that the teachings of the Emergent Church and their Social Justice worldview is infiltrating even the best of churches, seminaries, and Christian colleges. Let this be a warning to every pastor, elder, deacon, Sunday school teacher, and church member that we must be ever vigilant to keep this heresy out of our institutions. We must hire staff that have a solid Biblical worldview as well as have discernment and are well read and informed. Dr. David Noebel of Summit Ministries wrote an article on our website in March of 2009, that revealed the following facts about the Rev. Jim Wallis. Jim Wallis has had relationships with the communist Committee in Solidarity with the People of El Salvador. Second, his “Witness for Peace” was an attempt to defend the Nicaraguan Sandinistas! Wallis, together with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright (Obama’s former pastor of 20 years) “rallied support for the communist Nicaraguan regime and protested actions by the United States which supported the anti-communist Contra rebels” (Family World News, February 2009, p. 7). Third, Wallis and his Sojourners community of fellow-travelers believe Fidel Castro’s Cuba, Hugo Chavez’s Venezuela, Daniel Ortega’s Nicaragua, and the other revolutionary forces “restructuring socialist societies” are the Communist paradises the United States needs to emulate in order to establish “social justice.” Writing in the November 1983 issue of Sojourners, Jacob Laksin notes, “Jim Wallis and Jim Rice drafted what would become the charter of leftist activists committed to the proliferation of Communist revolutions in Central America” (Laksin, “Sojourners: History, Activities and Agendas” in Discoverthenetworks.org., 2005). The ugly truth is Wallis wishes to see the destruction of the United States as a nation and in its place “a radical nonconformist community” patterned after the progressive, socialist commune he established in Washington, D.C., in 1971 (Laksin, Ibid.).”The Sojourners community,” says Laksin, “actively embraced ‘liberation theology,’ rallying to the cause of communist regimes that had seized power with the promise of bringing about a revolutionary restructuring of society.” Clark Pinnock, a disaffected former member of Sojourners, said that the community’s members were “100 percent in favor of the Nicaraguan [communist] revolution” (Laksin, Ibid.). Is this what Prestwood endorses? Brannon says that if they really want to have Jim Wallis speak then at the least invite someone like him to show up for a formal debate. If someone like Jim Wallis can be invited to speak at a church like Prestonwood then it should be warning to all of us in leadership positions. Who booked t his guy and why? What is Prestwood going to do about it and what does this say about the individual or individuals that thought this was a good idea? Is this the type of staff Prestowood is now employing? Do young, church staff members think a guy like Jim Wallis is a great guest speaker because SBC schools are teaching the worldview of Wallis?

How dare they invite  someone who regularly attacks our Pure Doctrines and the Inerrancy of the  Bible. Rhology adds:

Errant, human Scripture. By which he no doubt means “the parts of Scripture that I baselessly believe are not errant”. As I’ve asked many times before (in this very combox, even), how is the Scripture any guide or authority when YOU decide the subset of what is to be followed and believed among the set of all its contents? He has never attempted to answer that.

Certainly we can’t allow those different than us in our midst or chaos and heresy may ensue. Certainly allowing people like Jim Wallis in our churches may cause people to esteem Jesus’ words and hold Him in higher regard than Paul, the Bible and the American Gospel—which is heresy. We Know that Brannon Howse believes that America is a Christian Nation born of God and that Todd Friel and Ray Comforts (Awesome) are  disciples of John MacArthur who write on Brannon’s site.  We also know that they give their disciples John MacArthur Study Bibles and that John MacArthur has said that America was born from the sin of rebellion and Satanic witchcraft based on Romans 13. These facts don’t matter for where Absolute Truth and Discernmentalism is concerned—hypocrisy is Lord.