Archive for the ‘Presbyterians’ Category

John Calvin “Frisked” At Liberty and Grace Reformed Church

September 21, 2011

Pastor Steven Dilday in echo of George W. Bush’s “Patriot Act” opts to create the first ever “Clergy Act” in an attempt to root out all those spiritual terrorists who dare to partake in the sins of the Whore of Babylon—the Scarlet Mother of all Harlots: the Roman Catholic Cult by wearing robes and stoles to preach. Quote Steven Dilday: “this is the most pressing and urgent of issues of our time—we should hold the theology of those who wear vestments in the pulpit suspect.” One of the first victims of Pastor Dilday’s Clergy Act was a John Calvin impersonator who was held suspect for looking too sinisterly like a Jesuit gestapo in his black robes:

We most mightily thank Pastor Dilday for bringing this clear and most important teaching on one  of  “the most pressing and urgent of issues of our time.” Why if a John Calvin impersonator can be held theologically suspect then we must also hold the real Calvin theologically suspect! On a related note—Pastor Dilday elsewhere declared that Calvinists should abandon Calvin for not being Truly Refomed and Calvinistic enough. We agree as Calvin was a little too Semi-Pelagian for our tastes and did not hold to the Truth of the Ways of our Master.

Remember this is a Truth War after-all so we must hold everyone accountable to ourStandard of ourTruth of ourPure Doctrines. Thankfully you have this humble Truly Reformed Bible-Believing Truth War Discernment Ministry to Take A Stand in ourDoctrines on “this most pressing and urgent of issues of our time.” We here at this ministry are all about grace and nothing but Grace… in fact we are the most Grace-loving man-hating site on the net. We would never ever heap the burden of the Law upon you or preach anything like a Works-Salvation unlike those Grace-hating man-glorfiying Catholic-worshippers. We just expect you to keep ourRules lest we deem you unworthy of God’s Grace and therefore unfit for the Kingdom.

So Liberty and Grace To You, God’s Only Elect in the Great Grace of the wide and loving mercy of our Angry God’s Sovereign Hate and Wrath.

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Update # 1: Martin Luther wore vestments clearly he must have hated liberty and grace for partaking in the sin of the Papists.

Update # 2: We caught one of our own Ken Silva wearing a bathrobe… he must be on the Road to Rome. Now we must put his site under surveillance.

Update # 3: Johnathan Edwards wore a clerical collar… a clear perversion of the Doctrines of Grace.

Update # 4: We wiretapped Ken Silva’s phone and overheard Ken talking with Chris Rosebrough (an avowed Lutheran) and Ingrid of SOL/Crosstalk (a possible Lutheran). Now we must really put his site under surveillance as now we really have reason to suspect that he is Emerging into Rome.

Update # 5: Oh horror of horrors… the Ways of the Master himself caught preaching sans coat and tie in a Rick Warrenesque shirt. He’s one step closer to Rick Warren’s heretical Purpose-Driven Agenda.

Beat Your Kids For Jesus!

July 5, 2010

Brannon Howse and New World Order Weekend along with one of our faithful Research Robot Monkeys bring you a matter of upmost importance: 

We must not stand for the UN trying to take away our Divine right to beat and abuse our children as punishment. Remember these Pure Thoughts and Pure Doctrines from our Gospels: Child Abuse and torture are Biblical!

“Calvinism Unnatural”: Gay Christians Say

July 3, 2010

Fellow Discernmentalists…Beware… We are Under Attack again. The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have issued this controversial statement:

We have to continue to witness against the evil of Calvinism and pray that the Lord will open the blind eyes of those deceived by this unnatural behavior. We’re not remotely concerned about being politically correct about this issue. We know that Calvinists have chosen to continue believing in their fatalistic and self-destructive philosophy. We only pray that God will deliver them and change them to accepting their God-ordained Freedom in Christ. Yes Calvinism is unnatural…for who in their right mind would willing comply with subjecting themselves to being a mere automaton slave of the unpredictable whims of a fickle God of Wrath? No we are not robot zombie puppets…after all for Freedom’s sake Christ came to set us Free.   

Oh the horror of such rank heresy and bigoted terms! How dare anyone attack our Pure Biblical Truth Gospel like that. How dare anyone suggest that such a thing as Libertarian Free Will exists…why that goes against every moral fiber of our sound Biblical eisegesis exegesis. How can grace be grace if it is a free gift that just anyone can freely choose to accept and how can grace be a free gift if it wasn’t freely given to those whom God fatalistically pre-chose to give it to? We are appalled that anyone would dare think  differently than us. I mean it’s not like those stone dead in their sins can hear God’s voice anyway. No that would be too synergistic and we know that God never ever cooperates with man in anything. Remember these tried and true Pure words from our Gospels:  “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated”—which we know has everything to do with salvation in Christ.

Getting back to The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality, their attacks have even taken a far sinister turn when they suggested that John Calvin was actually a queerosexual. We can’t stand for this bigoted libel and slander of  ‘a great and holy man of God so greatly used by our Absolutely Sovereign Lord of Vengeful Jealous Wrath without whom we would all still be struggling in the dark ignorance of Roman Arminianism that man-exalting heresy.’ Some members of  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have stated that Calvinists were born the way they are and choose to remain Calvinist and glorify their mentally unbalanced disease:

However the large majority of  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality believe that Calvinism is a choice and that Calvinists should repent of their abnormal, unnatural and unbiblical behavior.  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have even set up centers for deprogramming Calvinists.  We have reason to suspect that the leaders who caused all these recent attacks are none other than Greg McCaw a self-avowed gay queer fag Emergent Christian (an oxymoron if there ever was one)—in conjunction with a heretic named Tom and another fag named Alvin McEwen. Fellow Discernmentalists we must not stand for these bigoted lies against our Pure Biblical Gospel Truth Doctrines—the Once For All Biblically Correct Pure Gospel Truth Doctrines delivered to the Saints like John Owen and Augustus Toplady lest the Church fall into the hands of the Emerging Homosexualist agenda of Emergent apostates.

P. S. We are not bigots for taking a stand against all you Arminian, Emergent and queer reprobates…we are just speaking the Truth in love and grace of course!

Introducing The New Standard ODM Reformed Rating Meter

June 11, 2010

So how well do you rate on our Reformed Rating Scale?

Various Levels of Reformedness (not in order according to degree)

AR – Almost Reformed (has only heard of R. C. Sproul)
BR – Barely Reformed (has heard of R. C. Sproul and thought about buying some of his tapes)
CR – Critically Reformed (more negative than John MacArthur on the Charasmatic movement)
DR – Doubtfully Reformed (only attends this church for the music)
ER – Errantly Reformed (a Four Point Calvinist)
FR – Fantastically Reformed (owns a set of Calvin’s Commentaries)
GR – Grossly Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to date but not marry)
HR – Hopefully Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to marry for his money but you would keep his name on your prayer list)
IR – Incredibly Reformed (even the Session doesn’t believe half of what this guy believes)
LR – Loudly Reformed (maybe right, maybe wrong, but never in doubt)
MR – Mostly Reformed (watches football on Sunday afternoons with the family and reviews the Shorter Catechism during halftime)
NR – Newly Reformed (has recently begun attending a Reformed church and has had to buy a new bookshelf for all the additional reading material)
PR – Possibly Reformed (spoke up once at Bible Church and told to try the PCA)
SR – Staunchly Reformed (can quote limited sections of the Shorter Catechism and the Confession of Faith)
TR – Truly Reformed (has memorized the entire Shorter Catechism and can quote the Confession of Faith by chapter and section)

Phil Johnson Takes A Stand against John Knox’s Church (yet still remains a good Calvinist)

June 7, 2010

”The typical Evangelical Church has become Weak and Womanly” says Phil Johnson.

In a slur of unbridled and irate self-righteous Discernmentalism, one of our fellow Truth Warriors said of Presbyterians:

I reminded you that Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary is allegedly a seminary in the Presbyterian-Reformed tradition, which would have originally been against giving podcasts to apostates. Following is an illustration of the kind of “voice” that’s been given through the evil influence of the EC…

 In the real world, doctrines that contradict each other cannot all be true; they can all be false, but they cannot all be true. In addition, even though in today’s spiritually spineless visible church you won’t often hear this, both the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church are apostate forms of Christianity. And apparently in the PCUSA one can be a pastor and a universalist; welcome to the very near future of mainstream evangelicalism…

…let’s hope that these spiritually bankrupt mainline churches do…kill each other off…and go back home to Hell.

If that wasn’t bad enough just a few months ago Phil Johnson gave a discourse against “sissified” churches like John Knox’s church:

Phil, our inspirational motivator went on to say:

“Today’s evangelicals seem committed to keeping the church a soft, delicate, sissified environment.”

“Even the tone of the preacher has to be suited to the sewing circle”

“Have you ever thought carefully about what’s implied in just that term (seeker-sensitive)? It sounds like something a weak and frightened person thought up. Where does “seeker-sensitivity” fit into the biblical description of what the church should be. Answer: it doesn’t. It’s a typically effeminate trend.”

In all of those descriptions against those “skirt-wearing” Presbies who have even now begun to ordain gays sometimes against John MacArthur and Ken Silva’s clear Reformed teachings—do we detect a hint of “womanly” whining from Phil? Thankfully Phil saves his manhood by calling the “sissified” Church in general and “emasculated, weak and womanly skirt-wearing” Presbyterians in particular back to their “Absolute Biblical Fighting Fundamentalist Reformed Masculine Truth Warrior” roots:

Here’s the thing: manliness is not about bravado, and it’s not about boyishness. Going out into the woods with a bunch of other men, putting on war paint, making animal noises, telling scary stories around a campfire, and then working up a good cry might be good, visceral fun and all, but that has nothing to do with the biblical idea of manliness.

Real manliness is defined by Christlike character, and not just the Gentle-Jesus-meek-and-mild-style character, but the full-orbed fruit of the Spirit rounded out with strength, courage, conviction, strong passions, manly love, and a stout-hearted willingness to oppose error and fight for the truth—even to the point of laying down your life for the truth if necessary.

That’s what Scripture portrays as authentic manliness, and it’s the duty of every man in the church to be a model of that kind of manhood. Until men themselves stop listening to those who define manhood in terms of beer, stogies, and cage fighting; until Christian leaders quit fooling around with various tokens of artificial manhood; and until Christian men en masse seriously begin to cultivate real courage, conviction, and commitment to Christ and the gospel, the problem will persist.

We here agree with Phil Johnson (aka Hugh Jass) as it seems Presbyterians have gone off the True path that Calvin and Knox blazed over 500 years ago or so. In fact, many Presbyterians now accept Anabaptists/Baptists, believe that Servetus was a “hero of conscience” and tolerate Arminian heresy. Even the RCC has begun to state positive things about the Presbyterians and has begun the process of dialog with them! Or as the great Pastor-Teacher to the whole internet congregation of Discernmentalists, Ken Silva once noted:

The PCUSA has made its choice, along with the ELCA, Episcopal, American Baptist and other mainline denominational churches, taking a stand against the Word of God. In doing so, they have become apostate. Come out from them, separate from them, and join with Calvin, Luther and other reformers who have made a stand at risk of life and limb on the Word of God, trusting in God alone to be their Savior and protector.

This is why we all must come against this abomination of “effeminate and weak gutless-grace girliemen“ like “soft, delicate, sissified” skirt-wearing Presbyterians. Though we must wonder if Phil Johnson really thinks that ‘John Knox’s gospel is still his gospel.’