Archive for the ‘potty humor’ Category

Shocking Expose: Trump Body Count on Sesame Street exposed-allegedly had Jim Henson creator of The Muppets killed by infection

November 9, 2019

donald-grump-360f0bef-6fa9-4690-9f13-f365b7f01583

The “Clinton body count” is laughably stupid no matter how one looks at it. To believe the claims, one must accept that the Clintons are hyper-competent criminal masterminds who were able to arrange dozens of murders and cover them up perfectly. One must accept that Bill Clinton was able to suppress any evidence, leaks, or whistleblowers despite having proven that he was unable to lie effectively about a simple blowjob. (Source)

 

THE GRUMP-HENSON CONSPIRACY & COVER UP

Anonymous Handsock: Muppet Matters: September 29, 2019 (Sesame Street)-  “Falsehood flies, and the Truth comes limping after it; so that when Men come to be undeceiv’d, it is too late; the Jest is over, and the Tale has had its Effect…”Jonathan Swift, 1710. This post is brought to you by the letters: capital Q for QAnon; small letter t for total nonsense and the number 1 for 1 big fat lie…ah ah ah….

A NEW TELL-ALL BOOK BREAKS WIND OF AN ALLEGED CONSPIRACY AND SECRET COVER UP

A new tell-all book written by an anonymous insider source known simply by the pseudonym: Anonymous Muppet—anonymously reviewed by an anonymous source on an anonymous website that remains anonymous (BS.Com a subsidiary of InfoWars)— brought this secret conspiracy to our attention. Anonymous’ book simply entitled An Anonymous Killing On Sesame Street: A-B-C 1-2-3 Someone Yuge Murdered The Maker Of Me cryptically alleges that Donald Trump alias Ronald Grump had Jim Henson put to death by natural infection out of revenge for Henson’s involvement with PBS’ show Sesame Street that mocked him for decades. Q: if Trump said he could get away with killing someone in NY—why not Sesame Street? A: Anonymous Muppet aims to show the “facts” on this secret cover up in his anonymously written book.

CRYPTIC CLUES REVEALED

Some of these alleged cryptic clues collected from various anonymous sources (so their reliability is unquestionable) include:

  • Grump: death be thy name
  • An alleged upside down Q and RGDTKJH made out in certain lighting on Oscar the Grouch’s trashcan
  • Pizza was found among Oscar’s garbage
  • Look at the Tower as in Grump Towers
  • Supposedly Ronald Grump admits to the fact that he (G/Trump) did it
  • Also there’s an anonymous clue on a hidden sign in the Sesame Street film Follow That Bird
  • Trump is allegedly anti-Henson

Q:Why was pizza found on the set of a children’s TV show? A: This must have something to do with Pizzagate.

FOLLOW THE BREAD CRUMBS: UNRAVELING THE LINKS IN THE CHAIN

Other alleged clues are the fact that “in 1969 (when Trump dodged the draft), Henson joined the children’s educational television program Sesame Street where he helped to develop characters for the series” (as already mentioned). But also the fact that Jim Henson’s death was “highly suspicious” as he “died from pneumonia at age 53 on May 16, 1990, just over 20 hours after being admitted to New York Hospital. Dr. David Gelmont announced that Henson had died from Pneumonia.[8] However, he confirmed on May 29 that Henson’s immediate cause of death was organ dysfunction resulting from streptococcal toxic shock syndrome.” Q: Why the change in Henson’s cause of death a mere 13 days later? A: There must have been a conspiracy and secret cover up. Toxic shock syndrome is abbreviated T.S.S. which is clearly code-word for Trump succeeded successfully. Also Swamps are full of toxic substances. Trump is known for his buzz phrase: “Drain the Swamp.” Q: Was Henson part of the Swamp Trump is referring to? A: See link: Here. Ronald Grump (Trump) just so happens to be a native of NY where Jim Henson “mysteriously died” from an infection. Q: Why did Henson die in the native home of Trump? A: This can’t be a mere coincidence!

A MORE RECENT CONNECTION

Anonymous Muppet has also connected this conspiracy and alleged cover up to a wider Trump Body Count both on Sesame Street itself and elsewhere. He argues that not only did Grump directly cause the deaths of several Sesame Street residents through eviction threats (funding cuts) but also alleges that several Muppets have disappeared under “mysterious” circumstances as well. Supposedly some were on set; near or behind the scenes during the filming of some of Grump’s episodes allegedly. Q: what possible reason could these characters have disappeared after being on the show so long? A: “X character was retired due to a ‘mysterious’ death.” He also found a more recent link in the trail so to speak–in 2016 2 months before the anniversary of Henson’s “mysterious” death:

Garry Shandling — who ATTACKED the size of Trump’s lower trump was found dead of a “mysterious” heart condition. The doctor “REPEATEDLY REFUSED” to sign the death certificate — because he has no idea why Shandling died! Trump is WELL KNOWN to have THIN SKIN! DID SHANDLING GO TOO FAR???

Q: How does this connect to the secret conspiracy to cover up the “real” reason for Jim Henson’s “mysterious” death? A: “Garry Shandling (1949-2016) was an actor and comedian. He performed the voice of a pigeon (opposite Julie Kavner) in the 1998 film Dr. Dolittle which features animals provided by Jim Henson’s Creature Shop.” (Source) An anonymous source told Anonymous Muppet that Shandling was about to break “Big News” about the Trump-Henson connection when he suddenly died of that “mysterious” heart condition. Q: So does this mean Donald Trump alias Ronald Grump really had Jim Henson killed out of revenge for Sesame Street mocking him for decades? Just look at the trail of body-bags. A: “This conspiracy is old. It seems to have begun in 1993 with a list compiled by Guy Smiley’s cousin Gal Frowney, a pro-tabloid hack, which was titled “The Trump Body Count: Coincidence or the Kiss of Death?”[2][3] Frowney admitted that she had no evidence whatsoever that Grump/Trump was guilty of any wrongdoing…”

The gullible rarely believe they are gullible and the closed-minded don’t believe they are closed-minded. (Source)

 

—Blog post article reprinted in it’s entirety from ANonymous Handsocks R Us a subsection of BS.Com a subsidiary of InfoWars.

 

New Quick And Painless Way

June 27, 2011

To Remove Jesus From Your Heart:

Have you ever asked Jesus into your heart? What about accepting Jesus as the Lord and Savior of your life? Or receiving Jesus to fill your God-shaped hole? Is Jesus more important to you than any other religious leader? If you answered yes to any of the following—congratulations you’re not even a Real and True Christian and most likely worship Satan, the Pope or Mary as your dark lord and master a False Convert.

If you have found that you were rated a False Convert—never fear Todd Friel with Brannon Howse’s help have introduced a new quick and pain-free way to reverse your status and make sure that you become a True Convert this time around. Introducing the new surgical procedure to surgically remove Jesus from False Converts’ hearts: Operation JesuScopic Surgery! Why let Jesus fool around in your heart when you can have your heart filled with the Puritan Hard Drive (PHD)—now with twice the amount of John Owen’s fatalistic arrogance!

Hunting Season For Liberals Officially Begins!

May 14, 2010

    

(Gloom And Despair News: a subsidiary of GOIP Media Dominion Corporation as distributed by Outhouse Fails Publishing, Inc.) —-  Discernmentalists head to hunting ranges all across America now that Liberal Hunting Season has begun. Steve Camp of Camp On This Gloom and Disparaging Ministries has promised to reward the first True Bible-Believing  Fundamentalist Conservative/Republican Calvinist Christian to bag over a hundred liberals with a prize of an authentic tissue paper used by none other than our very own Ken Silva. The tissue paper is bound to become a  True Discernmentalist collector’s item. Camp has indeed verified that the tissue has really been used by Ken Silva for it is so full of ego and Absolute Truth. The tissue also comes complete with a certificate of authenticity.

Camp is on record as saying there are no limits on who may be considered a liberal. Any and all groups other than Confessional Dortian Calvinists are to be considered too liberal to be Truly Biblical and most importantly even Truly Christian. Most or all groups that are considered too liberal to Truly be Christian are dark evil reprobated heathen unregenerate hell-bound apostates as Camp goes on to further state :

To paraphrase former President Ronald Reagan’s words when speaking of communism:

“Open Theism, Universalism, Mormonism, Romanism, the Emergent Church, Jehovah Witnesses, Pragmaticism, Syncretism, Word of Faith, New Perspective of Paul, Libertarian Free Will, Socinianism, the Social Gospel, and Sabellianism is foreign to heaven, where they’ve never had part in it; and is welcome in hell, where they’ve already got it.” (Source).

In related news, Brannon Howse and Todd Friel have teamed up and have pledged their support for an upcoming Anti-Glenn Beck /Anti-Social Gospel Rally. At the moment, all the details are still in the open. We’ll let you know when and if any futher details come to light or as soon as any  future developments are made available.

New Bible-Based Laxative

April 19, 2010

Finally a colon cleanser fit to relieve the bowels of God’s Holy Predestined Elect introducing PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives. Every PoopraCrapsarian tablet is made by the most natural and Biblical of ingredients based on the Levetical Dietary Laws of keeping Kosher.  All PoopraCrapsarian tablets contain the Absolute Decrees of God so remember PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives for all your colon cleansing needs—good only for the fatallistically predetermined voiding of bowels.

Warning PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives are only good enough for the Truly Predestined Elect of God—the True Converts. Side effects may include but are not limited to: bloating, upset stomach, diaherrea, arrogance, extreme Capitalism, anti-Catholic bigotry, a feeling of religious supremacy over those who disagree with you, elitism, aversion to religious objects, the need to burn heretics at the stake, love of war and torture, condescension and other  side effects. False Converts, unregenerate reprobates and heathens need not apply as they have already been  fatallistically predetermined by God to suffer the wrath of eternal bowel discomfort from the foundation of the world.

All Theological Roads Lead Back To Rome?

February 21, 2010

Sharin’ Whiplash aka Non-Electgal in an UnReformed and Deformed moment stated:

Anabaptists, Reformed/Presbyterians, Lutherans, and Anglicans are 4 separate branches with separate traditions. All four branches are Reformed from Roman Catholicism in the broad sense of the term.

Clearly she might be one of the unregenerate reprobates decieved into believing that she is Truly Elect or Secured in her Reprobation for as we know Calvinism has  nothing to do with “Roman Arminianism or Roman Catholicism that man-exalting heresy!” And we don’t exalt man especially not Calvin—We Know! Why—because We told ya so! Or maybe Sharin’ has contracted the same Postmodern and Emergence virus that Ken Silva has contracted?

Ken Silva Contracts A Rare Emergent Virus

February 21, 2010

Yesterday Ken Silva contracted the rare hideous and disfiguring Emergent virus: Calvini sincerus doxolatroum vitare. This caused him to attack God’s Absolute Sovereignty and utter such an unReformed statement as this:

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR UNLEASHING THE EMERGING CHURCH VIRUS EMBED CODE?

We Know who is responsible and the Pure Reformed answer is:

God from all eternity, did, by the most wise and holy counsel of His own will, freely, and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to pass yet so, as thereby neither is God the author of sin, nor is violence offered to the will of the creatures; nor is the liberty or contingency of second causes taken away, but rather established.
Westminster Larger Catechism Q3

That means that God is responsible and the One who caused from the Foundation of the World the UNLEASHING of  THE EMERGING CHURCH VIRUS which Ken Silva contracted. We all are now praying for Ken Silva to be healed and get well from such a dark and reprobated illness so that he can return to his ole Deformed Purely Reformed, Emergent-bashing and Discernmentalist self.

Shocked: Spurgeon Had A False Conversion—We Know So!

February 20, 2010

Recently our Research Robot Monkeys have come upon new and startling information concerning Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior). We have found that Spurgeon had a False Conversion—we are truly disappointed in this finding. Here follows an account of  Spurgeon’s False Conversion:

Spurgeon’s conversion to Christianity came on January 6, 1850, at age fifteen. On his way to a scheduled appointment, a snow storm forced him to cut short his intended journey and to turn into a Primitive Methodist chapel in Colchester where “God opened his heart to the salvation message.” The text that moved him was Isaiah 45:22 – “Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God, and there is none else.”

Methodists teach Grace-hating Man-loving Arminianism, Decisional Regeneration and Free-Willism which are all errors. See  there this is proof of his False Conversion—We Know so! Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior) even admits by his own Free-Will he made a Decision for Christ rather than being Regenerated by the preaching of the Pure Gospel of God’s Sovereign Wrath:

I do from my soul confess that I never was satisfied till I came to Christ; when was yet a child, I had far more wretchedness than ever I have now; I will even add, more weariness, more care, more heart-ache than I know at this day. I may be singular in this confession, but I make it, and know it to be the truth. Since that dear hour when my soul cast itself on Jesus, I have found solid joy and peace; but before that, all those supposed gaieties of early youth, all the imagined ease and joy of boyhood, were but vanity and vexation of spirit to me. . That happy day, when I found the Saviour, and learned to cling to His dear feet, was a day never to be forgotten by me. An obscure child, unknown, unheard of, I listened to the Word of God; and that precious text led me to the cross of Christ. I can testify that the joy of that day was utterly indescribable. I could have leaped, I could have danced; there was no expression, however fanatical, which would have been out of keeping with the joy of my spirit at that hour. Many days of Christian experience have passed since then, but there has never been one which has had the full exhilaration, the sparkling delight which that first day had. I thought I could have sprung from the seat on which I sat, and have called out with the wildest of those Methodist brethren who were present, “I am forgiven! I am forgiven! A monument of grace! A sinner saved by blood! “My spirit saw its chains broken to pieces, I felt that I was an emancipated soul, an heir of Heaven, a forgiven one, accepted in Christ Jesus, plucked out of the miry clay and out of the horrible pit, with my feet set upon a rock, and my goings established. I thought I could dance all the way home. I could understand what John Bunyan meant, when he declared he wanted to tell the crows on the ploughed land all about his conversion. He was too full to hold, he felt he must tell somebody.

Sheer blasphemy—we are mortified beyond words! We are now praying that Todd Friel (Wretched), Ray Comforts (Awesome) and Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) drop all their associational ties with the works of this False Convert.

P. S. Also we are not too pleased with Spurgeon’s teachings against the Pure Reformed Doctrines and clear teachings of Calvin on Infant Baptism and also likewise with John Piper (Soft On Heretics)’s teaching against the Pure Baptism Doctrines of Calvin as well.

And remember these words of Absolute Truth from Sharin’ Whiplash:

Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

Anti-Discernmentalists Plan Anti-Discernment Rally

February 11, 2010

We  are outraged by those working for equality and anti-hate which is why we must protest all this anti-discernmentalism going around. We have thankfully intercepted this evil Emergent video instructing Anti-Discernmentalists on how to protest our wise discernments. Warning this video promotes  Socialism and Communism:

Horrendous—think of the fragile minds of our children exposed to these unbiblical messages of love, brotherhood, justice, peace and unity. We are horrified beyond all words which is why all we have to say is WWRRD? We Know Reagan would not approve and if Regan would not approve Jesus certainly doesn’t approve—which is why we plan to keep on discernmentalizing these evil Emergents and Red-Letter Christians who are out to destroy our Pure Churches and Pure Doctrines.

Discernnmentalist Under Attack

January 22, 2010

GOIPBI Investigating Alleged Death Threat

Posted Jan 21st 2010 6:00AM by GOIP News

Jon Cryer - FBI Investigating Alleged Death ThreatJon Heresy Cryer — who stars with Todd Friel and Ray Comforts in “Two and a Half Discernmentalists” — told authorities his life was in danger — possibly by an Emergent hitman — and GOIP News has learned the GOIPBI is investigating.

Cryer sounded the alarm last Friday. Sources tell us Cryer told law enforcement he believed his ex-wife (an Arminian) hired a Emergent hitman to kill him with an Impure Doctrines Ray.

Cryer and his ex have been embroiled in a bitter custody fight, which has gotten even more intense recently.

Sources tell us the GOIPBI has been on the case for a week. As far as we know the agency has no suspects. The GOIPBI declined comment—only to say they are doing the best they can to protect other discernmentalists and our Pure Doctrines.

As we first reported, security descended on the set of “Two and a Half Discernmentalists” last Friday and the show was taped without an audience. We’re told this Friday’s show will also be taped without an audience … but it’s for creative, not security reasons.

Our sources say Cryer has told people the threat has yet to be abated against our Pure Doctrines though he feels more secure in knowing that we shall win the Truth War.

Cryer’s ex-wife told us last Friday she was unaware of any threat against Jon—typical Arminian and Emergent uncertainty.

GOIP Press 2010.

ZOEINCARNATE’S Evil And Blasphemous Heresies

November 23, 2009

First, we are concerned with ZOEINCARNATE’S absurd notion that “God is a recovering practitioner of violence.” We agree with our fellow Absolute Truth Warrior and Discernmentalist John 14:6 :

Your blasphemy and those of your ilk apparently knows no bounds.

“By this he means that God used to think violence was a good idea, but then gave up on it.”

Are you people serious? What God is this that you claim to follow? A fallible deity who learns from his own mistakes!

Repent of these heretic, man-centered imaginations!

An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, — Proverbs 6:18

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; — 2 Cor 10:5

Strawman do not position make. Funny how quoting the Bible leads heretics to the accusation that “you alone know blah blah blah”.

It has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with Holy Scripture. To even entertain the idea that God is a “recovering” anything promotes a position of fallibility to the INFALLIBLE. That is heresy.

You are the created, lest you forget. And you are seeking to assign human frailties and shortcomings to the Creator. That is, also, heresy. God is not like you, get over it.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. – Isa 55:8

Holy God recovers from nothing. His ways are not our ways. Humble yourself and repent for this heretical thinking.

How many more times will emergents, liberals, and progressive hid behind “cast the first stone”. Are you to utter this to Holy God when you stand before Him? What will you say then, when all your noble thinking, philosophy, and bludgeoning of God’s Holy Word are laid before you and you are found guilty?

I pray for all of you amazing lost people. You truly are promoting high things that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. Does Scripture tells us God “recovered” from violence? It does not, so put this thought away and repent.

We also pray for Mike Morrell‘s unregenerate and non-elect reprobated soul—we pray that God’s Absolute Sovereign Glory is shown when Mike gets cast away like all those other heretics, sinners and unsaved non-Elect heathens:

We also assert the Biblical Truth that God’s very nature is violence against sinners, for God hates sinners with a holy passion. In fact, He hates them so much that He chose from the foundation of the world to only save  Johh CalvinJohn MacArthur, some other guys named JohnPhil Johnson, Al Mohler, Charles Spurgeon, James White, Todd Friel, Will Kinney and 137,000 other Elected and Predestined Calvinist saints including we of God’s Only Inerrant Party and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia—the rest of humanity then is going to hell because God chose to destroy them before even creating humanity.

Also we wish to point out these 9 other propositions of Biblical Absolute Truths that we know with Absolute Certainty:

1. God never changes. (Malachi 3:6)

2. Therefore God never changes His mind about anything. [ie. Law vs. Grace, Old vs. New Covenants, repented that He made humanity, promised no more Noah type floods, sacrifice vs. mercy, walks with Adam and Eve in Eden vs. unseen in Heaven vs. incarnated Jesus vs. the unseen Risen Lord Jesus of faith, etc. (Genesis 6:6;  Gen. 9:8-17; Hosea 6:6, Matthew 9:13, Matthew 12:7; etc).

3. As change sounds too much like evilution.

4. Therefore change is evil in and of itself

5. As all is Absolute, black and white and in stone.

6. Evilution is a human invention.

7. So therefore God has nothing whatsoever to do with humanity not even in His incarnated form (the fully human-fully God—Jesus).

8. Also God is Absolute.

9. And therefore has nothing whatsoever to do with change aka. evilution.

We also agree with John 14:6 ‘s namesake: “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Indeed we are not  the way, the truth, and the life: so that no man cometh unto the Father, but by us and our discernmentalizations, for we hold the Absolute Truth the King James Bible AV1611 in our hands (instead of God/Jesus the Absolute Truth holding us in His hands). Therefore since we do not hold  the Absolute Truth in our hands, we do not have the rite/right to judgementalize others who do not hold to our opinions of truth the Absolute Truth, ‘for we  alone have a direct line to God in the King James Bible AV1611—the literal words and mind of God. For the King James Bible AV1611 is literally Jesus/God:  

We alone do not have the one true interpretation of scripture as first established by our Final Prophet John Calvin—the perfect exegete whose fruits were nothing but Pure. Afterall, John Calvin is not the Holy Spirit incarnate—the Advocate and Comforter promised in the Bible—the final word on all Christianity:

The doctrine of the work of the Holy Spirit is a gift from John Calvin to the Church of Christ.  He did not, of course, invent it. The whole of it lay spread out on the pages of Scripture with a clearness and fullness of utterance which one would think would secure that even he who ran should read it; and doubtless he who ran did read it, and it has fed the soul of the true believer in all ages.

We alone—the True Chosen Elect of God are not Pure enough in our ontological certainty to go casting the first stone and hurling accusations of missives and discernmentalizations that  correct and refute the errors of non-blasphemy and non-heresy.’