Archive for the ‘Pentacostals/Charismatics/Tounge-babblers’ Category

Joel Osteen Threatens Bible-readers with unbiblical toothpaste!

May 14, 2019

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We can’t say we are shocked at this horror as we’ve been apprising you of the hideousness of all these seeker-driven Emergents out there living as though God has a plan and purpose for their lives. In Joel Osteen’s latest attack on Bible-readers he unveiled his apostate unbiblical toothpaste and threatened to brush the teeth of anyone who dared open their Bibles. If he would only let them read their Bible then they would know: The Bible contains all the wisdom man needs for solving all the spiritual struggles, problems, and issues of life.

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia is now offering Bible Studies on how to prevent tooth decay to counteract this worldly assault on our Truth.

Bible verses we’ve found so far that help us in fighting and preventing cavities; gingivitis; tooth decay and other dental infirmities:

  • 0 Bible results for “brush your teeth.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothpaste.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothbrush.”
  • 0 Bible results for “mouthwash.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothache.”
  • 0 Bible results for “gingivitis.”

This proves how little of the Bible Joel Osteen has read. In fact we suspect he uses alcohol-based mouthwash against our Clear Teachings.

 

Dr. I. Todyaso of ODMafia fame called to fact check Babylon Bee

May 7, 2019

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Daily Bunker ODMs Express— Our very own Dr. I. Todyaso named Head Researcher and Fact Checker for Babylon Bee after they pledged to support us in being #1 in Absolute Truth; Alt-facts; journalism and Fake News in Discernmentalism. Quote: “We look forward to our new partnership in helping us spread our Truth War Pope’s Absolute Truth (PBUI) to more people and helping us fight the good fight in lying; slandering as well as falsely accusing others of heresy by spreading misinformation and made up quotes about them. Before the Babylon Bee there was only us and our mentor the late Ken Silva—we were lone voices in the wilderness calling out all those sliding off the True Path set before us by Calvin; purified by the Puritans and perfected by our Pope John MacArthur (PBUH). We’d like to think we taught the Bee everything we know.”—Dr. I. Todyaso of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia.

Will this match be made in heaven? We can only hope so as more people need to be exposed to the Purity of Discernmentlism’s Doctrines. Certainly the Babylon Bee and the ODMafia share the same sense of humor Doctrinal Clarity in common as this news report of theirs makes clear:

John MacArthur, pastor of Grace Community Church and president of The Master’s College and Seminary, has made a lofty promise to his congregation. He has reportedly committed to building a 20-foot thick, 30-foot high concrete wall around the entire perimeter of the church campus in order to keep out charismatics that might otherwise infiltrate their ranks.

“I will build a great wall, God willing. And I’ll build it very biblically. I will build a great, great wall all around our campus—and I’ll make the Pentecostals pay for it. Mark my words,” MacArthur was quoted as saying Friday.

—Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer for the Online Discernmentalist Mafia on Daily Bunker ODMs Express.

Eric…take a Stand: “Harry Potter=Pornography!”

April 28, 2019

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Eric Barger of Take A Stand notes that all  the troubles in today’s perilous times are the cause of kids getting into Harry Potter:

But I have no reservation in saying that reading Harry Potter is spiritual pornography for God’s people and is akin to spiritual adultery for a Christian.

Nearly everyday I hear someone say “I’m a Christian” but then defend Potter. And we wonder why our homes are deviled, our prayers left unanswered and our finances and affairs upside down? How can God ever bless us if we persist in entertaining ourselves and our families with philosophies that His word calls an “abomination?”

I am now repeating myself from other installments found here on the web site but it’s true – we need to choose who we are going to serve and take serious the command to expose the unfruitful works of darkness around us. (Ezk. 44:23, Eph. 5:10-11, II Cor. 6:14-18, etc.)

We here of the GOIP and Mafia agree as we’ve already exposed Harry Potter’s connection to that seeker-driven heretic Rick Warren’s Purpose-driven New Age Agenda. Clearly this is the reason for all the problems in the world today for as Eric Barger also says:

What verse 32 is saying is that though we are not actually involved with something which God clearly disdains (such as witchcraft) yet we approve of it, defend it, and do not speak out against it then we mightas well just become a full-fledged practicing pagan ourselves and stop beating around the bush. The occult is completely in opposition to God. We know it is totally from Satan’s camp and 100% out of God’s will, yet we lift up Harry Potter as a role model? How can we when millions around us will spend eternity in Hell because of the very things J. K. Rowling has built into her hero character? A great example of Romans 1:32 in action is this…a man caught in the trap of watching pornography, is actually the same in the sight of God as those who are PERFORMING the sexual acts. That makes it pretty plain and blunt doesn’t it?

Yes that’s right Harry Potter is the gateway drug to Playboy and other porno mags. What’s next will Harry Potter replace our Pure Doctrines? Blasphemous…this is why we must continue to take a stand in opposing that occultic pope of seeker-driven-ness and Purpose-Driven new worldliness Rick Warren.

We Are Hardcore Discernmentalists!

January 10, 2011

We are under attack yet again by the world for a Secular dictionary has gotten the definition of Discernmentalists wrong:

Discernmentalists typically focus on perceived heresies in Pentecostalism, Charismatism and Ecumenism, among others. They defend their actions by citing Scriptural injunctions regarding the testing of scripture and cautioning against false teachers. Some Pentecostal/charismatic theologians claim that their interpretations of certain passages have been divinely inspired, a claim other Discernmentalists reject. Many outside the movement regard Discernmentalists as judgmental legalists who have absented themselves from teaching the grace that is a key Christian doctrine.

Discernmentalists should not be confused with anti-cult ministries, which work primarily in alerting Christians to the alleged dangers posed by churches that they consider to be cults.

Some areas attacked by discernmentalists include:

Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ film. Over 13,000 words of rebuttal on one website, on account of Gibson’s Catholicism and other Catholic involvement in production.
– Widely regarded parachurch organisations such as “Promise Keepers”, “Alpha”, “Focus on the Family”, Christian Vegetarian Association, etc.
– The Toronto blessing and similar “hyper-charismatic” movements.
– Many streams of Pentecostal thought.
Denunciation of many noted Christians based on supercritical evaluation of their activities, including those long dead. In addition, reliance upon sole sources of information does not meet normal standards of historical research. Without having in some way been able to record every single thought, act or word of every noted Christian it is impossible to know whether they should be condemned for something they may have later turned away from.

Most discernment ministry organisations are small but have achieved greater influence through the Internet. In summary, the purveyors of these ministries seem to proclaim themselves as ultimate authorities on all of the subjects which they publish an opinion on. Indeed we are the ultimate authorities on every subject that we publish on as we are expert discerners of all things. Note the Absolute Biblically True definition of a Discernmentalist is: Discernmentalist- An expert discerner who knows all, is able to read minds, re-interpret quotes, and misinterpret quotes biblically. Typically involved in the “special ops” of discernment, and has the right to mislead the public when defending the truth or orthodoxy against the unrighteous (ie almost everyone).

Not only are we the ultimate authorities on every subject that we publish on and expert discerners of all things—we are also Hardcore Discernmentalists as we sometimes must discernmentalize our own beliefs to make sure our Doctrines stay 500% Purer than everyone else’s.

Sharin’ Whiplash Goes Contemplative….Alert, Alert!

July 9, 2010

Sound the alarms, we’ve caught Sharin’ Whiplash one of our most faithful expositors of our Pure Doctrines in the midst of supporting New Age Mysticism:

More on Contemplative Centering Prayer:

Centering prayer is a popular method of contemplative prayer or Christian meditation, placing a strong emphasis on interior silence.

Though most authors trace its roots to the contemplative prayer of the Desert Fathers of early Christian monasticism, to the Lectio Divina tradition of Benedictine monasticism, and to works like The Cloud of Unknowing and the writings of St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, its origins as part of the “Centering Prayer” movement in modern Catholicism and Christianity can be traced to several books published by three Trappist monks of St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts in the 1970s: Fr. William Meninger, Fr. M. Basil Pennington and Abbot Thomas Keating.[1]

Note that Iggy the evil Grace-hating man-loving Emergent Pelagian teaches this stuff so you know it must  be heresy.

John Armstrong Introduces A New Sinister Plan To Unite Churches

June 17, 2010

Fellow Truth Warriors who always stand up for Truth—we’ve come under attack as usual.  This time we’ve again come under attack by John H. Armstrong of ACT3 Online Ministries. Note that John Armstrong has said on his blog site:

When I read passages like Ephesians 6:10-20, in their larger epistolary context, I cannot help but believe that the evil one hates it when Christians visibly unite in the gospel and mission of Christ. He loves our disunity and when we defend this present state, and seek to explain it away with our human answers, we may be taking his side in the battle for truth.

See there—he’s saying that we should all just get along and accept and unite with false and apostate churches like the Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox and Pentecostal churches. What’s next reconciliation with all heretics? Can an Evangelical Bible-Believing Sola-Scripturalist be united with a Pope-exalting Roman Catholic Mary-worshipper? Where does it all end? This goes against everything we stand for as John MacArthur proclaims:

More recently, in the spring of 1994, a group of both evangelical and Roman Catholic leaders signed a document called “Evangelicals and Catholics Together” (ECT). This document asserts that there is one Church (including both Protestant and Roman churches), that, therefore, they must work together in evangelizing the world for Christ, and agree that there will be no sheep-stealing, that is, proselytizing of members of one church to depart and join another church. ECT dismayed multitudes of Christians and elicited vigorous criticism from many Christian circles.

There can be little question that Dr. Billy Graham during almost forty years laid the major foundation for ECT. Where will the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association go in the future? Will the leadership that succeeds the founder continue down the same perilous path of compromising and diluting biblical truth until we arrive at total syncretism and universalism? May God forbid and warn His people!

Quite frankly we are even more concerned that John Armstrong attacks one of the very foundational cornerstones of true discernmentalism: divisional apologetics. How else can we tell True Churches from False Churches so that we can practice our doctrines of doctrinal separation without our “human answers” that “defend this present state, and seek to explain it away?” Moreover Armstrong refuses to take a stand in the self-righteous Truth Wars of John MacArthur©®™ to “battle for truth.” These are just some of the more sinister and nefarious plans that John Armstrong has been plotting to unleash upon the Body of Christ laid out in his new New World Order book Your Church Is Too Small.

So what say you fellow Truth Warriors will you stand along with us and John MacArthur for Satan-approved church disunity for the sake of man-made and artificial doctrinal separation, divisionism and self-righteousness Absolute Truth and Pure Doctrines?:

Or will you stand with the Emerging Apostate John Armstrong for God-approved sinfully ecumenical church unity which includes reconciliation with heretical False Churches?:

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Don Jobson and Truthslayer—united in dividing the Body of Christ for the sake of the Truth of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars©®™ and our Pure Discernmentalist Doctrines.

Introducing The New Standard ODM Reformed Rating Meter

June 11, 2010

So how well do you rate on our Reformed Rating Scale?

Various Levels of Reformedness (not in order according to degree)

AR – Almost Reformed (has only heard of R. C. Sproul)
BR – Barely Reformed (has heard of R. C. Sproul and thought about buying some of his tapes)
CR – Critically Reformed (more negative than John MacArthur on the Charasmatic movement)
DR – Doubtfully Reformed (only attends this church for the music)
ER – Errantly Reformed (a Four Point Calvinist)
FR – Fantastically Reformed (owns a set of Calvin’s Commentaries)
GR – Grossly Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to date but not marry)
HR – Hopefully Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to marry for his money but you would keep his name on your prayer list)
IR – Incredibly Reformed (even the Session doesn’t believe half of what this guy believes)
LR – Loudly Reformed (maybe right, maybe wrong, but never in doubt)
MR – Mostly Reformed (watches football on Sunday afternoons with the family and reviews the Shorter Catechism during halftime)
NR – Newly Reformed (has recently begun attending a Reformed church and has had to buy a new bookshelf for all the additional reading material)
PR – Possibly Reformed (spoke up once at Bible Church and told to try the PCA)
SR – Staunchly Reformed (can quote limited sections of the Shorter Catechism and the Confession of Faith)
TR – Truly Reformed (has memorized the entire Shorter Catechism and can quote the Confession of Faith by chapter and section)