Archive for the ‘Pee Wee Herman’ Category

Our Favorite Brand!

May 18, 2019

tumblr_opcrzz24p51qlxixqo1_400

Many of our tortured faithful readers have been asking us lately which brand of mothballs we use to repel the feminists and Mothra’s assaults on our Absolute Truth. We prefer (and Mrs. Jobson has no choice in this): Enoz Mothra Balls. The smellier the better. We’ve found that they also provide extra protection against atheist Bibliophiles harming our children with strange books. Mrs. Jobson has become even more Biblically submissive to my divine authority since wearing a necklace of them around her neck. Thank our Angry God!

Even our Pope of the Truth War (PBUH) doesn’t teach this essential and important teaching for countering the Mothra-feminist Agenda secretly corrupting our churches—so we’re one step ahead of our Dear Leader.

“All this is not limited to liberal churches and denominations, however. Aburdene and Naisbitt note that the organization Christians for Biblical Equality believes, “Women as well as men exercise the prophetic, priestly, and royal functions” of the church. [4](ibid, p. 128, quoted from “Women Served as Priests,” Grand Rapids Press, November 9, 1991) Evangelical churches are just as susceptible to the feminist onslaught. The fact is, feminism has already gained a foothold within the evangelical community in recent years.”

See no mention of mothballs helping to prevent these assaults. Elsewhere our Pope (PBUH) stated: “If all theologians were to follow that principle of interpretation, Satan wouldn’t need to attack the truthfulness of Scripture; he would only have to cause enough confusion over the “hard passages” for scholars to ignore them.”

I’ve made sure to rub our mothballs over any of these “hard passages” that might be misconstrued of even secretly teaching one hint of Mothra-feminist doctrines against our Truth. Hard passages such as:

Joel 2:28-29 New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)-The Day of the Lord Is Coming: 28 “After that, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
Your old men will have dreams.
Your young men will have visions.
29 In those days I will pour out my Spirit
on those who serve me, men and women alike.

Unfortunately Mothra doctrines are hard to spot without the aid of our Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology as Mothra herself as well as her feminist priestesses are said to have psychic abilities. Quote:

Mothra symbolizes girl power, in a variety of forms—from the sonorous and elegant magic of her miniature twin princess allies, to the overt strength, courage, and perseverance of the great moth herself. Mothra also has characteristics of a mother goddess diety, with her transformations—from egg to caterpillar to moth (who sometimes produces a new egg and continues the cycle.) While most of the Kaiju are lone wolves, Mothra keeps up a social network by way of her telepathic connection

Thankfully you have important ministries of dis-imformation like ours in this Truth War to teach you the correct way through mothballs to stop the Mothra-feminist assault on our Doctrines or else the feminists will win and ordain more feminist Mothra-priestesses to serve the Lord and prophesy aka preach the Gospel/Pastor a church. And in the words of John W. Robbins who explains the tragedy of such an approach:

The demand for the ordination of women, as rebellious as it is in itself, is a symptom of a much more serious malady. The ordination of women might disfigure the church, but the disease of which it is a symptom will kill her unless it is quickly diagnosed and treated. That disease . . . is the rejection of Biblical inerrancy.

So remember Mrs. Jobson (through Mr. Jobson’s authority) approved Enoz Mothra Balls—the only way to stop the Mothra-feminist assault on our Truth and Bibliophiles corrupting kids. Even my co-Truth Warrior Truthslayer agrees as his wife now too is wearing a mothball necklace.

 

Breaking News: Our Ex-Leader Deposed!

April 26, 2019

1918497_156438350886_709795_n

Spreading the ODM Gospel of fear and militarism! at Ron Luce’s Battle Cry training camps for Truth Warriors.

“This is a real war… I want an attacking church.” – Ron Luce

In case you are wondering we had to renounce our ex-fuhrer for sliding into  the apostasy of the sissified Evanjellyfish weak wimpy gutless grace girlymen: “…(Ron) Luce painted himself as the victim in an interview with Christianity Today: “I guess we’re guilty of reaching as many kids as we could, thinking our business model was sound.”” You hear that weak gutless spineless response—we would expect that from crybaby liberal snowflakes but  A True Man of God in our Truth War would never feel victimized:

…I don’t know if you’re interested in boxing. It’s a…it’s far…it’s the sort of last most barbaric holdover from the past where you pound people’s brains senseless. It’s amazing with all of the things that people scream about in our society…don’t eat potato chips and things like that…that somebody doesn’t rise up and call a halt to people bashing each other’s brains in on purpose. But as brutal as it is, boxers fight with leather gloves padded to cushion the blow. You should know that, in the days of the New Testament, Greek boxers had fur-lined gloves. There was just a little fur and leather, no padding. They were made generally of ox hide. And stitched into the glove at the knuckles was lead and iron. When Paul talks about fighting the good fight, he’s talking about some serious action. And in a Greek boxing match, the loser had his eyes gouged out as emblematic of his failure.Boxing, to us, is not what it was then. It was a death/life struggle. Serious conflict from which you could emerge dead or lifetime blind. I just don’t think the church understands that. I…I met with the pastor of the largest seeker friendly church, and he said to me, “You know what your problem is MacArthur? You need to lighten up.” And I smiled. I said, “It’s really hard to do in the middle of war.” Fight the good fight. It is a good fight, isn’t it? It’s a noble fight. To fight against the kingdom of darkness with the truth. The only weapon we have is the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, right?

And I think that’s one of the serious problems today, is people aren’t taking the battle as seriously as they have to take it. And He helps us with that. “Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you are called.” What does that phrase mean? He simply means this: Get a grip on the fact that you’re dealing with eternal issues. How can you treat the ministry shallow……in shallow terms? How can you treat it trivially? This is war, and eternity is at stake. “You knew that…He says in verse 12…when you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. You knew that when you confessed Christ, when we were all there gathered.” He’s probably referring to His ordination when the elders laid hands on Him and set Him apart from the ministry. “You confessed at that time that this was a mater of eternal issues. You’re not just slapping people around with some puffy gloves here. This is a life and death matter. Get a grip on it.”

A True Man of God would never run as we are suppose to keep up our good fight in victimizing others fighting for our Truth and the purity of our Doctrines. After all this is the Truth War and we must keep fighting so that we can feel persecuted by ourselves win the war against liberals; Emergents; globalists; socialists; Evanjellyfish and our many enemies of our Truth. What happened to the Ron who stood in the greatness of our militant dogma?  For shame—what happened to this Ron?:

BattleCry Philadelphia was more than just a vulgar carnival designed to suck donations into the coffers of Ron Luce’s corporation “Teen Mania”. Indeed, it had a point, to recruit the future elite “warriors” in the coming battle against the separation of church and state. It turned dark and frightening on Saturday afternoon. After Franklin “Islam is a Wicked Religion” Graham came out to thunder against the evils of homosexuality and the Iraqi people (whom he considers to be exactly the same people as the ancient Babylonians who enslaved the tribes of Israel and deserving, one would assume, the exact same fate) we heard an explosion. Flames shot out on stage and a team of Navy Seals was shown on the big TV monitors in full camouflage creeping forward down the hallway from the locker room with their M16s. They were hunting us, the future Christian leaders of America. Two teenage girls next to me burst into tears and even I, a jaded middle-aged male, almost jumped out of my skin. I imagined for that moment what it must have felt like to have been a teacher at Columbine high school. 10 seconds later they rushed out onstage and pointed their guns in our direction firing blanks spitting flames. About 1000 shots and bang, we were all dead.

What would our most Biblical and most Godly President ever say? What would the late great Pastor-Teacher to the Internet Congregation to the True Remnant of ODM Truth Warriors think?…in fact we already know as my co-warrior in our Truth War Dr. Itodyaso wrote the other day “he is rolling over in his grave.” Thankfully we came under the leadership of a True MAN OF GOD years ago even before Ron Luce was dethroned—who has led us to higher standards of godliness and self-righteousness in protecting our Pure Doctrines and militant dogmas—that True Man of God is the Pope of our Truth War aka John MacArthur (PBUH).

Fear AND Self-LOATHING on the INTERNET…

June 10, 2010

       

Our hero Ken Silva reprises his role in this sequel to the classic Fear And Loathing On The Internet. In this new film fresh off the conveyor belts of the GOIP DVD production lines—Ken begins lamenting the fact that there is  “a growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM) that has crept right into the timid heart of the squishy evanjellyfish church organism pretending to be a True Protestant community.”

Soon this lamenting turns into self-loathing followed by fear and then finally fear and self-loathing combined of which the title (Fear And Self-Loathing On The Internet) of the film is derived. Shortly in the film—in the midst of protesting against “the growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM)” in the church today— Ken experiences a computer crash but manages to send out this message through Discernmentalist Osmosis which is in the DNA of all True Discernmentalists:

Just a short note asking for prayer, particularly if you’ve been blessed by this online apologetics and discernment work, and making you aware that the hard drive in the main computer at here at Apprising Ministries has crashed. Fortunately back problems had forced me to do much of my work from a laptop so the loss of materials/information was lessened. Since our email program went through that now defunct main computer we no longer have access to it so we’ve begun a new email account: apprisingministries@gmail.com. We remain thankful you have been standing with Apprising Ministries through these 5+ years, and thank you for your prayer, as well as financial support as well. O, and the blessing; well, we’re still waiting to see what the Lord has in store through this little bit of a test as we try and rebuild our database.

Fearing for the worse Ken soon discovers that the evil Frank Viola and equally evil Leonard Sweet caused his hard drive to crash through their spiritually corrupt practice of Contemplative/Centering Prayer. Our film ends with Ken pledging to put his fear and self-loathing to good use as he vows to take revenge against Contemplative/Centering Prayer and the “sinfully-ecumenical” Purpose-Driven and Contemplative-driven Emerging/Emergent Church and “po-mo Christian” sinners in general by using big TRUTH WARRIOR words such as “gutless crybaby,” “spineless” and “sissified jellyfish” even more than he did in the first film or does now.

On a happier note Ken also reinstated his offer to make good on his vow to donate a “spine” and “Backbone”  to any apostate heretic that would repent and believe upon the Pure and True Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and Biblical American values such as capitalism and war so that this film could have a happier ending than the first one.

New World Order Weekend Notes The Wrong Person

March 24, 2010

Using the Discernmentalist art of Connecting the Dots, New World Order Weekend notes the wrong person:

(Above) is a clipping from a July 1982 DSA newsletter, listing the three Religion and Socialism Commission co-chairs. Note the center name Jim Wallace. Spelled differently, but is this a typo? Note the address – Quincy Street – one of five streets running through Columbia Heights in Washington D.C. Was this actually Barack Obama’s future spiritual adviser?

Applying the same principle of Discernmentalist Connect The Dots—we have discernmentalized the following facts: Anyone named Karl, Carl, Mark, Marx, Marks, Markson, Lenin, Lennon, Stalin, Fred, Karlson, Fredrick, Karlton, Friedrich, Freddy, Carlton, Carlson, Vlad, Vladmir, Engels, Jim, James, Wallis, Wallace, Barbara, Van, Van Buren, Jimmy,  John, Johnathan, Balzer, Johnny, etc. is clearly a Commie spy out to destroy America. Anyone with C, O, M, U, N, I, S, T, A, L, R and X anywhere in their name is truly a secret Socialist/Neo-Marxist. We Know!

Jim Wallis and Jim Wallace are really the same name  just  as  Karl Marx, Karl Marks, Karl Mark, Carl Marx, Carl Marks, Carl Mark, Marx Karl, Mark Karl, Marx Carl, Mark Carl, Mark Carlson, Carlton Marx, etc. are really the same name. Also the Marx Brothers are Absolutely Communists and related to Karl Marx. We Know so!

Connecting the Dots all our Fax/Facts fit our Absolute Truth as We have concluded and you can plainly see using our Absolute Biblical Certainty.