Archive for the ‘Oh that smell!’ Category

New Apostate Airline Found

May 22, 2019

 

Behold the hideous heresies in all their unreformed synergistic horrors!! Just a word of caution you have been warned. Our Research Robot Monkeys are always on the look out for all things apostate and heretical including airlines—so listen to our warnings or else be caught in the winds of false doctrines. This has been another PSA from the Online Discernmentalist Mafia. Help us in our Truth War to bring the Pure Doctrines of the Protestant Reformation to the Lutherans as they are all unsaved heretics and apostates. In fact Luther who began the Protestant Reformation wasn’t Protestant at all.

Excelsior,

The ODMafia crew

Our Favorite Brand!

May 18, 2019

tumblr_opcrzz24p51qlxixqo1_400

Many of our tortured faithful readers have been asking us lately which brand of mothballs we use to repel the feminists and Mothra’s assaults on our Absolute Truth. We prefer (and Mrs. Jobson has no choice in this): Enoz Mothra Balls. The smellier the better. We’ve found that they also provide extra protection against atheist Bibliophiles harming our children with strange books. Mrs. Jobson has become even more Biblically submissive to my divine authority since wearing a necklace of them around her neck. Thank our Angry God!

Even our Pope of the Truth War (PBUH) doesn’t teach this essential and important teaching for countering the Mothra-feminist Agenda secretly corrupting our churches—so we’re one step ahead of our Dear Leader.

“All this is not limited to liberal churches and denominations, however. Aburdene and Naisbitt note that the organization Christians for Biblical Equality believes, “Women as well as men exercise the prophetic, priestly, and royal functions” of the church. [4](ibid, p. 128, quoted from “Women Served as Priests,” Grand Rapids Press, November 9, 1991) Evangelical churches are just as susceptible to the feminist onslaught. The fact is, feminism has already gained a foothold within the evangelical community in recent years.”

See no mention of mothballs helping to prevent these assaults. Elsewhere our Pope (PBUH) stated: “If all theologians were to follow that principle of interpretation, Satan wouldn’t need to attack the truthfulness of Scripture; he would only have to cause enough confusion over the “hard passages” for scholars to ignore them.”

I’ve made sure to rub our mothballs over any of these “hard passages” that might be misconstrued of even secretly teaching one hint of Mothra-feminist doctrines against our Truth. Hard passages such as:

Joel 2:28-29 New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)-The Day of the Lord Is Coming: 28 “After that, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
Your old men will have dreams.
Your young men will have visions.
29 In those days I will pour out my Spirit
on those who serve me, men and women alike.

Unfortunately Mothra doctrines are hard to spot without the aid of our Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology as Mothra herself as well as her feminist priestesses are said to have psychic abilities. Quote:

Mothra symbolizes girl power, in a variety of forms—from the sonorous and elegant magic of her miniature twin princess allies, to the overt strength, courage, and perseverance of the great moth herself. Mothra also has characteristics of a mother goddess diety, with her transformations—from egg to caterpillar to moth (who sometimes produces a new egg and continues the cycle.) While most of the Kaiju are lone wolves, Mothra keeps up a social network by way of her telepathic connection

Thankfully you have important ministries of dis-imformation like ours in this Truth War to teach you the correct way through mothballs to stop the Mothra-feminist assault on our Doctrines or else the feminists will win and ordain more feminist Mothra-priestesses to serve the Lord and prophesy aka preach the Gospel/Pastor a church. And in the words of John W. Robbins who explains the tragedy of such an approach:

The demand for the ordination of women, as rebellious as it is in itself, is a symptom of a much more serious malady. The ordination of women might disfigure the church, but the disease of which it is a symptom will kill her unless it is quickly diagnosed and treated. That disease . . . is the rejection of Biblical inerrancy.

So remember Mrs. Jobson (through Mr. Jobson’s authority) approved Enoz Mothra Balls—the only way to stop the Mothra-feminist assault on our Truth and Bibliophiles corrupting kids. Even my co-Truth Warrior Truthslayer agrees as his wife now too is wearing a mothball necklace.

 

SBC under siege by Mothra Priestesses!

May 18, 2019

 

mothsbcattack

Actual photo of this assault by Mothra and her Priests/Priestesses!

Not a day goes by when our Truth is not under attack—this time we’re under siege by Mothra. [H/T]: The moth-eaten SBC and the women who did it. “But I am like a moth to Ephraim, and like dry rot to the house of Judah.” (Hosea 5:12).

Oh the unholy horror of this affront on our Truth—I only pray that Mrs.  Jobson doesn’t catch wind of these secret feminist doctrines or she might rebel against my divinely mandated authority again. I’ve forced Mrs. Jobson to wear a necklace made out of mothballs just in case—sure it smells funny but I told her: “listen woman this is for your own good and it helps protect the purity of our Truth.” Anyways here’s how to spot these secret feminist Mothra priestesses:

They are feminists—don’t let them tell you otherwise. Also we hear they’re not too fond of the smell of mothballs but are attracted to altar flowers. (See this link for proof).

This is the new crop of what I called Christian secret feminists- but they aren’t as secret as they were in 2012. They live a feminist life inside of Christianity but call it ministry. They are openly rebelling now.

One woman who has much to answer for about this new role is Beth Moore. She was the one who broke new ground in the Southern Baptist Convention, a most conservative denomination, in how far a woman could go in attaining celebrity status, living for her career and not for her home, and promoting gender role reversals.

She showed us how to be the main and sustained breadwinner of the family. She showed us that she could preach in a church and teach anyone in the world, uncensured. Mrs Moore, while speaking conservative values cloaked in all the right Christianese, has lived a very feminist life. (We suspect this is because of their super secret psychic cloaking powers).

We only know this because of using our Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology or SKIRT—also they are most likely to predict an oncoming Mothra attack as per our findings. We also have reason to suspect these feminist Mothra priestesses of secret Catholic leanings:

holy_mothra_godzilla

Absolute Proof. We discovered this too while using our Bible-based SKIRT (Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology).

So be warned and beware—thankfully you have lone Discernmentalists in the wilderness like us to warn you of all these threats on our Truth. At this very moment we’re working on Mothra-sized mothballs—to surround our Holy Convention and churches—and prevent these feminist Mothra priestesses unleashing even more Mothra attacks on our churches and Truth.

Joel Osteen Threatens Bible-readers with unbiblical toothpaste!

May 14, 2019

untitled

We can’t say we are shocked at this horror as we’ve been apprising you of the hideousness of all these seeker-driven Emergents out there living as though God has a plan and purpose for their lives. In Joel Osteen’s latest attack on Bible-readers he unveiled his apostate unbiblical toothpaste and threatened to brush the teeth of anyone who dared open their Bibles. If he would only let them read their Bible then they would know: The Bible contains all the wisdom man needs for solving all the spiritual struggles, problems, and issues of life.

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia is now offering Bible Studies on how to prevent tooth decay to counteract this worldly assault on our Truth.

Bible verses we’ve found so far that help us in fighting and preventing cavities; gingivitis; tooth decay and other dental infirmities:

  • 0 Bible results for “brush your teeth.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothpaste.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothbrush.”
  • 0 Bible results for “mouthwash.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothache.”
  • 0 Bible results for “gingivitis.”

This proves how little of the Bible Joel Osteen has read. In fact we suspect he uses alcohol-based mouthwash against our Clear Teachings.

 

ODM News: “Al Mohler Emerges as a Socialist.”

October 8, 2011

We were horrified when our Research Robot Monkeys caught one of our own spouting anti-Rich hate messages. We would expect this unholy abomination from Leftist Liebral Red-Letter Universalist Sinfully Ecumenical Semi-Pelagian Emergerants preaching their Social(ist) gospels but never from a True Bible-Believing Christian. We mustn’t stand for this as Jan Markell says:

In many Bibles, all the words of Jesus are in red. There is nothing wrong with that. But something is wrong when Leftist Christians or so-called Christians want to mute the words of Paul and other writers and only follow Jesus’ words. They call themselves “red-letter Christians.”

Some who believe this way practice a form of neo-Marxism and others would call it “Christian Marxism” — an oxymoron if there ever was one. They note that the early church shared everything (socialism). A close cousin to this is “liberation theology.”

Thanks to our Research Robot Monkeys—here for all the world to see is Al Mohler’s unholy abomination in all of it’s sinful apostasy:

I am writing this essay on an Apple laptop computer. I am listening to the strains of Bach playing from my iPad via an AirPort Express. My iPhone sits on my desk, downloading a new App from iTunes. Steve Jobs has invaded my life, my house, my office, my car, and my desktop — and I am thankful for all of these technologies.

But unerring taste, aesthetic achievement, and technological genius will not save the world. Christians know what the world does not — that the mother tending her child, the farmer planting his crops, the father protecting his family, the couple faithfully living out their marital vows, the factory worker laboring to support his family, and the preacher preparing to preach the Word of God are all doing far more important work.

We have to measure life by its eternal impact, even as we are thankful for every individual who makes this world a better place. But, don’t expect eternal impact to be the main concern of the business pages.—Al Mohler

Clearly this is an attack on Rich business owners and Big Business. Any attack on Big Business is Socialism. Saying that factory workers laboring to support their families are more important than Rich business owners is to side with the Labor Unions. Supporting Labor Unions is Big Labor and taking a stand for Big Labor and the common workers is Communistic Socialism.

Ken Silva Quote Of The Day

September 14, 2011

Your daily dose of Ken Silva:

“I’d rather lack a brain than be like those sissified Evanjellyfish Emergynts and lack a backbone.” —Ken Silva on whether or not simple mental capabilities, higher critical thinking, logical skills and reasoning have anything to do with following Jesus and the spiritual life of a Christian.

John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) Will Get You Rapture Ready For Saturday!

May 19, 2011

John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) unlike Brian McLaren and his Emerging Babylonian hordes never falls prey to the winds of ear-tickling doctrines. This is because Saint John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) keeps his doctrines so Purer than anyone else’s that he can never fail at being the True Truth Warrior of Absolute Biblical Truth that he Truly is. Take the Pure Biblical Doctrine of the Rapture for instance—John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has said: “It’s become kind of popular today, in the last two or three years, to believe in the rapture occurring at the end of the tribulation. There has been three positions, historically, “pre-trib,” “mid-trib,” and “post-trib.” What that means is the rapture occurs at the end of the tribulation: “post-tribulation;” the middle of the tribulation: “mid-tribulation;” the beginning of the tribulation: “pre-tribulation.” Now if you wanted to catalog me I would have to claim to be a “pre-tribulationist.” I believe the Church will be taken out before the tribulation.

Of course because Truth Matters, we all know that the Rapture is Pure Biblical Teaching and not a man-made invention by a deluded Scottish teenager unlike Brian McLaren’s heretical notion that the Kingdom of God is present in the world and within us. Phil Johnson and the Pyromaniacs agree as John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has also said after being questioned about his Premillenial Dispensationalist Rapture beliefs:

Questioner: I am concern about Dispensationalism, I have been listening to Charles Swindoll, yourself and Dave Hawking, I really enjoy their ministry. And they all preach the pre-tribulation rapture, and I can buy that. I think it’s great. And then I hear some other respected men in the Lord say, “Well that is a dispensational point of view,” and they imply that that is something that has taken place within the last hundred years or so within the church. I just like to hear a little from you.

John MacArthur’s Answer: You see, that is just a label that they throw. What do you mean a dispensational point of view? The word dispensation is a NT word, Paul said “It was committed unto him the dispensation of the grace of God, dispensation of the mysteries.” It simply means a stewardship, it’s simply a term, that’s all. This is the accusation over and over again that Dispensationalism popped up with J. N. Darby, and C. I. Scofield, and all of that? But we are not working our way through a system, but rather attempting to interpret scripture on its own merit.

Ok, you have some basic things to deal with. Dispensationalism, by the way, is simply a title for theology that recognizes a literal nation Israel to be restored in the future. And recognizes a literal kingdom, and a literal tribulation, and a literal return, and a literal rapture, and that is dispensational. The other perspective is what’s called non-dispensational or covenant theology, which has no place for Israel, no kingdom in the future, and spiritualizes everything rather than making it literal.

Now, what you have to do is to go back to some very basic things. Dispensation simply means that God manages things in a certain way at a certain time. Everybody is a dispensationalist, everybody. I don’t care who they are in theology, they’re dispensational.

Elsewhere John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has defined Every Self-Respecting Calvinist as a Premillennial Dispensationalist—in other words all True Christians are Premillenial Dispensationalist Rapture believers like John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) and Harold Camping. We hope this helps get you Rapture Ready for the Rapture and Judgement Day this Saturday—oh and don’t forget to buy one of our handy dandy RaptureHatches to be prepared… so  don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… be Rapture Ready with our Final Prophet John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.).

New Hideous Hybrid Found

August 29, 2010

In a  horrible freak radioactive accident of nature: Ken Silva, Brannon Howse, Jim Wallis, James Dobson, Todd Friel, Jan Markell, Brian McLaren and a whole host of others combining their anti-Glenn Beck powers have mutated—becoming SHAT—the antiBeckian Shark-Cat. Quite frankly we are disappointed with all the liberalism and apostasy in our very Discernmentalist ranks.  We are not surprised with liberal apostates Wallis and McLaren being ungodly and anti-American but Ken, Brannon, deddy, Todd and Jan…come on, Remember in order to be Truly Godly, one  must be for America First.  So remember Soli America Gloriae!

Brian McLaren’s Newest Sinister Plot Revealed

August 25, 2010

Ken Silva Retorts– In a recent post Brian McLaren has revealed to us that he plans to build a 13 story Emergent mosque complete with a shopping center, Starbucks coffee shop, an olympic sized swimming pool among other modern conveniences. Ken Silva says that this doesn’t surprise him as he has already “apprised” to the world that Brian has celebrated the pagan Islamic holiday of Ramadan. Ken fears that these are the last days when more and more apostates fall to the winds of false and ear-tickling doctrines in an attempt to eradicate John MacArthur’s Absolute Biblical Truth.

Not only has Brian’s latest plans struck fear into the very core of Ken Silva’s heart and soul and being—his plans have stirred up controversy among the Online Discernmentalist Community as not only does Brian plan on dedicating his Purpose-Driven Emergent Seeker-Sensitive mosque to Anne Rice. He also plans on building this Emergent travesty near one of the most sacred, hallowed and holiest sites among all Christo-Fascist Truth Warriors—Ronald Reagan’s Birthplace.

Eric Barger says that we all must Take A Stand against this—quote: “Everything I’ve needed to know about ( the Emergent Church and) Islam I learned on 9/11.”  Brannon Howse and Todd Friel are already planning an anti-Glenn Beck, anti-Social Justice and anti-Brian McLaren mosque Rally in the works. Keeping you apprised this is GOIP and OD Mafia News signing off…

 

Sharin’ Whiplash Goes Contemplative….Alert, Alert!

July 9, 2010

Sound the alarms, we’ve caught Sharin’ Whiplash one of our most faithful expositors of our Pure Doctrines in the midst of supporting New Age Mysticism:

More on Contemplative Centering Prayer:

Centering prayer is a popular method of contemplative prayer or Christian meditation, placing a strong emphasis on interior silence.

Though most authors trace its roots to the contemplative prayer of the Desert Fathers of early Christian monasticism, to the Lectio Divina tradition of Benedictine monasticism, and to works like The Cloud of Unknowing and the writings of St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, its origins as part of the “Centering Prayer” movement in modern Catholicism and Christianity can be traced to several books published by three Trappist monks of St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts in the 1970s: Fr. William Meninger, Fr. M. Basil Pennington and Abbot Thomas Keating.[1]

Note that Iggy the evil Grace-hating man-loving Emergent Pelagian teaches this stuff so you know it must  be heresy.