Archive for the ‘Oh that smell!’ Category

A Bible Study on Never Compromising on Discernmentalist Truth

December 1, 2019

Sliding into compromise - Blogspot

Thank our God-ordained Party (God’s Only Inerrant Party) that America’s political system went from “working” to the current state where one party blocks the other and “compromise” is seen as a bad thing. We and we alone, are the reason for never compromising in holding our values in American politics as we alone hold to the whole Bible and Absolute Truth with Absolute Certainty. People who oppose Trump aren’t “almost demonic”—they are full on Satan-worshippers that includes RINOS.

As Spurgeon said:

If the world will not come to Jesus….Shall not the church go down to the world? Instead of bidding men to be converted, and come out from among sinners, and be separate from them, let us join with the ungodly world, enter into union with it, and so pervade it with our influence by allowing it to influence us. Let us have a Christian world.

Certain ministers are treacherously betraying our holy religion under pretense of adapting it to this present age. The new plan is to assimilate the church to the world by semi-dramatic performances they make the house of prayer to approximate to the theater; they turn their services into musical displays in fact, they exchange the temple for the theater, and turn the ministers of God into actors, whose business it is to amuse men. This then is the proposal. In order to win the world, the Lord Jesus must conform himself, his people, and his Word to the world. I will not dwell on so loathsome a proposal.

Our very black and white view of the bible and the world is crystal clear as our PURE theology paints all matters in a “good vs. evil” way that ignores a reality that was shades of gray and a multitude of colors. Our Pure theology teaches that in a binary, good vs. evil system there can be no “compromise” with evil—since we are the only “good” guys therefore the things we believe by extension are the bestest; most Pure; holiest good also, then ALL ELSE is bad. And not just bad, the philosophies and political positions that oppose us are the epitome of evil—the people who oppose us are demonic as the Bible says: “those not for us are against us.” This is because we have been pre-chosen by God and are “saved” and therefore PURE and “good” and HOLY—so the political views of our many enemies who disagree with us as well as the people themselves are “evil” as they are all unsaved heathens and non-Elect reprobates. In the past political parties had been free to negotiate and compromise on civic affairs but this new breed of political animal recoiled at the thought. There can be NO compromise with “evil.”

Tozer once wrote: “Compromise is everywhere, but, actually, no real union between the world and the Church is possible. When the Church joins up with the world, it is the true Church no longer but only a pitiful hybrid thing but an object of smiling contempt to the world and an abomination to the Lord!” Political correctness is a sickness and we hate politics but we must always be involved in politics in order to correct it as we’re always correct. Spurgeon also wrote: “Is politics dirty, then? Shall the Christian completely abstain? Stay out? Is there no hope?”

“Compromise” is a dirty word in the religious milieu of conservatism and our Truth War as you can see. I sat, ages ago, in many sermons and read many articles about it—having personally sat at the feet of the late great Walter Martin—being mentored by him through his recorded teachings on cassette tapes. Compromise of our “principles,” handed down from God himself, of course, is inexcusable. Who gave you the right to compromise on what God has pre-ordained? See how our TRUTH works? It keeps our religion pure and keeps pesky sheep from straying. Extended to the political realm this is a disaster for a nation. If we are on the side of all that is Holy and “good” and the side of God because we hold the only correct theology then others who don’t stand with us and God MUST be evil. They have to be evil – they oppose God! Simple, right? And so must their politics also be evil. Over time we had their theological perspective increasingly applied to civil discourse and governance. Biblical rhetoric that balkanized Christianity and created centuries of internecine wars had come to American politics with the same disastrous results.

So when you hear conservative, evangelical, and fundamentalist Christians bemoan the lack of civility in politics and American life be sure of this: they caused it, promoted it, and embrace it. The “civility” they want it for everyone else to agree with them. And anyone who doesn’t is evil and demonic.

Finally as our Pope over the Truth War John MacArthur himself (PBUH) has stated: “When it comes to matters of principle – moral and ethical foundations, biblical absolutes, the axioms of God’s Word, God’s clear commands, and the truthfulness of God Himself – it is never right to compromise.” We hope this look at what Scripture actually states opens up some of our readers who just do not get what this Truth War is all about and why we should never compromise on our Biblical values even in politics! So go forth and preach the gospel politics of Spurgeon/Tozer and John MacArthur (PBUH) without compromise and with zeal and earnest in the joy of knowing you’re doing the Lord’s work in spreading our PURE Doctrine.

Our Conditions for God’s Unconditional Grace…

October 11, 2019

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God’s Grace is unconditional as the U and I in TULIP points out and we always scream and yell about and preach from our pulpits and debate/argue with grace-hating man-loving semi-Pelagian Armenians over—however just because God’s Grace is unconditional doesn’t mean His love is:

 

“the love of God that is unconditional,” The love of God is not unconditional. “Acts 17:30 English Standard Version (ESV) 30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent” There is the condition. Anyone teaching otherwise is lying.” It’s supposed to be a love that is real and genuine, that can accept people for who they are, even if you don’t agree with them.” Baloney. Loving someone is bringing them to the knowledge of Christ, not accepting their sin,.

“18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[b] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you Matthew 28 – no unconditional love there either.

In fact we know there are terms and conditions to God’s Unconditional Grace (love) as we wrote them so if anyone violates any of our terms & conditions we can only conclude that God has deemed them unworthy of His Unconditional Grace (love). Terms and conditions that make you unworthy of God’s Unconditional Grace (love):

  1. You’re Armenian.
  2. You’re gay or have spoken nicely of gays.
  3. You had or are thinking about having an abortion.
  4. You believe feminism.
  5. You’re a Democrat or even voted Democrat even once.
  6. You’re an anti-Trump RINO.
  7. You don’t believe in Hell.
  8. You believe God is full of love not Holy Sovereign Wrath.

However once again we must give a free pass to our fellow warmongers even-though they violate all that Jesus commanded in the Sermon on the Mount and our Most Biblical and Godly President ever even-though he violated all that Jesus commanded on divorce and remarriage. All those who put America First are exempt from the terms and conditions we’ve placed on God’s Unconditional Grace (love).

 

Everything is the Other Side’s Fault…

August 3, 2019

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The newest product from Blame & Shame Co (a division of GOIP Industries)—the Hate Radio Hat comes pre-set with a filter that automatically pre-tunes to the wearer’s personal biases. Dividing and conquering has never been easier for the Discernmentalist on the hunt for enemies. Now you’ll be able to find heresy where there is none. Turn any conservative quote into a racist one and any liberal quote into a socialist one. In example—of course Democrats are the only ones who would burn a church like Jered Ragon (founder of Abolish Human Abortion). We also have discernmentalized that Left-wing terrorism (responsible for 23 deaths between 1992-2017) is more violent than Right-wing terrorism (responsible for 217 between 1992-2017). Peace is heresy and warmongering is blessed. Being right and certain in our beliefs is more important than truth. So believe what we tell you because we told ya so.

Mrs. Jobson speaks on Mothballs

June 24, 2019

I’m proud of my wife’s article against the feminist assaults we’ve been facing and how to combat them that I wrote for her in keeping with our Clear Teachings on wifely submission—I tried to submit it on her behalf to The Council On Biblical Manhood and womanhood for publication in the latest issue of their magazine on Biblical womanhood but they rejected it and laughed in my face. I suspect it is because they saw her name as the author—I know it can’t be because of the references to mothballs in the article because they agree with Our Brand. For those of you who don’t know the main definition of mothballs as defined in Volume Two of The Discernmentalist Dictionary is:

MOTHBALLs or (Modernism’s Old Theologies of Hate Bringing About Legalism on  Ladies): (noun)- the only known protection against Mothra and feminist attacks on Discernmentalist Truth. Also useful in warding off Bibliophiles.

Anyways here is my lovely wife’s beautiful and well-written article:

0_300x300_Back_Color-WhiteMy Life As An Unfeminist Submissive Mothball Wearing Wife

By Mrs. Brandy Hose Jobson

Contrary to what our annoyed tortured faithful readers may think Mrs. Jobson indeed loves wearing  her mothball necklace. In fact just smelling them have calmed Mrs. Jobson’s (her)  fears of Mothra’s feminist Agenda assaulting our Truth. Mrs. Jobson wishes more women would learn the joy of being submissive and the benefits of wearing mothballs for protection. I (Don Jobson) told her (my wife Mrs. Jobson) that any time she’s tempted to even think the unbiblical thought of women being able to pastor a church—just keep calm by focusing on her mothballs. Now you can see the Clear benefits of our Teachings. I was telling Mrs. Jobson the other day that if “tolerance” is the core value of political correctness then feminism is it’s most cherished cause–and the implications of apostate culture’s cultural devotion to feminism are monstrous. Feminism is not about equal rights for women but about the feminization of the American male.

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My wife’s lovely mothball necklace 4 Protection against Mothra and feminists

It has indeed turned even more monstrous ever since these Mothra attacks started occurring on innocent unsuspecting Southern Baptist churches but thankfully our Brand works like a charm. In fact its extra magical almost like the heretical Mormon cult’s secret undergarments—only ours is Truly Biblical. Sadly though it has yet to be seen as working on gay feminists. This content is for Premium members only. Login or sign up to gain access to over $164440 in Worldview Weekend resources. (Whoops looks like Brannon is charging now for us Discernmentalists to crib from his self-righteous site. How dare he!).

Feminist Mothra dogma decrees that women can never be successful. That shows how out of touch the feminists are. Now Mothra as you may not know was never successful especially since:

Mothra is one of the most powerful psychics in the Toho universe. She has had the ability to use this power benevolently, to communicate with humans, or defensively, to destroy her enemies. As suggested earlier, Mothra is assumed to be divine and draws many parallels to the Phoenix, which makes her one of the more powerful kaiju of the Toho universe. Mothra has become one of Godzilla’s more challenging opponents, having achieved the greatest success rate in battle save Godzilla himself…

Anyways just remember mothballs for your protection against the Mothra feminist hordes. Mrs. Jobson agrees with me because I told her to.

My wife still protected by mothballs from Mothra feminists,

Don Jobson

Gays join the Truth War against Feminists

June 10, 2019

 

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“I’m a gay man. I am not a feminist. There’s a shocking statement. How could any gay man not need, want, support, affirm feminism?

What I learned surprised me. I learned that feminism was not about equality. I learned about the feminist history of hatred toward gay men. And eventually, I learned that feminism was actively engaged in a campaign that was doing to all men what others have so often done to gay men: demonize them as sexual predators and abusers in the interests of their own power and their own ideology.

Feminism wasn’t about equality: It was about bigotry.”—Matthew Lye

We couldn’t hardly believe it when our Research Robot Monkeys stumbled upon this shocking statement. We’re so shocked we’re pressed for words. How can this be? Everyone knows that gays are liberals and that feminists are liberals too—and that all liberals love gays and feminists equally. Its part of their pledge to use the Trojan Horse of gay feminism to destroy the American church by legalizing the gay feminist agenda to turn men into effeminate weak gutlesss grace girlie-men. In fact when I showed this Researchmentalism for the very article I’m writing to my co-laborer in Discernmentalism—-Dr. I. Todyaso—he exclaimed: “I hate this but most importantly I hate myself for not knowing who to hate more—but then I thought to myself what would John MacArthur (PBUH) do? Why! Point out his finger of self-righteous judgment at both groups and hate them both equally.” On the one hand—we’d like to thank the gays for helping us hate the feminists more—on the other—we’d like to thank the feminists for helping us to hate the gays more. Even-so you’re not fooling any of us as you’re not really among us Truth Warriors.

Update: Rumor has it that Dr. I. Todyaso has gone into hiding somewhere deep within our Truth Bunker upon viewing this Researchmentalism—but I could’ve sworn I heard his distinctive voice in our ODM cafeteria late last night in the afterhours as I was getting a midnight snack.

New Apostate Airline Found

May 22, 2019

 

Behold the hideous heresies in all their unreformed synergistic horrors!! Just a word of caution you have been warned. Our Research Robot Monkeys are always on the look out for all things apostate and heretical including airlines—so listen to our warnings or else be caught in the winds of false doctrines. This has been another PSA from the Online Discernmentalist Mafia. Help us in our Truth War to bring the Pure Doctrines of the Protestant Reformation to the Lutherans as they are all unsaved heretics and apostates. In fact Luther who began the Protestant Reformation wasn’t Protestant at all.

Excelsior,

The ODMafia crew

Our Favorite Brand!

May 18, 2019

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Many of our tortured faithful readers have been asking us lately which brand of mothballs we use to repel the feminists and Mothra’s assaults on our Absolute Truth. We prefer (and Mrs. Jobson has no choice in this): Enoz Mothra Balls. The smellier the better. We’ve found that they also provide extra protection against atheist Bibliophiles harming our children with strange books. Mrs. Jobson has become even more Biblically submissive to my divine authority since wearing a necklace of them around her neck. Thank our Angry God!

Even our Pope of the Truth War (PBUH) doesn’t teach this essential and important teaching for countering the Mothra-feminist Agenda secretly corrupting our churches—so we’re one step ahead of our Dear Leader.

“All this is not limited to liberal churches and denominations, however. Aburdene and Naisbitt note that the organization Christians for Biblical Equality believes, “Women as well as men exercise the prophetic, priestly, and royal functions” of the church. [4](ibid, p. 128, quoted from “Women Served as Priests,” Grand Rapids Press, November 9, 1991) Evangelical churches are just as susceptible to the feminist onslaught. The fact is, feminism has already gained a foothold within the evangelical community in recent years.”

See no mention of mothballs helping to prevent these assaults. Elsewhere our Pope (PBUH) stated: “If all theologians were to follow that principle of interpretation, Satan wouldn’t need to attack the truthfulness of Scripture; he would only have to cause enough confusion over the “hard passages” for scholars to ignore them.”

I’ve made sure to rub our mothballs over any of these “hard passages” that might be misconstrued of even secretly teaching one hint of Mothra-feminist doctrines against our Truth. Hard passages such as:

Joel 2:28-29 New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)-The Day of the Lord Is Coming: 28 “After that, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
Your old men will have dreams.
Your young men will have visions.
29 In those days I will pour out my Spirit
on those who serve me, men and women alike.

Unfortunately Mothra doctrines are hard to spot without the aid of our Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology as Mothra herself as well as her feminist priestesses are said to have psychic abilities. Quote:

Mothra symbolizes girl power, in a variety of forms—from the sonorous and elegant magic of her miniature twin princess allies, to the overt strength, courage, and perseverance of the great moth herself. Mothra also has characteristics of a mother goddess diety, with her transformations—from egg to caterpillar to moth (who sometimes produces a new egg and continues the cycle.) While most of the Kaiju are lone wolves, Mothra keeps up a social network by way of her telepathic connection

Thankfully you have important ministries of dis-imformation like ours in this Truth War to teach you the correct way through mothballs to stop the Mothra-feminist assault on our Doctrines or else the feminists will win and ordain more feminist Mothra-priestesses to serve the Lord and prophesy aka preach the Gospel/Pastor a church. And in the words of John W. Robbins who explains the tragedy of such an approach:

The demand for the ordination of women, as rebellious as it is in itself, is a symptom of a much more serious malady. The ordination of women might disfigure the church, but the disease of which it is a symptom will kill her unless it is quickly diagnosed and treated. That disease . . . is the rejection of Biblical inerrancy.

So remember Mrs. Jobson (through Mr. Jobson’s authority) approved Enoz Mothra Balls—the only way to stop the Mothra-feminist assault on our Truth and Bibliophiles corrupting kids. Even my co-Truth Warrior Truthslayer agrees as his wife now too is wearing a mothball necklace.

 

SBC under siege by Mothra Priestesses!

May 18, 2019

 

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Actual photo of this assault by Mothra and her Priests/Priestesses!

Not a day goes by when our Truth is not under attack—this time we’re under siege by Mothra. [H/T]: The moth-eaten SBC and the women who did it. “But I am like a moth to Ephraim, and like dry rot to the house of Judah.” (Hosea 5:12).

Oh the unholy horror of this affront on our Truth—I only pray that Mrs.  Jobson doesn’t catch wind of these secret feminist doctrines or she might rebel against my divinely mandated authority again. I’ve forced Mrs. Jobson to wear a necklace made out of mothballs just in case—sure it smells funny but I told her: “listen woman this is for your own good and it helps protect the purity of our Truth.” Anyways here’s how to spot these secret feminist Mothra priestesses:

They are feminists—don’t let them tell you otherwise. Also we hear they’re not too fond of the smell of mothballs but are attracted to altar flowers. (See this link for proof).

This is the new crop of what I called Christian secret feminists- but they aren’t as secret as they were in 2012. They live a feminist life inside of Christianity but call it ministry. They are openly rebelling now.

One woman who has much to answer for about this new role is Beth Moore. She was the one who broke new ground in the Southern Baptist Convention, a most conservative denomination, in how far a woman could go in attaining celebrity status, living for her career and not for her home, and promoting gender role reversals.

She showed us how to be the main and sustained breadwinner of the family. She showed us that she could preach in a church and teach anyone in the world, uncensured. Mrs Moore, while speaking conservative values cloaked in all the right Christianese, has lived a very feminist life. (We suspect this is because of their super secret psychic cloaking powers).

We only know this because of using our Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology or SKIRT—also they are most likely to predict an oncoming Mothra attack as per our findings. We also have reason to suspect these feminist Mothra priestesses of secret Catholic leanings:

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Absolute Proof. We discovered this too while using our Bible-based SKIRT (Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology).

So be warned and beware—thankfully you have lone Discernmentalists in the wilderness like us to warn you of all these threats on our Truth. At this very moment we’re working on Mothra-sized mothballs—to surround our Holy Convention and churches—and prevent these feminist Mothra priestesses unleashing even more Mothra attacks on our churches and Truth.

Joel Osteen Threatens Bible-readers with unbiblical toothpaste!

May 14, 2019

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We can’t say we are shocked at this horror as we’ve been apprising you of the hideousness of all these seeker-driven Emergents out there living as though God has a plan and purpose for their lives. In Joel Osteen’s latest attack on Bible-readers he unveiled his apostate unbiblical toothpaste and threatened to brush the teeth of anyone who dared open their Bibles. If he would only let them read their Bible then they would know: The Bible contains all the wisdom man needs for solving all the spiritual struggles, problems, and issues of life.

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia is now offering Bible Studies on how to prevent tooth decay to counteract this worldly assault on our Truth.

Bible verses we’ve found so far that help us in fighting and preventing cavities; gingivitis; tooth decay and other dental infirmities:

  • 0 Bible results for “brush your teeth.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothpaste.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothbrush.”
  • 0 Bible results for “mouthwash.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothache.”
  • 0 Bible results for “gingivitis.”

This proves how little of the Bible Joel Osteen has read. In fact we suspect he uses alcohol-based mouthwash against our Clear Teachings.

 

ODM News: “Al Mohler Emerges as a Socialist.”

October 8, 2011

We were horrified when our Research Robot Monkeys caught one of our own spouting anti-Rich hate messages. We would expect this unholy abomination from Leftist Liebral Red-Letter Universalist Sinfully Ecumenical Semi-Pelagian Emergerants preaching their Social(ist) gospels but never from a True Bible-Believing Christian. We mustn’t stand for this as Jan Markell says:

In many Bibles, all the words of Jesus are in red. There is nothing wrong with that. But something is wrong when Leftist Christians or so-called Christians want to mute the words of Paul and other writers and only follow Jesus’ words. They call themselves “red-letter Christians.”

Some who believe this way practice a form of neo-Marxism and others would call it “Christian Marxism” — an oxymoron if there ever was one. They note that the early church shared everything (socialism). A close cousin to this is “liberation theology.”

Thanks to our Research Robot Monkeys—here for all the world to see is Al Mohler’s unholy abomination in all of it’s sinful apostasy:

I am writing this essay on an Apple laptop computer. I am listening to the strains of Bach playing from my iPad via an AirPort Express. My iPhone sits on my desk, downloading a new App from iTunes. Steve Jobs has invaded my life, my house, my office, my car, and my desktop — and I am thankful for all of these technologies.

But unerring taste, aesthetic achievement, and technological genius will not save the world. Christians know what the world does not — that the mother tending her child, the farmer planting his crops, the father protecting his family, the couple faithfully living out their marital vows, the factory worker laboring to support his family, and the preacher preparing to preach the Word of God are all doing far more important work.

We have to measure life by its eternal impact, even as we are thankful for every individual who makes this world a better place. But, don’t expect eternal impact to be the main concern of the business pages.—Al Mohler

Clearly this is an attack on Rich business owners and Big Business. Any attack on Big Business is Socialism. Saying that factory workers laboring to support their families are more important than Rich business owners is to side with the Labor Unions. Supporting Labor Unions is Big Labor and taking a stand for Big Labor and the common workers is Communistic Socialism.