“Ask Jesus into your heart,” “receive Jesus”—oh the horror of such unbiblical phrases which produces False Converts and is rank heresy. We Know that nothing good can come out of making a decision for Christ as Heaven forbid that might actually change someone. We also Know that none of our own approve of such blasphemous ideas as “asking Jesus into your heart.” This is why we have come up with this guide to teach you the proper and Biblical way to be regenerated entitled Discernmentalist Altar Calls: How To Make Sure Of Your Election:
1. We believe in Altar Calls. We just don’t believe in Arminian Altar Calls as that may lead to the man-exalting heresy of Credobaptism as we prefer the non-Roman Catholic based Pedobaptism. In fact our favorite Altar Call hymn is “Just As I Am” because if you are Truly Elected you don’t have to change nor be changed unless you are homosexual, liberal, a Papist, Emergent or Arminian in which case you are most likely reprobated and not Truly Elect of God.
2. You have a hole in your heart which only Calvinistic soteriology can fill. Surrender your heart to John MacArthur and Calvinistic teaching as only that is Absolute Truth. We suggest you start out with John MacArthur’s Study Bible and Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine as they contain Absolute Biblical Truth Doctrines.
3. If you have asked Jesus into your heart before— now is the time to unask Him from your heart for as Todd Friel (Wretched) says:
anyone who asked Jesus into their hearts to be saved…is not. If you asked Jesus into your heart because you were told that is what you have to do to become a Christian, you were mis-informed.
If you have ever told someone to ask Jesus into their heart, you produced a false convert.
4. After making room by unasking Jesus from your heart, you must ask John Calvin into your heart as Calvin is the final arbiter of all Christian Truth. Asking Jesus into your heart is a saying that makes no sense but asking Calvin into your heart will make the Bible clear as Calvinism not Jesus is the Gospel.
5. Study the Synods of Dort and the Westminster Confession of Faith and receive them into your heart.
6. Once you have received the Synods of Dort and the Westminster Confession of Faith make a decision to Truly believe them so that you may experience the fruits of their regenerational powers as Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr. says:
the mere assent to, and belief in, the doctrines of Calvinism (are the True) form of (Godly) “decisionism,” … The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is (to be) proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is (to be) accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, (if) thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are (able), upon the ability to explain these doctrines, (they should be) pronounced (Truly) converted and (therefore) taken into (our) churches.
7. You may repent if you want to but it is not required of the Truly Elect as Luther says: “No sin can separate us from Him, even if we were to kill or commit adultery thousands of times each day,” for if you are Truly Elect you are “Once Saved Always Saved” irregardless of whether you repent or not. This is why John Calvin (murderer) and Charles Spurgeon (glutton) are in Heaven even if they never Truly repented of their sins nor changed their sinful lifestyles. This is why we also accept people like Phil Johnson (glutton), John MacArthur (slanderer), Todd Friel (false accuser of the Brethren) and Charles Stanley (adulterer) as Truly Elect even if they go without Truly repenting of their sins or changing their sinful lifestyles. Repentance then is only Truly required for unregenerate reprobates like homosexuals, liberals, Papists, Emergents and Arminians. Homosexuals must especially repent and change their sinful alternative and deviant lifestyles as homosexuality is unnatural and an abomination to our Holy Wrathful God.
8. Trusting in Jesus and accepting Him into your heart provides a false sense of security and produces backslidders. Trusting in the Dortian Doctrines of Grace provide Eternal Security as we Discernmentalists can never backslide (see point # 7).
9. We Discernmentalists never cause the cause of Christ to be ridiculed even with our bibliolatry and blind Calvinolatry.
10. Evangelism is foolishness if it isn’t fatalistically predeterminist.
11. Here is the scary one. People who haven’t asked Calvin into their hearts are not saved and they will perish on the Day of Judgment. We are sorry but if you haven’t accepted the Dortian Doctrines of Grace you have been pre-chosen to eternally burn in damnation forever period. Congratulations though if you made it through points 1-8 you are Truly Elect as only Calvinism produces True Converts. Solo Calvinus. Soli Calvinus gloria!