Archive for the ‘Manimals’ Category

All Theological Roads Lead Back To Rome?

February 21, 2010

Sharin’ Whiplash aka Non-Electgal in an UnReformed and Deformed moment stated:

Anabaptists, Reformed/Presbyterians, Lutherans, and Anglicans are 4 separate branches with separate traditions. All four branches are Reformed from Roman Catholicism in the broad sense of the term.

Clearly she might be one of the unregenerate reprobates decieved into believing that she is Truly Elect or Secured in her Reprobation for as we know Calvinism has  nothing to do with “Roman Arminianism or Roman Catholicism that man-exalting heresy!” And we don’t exalt man especially not Calvin—We Know! Why—because We told ya so! Or maybe Sharin’ has contracted the same Postmodern and Emergence virus that Ken Silva has contracted?

Shocked: Spurgeon Had A False Conversion—We Know So!

February 20, 2010

Recently our Research Robot Monkeys have come upon new and startling information concerning Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior). We have found that Spurgeon had a False Conversion—we are truly disappointed in this finding. Here follows an account of  Spurgeon’s False Conversion:

Spurgeon’s conversion to Christianity came on January 6, 1850, at age fifteen. On his way to a scheduled appointment, a snow storm forced him to cut short his intended journey and to turn into a Primitive Methodist chapel in Colchester where “God opened his heart to the salvation message.” The text that moved him was Isaiah 45:22 – “Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God, and there is none else.”

Methodists teach Grace-hating Man-loving Arminianism, Decisional Regeneration and Free-Willism which are all errors. See  there this is proof of his False Conversion—We Know so! Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior) even admits by his own Free-Will he made a Decision for Christ rather than being Regenerated by the preaching of the Pure Gospel of God’s Sovereign Wrath:

I do from my soul confess that I never was satisfied till I came to Christ; when was yet a child, I had far more wretchedness than ever I have now; I will even add, more weariness, more care, more heart-ache than I know at this day. I may be singular in this confession, but I make it, and know it to be the truth. Since that dear hour when my soul cast itself on Jesus, I have found solid joy and peace; but before that, all those supposed gaieties of early youth, all the imagined ease and joy of boyhood, were but vanity and vexation of spirit to me. . That happy day, when I found the Saviour, and learned to cling to His dear feet, was a day never to be forgotten by me. An obscure child, unknown, unheard of, I listened to the Word of God; and that precious text led me to the cross of Christ. I can testify that the joy of that day was utterly indescribable. I could have leaped, I could have danced; there was no expression, however fanatical, which would have been out of keeping with the joy of my spirit at that hour. Many days of Christian experience have passed since then, but there has never been one which has had the full exhilaration, the sparkling delight which that first day had. I thought I could have sprung from the seat on which I sat, and have called out with the wildest of those Methodist brethren who were present, “I am forgiven! I am forgiven! A monument of grace! A sinner saved by blood! “My spirit saw its chains broken to pieces, I felt that I was an emancipated soul, an heir of Heaven, a forgiven one, accepted in Christ Jesus, plucked out of the miry clay and out of the horrible pit, with my feet set upon a rock, and my goings established. I thought I could dance all the way home. I could understand what John Bunyan meant, when he declared he wanted to tell the crows on the ploughed land all about his conversion. He was too full to hold, he felt he must tell somebody.

Sheer blasphemy—we are mortified beyond words! We are now praying that Todd Friel (Wretched), Ray Comforts (Awesome) and Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) drop all their associational ties with the works of this False Convert.

P. S. Also we are not too pleased with Spurgeon’s teachings against the Pure Reformed Doctrines and clear teachings of Calvin on Infant Baptism and also likewise with John Piper (Soft On Heretics)’s teaching against the Pure Baptism Doctrines of Calvin as well.

And remember these words of Absolute Truth from Sharin’ Whiplash:

Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

Worldview Weekend Caught Displaying It’s New World Order Roots Again

January 29, 2010

So we got the latest newsletter laxative Massive from New World Order Weekend Worldview Weekend in our email box today and one of the articles was about the evils of abortion which was all well and good until we noticed the author was endorsing Roman Catholicism—how dare he. Here for all to see is Cliff Kincaid‘s rank apostasy:

None Dare Call it Genocide By Cliff Kincaid  |  January 25, 2010

Robert McCartney of the Washington Post went to the March for Life and discovered that young people are on the side of life.

Dennis Howard told EWTN television network on the day of the March for Life in Washington, D.C. that legalized abortion is the equivalent of 260 Haiti disasters on American soil. The death toll from abortion in the U.S. is over 52 million.

One of the differences is that Haiti is the result of a natural disaster. Abortion is man-made.

Another difference is that we search for the victims in Haiti and rush assistance to those injured from the earthquake. The victims of abortion are not worthy of sympathy or attention because they are the product of a “woman’s right to choose.” 

How dare he —doesn’t he know that EWTN is a Catholic channel which airs anti-Protestant propaganda that attacks our Absolute Truth Doctrines. Not only that Cliff Kincaid endorses Catholicism not just once but several times:

Robert McCartney of the Washington Post went to the March for Life and discovered that young people are on the side of life. Though “pro-choice” himself, he reported that “…I was especially struck by the large number of young people among the tens of thousands at the march. It suggests that the battle over abortion will endure for a long time to come.” He noted that some of them carried “We are the pro-life generation” placards.

McCartney implied that many young people were raised Catholic and programmed to oppose abortion. Indeed, some may be pro-life because their parents are pro-life. But some may be pro-life by virtue of the fact that they are alive and grateful for it. 

In addition to the pictures of aborted babies, which never show up in the major media, we have the ultrasound images of babies in the womb. General Electric has a piece of equipment, the GE 4D ultrasound, that takes some of the best pictures. 

When my wife and I had our first child, the ultrasound images were grainy. They are much clearer now.

McCartney’s point about Catholic involvement was nevertheless true. There was a heavy Catholic presence. But some marchers let the Bishops know that they are not satisfied with the church’s treatment of the issue.  “Excommunicate all Catholic pro-abortion politicians” proclaimed one sign. “Bishops: Enforce Canon 915” said another. Section 915 of the Code of Canon Law requires the denial of Holy Communion to those engaging in “grave sin,” interpreted by traditional Catholics as support for abortion

We here at God’s Only Inerrant Party and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia can’t let this ecumenical heresy slide as we never compromise our Absolute Truth with heretics. Hasn’t Cliff Kincaid ever read the illustrious Ken Silva’s articles as our Uncle the great Pastor-Teacher Ken has also written for Worldview Weekend New World Order Weekend at times? Doesn’t he know that the Pope is the spiritual Anti-Christ bent on a One World Religious Government and the Roman Catholic Church wants to destroy our Pure Churches? Tisk tisk ever since we’ve caught Adolf Howse Brannon Howse endorsing Scientology we believe that Worldview Weekend New World Order Weekend has been slipping into Emergent error. We Know because of Tim LaHaye and Ken Silva’s clear teachings that we’ve studied and surpassed. All we have to say to Cliff Kincaid is repent of your errors or face God’s Wrath.

Breaking News: Ken Silva Can Read The Bible

November 24, 2009

You heard it here first—Ken Silva can read the Bible. But you know who can’t? Rick Warren, of course. Here Rick Warren is seen Absolutely not reading the Bible:

This image speaks for itself. We are also concerned about Warren’s political ties for when he was asked ‘about his role in passing Prop 8—California’s gay marriage ban’:

The Southern Baptist preacher’s response:
“If you want to ask about gay marriage, there are 30 states that have voted it down,” Warren said good-naturedly. “Ask those people. Why ask me?”Why ask you, Rick Warren? Maybe because the reporter expected that a pastor should have a Biblical response, not an evasive, political response.

Afterall, we of God’s Only Inerrant Party are not political:

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer On Vice President Joe Biden’s Murder Spree

November 20, 2009

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer 5:27PM (11/15/2009)

If Bush was the President and this happened all of the liberal ass wipes (pardon my redundancy) would be screaming about Bush; somehow blaming him. Why aren’t your stupid America hating mouths shooting off now when we have this America hating Communist in office???

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[H/T] Auto Blog

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Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer On Affirmative Action

November 20, 2009

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer

1:20PM Nov 18th 2009
Hey Jrotced, could you please shut the F^ck up already!! You act as though you are the only one here with an opinion. You call everyone who has a negative opinion of Obama a bigot while in reality YOU are the disgusting bigot. You are to full of yourself to realize it. I myself am a VICTIM of the wretched practices of “affirmative action.” There isn’t one damn thing affirmative about this practice. I was poorer than ALL the black kids going to my school, yet they had the audacity to say things like “all you white people are rich,” as about 30 of them bravely chased me to my home in the projects. I was not considered for promotions in my early 20’s though I attended night school and worked hard. The higher paying jobs went to the Hispanics and Blacks with ABSOLUTELY NO COLLEGE; and they were fresh off the street. A young black lady in the H.R. dept. admitted this to me. This happened to many of my friends as well. I could go on and on with MANY atrocious stories, but the only stories YOU would be interested would be the stories of the struggles of a black man. WHY? Because YOU are a BIGOT!!!!!!!!
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Codename ACSBLOP *(Augustine Calvin Spurgeon Black Letters of Paul)* Unveiled

November 6, 2009

GOIPSHEALDILogo

Introducing The Strategic Heretical Emergent Arminian & Liberal Defense Initiative or (SHEALDI) for short otherwise known as Codename ACSBLOP *(Augustine Calvin Spurgeon Black Letters of Paul)* or also known by it’s better known nickname ‘Heresy Wars/Absolute Truth Wars‘—now available and on the market from GOIP Labs. This top secret project has been in the making for several years now. Here is our Political Messiah, Final President and the Last Real President, Ronald Reagan with myself (Don Jobson) going over our top secret plans:

donjobsonwithronaldreagan

Final President Reagan with myself about to deliver the March 23, 1983 speech initiating SHEALDI. I was 19 years old then.

[Editors’ note: You’ve heard of those heathen Sedevacantists—well, we are Sedewhitehousists, because Jesus believed in the political gospel of Reaganism otherwise known as Reaganomics and elected Regan the last Political Messiah for God’s Chosen and Ordained Nation that’s why we belong to the FCCSORR (Fundamentalist Calvinist Christian Society Of Ronald Reagan).]

Anyways, part of our plan is to fire Missives packed full of the Pure Doctrines of Saint Augustine and our Final Prophet John Calvin, the Pure Sermons of Charles Spurgeon and the words of Paul directly into our comments as a ‘preemptive strike’ against Emergent attacks on our Absolute Truth comments—and for those times when those evil Emergents  hijack our comments by inserting heretical, communist or other non-Christian words such as ‘comrade’  into our comments to make it look as if we aren’t truly regenerate and of God’s True Elect.

KenSilvaSpurgeonMissive

A Ken Silva Approved Spurgeon Missive.

Here is the genius part of our glorious plan—once these Missives are shot off they will provide a  web of Absolute Truth protection cover over all of us Discernmentalists to keep all of our Absolute Truth comments safe and Pure:

AbsoluteTruthMissivenet

Absolute Truth Mighty Fortress Missive Net packed full of Augustine, Calvin, Spurgeon and the Black Letters of Paul.

In case ye are wondering what the texts of our net say because ye are unregenerate—they read:

1 Timothy 2:10-15 (King James Version)

 10But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

 11Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

 12But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

 13For Adam was first formed, then Eve.

 14And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

 15Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (King James Version)

 9Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

 10Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

God’s Wrath on Unrighteousness

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.—Romans 1:18-27 ESV.

Ephesians 5:22-24 (King James Version)

 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

 That is the ACSBLOP or Appostate attacks on our Absolute Truth Comments Sheild-BLOcking Program part of our SHEALDI project—the other part includes our Space Laser Program otherwise known as DPDEWW or Direct Pure Doctrines Energy Wave Weapon. Here is a photo taken from GOIP Eye 2 which we thankfully retrieved before those evil Emergents blew up GOIP Eye 2:

Direct Pure Doctrines Energy Wave Weapon

* In case ye are spiritually blind the bottom reads: All Discernmentalists and their Absolute Truth comments saved from the attacks upon us being waged across the world by all of our enemies—those unbelieving heathens–especially those evil Emergents.

DPDEWW  operates by a GOIP MIRACL beam director–pictured below:

goipmiracl

Me operating DPDEWW.

DPDEWW also runs on Sound Doctrine Indicating Operative technology which is also called Laser Operating Apostate Chaser Enhanced Engine or SDIO-LOACEE for short. Here we are putting the finishing touches on our SDIO-LOACEE:

SDIO-LOACEE

Dr. I. Todyaso and Will Farel XV assist me in the preparation of our SDIO-LOACEE.

Another part of our industrious project  is the Emergent Reflector Sound Doctrine Missive Impure Doctrines Deflector or ERSDMIDD. Here is a picture of how ERSDMIDD works:

ERSDMIDD

ERSDMIDD takes Emergent and impure doctrines and beams  them back at our enemies while also leaving our Sound Doctrines Pure. It also beams Sound Doctrines directly into our enemies’ brains in a last attemptive effort of teaching them our ways the Absolute Truth. Another of our Missives that runs on Sound Doctrine Indicating Operative (SDIO) technology is our SDIO-Delta Star or our SDIO Missive Emegent-cy Defense System. Here Ken Silva fires off one of our SDIO-Delta Star missives SDIO-Delta Star II ironically codenamed ‘Ken Silva:’

sdiodeltastar2-kensilva

GOIP Missive Defense Against antichrists and apostate Christians.

The main part of SHEALDI is our Satellite Defense Network to prevent  evil Emergent signals from crossing streams with our Pure signal streams and hijacking our Absolute Truth comments. Here is our SHEALDI Satellite Defense Network at work:

SHEALDI Satellite Network

The results are shown below:

SHEALDIdamage

Putting together all of our complex and convoluted simple project—you’ll never have to worry about evil Emergents hijacking and hacking into your Pure Absolute Truth comments by inserting heretical, communist or other non-Christian words into them such as ‘comrade’ ever again.

Before SHEALDI:

EmergentHijackedComment

The recent Emergent attack on Truthslayer’s computer by hijacking his comment to me and inserting a communist word into it to make it look as if he isn’t truly regenerate and of God’s True Elect as he “didn’t write ‘comrade’ as a matter of fact that word does not exist in (our) discernmentalist dictionary.”

After SHEALDI:

SHEALDIfiedComment

What things will be like from now on now that we have initiated SHEALDI  on all of our and our fellow Discernmentalists’ computers.

And that is all:

Recording of the applause from the recent Convention of Discernmentalists after SHEALDI was unveiled and set up by GOIP Labs.

Ken Silva Exposed As A Closest Democrat And Obama Supporter

November 3, 2009

homobama_bin_laden

Recently our GOIP Bot 3000 came across startling misinformation about one of our own Ken Silva.  Quite frankly we are appalled at the misTruth that our GOIP Bot 3000 has made Light to us that Ken Silva, Defender of the True Faith of his own opinions all is actually a closet Democrat and Obama Supporter. How could you Ken? Didn’t you know that giving funds to the Dum-b-o-crapic National Convention and Obama bin Laden is evil for:

  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for terrorism.
  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for abortion.
  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for homosexuality.
  • After all Saint John MacArthur has taught you:

    We know what you did and did not do and we know that you did not give money to fund the Democratic National Convention and Obama. We also know that you did not personally hand  $1,680 in funds over to the Anti-Christ Obama in 2008.

    Smoking Gun—GOIP Eye 3—our all seeing satellite exposes a horrifying photo—Ken Silva’s hand is clearly not seen personally giving Obama cold hard cash just last year:

    s-HANDING-OUT-MONEY-large

    We had the GOIP Eye 3 zoom in on the hands to verify that they are‘nt indeed Ken Silva’s and Obama’s. We Know.

    Smoking Gun 2 from GOIP Eye 3—Ken Silva is not clearly seen leaving the scene of the crime with Obama and his agents of the New World Order of Obamanation:

    Obama 2008.jpg

    For shame Ken—we hope you come here to comment and clear up this unTruth and our misinformation for we thought you were one of us. All of us Online Discernmentalists must now call you back to our version of Biblical Integrity.

    The Emergent Perversion Of The YMCA…

    November 2, 2009

    emergentymca

    Those evil Emergents have infiltrated the YMCA teaching our children impure doctrines like the Stations of the Cross on Good Friday. We GOIPers are appalled—how dare those evil Emergents outrage a fine actor  and morally superior Hollywood star like Kirk Cameron:

    Even Ken Silva is enraged at those Emergents perverting the YMCA and you should be too.

    The Postmodern Apostasy Of The Candy Industry

    November 2, 2009

    reeses