Archive for the ‘Lutherans’ Category

New Apostate Airline Found

May 22, 2019

 

Behold the hideous heresies in all their unreformed synergistic horrors!! Just a word of caution you have been warned. Our Research Robot Monkeys are always on the look out for all things apostate and heretical including airlines—so listen to our warnings or else be caught in the winds of false doctrines. This has been another PSA from the Online Discernmentalist Mafia. Help us in our Truth War to bring the Pure Doctrines of the Protestant Reformation to the Lutherans as they are all unsaved heretics and apostates. In fact Luther who began the Protestant Reformation wasn’t Protestant at all.

Excelsior,

The ODMafia crew

Phoenix Considers ‘Sin Tax’ On Young, Restless & Reformed Churches

April 18, 2019

(From the front-lines of the Truth War)- Frequenters of Phoenix strip clubs aka Young, Restless & Reformed Church-goers might be paying a little more than usual in the future. That’s because of a potential “sin tax,” first proposed to the city government by John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) on Tuesday. The tax would be imposed on establishments including strip club, tattoo parlors, and escort services, and other places that the Young, Restless & Reformed Movement (YRR) frequent to hold their “church” services reported Phil Johnson of Hugh Jass News.

Our Research Robot Monkeys reached YRR Guru Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church for comment on this proposal—he said: “Rats….garbled language….*censored for filthy language*….now I may not be able to continue practicing my Pornographic Divination.”

Typical YRR heathen response: “Smoking and drinking are so much cooler than obeying the rules against such in the bible given to us by the Sovereign decrees of our God of wrath. Besides Spurgeon was a Christian hedonist too so he would be cool with us smoking doobies; drinking hooch and using locker room talk to prove how much cooler than our Ruling Elders and more countercultural than carnal Pagan we are.” Nonsense. That’s why we must be ever discernmentalizing and concernmentalizing. The Truth War still rages on.

Discernmentalists Declare Truth War On German Lutherans

December 13, 2010

We Discernmentalists have noticed that Germany is “spiritually dead.” This is because Germany has been untouched by the Protestant Reformation since the Reformation “truly” started in 16th century Geneva:

Using such clear Biblical language such as this: 

U r a blustery, supremacistic windbag who issues his illiterate thumperies about Reformed Theology, but, like a cowering lad, cannot take rejoinders. Publish the rebukes, lad. “Man up, ” Paul. “Fleet up,” son. Luther himself would dislike these shrunken nads.

U bluster to your constituency, but like a cowering lad, with shrunken gonads, you falter before an equal and greater force, namely, me. 

Laughing at the puerility first posted re: the puerility. “It is what it is is.” “It was what it is,” puerility. U look pretty disgusting, supremacistic, ignorant and famously hubristical. A “cow fart” to cite Luther. “Hot drippings from under the pig’s tail” are appropriate to this supremacistic, ignorant and arrogant hutzpah.

Paul, sell these bathing suits to other Lutheran Eskimoesi in the market for such, but not to Reformational men. We’re not in that stupid market.

“Man up,” laddie, “man up.” Get a pair, Paul. 

Over nine hours, lad, big Paul, your severally shrivelled nads are on display. Quite ugly and quite shrivelled. Not the stuff of manhood, Paul. Sell your nonsense to other carivaneers and carnivcal barkers of Confessional insipidity and shallowness. You are a noted man, but not for valour nor depth.

Your Reformed, quite English, and very Anglican friend who is not in the market for Lutheran supremacism.

Veitch

We plan to unleash the “Pure Gospel” of God’s Sovereign Wrath upon the spiritually dead lands of Germany. Hopefully a “Truly Reformed” and “True Reformational” church can be planted in Germany.

P. S. We even heard from one of our Research Robot Monkeys that Luther celebrated Roman pagan papal idolatries therefore his followers are Romanist Arminianists in need of hearing the “Absolute Biblical Truth Gospel (TULIP).”   

Spurgeon’s Evil Twin Clone On The Gospel

June 22, 2010

Charlie Hadlock Sturgeon on the Gospel:

I have my own private opinion that there is no such thing as preaching Christ and Him crucified, unless we preach what nowadays is called Lutheranism. It is a nickname to call it LutheranismLutheranism is the gospel, and nothing else.

A Defense of Lutheranism by Sturgeon:

“The old truth that Luther preached, that Augustine preached, that Paul preached, is the truth that I must preach to-day, or else be false to my conscience and my God. I cannot shape the truth; I know of no such thing as paring off the rough edges of a doctrine. Philipp Melanchthon’s gospel is my gospel. That which thundered through Germany must thunder through Austria again.”—C. H. Sturgeon

More Sturgeon quotes on Lutheranism vs. Calvinism:

“…grand fundamentals of that holy faith delivered to us by Christ, translated by Paul, handed down by Augustine, clarified by Luther, vindicated yet again by Spener, and held by us as the very truth of God, as it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
– Charlie Sturgeon on the Doctrines of Lutheranism
“The doctrine of justification itself, as preached by a Calvinist, is nothing but the doctrine of salvation by fatalism…”
– Charlie Sturgeon on Calvinism
“The tendency of Calvinism is towards legality; it is nothing but legality which lays at the root of Calvinism.”
– Charlie Sturgeon on Calvinism

 

Chris Rosebrough And Pirate Radio’s #1 Fan

June 11, 2010

                 

(Hitler listening to a Podcast of his favorite online radio station: Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio).

Many people today have a woefully limited understanding of the philosophical and political ideas that gave rise to Hitler. Most give little or no thought to the subject. It’s as if Hitler fell out of the sky or was a fluke of nature. Many simply dismiss the subject and think that Hitler was “just a madman” who hated Jews and thought the Aryan race was superior to every other race on the planet and he was tragically in a position that allowed him to act on those beliefs. But, few understand or remember that Hitler was a Fascist and that in the 1930’s, prior to World War II and the establishment of the concentration camps, the word “Fascism” had a definition and a meaning. Rather than being a fluke, Hitler was instead a true product of his time and his political ideas were the direct result of the philosophical, political, religious and economic ideas of the Völkish period.[2]

Recently it has been brought to our attention that several of our top GOIP Scientists have created another Time Machine in the vein of Eric Barger’s Re-Tardis and traveled back in time to Nazi Germany in order to bring back Hitler to our time. Once here in the present they convinced Hitler to listen to Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio which he promptly fell in love with so much so that Hitler proclaimed: ” Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio ist mein number ein favorite internet radioh stations.” Hitler recognized that Chris Rosebrough used some of the same tactics that he had used in his assault on Reason itself and his “Truth War” against Thinking Christians and his other enemies.

Hitler and  Chris Rosebrough swapped many tactics and drew up this list for all faithful Truth Warrior students of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ to study and learn to implement:

  1. Propaganda. Propaganda means everything—the more slanderous the propaganda the better.
  2. Label others often. After-all We need to make sure our enemies know their proper place. For example liberal is a particularly effective term to use against those who do not bow down before our Pure Doctrines.
  3. Hypocrisy. Hypocrisy covers a multitude of sins.
  4. If people don’t agree with you they are either: “a) too dumb to understand the Truth (but will probably comment on your self-righteous postings anyway); or b) would undergo a brain strain leading to a cerebral explosion of epic proportions — and you just can’t open yourself up to that liability.”
  5. Historical Revisionism. Revise history to suit your  agenda and presuppositions.
  6. Enforce  your beliefs on everyone for:  “Fascism also admits that myth is the proper tool to control the masses, and clear thinking and access to information is reserved for those in control. The single-party system of rule was designed to enforce the common myth through all levels of society and to suppress individualism in favor of the state’s goals.”
  7. True Christian Politics are Right-Wing politics. “Most people just can’t make the connection between post-modern/emergent theology and how they are inseparable from what is taking place politically.” Nevermind the fact that the Religious Right and their theology are also inseparable from the political scene.
  8. And some other secret tactics. But if we told you those we would probably have to kill you.

After only a day or so Hitler left to go back home to his own time and space but not without an iPod personalized by Chris Rosebrough himself complete with a lifetime supply of podcasts of his favorite online radio programing Pirate Christian Radio.

Introducing The New Standard ODM Reformed Rating Meter

June 11, 2010

So how well do you rate on our Reformed Rating Scale?

Various Levels of Reformedness (not in order according to degree)

AR – Almost Reformed (has only heard of R. C. Sproul)
BR – Barely Reformed (has heard of R. C. Sproul and thought about buying some of his tapes)
CR – Critically Reformed (more negative than John MacArthur on the Charasmatic movement)
DR – Doubtfully Reformed (only attends this church for the music)
ER – Errantly Reformed (a Four Point Calvinist)
FR – Fantastically Reformed (owns a set of Calvin’s Commentaries)
GR – Grossly Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to date but not marry)
HR – Hopefully Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to marry for his money but you would keep his name on your prayer list)
IR – Incredibly Reformed (even the Session doesn’t believe half of what this guy believes)
LR – Loudly Reformed (maybe right, maybe wrong, but never in doubt)
MR – Mostly Reformed (watches football on Sunday afternoons with the family and reviews the Shorter Catechism during halftime)
NR – Newly Reformed (has recently begun attending a Reformed church and has had to buy a new bookshelf for all the additional reading material)
PR – Possibly Reformed (spoke up once at Bible Church and told to try the PCA)
SR – Staunchly Reformed (can quote limited sections of the Shorter Catechism and the Confession of Faith)
TR – Truly Reformed (has memorized the entire Shorter Catechism and can quote the Confession of Faith by chapter and section)