Archive for the ‘James Dobson—my adoptive father’ Category

Paul Washer Caught Teaching Anti-Discernmentalist Doctrines

January 24, 2010

How dare he say that we can’t idolize John MacArthur and his Truth Wars. Pastor MacArthur is a True Man of God and the only True Absolute Truth teacher in all of the 2000 years of Church history. Is it possible to love the preaching of John Piper, Paul Washer, Tim Conway and still be lost? Yes but never John MacArthur as the Holy Spirit works through Pastor MacArthur so that every word uttered by him comes directly from the mind and mouth of God. John MacArthur’s Pure Doctrines will save all as any True Chrisian teaches.

Absolute Truth Rules:

  • Pastors must only use John MacArthur as a source and no one else unless it is Rush Limbaugh, Dr. Laura, or Glen Beck. (We used to allow focus on the family, but no longer do!)
  • Pastors or those who want to be pastor-like must quote Spurgeon and Calvin MORE than Jesus as Jesus tends to change people. God forbid that happens in OUR churches!
  • John MacArthur is the standard bearer of all Truth.
  • John MacArthur shall not be criticized.
  • John MacArthur is God’s Absolute Truth Voice and Warrior on Earth—a true defender of God’s Sovereign wrath.
  • GOIP Scientists Invent Pocket-Sized Gaydar

    January 22, 2010

    Gay churches detected on Gaydar screen.

    Recently after all the frequent gaydiation eruptions that Discernmentalists have detected—top GOIP Scientists have taken our Gaydar technology and have shrunk it down to a pocket  sized version. Using this GAYDAR Equation: 

    The amount of muscular power Pr returning to the erect antenna is given by the Gaydar equation:

    math

    where*’

    • Pt = trouser power
    • Gt = “Telling by the way I walk” quotient.
    • Ar = fabulosity
    • σ = hairstyle cross section, or scattering highlights, of the target
    • F = shirt pattern propagation factor
    • Rt = distance from the transmitter to the moustache
    • Rr = distance from the moustache to the tip of the nose.

    In the common case where the transmitter and the receiver are at the same location, Rt = Rr and the term Rt2 Rr2 can be replaced by LetsGetToIt”‘4, where LetsGetToIt is the result. This yields:

    math

    This shows that the received power declines as the fourth power of the range, which means that the reflected power from distant targets is very, very small. (This is the basis of that old chestnut, old gay men never die, they just fade away as the fourth power. – a joke which many mathematicians guffaw over to this day)

    We figured out how to transform the raw power of Gaydar into a more compact sized version—so here it is—introducing the GAYGER METER new from GOIP Tech:

    Now with two functionality purposes: detecting churches that support gay marriages and gay parents and outing gays in the midst of your church so that you can kick them out.

    Gaydar showing an individual’s gayness level and how much of a threat it is to our Pure Churches and Pure Marriage Doctrines.

    Todd Friel Caught Promoting Universalism

    November 27, 2009

    Todd Friel had this video on his Wretched site. Screwtape Letters was written by C. S. Lewis. C. S. Lewis was not  a Calvinist and a heretic who believed in universalism—so therefore Todd Friel is promoting universalism. Saint  John MacArthur would be apalled. We are too that’s why we had to discernmentalize Todd. Repent Todd lest ye be found among the unregenerate repobated non-Elect false converts and therefore unworthy to recieve a Christmas card from Saint John MacArthur.

    God’s Own Zip Code Revealed

    November 5, 2009

    colorado_springs_garden_of_the_gods_map_large

     

    Click unless you are unsaved, unregenerate, non-Elect, a heathen, queer, an Emergent, a sinner, an apostate, liberal, vote Democrat, an unbelieving athiest, Ken Silva’s evil clone, the fake Jan Markell or any of our other enemies.

    Ken Silva Exposed As A Closest Democrat And Obama Supporter

    November 3, 2009

    homobama_bin_laden

    Recently our GOIP Bot 3000 came across startling misinformation about one of our own Ken Silva.  Quite frankly we are appalled at the misTruth that our GOIP Bot 3000 has made Light to us that Ken Silva, Defender of the True Faith of his own opinions all is actually a closet Democrat and Obama Supporter. How could you Ken? Didn’t you know that giving funds to the Dum-b-o-crapic National Convention and Obama bin Laden is evil for:

  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for terrorism.
  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for abortion.
  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for homosexuality.
  • After all Saint John MacArthur has taught you:

    We know what you did and did not do and we know that you did not give money to fund the Democratic National Convention and Obama. We also know that you did not personally hand  $1,680 in funds over to the Anti-Christ Obama in 2008.

    Smoking Gun—GOIP Eye 3—our all seeing satellite exposes a horrifying photo—Ken Silva’s hand is clearly not seen personally giving Obama cold hard cash just last year:

    s-HANDING-OUT-MONEY-large

    We had the GOIP Eye 3 zoom in on the hands to verify that they are‘nt indeed Ken Silva’s and Obama’s. We Know.

    Smoking Gun 2 from GOIP Eye 3—Ken Silva is not clearly seen leaving the scene of the crime with Obama and his agents of the New World Order of Obamanation:

    Obama 2008.jpg

    For shame Ken—we hope you come here to comment and clear up this unTruth and our misinformation for we thought you were one of us. All of us Online Discernmentalists must now call you back to our version of Biblical Integrity.

    Death To Socialism

    November 2, 2009

    briannocommies

    Our GOIP Bot 3000 has just discernmentalized a wonderful list outlining some of our Master Plan—here it is:

    1. End Medicaid, Medicare and the VA. This was a liberal plan to simply redistribute wealth from the rich to the needy. These plans are both expensive and unsustainable and the time is now to cut the plug. If you are elderly or a veteran, then you are on your own. If you have enough wealth, then go get your own health plan. However if you cannot afford a health plan, then consider yourself a leach on society. You are dragging down this great country.
    2. End Public Schools. Obama just got on television and delivered a message to all the children in public schools in the nation. How wrong is that? The president has no business talking to our children. All he wants to do is spread his liberal agenda to their innocent minds. There is only one solution to all of this. All children should be home schooled. Also the wealthy can send their children to expensive private schools, but the inexpensive public schools are just a burden on society.
    3. End Unemployment Insurance. Unemployment insurance is just wrong. It is redistribution of wealth in its purest form. I am supposed to give my hard earned tax money to some retard that can’t even hold a job? Give me a break. They can always get a job at McDonald’s or picking up the trash. This is just a way of rewarding laziness, and it needs to come to a full stop, now!
    4. Private Roads. Where in the constitution does it say that our government is responsible for creating roads? No where. All roads should be private, and the better road the more it should cost. There are plenty of poor people that may not be able to afford to travel on the better roads, and I have one response. Tough crap! Now that you don’t have unemployment insurance, maybe you will have more motivation to finally get a job.
    5. End Air Traffic Control. Do we really need our government controlling our air ways? The entire system is probably corrupt, and should be eliminated. Liberals will argue that air traffic control makes air travel safer. How stupid! All it does it drives up the cost. We need to make air travel more affordable and the first step is eliminating air traffic control.
    6. Burn Down All The Libraries. I know one thing for sure. Libraries would not exist if not for liberals. Now that Obama’s approval ratings are falling off a cliff, let’s get rid of one of the bastions of liberalism, libraries. That will show them. If people want to read, then they can buy their own books. Why can’t liberals understand that simple fact?
    7. No More Taxes. The beautiful part of my plan is that we no longer need to pay taxes. Even some good conservative people like to read a good book once in a while, but is it really worth our freedom? I for one am going to stop paying taxes immediately and then hopefully the Chosen One, Barack Hussein Obama, will follow my simple plan to eliminate socialism in our lifetime. I encourage all my readers to stop paying taxes as a protest to socialism.

    Young-Socialist-1905

    We  would also like to add in outlawing Sunday School as Sunday School is a communist plot to decieve God’s True Elect into accepting socialism—for Sunday School was invented by ‘Robert Raikes, editor of the Gloucester Journal and (a theological liebral), who saw the need to prevent children in the slums descending into crime.’  This is nothing but the false gospel of socialism and ‘that old line of liberalism’ otherwise known as the Social Gospel as Saint John MacArthur clearly exposes:

    We also plan on making Fundamentalist Calvinistic Christianity the only legalized religion and all others illegal.

    Send Us Mail Or Else

    November 2, 2009

    Here is our address:

    1 The Way

    Dobson Ranch, AZ,

    Jesusland, USA

    Here is a picture of our lovely ranch—the Mighty G…od Fortress Space Station on Mars:

    DeathStar_size_chart

    And here is a map of our lovely ranch for your convenience in case you’re forced to come visit us:

    DeathStar1

    death_star2

    We would love to hear from you or force you to visit us! Here our Director of Tourism, Brannon Howse, leads some of our Party guests on a tour of our marvelous ranch and extraordinary headquarters:

    vaderhowse

    One of the main highlights of our wonderful headquarters is all of  our Mexican and Canadian slaves that we’ve harvested over the years with thanks to our supporters. Here they are before our GOIP Bot 3000 turned them into small living fuzzy teddy bears:

    _41806854_mexicans416

    seattle2007_canadians

    And here are some of  our slaves after  our GOIP Bot 3000 turned them into small living fuzzy teddy bears as they are more manageable and efficient when they are smaller:

    final%20ewoks(1) 

    And here are some of our GOIP Troopers suiting up for the Absolute Truth War:

    GOIPTroopers

    Our Beloved  Führer Ron Luce without makeup on:

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    Anyways we all hope to hear from you and see you soon! Drop us a line and stop by any time!

    God’s Holy Trinity of Orthodox Stem-Cell Scientists Revealed

    November 1, 2009

    defcon

    John MacArthur Backs Our GodPod

    November 1, 2009

    iBelive

    John MacArthur backed IPod set to only pick up CCFP approved listening materials like the King James Bible as read by Darth Vader, John MacArthur sermons, Way Of The Master radio, Rush Limbaugh and tons of other CCFP materials. Automatically set to screen out the Glen Beck program as his political views are Orthdox— his religious views however are satanic. The CCFP IPod comes preloaded with a library of John MacArthur and John Piper sermons, the ESV bible, the MacArthur study bible and the Scofield study bible.

    If you force your kids to come to Ron Luce Hitler’s Youth Group For True Christians—your kids will own one of these before leaving our camp.

    Boycott Disney Or Else…!!!!!!!!!

    October 30, 2009

    Bak

    Recently one of our faithful GOIP Political Agents—Shelly The True Republican discovered an evil Emergent plot set up within Florida to corrupt our Pure Children. Here are the deets:

    Walt Disney And Cussing Lie-berals

    October 27th, 2009 | Category: Briefly Patriotic

    From the very start, Walt Disney tried to “normalize” miscegenation, mor(m)onism and bestial pedophilia so I guess it was just a matter of time before his company hired a homo activist to run the whole company.

    Also, I got a call from some lie-beral defeato-crat that ended up, like all of them calls do, with them cussing and profaning the name of Jesus…cuz that’s what lie-berals do.

    Listen to Shelly’s podcast as well. My adoptive dad and I agree that Disney was an evil Emergent lie-bral apostate and that the Disney Corporation is  run by evil Emergent Spiritual Terrorists bent on enslaving our Pure Children and teaching them the false and socialist doctrines of liberalism. Parents for the good of our Pure Elect children Boycott anything remotely related to Disney.