Archive for the ‘Its all aBOUT ME!’ Category

SBC under siege by Mothra Priestesses!

May 18, 2019

 

mothsbcattack

Actual photo of this assault by Mothra and her Priests/Priestesses!

Not a day goes by when our Truth is not under attack—this time we’re under siege by Mothra. [H/T]: The moth-eaten SBC and the women who did it. “But I am like a moth to Ephraim, and like dry rot to the house of Judah.” (Hosea 5:12).

Oh the unholy horror of this affront on our Truth—I only pray that Mrs.  Jobson doesn’t catch wind of these secret feminist doctrines or she might rebel against my divinely mandated authority again. I’ve forced Mrs. Jobson to wear a necklace made out of mothballs just in case—sure it smells funny but I told her: “listen woman this is for your own good and it helps protect the purity of our Truth.” Anyways here’s how to spot these secret feminist Mothra priestesses:

They are feminists—don’t let them tell you otherwise. Also we hear they’re not too fond of the smell of mothballs but are attracted to altar flowers. (See this link for proof).

This is the new crop of what I called Christian secret feminists- but they aren’t as secret as they were in 2012. They live a feminist life inside of Christianity but call it ministry. They are openly rebelling now.

One woman who has much to answer for about this new role is Beth Moore. She was the one who broke new ground in the Southern Baptist Convention, a most conservative denomination, in how far a woman could go in attaining celebrity status, living for her career and not for her home, and promoting gender role reversals.

She showed us how to be the main and sustained breadwinner of the family. She showed us that she could preach in a church and teach anyone in the world, uncensured. Mrs Moore, while speaking conservative values cloaked in all the right Christianese, has lived a very feminist life. (We suspect this is because of their super secret psychic cloaking powers).

We only know this because of using our Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology or SKIRT—also they are most likely to predict an oncoming Mothra attack as per our findings. We also have reason to suspect these feminist Mothra priestesses of secret Catholic leanings:

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Absolute Proof. We discovered this too while using our Bible-based SKIRT (Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology).

So be warned and beware—thankfully you have lone Discernmentalists in the wilderness like us to warn you of all these threats on our Truth. At this very moment we’re working on Mothra-sized mothballs—to surround our Holy Convention and churches—and prevent these feminist Mothra priestesses unleashing even more Mothra attacks on our churches and Truth.

JMac caught preaching unBiblically

May 16, 2019

We almost couldn’t believe our eyes—could it really be that the Pope of all Truth has erred? Proof:

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We almost forgot for a moment that our Pope is exempt from following the Doctrines he places over others. The evangelical culture—including churches and religious media—has for years moved away from preaching. Some experts claim there is nothing sacred about traditional preaching, so why not change to please the tastes of society? Wouldn’t congregations be better served by methods more in step with the times?

While that rationale may sound spiritual and completely reasonable, it actually puts churches on precarious ground. The potential for disaster is real. You need to be concerned. And as our Pope himself preaches that the only True mode of preaching is Expository not Topical:

You know, one of the things that’s become apparent to me as you just kind of keep your ear to the ground and watch what’s going on in terms of theology today is that expositors never come out of institutions with a low view of Scripture…never. Liberals make terrible Bible expositors…in fact, they don’t make them at all simply because they do not believe there’s anything significant about the terms, so why bother to deal with the terms. But it isn’t only the liberals that concern me in that dimension, I think that even evangelicals and fundamentalists have the same problem. We would say that liberals attack the authority of Scripture in a head-on attack. They deny it. They want to deal with a different level of inspiration, whether it’s the inspiration of someone’s thought or whether it’s the existential approach that if it zaps you somewhere then that’s inspired for you, or whatever approach they take that’s less than verbal plenary inspiration. The result of all of that is that there are no real significances attached to the terms themselves, so they don’t bother to deal in an expository manner. They talk in broad generalities.

But it’s amazing to me also that even evangelicals do the same thing. Recently I, and I’ve done this a couple of times, but when I was giving some messages along this line to a group of pastors, I said “The liberals attack the Bible by denying its truth,” you know, and you can hear the “amens” ripple across the room. And I said, “And then the people who have sort of flipped out on the experiential end and on the Charismatic end and have taken those things to excess, they come along and say…Well, Jesus said to me…or I had a vision…or God spoke to me…or the Lord showed me what this meant.” And what they’re doing really is adding their own experience, their own revelations, their own visions to the Bible and in so doing that they undermine the authority of Scripture, too, and it becomes just as important to for them to teach their experiences as it does to teach the Bible. And so, the purity of expository preaching is watered down. And also what invariably happens is in that particular movement you wind up with a tremendous freedom to use the Bible almost as a creative instrument, it’s almost like a paint brush. You can use it to paint anything you want. You can make verses say whatever you want them to say. You can be very fanciful. You can be very allegorical because your experiences and your feelings and your emotions and your intuitions and your visions and your revelations are substantively the equivalent of Scripture.

And then you have, of course, the evangelical and the fundamental people who would die for the absolute authority of Scripture but they get up week after week in their pulpits and never delineate its principles. And in my judgment, that’s the worst of all because to him that knoweth to do good and doeth it not, to him it is sin. I mean, we know that every word is pure, right? And if we don’t deal in an expository manner with the Word of God, then we’re denying the precept of the Bible itself, that it is in fact in every word the Word of God. And so the greater sin is at the door of the evangelical who affirms this high view of Scripture but number one, doesn’t believe that he should be involved in an expository ministry, or number two, is involved in exposition in a superficial non-diligent way. You can’t treat Scripture like that. If you’re going to do it, you’ve got to get in and be diligent.

We’re surprised the Mighty Hugh Jass Phil Johnson hasn’t covered up this mistake of our inerrant Pope like when he attacked his Truth. Even the late Ken Silva almost turned against the Pope of the Truth War. So remember to preach expositionally instead of topically like Spurgeon preached unless of course you’re the Pope over Truth.

Holding all to the Standard of their Doctrines,

Don Jobson

 

More on Our Persecution

April 23, 2019

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Once again my fellow Truth Warriors in our war on Truth War we’ve come under assault. This time by the sinfully ecumenical quasi-universalist semi-pelagian worldly heretical mystic seeker sensitive purpose driven Emergence unchristian against our clear teachings against such Relevant Magazine for writing an article against our Persecution Complex fake Real Persecution. Quote:

Obama was now, according to one Brietbart reporter, one of those “people who don’t want to say ‘Christians’”. “Yeah we’re actually called Christians not ‘Easter worshippers’”, sniffed a National Review writer. And so the sneaking conspiracy spread.

This is one of those “scandals” that becomes absurd as soon as you say it aloud. The charge is that former President Obama must hate Christianity so much he can’t even bring himself to say the word out loud. Such a rare form of psychological loathing that would be very surprising coming from a man who, say, famously sang “Amazing Grace” at a memorial service for Christians who were murdered in his own country while he was President.

Referring to people attending a religious service as “worshippers” is standard practice. It was only a few days ago that the AP called those mourning the closure of the Notre Dame Cathedral as “Easter Worshippers.”

How dare they take a stand against  our persecution for taking a stand against all those who would dare call Easter worshippers True Christians against our clear teachings that such is an abomination! We must reunite again in our war on Truth Truth War to come against all those who would dare come against us and be ever apprising on those who pervert our True Doctrines. Quote:

There’s a whole cottage industry built up around this complex — the God’s Not Dead franchise springs to mind — and it ends up doing real damage to Christians in other countries who are facing actual, not imagined, persecution. When American Christians cry wolf about actual persecution enough, the real thing ends up getting ignored.

And that’s the sad irony here. What happened in Sri Lanka is a true example of believers being targeted for their religious beliefs, while American Christians took a statement of seeming sincerity as a perceived slight and obfuscated the real persecution. If Christians truly care about persecution, they will mourn the real thing, not create fake versions of it.

But our Pope of our war on postmodernity Truth War (PBUH) says:

In this era of religious pluralism and postmodern relativism, evangelical Christianity has been marginalized as too rigid and too exclusive for public consumption. In the same way, the first-century church was a direct contradiction, not just of Jewish teaching, but of Roman paganism, as well. John MacArthur explains how the New Testament Christian’s life contradicted the religious norms of life in Roman society.

Because the Christians refused to make the required sacrifice offered in worship to the emperor, they were seen as traitors. They also proclaimed the kingdom of God, which caused the Romans to suspect them of plotting to overthrow the government. To avoid harassment by government officials, Christians often held their meetings in secret and at night. That heightened the Romans’ suspicions that they were hatching an anti-government plot. That Christians generally refused to serve in the Roman army also caused them to be viewed as disloyal.

The Romans also persecuted Christians for religious reasons. They allowed their subjects to worship whatever gods they liked, as long as they also worshiped the Roman gods. But Christians preached an exclusive message that there is only one God and only one way of salvation. That, coupled with their evangelistic efforts to win converts from other religions, went against the prevailing atmosphere of religious pluralism. [3] The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: John 12-21, 167-168.

The world doesn’t often clearly delineate religious lines of demarcation. To the untrained eye, most “Christian” religions look vaguely similar. And so long as the various religions can get along with one another—regardless of their differences—the world is happy to tolerate their faith and practice. Look no further than the widespread ecumenical support for this latest pope, or the constant campaign to rebrand Islam as a religion of peace as evidence of the world’s preference for postmodern religious harmony.

It’s only when God’s people make a stand for the objective, eternal truth of His Word that they find themselves in the crosshairs of an otherwise tolerant society. The message is clear: If you could just take your faith less seriously, we’d be able to get along. But the inability of God’s truth to mix with error means God’s people will always be branded as the problem children.

So who  you gonna believe us or them? So take a stand in our Conspiracy Driven Church and spread the fear and spread the hate against all those liberal sinners who said something we don’t like and hurt our feelings went against our God who is a good liberal-hating Obanma/Hillary-bashing Republican just like us because we’re so persecuted.