Archive for the ‘inspirational films’ Category

Trump considers Sicking Lobstermen from Mars on Deep State

December 11, 2019

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Shelldrake Clorzo  pledges to pinch the Deep State with his pincers

QAnon reports on American Thinker:

Will December be the month the pincers close in on the Deep State?  Some promising storm clouds are building.  Justice Department inspector general Michael Horowitz will appear before Senator Lindsey Graham’s Judiciary Committee on December 11, with the long promised I.G. report on FISA abuse to be released December 9.The report is already being downplayed by the media, with the New York Times warning, “DOJ watchdog report expected to clear Comey, McCabe, and Strzok of bias in Trump-Russia probe.”  Okey-dokey, case closed.  The storm will be only a light breeze — at least according to their “unnamed sources” and “officials familiar with the report.” Read more: https://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2019/11/are_the_pincers_closing_on_the_deep_state.html#ixzz66pc3EPCC

It was also reported from an anonymous transmission from outer space that a UFO was spotted a few light-years from Earth. The Trump Administration has said to have made contact with the ship piloted by one Shelldrake Clorzo (a lobsterman from Mars). Shelldrake has been desperately searching for a way to avoid problems with the IRS of Mars and the unpaid millions he owes them in back taxes. He has asked Trump for help—in return and armed with a foolproof plan he pledges to sick his pincers on the Deep State to repay Trump.

Truth-Busters!

November 27, 2019

“When there’s a truth to be busted… who you gonna call?”

Introducing our newest film of Discernmentalized proportions Truth-Busters from GOIP Productions starring the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s very own Truthslayer and our recent ODMU graduate

It’s gonna be tough measuring the “size of the problem” when there are thought-criminals like me who recognize that “hate crime” is nothing more than naked thought-policing. It is 100% politically motivated; it’s meant to silence dissent; and, while it has largely been successful, it has exposed the escalating Bolshevization of the Left, through both corrupted formerly credible organizations like SPLC, ADL and ACLU (all of which are now just as hysterical and partisan as the laughable John Birch Society) and hyperpartisan propaganda outlets, like Religion News Service. Meanwhile, with rightwing extremism kept in check by “watchdogs” like the aforementioned, leftwing exremism is, by comparison, allowed to flourish, so that it manifests itself all the way up to the tippy-top, with unchecked radicals in Congress proposing ridiculously out-of-touch policy positions not in alignment with more than a fraction of the country. And if these zealots on the left won’t even listen to their popular predecessor Barack Obama, why should they listen to all the other indicators that tell them they’re the ones losing their minds? Instead they cling to willful fictions like “mah hate speech”!

Oh, and Heather Heyer was looking for a fight. She got one. Her aggressor deserves to go to prison for his awful behavior, but Team Heather was just as bellicose and ideologically possessed. They are not good people. Both sides.

Truthslayer rallies the pack using his newly invented Most Obvious Right-wing Oxydizing Necrons (MORON)-Packs to put down the ghost of Shane Claiborne’s lost dog Stoner and Whiner. Later (in a cameo) El Sandi joins the team as the Truth-Busters‘ secretary. El Sandi answers a call about a perceived hate-crime (which turns out to be a prank from an escaped Whiner): “”and I know how devastating it can be to feel like you don’t even have the dignity of being a hate crime statistic.” If that is one’s focus after what they consider a hate crime, perhaps they overreacted? If you want to get beyond the “epidemic of hate” then quit looking for it. You taught your daughter to disrespect people in authority doing their jobs, don’t teach her to look for problems where there may be none, except in your insecurities. Hate is in the eye of the beholder – it is relative…good day Whiner.”

In the climax of the film the Stay Put Know-Your-Place Man a golem of the Status Quo accused of being an Antifa phantom begins to terrorize the Truth-Busters leading Lauren to exclaim: “Yes, I draw the same conclusion about the eminent threat of left-wing terrorism (or alt-left-adjacent attacks) every time there’s a new clip on YouTube of “the knockout game”. It’s really the best way to navigate through life.” In the end the Truth-Busters take down Stay Put and contain the Emergent Red-Letter Christian hordes in their Emergent Red-Letter Christian Organizers (ERCO) Containment Unit causing an environmental disaster on a Biblical scale. The end?

 

STATUS QUO JOE!

May 4, 2019

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‘They call him Status Quo Joe…she was his Discernmentalist rose lost in the flow…saying sayonara made him cry…but that’s not what they meant when they said goodbye…’

Eric Barger stars as Status Quo Joe—a down on his luck heresy hunter always ready to defend the Status Quo at all costs. Joe gets called to investigate a church outside of town—running into old troubles a long the way—causing him to discernmentalize by misunderstanding that any new way of doing church leads to Roman Catholic mysticism. After seeing couches and candles—Joe becomes increasingly convinced that this Emerging church has apostatized to contemplative meditation and therefore is no longer Bible-believing. Just when Joe is about to call down the wrath of God upon this church—the ghost of John Knox appears accusing Joe of being guilty by association for reciting Apostolic Creeds and also of being a reprobate (as Joe is an Arminianist Nazarene and Arminianism is the Road Back to Rome). Tearfully Joe bids farewell to the Status Quo for now—at least until his Doctrines are considered Pure once again.

—This film features the song Tokyo Joe based on the film of the same name which ironically this movie is not based on.

 

Phil Johnson And Hugh Jass Film Productions Present…

August 5, 2010

Not to be outdone by Discovery Channel’s Shark  Week’s ratings grabs, Phil Johnson and Hugh Jass Film Productions cash-in with the newest Summer Blockbuster Discernmentalist hit: Attack OF The SEMI-PELAGIANS starring the United Methodist Church. The creatures known as Semi-Pelagians are semi-aquatic animals that are half Augustinian and half Pelagian and are mostly found in Arminian churches most notably the United Methodist Church. The Semi-Pelagians soon begin revolting and attacking the semi-Donatist faith of Discernmentalism prompting our hero Phil Johnson aka Pastor Hugh Jass and his loyal crew to discernmentalize them. Attack OF The SEMI-PELAGIANS: coming soon to a Discernmentalist TV station near you!

Ron Paul Wins CPAC: Bringing Us Closer To The End Times!

July 31, 2010

Ron Paul Fail hath wons the CPACs. Ron Fail on record against our Constitutional Invasion War. Ron Fail is anti-wars pacifist so means he pro-terrorist and also pro-the saTanic Emergent ufo invasions to brainwash the masses. We must stands up to this:

If Ron Fail wins 2012 elecshuns the terrorists win. No tru bible-believing Conservative should be against the wars. If the terrorists wins the antichrist comes. Oh and We blame Lew Rockwell and the emerging aliens on this too but also pseudo-scientifix polls not based on Biblical science.

Fear AND Self-LOATHING on the INTERNET…

June 10, 2010

       

Our hero Ken Silva reprises his role in this sequel to the classic Fear And Loathing On The Internet. In this new film fresh off the conveyor belts of the GOIP DVD production lines—Ken begins lamenting the fact that there is  “a growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM) that has crept right into the timid heart of the squishy evanjellyfish church organism pretending to be a True Protestant community.”

Soon this lamenting turns into self-loathing followed by fear and then finally fear and self-loathing combined of which the title (Fear And Self-Loathing On The Internet) of the film is derived. Shortly in the film—in the midst of protesting against “the growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM)” in the church today— Ken experiences a computer crash but manages to send out this message through Discernmentalist Osmosis which is in the DNA of all True Discernmentalists:

Just a short note asking for prayer, particularly if you’ve been blessed by this online apologetics and discernment work, and making you aware that the hard drive in the main computer at here at Apprising Ministries has crashed. Fortunately back problems had forced me to do much of my work from a laptop so the loss of materials/information was lessened. Since our email program went through that now defunct main computer we no longer have access to it so we’ve begun a new email account: apprisingministries@gmail.com. We remain thankful you have been standing with Apprising Ministries through these 5+ years, and thank you for your prayer, as well as financial support as well. O, and the blessing; well, we’re still waiting to see what the Lord has in store through this little bit of a test as we try and rebuild our database.

Fearing for the worse Ken soon discovers that the evil Frank Viola and equally evil Leonard Sweet caused his hard drive to crash through their spiritually corrupt practice of Contemplative/Centering Prayer. Our film ends with Ken pledging to put his fear and self-loathing to good use as he vows to take revenge against Contemplative/Centering Prayer and the “sinfully-ecumenical” Purpose-Driven and Contemplative-driven Emerging/Emergent Church and “po-mo Christian” sinners in general by using big TRUTH WARRIOR words such as “gutless crybaby,” “spineless” and “sissified jellyfish” even more than he did in the first film or does now.

On a happier note Ken also reinstated his offer to make good on his vow to donate a “spine” and “Backbone”  to any apostate heretic that would repent and believe upon the Pure and True Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and Biblical American values such as capitalism and war so that this film could have a happier ending than the first one.