Archive for the ‘heretics’ Category

The Poison Of Anti-Calvinism

August 29, 2011

Anyone who dares to offer any sort of critique of any of the 5 points of Dortian Calvinism is a bigot and a lost deluded ignorant individual. Not only that but to offer up any kind of logical and sound Biblical critique of any of the Doctrines of Dort is to go against God and His Grace. Arminian Semi-Pelagians, Romanists, Papists, Barthians, Emergents and any other Anti-Calvinists belong to the Synagogues of Satan and are part of the Whore of Babylon that is out to destroy the Pure Gospel and God’s Absolute Truth. Anti-Calvinism is a poisonous hate-filled cancer spreading like gangrene by Spiritual Terrorists within and outside of the church.

Also anyone who dares to attack any aspect of Calvinism is unReformed, lacks any True understanding of the Bible and slanders the Reformation. This is why Arminian heretics are not only Semi-Pelagians but also closet Mary-Worshipping Papists. Arminianism and Anti-Calvinism are the roads straight back to the Bondage of Rome because Calvinism not Jesus Christ is the Pure Gospel.

The reason that I bring this up is because of my exposure to the inane nature of so much of the popular anti-Calvinism found in the writings of ignorant heretics like Geisler, Hunt, Vance, and Bryson (repeated without the slightest bit of concern by Coate) and that is the contrast between the biblically-based presentations of Reformed writers and our concern for accuracy in even representing those who disagree with us (and who attack us personally) and the methodology of “anything goes as long as it is opposed to Calvinism” of the other side.

Anti-Calvinists are the most ignorant, arrogant, hateful and disgusting people in the world. All Anti-Calvinists should be locked up for their criminal behavior. I thank God and His Absolute Sovereign Wrath that all Anti-Calvinists were predestined to be tortured for all eternity unless they are able to repent—so  Anti-Calvinists of the world—REPENT—and remember when we tell you that God hates all of youwe are only speaking the TRUTH in Love.

Sharin’ Whiplash Goes Contemplative….Alert, Alert!

July 9, 2010

Sound the alarms, we’ve caught Sharin’ Whiplash one of our most faithful expositors of our Pure Doctrines in the midst of supporting New Age Mysticism:

More on Contemplative Centering Prayer:

Centering prayer is a popular method of contemplative prayer or Christian meditation, placing a strong emphasis on interior silence.

Though most authors trace its roots to the contemplative prayer of the Desert Fathers of early Christian monasticism, to the Lectio Divina tradition of Benedictine monasticism, and to works like The Cloud of Unknowing and the writings of St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, its origins as part of the “Centering Prayer” movement in modern Catholicism and Christianity can be traced to several books published by three Trappist monks of St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts in the 1970s: Fr. William Meninger, Fr. M. Basil Pennington and Abbot Thomas Keating.[1]

Note that Iggy the evil Grace-hating man-loving Emergent Pelagian teaches this stuff so you know it must  be heresy.

Research Robot Monkeys Fighting Snakes On A Plane

July 8, 2010

Recently we released our Research Robot Monkeys on a plane full of apostate Emergents who were flying on an Arminian Airlines flight bound for Rome. Our Research Robot Monkeys caught those evil Emergents in the act of praying silent New Age heretical Roman Catholic “wordless” Contemplative Centering Prayers. Those Emergents were on their way to sitting on couches with candles while drinking coffee with the Pope and Dalai Lama.

(Arminan Airlines Symbol Courtesy of the Devil. Our Research Robot Monkeys in a fury of Researchmentalism noted that the Double A in the symbol of Arminian Airlines also could stand for Apostate Atheists).

Angered by all that they observed and that those apostates wouldn’t bow down before our Pure Truth Wars Doctrines©®™ our Research Robot Monkeys began stoning all those man-centered Grace-hating dark ignorant man-loving heretical semi-Pelagian reprobated sinners by flinging feces at them. We proudly bring you our Research Robot Monkeys’ adventures on worldly apostate airlines every Mon-Fri. at 6 pm now only on GOIP-ODM TV.

Chris Rosebrough And Pirate Radio’s #1 Fan

June 11, 2010

                 

(Hitler listening to a Podcast of his favorite online radio station: Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio).

Many people today have a woefully limited understanding of the philosophical and political ideas that gave rise to Hitler. Most give little or no thought to the subject. It’s as if Hitler fell out of the sky or was a fluke of nature. Many simply dismiss the subject and think that Hitler was “just a madman” who hated Jews and thought the Aryan race was superior to every other race on the planet and he was tragically in a position that allowed him to act on those beliefs. But, few understand or remember that Hitler was a Fascist and that in the 1930’s, prior to World War II and the establishment of the concentration camps, the word “Fascism” had a definition and a meaning. Rather than being a fluke, Hitler was instead a true product of his time and his political ideas were the direct result of the philosophical, political, religious and economic ideas of the Völkish period.[2]

Recently it has been brought to our attention that several of our top GOIP Scientists have created another Time Machine in the vein of Eric Barger’s Re-Tardis and traveled back in time to Nazi Germany in order to bring back Hitler to our time. Once here in the present they convinced Hitler to listen to Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio which he promptly fell in love with so much so that Hitler proclaimed: ” Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio ist mein number ein favorite internet radioh stations.” Hitler recognized that Chris Rosebrough used some of the same tactics that he had used in his assault on Reason itself and his “Truth War” against Thinking Christians and his other enemies.

Hitler and  Chris Rosebrough swapped many tactics and drew up this list for all faithful Truth Warrior students of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ to study and learn to implement:

  1. Propaganda. Propaganda means everything—the more slanderous the propaganda the better.
  2. Label others often. After-all We need to make sure our enemies know their proper place. For example liberal is a particularly effective term to use against those who do not bow down before our Pure Doctrines.
  3. Hypocrisy. Hypocrisy covers a multitude of sins.
  4. If people don’t agree with you they are either: “a) too dumb to understand the Truth (but will probably comment on your self-righteous postings anyway); or b) would undergo a brain strain leading to a cerebral explosion of epic proportions — and you just can’t open yourself up to that liability.”
  5. Historical Revisionism. Revise history to suit your  agenda and presuppositions.
  6. Enforce  your beliefs on everyone for:  “Fascism also admits that myth is the proper tool to control the masses, and clear thinking and access to information is reserved for those in control. The single-party system of rule was designed to enforce the common myth through all levels of society and to suppress individualism in favor of the state’s goals.”
  7. True Christian Politics are Right-Wing politics. “Most people just can’t make the connection between post-modern/emergent theology and how they are inseparable from what is taking place politically.” Nevermind the fact that the Religious Right and their theology are also inseparable from the political scene.
  8. And some other secret tactics. But if we told you those we would probably have to kill you.

After only a day or so Hitler left to go back home to his own time and space but not without an iPod personalized by Chris Rosebrough himself complete with a lifetime supply of podcasts of his favorite online radio programing Pirate Christian Radio.

Terrorist Beard Alert System

May 6, 2010

Frequently we get questions about beards so our very own Dr. I. Todyaso wrote a award winning massive on the subject of Bible-Based Beards which gets hit up very often by those wanting to learn the Absolute Biblical Truth about beards. Recently however the question of terrorists’ beards came up so a few of our Research Robot Monkeys infiltrated secret terrorist bases deep in the mountain caves of Pakistan and elsewhere. Our Research Robot Monkeys with their perfected skills in discernmentalism came up with the above poster in order to better understand the phenomenon of terrorists’ beards.

You can never be too careful about these things for your next door neighbor might secretly be in league with the terrorists all based on the style of beard they wear. Aparrently terrorists dye their beards to expose their true colors and show you their thoughts, feelings and true intentions—but usually if you are close enough to see a suspected terrorist’s beard color by then it is too late. Never fear if you heed our warnings and advice we can help you expose a true terrorist’s beard from a fake terrorist’s beard and a Bible-Based Beard:

Step # 1: It’s all in the dye job but don’t get too close always observe a suspected terrorist’s beard from as far away as possible. Particularly using far-reaching telescopes, Research Robot Monkeys or GOIP Satellites helps in observing suspected terrorist’s beards from a distance.

Step # 2: If someone has a pet name for their beard they are most  likely a terrorist.

Step # 3: Use Bible-Based beard mite identifying scanners in order to scan where the suspected terrorist’s beard mites are from for if the beard mites are from anywhere near the vicinity of the Middle East then we have a match for terrorism.

Step # 4: Terrorists are tricky though and sometimes shave off their real beards and trade them in for fake beards if that happens it becomes tricky to identify them. In order to expose a suspected terrorist then you must discover where their fake beard comes from. If it is from anywhere other than America they are probably a terrorist.

Last, Bible-Based Beards  have already been explained by Dr. I. Todyaso so read his massive on them. Remember that we say all of this in the love of our God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath in which we stand so heed all  of our precautions and remember as the Patron Saint of our Truth War John MacArthur says:

From the very beginning, the battle between good and evil has been a battle for the truth. The serpent, in the Garden of Eden, began his temptation by questioning the truthfulness of God’s previous instruction: “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’? … “You surely shall not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen. 3:1,4–5). And this has been his tactic ever since—casting doubt on the straightforward revelation of God.

Throughout the centuries, this age-old war on truth has been repeatedly fought even within the church. The biblical writer Jude, for instance, faced such a situation when he wrote his epistle. Though he had wanted to write about the wonders of the common salvation that he shared with his readers, he was compelled instead to urge his readers to “contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints” (v. 3). False teachers, like spiritual terrorists, had secretly crept into the church (v. 4). The lies they were spreading, like doctrinal hand grenades, were spiritually devastating. They were enemies of the truth, and Jude was compelled to expose and confront them.

Over the past few decades, the church in the United States has fought this very battle on several fronts. In the sixties and seventies, the doctrine of biblical inerrancy came under direct attack. The Bible, it was said, was full of errors, and thus could not be trusted as historically or scientifically accurate. In the eighties and nineties, the sufficiency of Scripture was targeted. The charismatic movement (with its need for additional revelation from God) and Christian psychology (with its emphasis on neo-Freudian counseling techniques) attempted to undermine the fact that God “has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of Him,” as revealed in Scripture (2 Pet. 1:3).

As the millennium drew to a close, the attack on God’s revealed truth came in a new way. This time the relevance of Scripture was the point of attack. Rather than being directly maligned, the Bible was quietly discarded by church leaders for whom biblical teaching was simply not a major priority. “The Seeker Movement,” more or less advocated limiting the presentation of divine truth to what unbelievers are willing to tolerate.

A new movement is now arising in and around evangelical circles. Now, it appears, the main object of attack will be the perspicuity of Scripture. Influenced by postmodern notions about language, meaning, subjectivity, and truth, many younger evangelicals are questioning whether the Word of God is clear enough to justify certainty or dogmatism on any point of doctrine. Ironically, this new movement more-or-less ignores all of the previous debates. Instead, its proponents are much more interested in dialogue and conversation. As a result, propositional truth (which tends to end dialogue rather than start it) is scorned and rebuffed as an outmoded vestige of twentieth-century modernism.

This movement is very diverse and still developing, but it is generally referred to as “the Emerging Church.

A terrorist just may be hiding out in your church but now thanks to our impeccable researchmentalism you know how to expose them.

Roger Williams Attacks Discernmentalists From The Grave

March 14, 2010

 

Our Research Robot Monkeys have been reading Deformed Reader lately—which led them to come up with the conclusion that  Roger Williams was an apostate. Deformed Reader states of Williams’ Anti-Discernmentalist character

The arrival and expansion of (Ana)Baptists in North America

The famous American-Swiss church historian Rev. Prof. Dr. Philip Schaff has informed us427 that “in America the Baptists trace their origin chiefly…to Roger Williams…. He was charged with advocating certain opinions supposed to be dangerous.”

These included the viewpoints: “that the magistrate ought not to punish offences against the First Table [of God’s Law]; that an oath ought not to be tendered to an unregenerate man; [and] that a regenerate man ought not to pray with the unregenerate, though it be his wife or child….

“He [Roger Williams] was immersed by Ezekiel Hollyman [during 1639] — and, in turn, immersed Hollyman and ten others. This was the first Baptist church on the American Continent. But a few months afterwards, he renounced his rebaptism — on the ground that Hollyman was unbaptized [meaning unsubmersed], and therefore unauthorized to administer the rite to him.”

Clearly, it never dawned on Roger Williams that nobody had baptized John the baptizer. Yet it was John (and apparently by pouring or sprinkling) who baptized Jesus Christ. And it is the Latter’s baptism alone which gives validity to all Christian baptisms.

Incredibly, the apostate Roger Williams pleaded428 even for the complete toleration of Islam, Judaism and Paganism. He read Dutch well; knew of the political concepts of the Dutch Anabaptists; and accordingly rejected the British and American Puritans and their Christonomic Theocracy.429 Unfortunately, the Dutch (Ana)Baptistic heresies of Roger Williams have now massively corrupted especially the United States.

Dr. Arthur McJohn and I want you to know just how hideously apostate Roger Williams was—just listen to these Anti-Discernmentalist quotes:

It is the will and command of God that…a permission of the most Paganish, Jewish, Turkish or anti-christian consciences and worships be granted to all men in all nations and countries.”

Enforced uniformity confounds civil and religious liberty and denies the principles of Christianity and civility. No man shall be required to worship or maintain a worship against his will.”

That cannot be a true religion which needs carnal weapons to uphold it.”God requireth not a uniformity of religion.”

God requireth not a uniformity of religion to be enacted in any civil state; which enforced uniformity (sooner or later) is the greatest occasion of civil war, ravishing of conscience, persecution of Christ Jesus in his servants, and of the hypocrisy and destruction of millions of souls.”

How dare he speak of Religious Liberty for anyone but those who bow down to our Pure Doctrines! Clearly Roger Williams is attacking us from the grave as his ideas are attacking our vision for a Theocratic AmericaClearly “liberty of conscience” and “tolerance” are liberal code words for “get along and love one another.”  Our Final Prophet teaches this fact that only we Discernmentalists  deserve True Religious Liberty:

“A new heresy has been discovered,” he said. “We must stamp out this burst of hell-fire before it spreads over the surface of the earth…. Freedom of conscience is a doctrine of the devil…. Better to have a tyrant, however cruel, than permit everyone to do what he pleases.”

If that alone isn’t evidence enough that Roger Williams was clearly a heretical apostate then consider this: an apple tree root in the shape of  a Serpent ate his corpse. Coincidence—we think not!

  

Jim Wallis’ Secret Communist Marxist Manifesto Discovered

February 24, 2010

Adolf Howse and his researchmentalists team have discovered  Jim Wallis’ Secret Communist Marxist Manifesto hidden in a Texas bus station locker somewhere. Above you can see how menacing and evil looking it is. How it got there, who really planted it and why it is in German (Adolf Howse’s favorite language besides Bible-Based English/slander) we don’t really know?

Although Dr. Truthslayer has theorized that Jim Wallis was trying to cover up Adolf Howse’s slander lies libel expose on Wallis. Dr. I. Todyaso agreed as did Dr. Arthur McJohn. Dr. Will Farel XV however was under the opinion that there was a secret code hidden in the German vowels. Erich Badger is now working around the clock with our affectionate Uncle Ken Silva’s help in trying to crack any secret codes in it if they really are there.

Jan Markell and Doug Parris have pledged their undying support in our Absolute Truth War ways of slander, hatred, bigotry, misrepresentation and arrogance calling Red-Letter and Emergent Christians to repent of the truth their anti-Capitalism, anti-America and anti-American Gospel ways. All we can say is thank God and Ronald Reagan for Adolf Howse’s saving the Southern Baptist Convention from their sure destruction by Jim Wallis–otherwise Prestonwood Baptist Church may have had to hear such biblical unbiblical messages as this:

All Theological Roads Lead Back To Rome?

February 21, 2010

Sharin’ Whiplash aka Non-Electgal in an UnReformed and Deformed moment stated:

Anabaptists, Reformed/Presbyterians, Lutherans, and Anglicans are 4 separate branches with separate traditions. All four branches are Reformed from Roman Catholicism in the broad sense of the term.

Clearly she might be one of the unregenerate reprobates decieved into believing that she is Truly Elect or Secured in her Reprobation for as we know Calvinism has  nothing to do with “Roman Arminianism or Roman Catholicism that man-exalting heresy!” And we don’t exalt man especially not Calvin—We Know! Why—because We told ya so! Or maybe Sharin’ has contracted the same Postmodern and Emergence virus that Ken Silva has contracted?

Shocked: Spurgeon Had A False Conversion—We Know So!

February 20, 2010

Recently our Research Robot Monkeys have come upon new and startling information concerning Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior). We have found that Spurgeon had a False Conversion—we are truly disappointed in this finding. Here follows an account of  Spurgeon’s False Conversion:

Spurgeon’s conversion to Christianity came on January 6, 1850, at age fifteen. On his way to a scheduled appointment, a snow storm forced him to cut short his intended journey and to turn into a Primitive Methodist chapel in Colchester where “God opened his heart to the salvation message.” The text that moved him was Isaiah 45:22 – “Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God, and there is none else.”

Methodists teach Grace-hating Man-loving Arminianism, Decisional Regeneration and Free-Willism which are all errors. See  there this is proof of his False Conversion—We Know so! Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior) even admits by his own Free-Will he made a Decision for Christ rather than being Regenerated by the preaching of the Pure Gospel of God’s Sovereign Wrath:

I do from my soul confess that I never was satisfied till I came to Christ; when was yet a child, I had far more wretchedness than ever I have now; I will even add, more weariness, more care, more heart-ache than I know at this day. I may be singular in this confession, but I make it, and know it to be the truth. Since that dear hour when my soul cast itself on Jesus, I have found solid joy and peace; but before that, all those supposed gaieties of early youth, all the imagined ease and joy of boyhood, were but vanity and vexation of spirit to me. . That happy day, when I found the Saviour, and learned to cling to His dear feet, was a day never to be forgotten by me. An obscure child, unknown, unheard of, I listened to the Word of God; and that precious text led me to the cross of Christ. I can testify that the joy of that day was utterly indescribable. I could have leaped, I could have danced; there was no expression, however fanatical, which would have been out of keeping with the joy of my spirit at that hour. Many days of Christian experience have passed since then, but there has never been one which has had the full exhilaration, the sparkling delight which that first day had. I thought I could have sprung from the seat on which I sat, and have called out with the wildest of those Methodist brethren who were present, “I am forgiven! I am forgiven! A monument of grace! A sinner saved by blood! “My spirit saw its chains broken to pieces, I felt that I was an emancipated soul, an heir of Heaven, a forgiven one, accepted in Christ Jesus, plucked out of the miry clay and out of the horrible pit, with my feet set upon a rock, and my goings established. I thought I could dance all the way home. I could understand what John Bunyan meant, when he declared he wanted to tell the crows on the ploughed land all about his conversion. He was too full to hold, he felt he must tell somebody.

Sheer blasphemy—we are mortified beyond words! We are now praying that Todd Friel (Wretched), Ray Comforts (Awesome) and Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) drop all their associational ties with the works of this False Convert.

P. S. Also we are not too pleased with Spurgeon’s teachings against the Pure Reformed Doctrines and clear teachings of Calvin on Infant Baptism and also likewise with John Piper (Soft On Heretics)’s teaching against the Pure Baptism Doctrines of Calvin as well.

And remember these words of Absolute Truth from Sharin’ Whiplash:

Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

John Wesley Admits That He Is An Agent Of Satan Sent To Destroy The Pure Gospel Of God’s Wrath

February 19, 2010

The following is an excerpt from a letter from John to his brother Charles in June 1766:

In one of my last {letters}I was saying I do not feel the wrath of God abiding on me; nor can I believe it does. And yet (this is the mystery) [I do not love God. I never did.] Therefore [I never] believed in the Christian sense of the word. Therefore [I am only an] honest heathen, a proselyte of the Temple, one of the God-fearers.”

“And yet, to be so employed of God! And so hedged in that I can neither get forward nor backward! Surely there was never such an instance before, from the beginning of the world! If I ever have had that faith, it would not be so strange. But I never had any other evidence of the eternal or invisible world than I have now; and that is none at all, unless such as faintly shines from reason’s glimmering ray. I have no direct witness [I do not say, that I am a child of God, but] of anything invisible or eternal.”

And yet I dare not preach otherwise than I do, either concerning faith, or love, or justification, or perfection. And yet I find rather an increase than a decrease of zeal for the whole work of God and every part of it. I am borne along, I know not how, that I can’t stand still. I want all the world to come to what I do not know.” [quoted in Stephen Tomkins, John Wesley, A Biography (Oxford: Lion Publishing, 2003), p. 168 – The bracketed material was written in shorthand which meant that it was for Charles’ eyes only]

Discernmentalists we ask you this:  Wasn’t Wesley supposedly “converted” at the hearing of a sermon by Luther being read? Do you think Luther proclaimed the true gospel? We Know Luther was a closest Papist…We also Know that John Wesley taught false doctrine. Of course this will cause fears and doubts within a man… Heresy is a disqualifying sin and those who teach such will not inherit the kingdom of God. We Know this confirms the evil man-centeredness of Arminianism. Shouldn’t we then imprison  all Wesleyans as the criminal reprobates that they are? Or at least ban them from our Pure Churches? Remember also the Pure Gospel based words of Sharin’ Whiplash

John Calvin and John Knox are some of my all-time heroes of the faith. What great men, and greatly used of God to execute and slaughter supposed heretics. Thank You, Lord, for Your servants, Jean Cauvin and John Knox, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Roman Arminianism, that man-exalting heresy, being Christ-like and bearing the Fruits of the Spirit. Thank you for exempting them from the sin of murderous genocide or else more error would’ve spread to corrupt our Pure Doctrines. Too bad no one was around to slaughter those man-exalting heretics:  Luther, Arminius,  Smythe and Helwys and Wesley when they had the chance then their errors too would be silenced today—so that we’d have a Truly Pure Church teaching only the Sound Doctrines of God’s Wrath and hate towards 99.9% of all humanity from the foundation of the world.