Archive for the ‘GOIP University’ Category

Pope Pyro the First says: “Education Smeducation!”

April 20, 2019

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Our Illustrious Infallible Grand Poobah the Most Inerrant Most Holy Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) decrees: “Education smeducation…students keep your mouth shut…I am the Master and you barely worthy to sit at my anointed feet of discernmentalism…I have no need of degrees as  I already know all Truth. Did Paul have a  degree? Did Spurgeon? For I was personally appointed by God to lead the Truth War and spread disimformation slander discernmentalism. I know all Truth and history as I was there.”

Elsewhere Phil Johnson aka Hugh Jass noted that our Holy mecca Vatican school University of Discernmentalism is under attack:

Pastor John MacArthur has described the probation of his Master’s University and Seminary by an accrediting agency as an “orchestrated” attack, possibly by Satan, and directed students to keep quiet about the controversy.

A Nov. 29 report from the Chronicle of Higher Education published an audio recording of an hourlong sermon from August wherein the 79-year-old Reformed pastor told the student body that their accreditor’s actions amounted to an effort “orchestrated, if not by humans, by Satan himself.”

MacArthur also told students not to ask questions about the accreditation issues, they had no right to learn the details, and that it was not their responsibility.

“There are things that God hates, right?” he said, referencing Proverbs 6. “One of them is the one who stirs up strife,” he said, urging students to keep their complaints within the university and seminary.

“Keep your mouth shut,” MacArthur told them.

“Don’t stir up strife. You don’t know the whole story.”

New Quick And Painless Way

June 27, 2011

To Remove Jesus From Your Heart:

Have you ever asked Jesus into your heart? What about accepting Jesus as the Lord and Savior of your life? Or receiving Jesus to fill your God-shaped hole? Is Jesus more important to you than any other religious leader? If you answered yes to any of the following—congratulations you’re not even a Real and True Christian and most likely worship Satan, the Pope or Mary as your dark lord and master a False Convert.

If you have found that you were rated a False Convert—never fear Todd Friel with Brannon Howse’s help have introduced a new quick and pain-free way to reverse your status and make sure that you become a True Convert this time around. Introducing the new surgical procedure to surgically remove Jesus from False Converts’ hearts: Operation JesuScopic Surgery! Why let Jesus fool around in your heart when you can have your heart filled with the Puritan Hard Drive (PHD)—now with twice the amount of John Owen’s fatalistic arrogance!

The Unfolding Saga Of Beck-Gate

May 19, 2010

    

Discernmentalists we are under attack again as usual. This time one of our Pure Schools has let the apostate and non-Christian Glenn Beck speak at it’s Graduation ceremony. Glenn Beck is a Mormon as you know and Mormonism is not only heretical but also a False Religion with an unbiblical and False Jesus.  Why would any of our Pure Schools invite an unregenerate reprobate to speak to the regenerate and True Godly Elect? All they are doing is inviting danger into their midst…who knows some of the audience may really be False Converts who were never saved to begin with and now they may have slipped up big time and have  lost their Sanctification status.

We are appalled at the Seeker-Sensitiveness of Liberty University letting this ecumenical heresy slide. What happened to Liberty’s Godly Stand in our Truth Wars…are they now Emergent?  Ever since Jerry Falwell passed on to Heaven, Liberty has been getting more and more worldly. Why they’ve even let Arminian heretics on their staff—sheer blasphemy as We Know Arminians are unsaved. We must take a self-righteous stand in God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath to put a stop to this.

However we all still must continue to stand against the socialist false gospel of socialist justice.

New Discernmentalist School Opened

February 23, 2010

Together Ken Silva  and Tim Challies have opened up a  new Discernmentalist Learning Center to teach the following Discernmentalist skills:

  1. How to know someone’s true beliefs by osmosis
  2. Comment Deleting
  3. Arrogance
  4. Self-Righteousness
  5. Discernmentalist math skills
  6. Uncomprohensive reading skills
  7. How  to write doom and gloom Discernmentalist articles
  8. Discernmentalist “study” skills
  9. Advanced mis-reading skills
  10. Discernmentalist test preparation

Phil Johnson and his Hugh Jass as well as our own Dr. I. Todyaso recommend the Ken Silvan Discernmentalist Learning Center for  all your Discernmentalist educational needs.

Discernmentalists Teach True History

January 14, 2010

Some of our Secret Discernmentalist Agents have infiltrated a Canadian website to spread lies propaganda revisionist history the Absolutely True history of Lucy Maud Montgomery:

Montgomery for McCain

Postby TrueChristian » Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:51 am

Our beloved author LM Montgomery, as a conservative, would have clearly voted for John McCain if she were a US citizen and living now.

Obama wants to pull out of Iraq and declare defeat. President Bush has been winning the war against terrorism and spreading democracy in the middle east. McCain, as a war hero and experienced senator, will continue to defeat terrorism. If Obama becomes president, we are going to get hit by terrorists. Joe Biden has admitted this will happen.

I encourage every elligeble us citizen, in the spirit of Lucy Maud Montgomvery, to voet next week for Senator McCain.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16

Postby Wild Roses » Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:49 pm

McCain might be a war hero, but beyond that, he isn’t much else but a hypocrite. This U.S. citizen proudly voted for Obama.

I’m sure Captain Jim would be quite proud of me.

“We couldn’t buy the logic that Jesus was the only way. That meant the Buddhists and Hindus who had never even heard of Christ Almighty were doomed to hell, while Ku Klux Klan members were not.” From THE HUNDRED SECRET SENSES by Amy Tan.
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Postby TrueChristian » Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:13 am

So you would rather vote for Obama and get hit by terrorists instead of voting for someone experienced who could prevent a terrorits strike?
For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16
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Postby Shelly » Thu Oct 30, 2008 4:52 pm

You don’t know that terrorists would strike with Obama in office. Nor do you know that terrorists would leave the US alone with McCain in office.

And bringing democracy to Iraq? Ha! More like occupation.

Nope. I’m not voting for McCain. (Or Obama.)

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by TrueChristian » Sat Nov 01, 2008 9:31 am
Obama’s own running mate said that they were going to get hit by terrorists, and hes got years of foreign policy experience. And we are bringing democracy to Iraq. Now they can vote for there leader without fear of getting poisoned with nerve gas cant they?

The terrorists haven’t attackedus again because President Bush has been beating them. President Bush said we have to fight the terrorists there so we dont have to fight them here and hes been doing that. I think people have forgotten baout 911. Thats why its so imaportant that we vote for McCain like Lucy Maud would have.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16

Postby Shelly » Sat Nov 01, 2008 3:23 pm

I will NOT vote for McCain. Nothing you can say is going to change that.

Also: Who are you to say how LMM would’ve voted if she lived in the States?

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Postby Wild Roses » Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:02 pm

The terrorists didn’t hit us when Bill Clinton was office–they hit us when George W. Bush, a conservative, entered office. If Bush had been paying attention to the memos he gets while he’s on vacation, the attack wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Also, we’re not ‘beating’ the terrorists. In Afghanistan, they have regrouped.

And, why haven’t be bombed and invaded other countries where dictators still rule? Why is Iraq so important that it gets singled out but not the other countries where dictators hurt their people?

At least Obama has foreign policy experience. What is Sarah Palin’s? She can see Russia from her house. (She also has less political experience than Obama. He has years as a community organizer, President of the Harvard Law Review, was in the Illoinois State Senate, and in Senate. Palin only has two years as mayor of a town smaller than where I live, and two years as gov.) Furthermore, you are twisting Biden’s words.

I am so sick of McCain’s years as a POW being trotted out. What about the fact that he cheated on his first wife–a wife who waited for his return home for years, only to get dumped so he can marry a rich woman who stole drugs from her charity to feed her addiction. What about his role in the Keating scandal in the 1980s? What about the fact that he has more votes on veteran benefits than has Tim Johnson (who was in a coma!). McCain is a veteran–but somehow can’t make it to DC to enable a bill on veteran benefits to get passed.

I don’t think anybody in the U.S. has forgotten about 9/11. However, it was SEVEN years ago. You want to know a tragedy that doesn’t get enough attention? Hurricane Katrina. New York City has come back from the ashes, New Orleans is still stuck in the shams.

Montgomery may have been a conservative, but she was a Canadian. Based on her books, she only a had fleeting interest in US politics.

“We couldn’t buy the logic that Jesus was the only way. That meant the Buddhists and Hindus who had never even heard of Christ Almighty were doomed to hell, while Ku Klux Klan members were not.” From THE HUNDRED SECRET SENSES by Amy Tan.
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Postby TrueChristian » Tue Nov 04, 2008 11:42 am

Alquaida bombed the US Cole while Clinton was in office and he failed two chances to kill Bin Laden. The Bush administration said they warned the airline industry about a possible attack. You’lljust have to take Pres. Bushs word for it.

We are beating the terrorists. They have not attacked us again, have they? This is because President Bush has them on the run or in hiding incaves. But Presient Bush doesnt get credit for that? He was the most popular president in modern history and now everyones forgotten about that because the economies bad.

Palin isn’t running for president, McCain is, so it isnt as importnatn that she has foreign policy experience. Ronald Reagan was another governor without foreign experience and he defeated communism and was one of the greatest presidents.

Montgomery would have voted for McCain if she were still alive and a US citizen because she supported world war I–Another war against evil. She didn’t believe in the cut and run strategy.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16
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R. R., This Diploma Is For You!

November 24, 2009

We of God’s Only Inerrant Party and The Online Discernmentalist Mafia do hereby award you, R. R., Redneck Republican, this  honorary diploma of academic excellence and achievements in the online world of Redneck GOIP Republican Discernmentalism. Congratulations!

We will now recite your essay that you wrote for your graduation speech:

The Problem with Liberals

…  Grade: A- for suggesting that Liebrals can actually go  to heaven as they are of the unregenerate, reprobated, unsaved, non-Elect sinners.

Liberals are gullible. Liberals are being led around by the nose by the liberal media. Take global warming as an example. Liberals want to believe all of these liberal chicken-little scientists that the earth is warming. The reality is that we are just going through a little hot spell, and they are using that as a trick to have the government control our lives.

We of the OD Mafia and GOIP agree as the earth warming is a Sign of Jesus’ sure return and the Blessed Rapture. Praise God!

Liberals are naive. Remember when Saddam Hussein told the UN that he had no weapons of mass destruction? The liberals and the idiot United Nations wanted to do give Hussein the benefit of the doubt and do an inspection. Saddam Hussein was a liar and an evil man and we needed to take him out whether he had WMD or not. Believing anything other than that is naive.

Yes the UN is the Anti-Christ’s headquarters of a New World Order Of A One World Religious  Government. Evil indeed—we heard from Brannon Howse that Saddam controlled the UN while he was alive.

Liberals are weak. One of the first things our idiot Communist president, Barry Obama, did was close down Guantanomo where we were torturing some of the most evil enemies of our great nation. Liberals are against torture because they are weak. For America to succeed in the war against terror, we must torture MORE not less. We should be opening up a chain of Guantanomo prisons throughout the world. Only then will the world realize how strong we are as a nation.

We know—Dr. Truthslayer warns that even preaching on gentleness leads to liebralism.—Don Jobson. How dare those liberal fools try to turn our Jesus (the True one)  into Mister Rogers when we who are God’s True Elect know that He was like General Patton and General Douglas (John) McArthur.—Arthur McJohn.

Liberals are no fun. Liberals like to point at Abu Ghraib as American foreign policy gone bad. In fact, it is the opposite. During George W Bush’s term, America had the best foreign policy in the history of time. Actually, Final President Reagan had the greatest foreign policy of all time as it is the Pure Biblical Standard for all foreign policy for all time. The Bible clearly teaches this Absolute Truth. Insofar as Bush followed the political Gospel of Reaganism which the Bible teaches, he was okay in our book. However, George W. Bush is a closet socialist and a globalistAbu Ghraib was just a few of the youngsters having a little fun at the expense of the evil Muslims. Liberals definitely need to lighten up a bit.

Amen!—only we Fundamentalists are fun as our system begins with the word fun, whereas liberalism begins with lie.—Arthur again.

Liberals are going to hell. This is a key and critical point. Not all liberals are going to hell, but a lot of them are. We are concerned with your wording here. The reason is that God is a Republican. God wants liberals to fail but he also gave humans free will because he wants all humanity to choose Republican. Here. The ramifications are dire because heaven is full of Republicans and HELL has a lot of Democrats. Liberals need to get their heart right with God. And here.

Actually all liberals and Demon-c-rats are going to hell as they were born unregenerate, reprobated, unsaved, non-Elect sinners and God chose them as vessels of Wrath and destruction from the foundation of the world. However, we True GOIP Republicans were born regenerate, predestined Elect, saved vessels of Glory according to God’s Absolutely Sovereignty. If you don’t like this Pure and Sound Bible teaching—suck it up,  because this is the Pure Gospel. We thought your opening thesis was strong until you fell into the error of the man-centered Grace-hating man-loving romanist papist semi-Pelagian heresy of Arminianism. This is why we had no choice but to give you an A- for effort despite your critical, heretical and soul destroying error.

Liberals are bad with money. The reason that we are in the current economic crisis is 100% because of liberals. Of course, liberals are doing everything in their power to escape blame by blaming tons of innocent people. They want to blame the Fed for printing too much money. Then on top of that, they blame Bush for entering a costly war with no exit. Can you believe it? They think that Bush was not frugal. The reality is that liberals need to own up for creating this crisis so we can move on.

We agree—Capitalism is the Absolute Truth Biblical economic system.—Arthur McJohn.

Liberals hate our military. This one makes me a little perturbed. We owe our freedom and the best quality of life on the planet to our military. It is the ultimate in disrespect. This is also related to why liberals are so weak.

Yes war is God’s Divine Command to His Holy Elect. This charge I commit unto thee, son Timothy, according to the prophecies which went before on thee, that thou by them mightest war a good warfare; 1 Timothy 1:18 King James Bible AV1611

Liberals hate freedom. Liberals want all of us to be slaves to a Orwellian Big Brother government. The government tells us what to do, and we just nod our head like puppy dogs. Liberals are submissive, and conservatives love freedom.

Theocracy is the only True Freedom. 

“A new heresy has been discovered,” he said. “We must stamp out this burst of hell-fire before it spreads over the surface of the earth…. Freedom of conscience is a doctrine of the devil…. Better to have a tyrant, however cruel, than permit everyone to do what he pleases.”

—John Calvin. Which is why we must triumph over Satan’s philosophy of liebralism.

Conclusion. There is more, but liberals should start working on improving themselves as people. It is not only important for themselves but for the nation as a whole. Rush Limbaugh (another one of the great ones) has it right. We are in a battle between good and evil. Right now, Satan is winning and the hateful racist non America Barry Obama is president. For America to succeed Obama must fail. We must unite as a nation again the evil that Obama represents. Liberals repent.

Checked and graded by: Don Jobson and Arthur McJohn, Online Discernmentalists and key GOIP Officials.