Archive for the ‘GOIP Media’ Category

STATUS QUO JOE!

May 4, 2019

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‘They call him Status Quo Joe…she was his Discernmentalist rose lost in the flow…saying sayonara made him cry…but that’s not what they meant when they said goodbye…’

Eric Barger stars as Status Quo Joe—a down on his luck heresy hunter always ready to defend the Status Quo at all costs. Joe gets called to investigate a church outside of town—running into old troubles a long the way—causing him to discernmentalize by misunderstanding that any new way of doing church leads to Roman Catholic mysticism. After seeing couches and candles—Joe becomes increasingly convinced that this Emerging church has apostatized to contemplative meditation and therefore is no longer Bible-believing. Just when Joe is about to call down the wrath of God upon this church—the ghost of John Knox appears accusing Joe of being guilty by association for reciting Apostolic Creeds and also of being a reprobate (as Joe is an Arminianist Nazarene and Arminianism is the Road Back to Rome). Tearfully Joe bids farewell to the Status Quo for now—at least until his Doctrines are considered Pure once again.

—This film features the song Tokyo Joe based on the film of the same name which ironically this movie is not based on.

 

Facebook Is Persecuting Us!

April 23, 2019

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Breaking Truth War News: Facebook is persecuting us. Facebook has blocked me from sharing my Blog posts and not letting me share my hate love speech with everybody on Facebook. I feel so persecuted that I just had to write a post to show just how persecuted we are for our Facebook followers. My fellow Truth Warriors Dr. I.Todyaso and Dr. Truthslayer can attest to how persecuted we are. I feel outraged and personally threatened by the intolerant librul fascism of Facebook. Why must they harass us for standing on the Hard Truths of the Bible? Why is lamestream media silent on our plight? I liken my suffering to all those Christian martyrs suffering persecution elsewhere in the world. Please help us in our good fight against persecution and the intolerance of Facebook by liking the ODMafia and GOIP pages on Facebook where you can read more posts about how persecuted we are. Each new like supports us in our cause against intolerance and persecution.

Phil Johnson And Hugh Jass Film Productions Present…

August 5, 2010

Not to be outdone by Discovery Channel’s Shark  Week’s ratings grabs, Phil Johnson and Hugh Jass Film Productions cash-in with the newest Summer Blockbuster Discernmentalist hit: Attack OF The SEMI-PELAGIANS starring the United Methodist Church. The creatures known as Semi-Pelagians are semi-aquatic animals that are half Augustinian and half Pelagian and are mostly found in Arminian churches most notably the United Methodist Church. The Semi-Pelagians soon begin revolting and attacking the semi-Donatist faith of Discernmentalism prompting our hero Phil Johnson aka Pastor Hugh Jass and his loyal crew to discernmentalize them. Attack OF The SEMI-PELAGIANS: coming soon to a Discernmentalist TV station near you!

Introducing The New Standard ODM Reformed Rating Meter

June 11, 2010

So how well do you rate on our Reformed Rating Scale?

Various Levels of Reformedness (not in order according to degree)

AR – Almost Reformed (has only heard of R. C. Sproul)
BR – Barely Reformed (has heard of R. C. Sproul and thought about buying some of his tapes)
CR – Critically Reformed (more negative than John MacArthur on the Charasmatic movement)
DR – Doubtfully Reformed (only attends this church for the music)
ER – Errantly Reformed (a Four Point Calvinist)
FR – Fantastically Reformed (owns a set of Calvin’s Commentaries)
GR – Grossly Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to date but not marry)
HR – Hopefully Reformed (the kid you would want your daughter to marry for his money but you would keep his name on your prayer list)
IR – Incredibly Reformed (even the Session doesn’t believe half of what this guy believes)
LR – Loudly Reformed (maybe right, maybe wrong, but never in doubt)
MR – Mostly Reformed (watches football on Sunday afternoons with the family and reviews the Shorter Catechism during halftime)
NR – Newly Reformed (has recently begun attending a Reformed church and has had to buy a new bookshelf for all the additional reading material)
PR – Possibly Reformed (spoke up once at Bible Church and told to try the PCA)
SR – Staunchly Reformed (can quote limited sections of the Shorter Catechism and the Confession of Faith)
TR – Truly Reformed (has memorized the entire Shorter Catechism and can quote the Confession of Faith by chapter and section)

Fear AND Self-LOATHING on the INTERNET…

June 10, 2010

       

Our hero Ken Silva reprises his role in this sequel to the classic Fear And Loathing On The Internet. In this new film fresh off the conveyor belts of the GOIP DVD production lines—Ken begins lamenting the fact that there is  “a growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM) that has crept right into the timid heart of the squishy evanjellyfish church organism pretending to be a True Protestant community.”

Soon this lamenting turns into self-loathing followed by fear and then finally fear and self-loathing combined of which the title (Fear And Self-Loathing On The Internet) of the film is derived. Shortly in the film—in the midst of protesting against “the growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM)” in the church today— Ken experiences a computer crash but manages to send out this message through Discernmentalist Osmosis which is in the DNA of all True Discernmentalists:

Just a short note asking for prayer, particularly if you’ve been blessed by this online apologetics and discernment work, and making you aware that the hard drive in the main computer at here at Apprising Ministries has crashed. Fortunately back problems had forced me to do much of my work from a laptop so the loss of materials/information was lessened. Since our email program went through that now defunct main computer we no longer have access to it so we’ve begun a new email account: apprisingministries@gmail.com. We remain thankful you have been standing with Apprising Ministries through these 5+ years, and thank you for your prayer, as well as financial support as well. O, and the blessing; well, we’re still waiting to see what the Lord has in store through this little bit of a test as we try and rebuild our database.

Fearing for the worse Ken soon discovers that the evil Frank Viola and equally evil Leonard Sweet caused his hard drive to crash through their spiritually corrupt practice of Contemplative/Centering Prayer. Our film ends with Ken pledging to put his fear and self-loathing to good use as he vows to take revenge against Contemplative/Centering Prayer and the “sinfully-ecumenical” Purpose-Driven and Contemplative-driven Emerging/Emergent Church and “po-mo Christian” sinners in general by using big TRUTH WARRIOR words such as “gutless crybaby,” “spineless” and “sissified jellyfish” even more than he did in the first film or does now.

On a happier note Ken also reinstated his offer to make good on his vow to donate a “spine” and “Backbone”  to any apostate heretic that would repent and believe upon the Pure and True Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and Biblical American values such as capitalism and war so that this film could have a happier ending than the first one.

Your Typical Worldly Seeker-Sensitive Emergent Type Worship Service

May 17, 2010

 

      

A video of a typical Worldly Seeker-Sensitive Emergent Type Worship Service:

An Emergent believer on this video:

love THIS vid! it’s almost from the same angle that I was ;)) so I can re-live this outer world experience over and over again!! I was too awed to record it, I just stayed there motionless and gobsmacked the whole song, almost crying and with goosebumps all over my body.. It really felt I could see his soul.. I don’t know if it was the lighting, but the brightness around him looked like an aura, something celestial.. I felt whole.
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Thankfully you have us to set you straight and to warn you about these evil mystic apostate demon spawns from hell. And remember you only need the Holy Inerrant Bible apart from  it’s Christ-Centeredness/Christ-Centered teachings to be whole!

Hunting Season For Liberals Officially Begins!

May 14, 2010

    

(Gloom And Despair News: a subsidiary of GOIP Media Dominion Corporation as distributed by Outhouse Fails Publishing, Inc.) —-  Discernmentalists head to hunting ranges all across America now that Liberal Hunting Season has begun. Steve Camp of Camp On This Gloom and Disparaging Ministries has promised to reward the first True Bible-Believing  Fundamentalist Conservative/Republican Calvinist Christian to bag over a hundred liberals with a prize of an authentic tissue paper used by none other than our very own Ken Silva. The tissue paper is bound to become a  True Discernmentalist collector’s item. Camp has indeed verified that the tissue has really been used by Ken Silva for it is so full of ego and Absolute Truth. The tissue also comes complete with a certificate of authenticity.

Camp is on record as saying there are no limits on who may be considered a liberal. Any and all groups other than Confessional Dortian Calvinists are to be considered too liberal to be Truly Biblical and most importantly even Truly Christian. Most or all groups that are considered too liberal to Truly be Christian are dark evil reprobated heathen unregenerate hell-bound apostates as Camp goes on to further state :

To paraphrase former President Ronald Reagan’s words when speaking of communism:

“Open Theism, Universalism, Mormonism, Romanism, the Emergent Church, Jehovah Witnesses, Pragmaticism, Syncretism, Word of Faith, New Perspective of Paul, Libertarian Free Will, Socinianism, the Social Gospel, and Sabellianism is foreign to heaven, where they’ve never had part in it; and is welcome in hell, where they’ve already got it.” (Source).

In related news, Brannon Howse and Todd Friel have teamed up and have pledged their support for an upcoming Anti-Glenn Beck /Anti-Social Gospel Rally. At the moment, all the details are still in the open. We’ll let you know when and if any futher details come to light or as soon as any  future developments are made available.

Todd Friel’s Secret Prosperity Agenda

February 23, 2010

As we all know Todd Friel (Wretched)’s phone number for his show is 1-800-LAW-GRACE—clearly he isn’t original as the  Litigation Funding for Potential Plaintiffs, Plaintiffs, and Attorneys’ phone number is 1-800-LAW-CASH. This may not look too concerning at first but upon further discernmentalization we have come to the conclusion by our perfect osmosis that Todd is secretly supporting the Prosperity Gospel. Clearly his slippery-slope of using the same  phone number as worldly and legal cash-fiends, ambulance chasing sharks and money sniffing bloodhounds is a secret code for his support of Prosperity teaching. This must have something to do with it as our Research Robot Monkeys have cracked the code. We Know! We have Absolute Proof—just look at what he’s hawking on his site:

Only a true Prosperity teacher would try to sell you something to make money off of the Gospel or endorse products for the Gospel like those Emergents do. We Know because we see all with our Bible-Based omniscience and osmosis.

P. S. Remember to give Todd Friel a call but before you do buy at least ten of his products to support him and his ministry of dividing the church and bless him financially in his Truth War ways.

Jim Wallis Out To Destroy The Southern Baptist Convention

February 18, 2010

Brannon Howse warns:

One of the largest Southern Baptist Churches in America has invited the Rev. Jim Wallis to speak at a church function on March 9, 2010. This is extremely shocking because Prestwood has a long history of being a solid, Bible teaching church. Brannon has warned for several years that the teachings of the Emergent Church and their Social Justice worldview is infiltrating even the best of churches, seminaries, and Christian colleges. Let this be a warning to every pastor, elder, deacon, Sunday school teacher, and church member that we must be ever vigilant to keep this heresy out of our institutions. We must hire staff that have a solid Biblical worldview as well as have discernment and are well read and informed. Dr. David Noebel of Summit Ministries wrote an article on our website in March of 2009, that revealed the following facts about the Rev. Jim Wallis. Jim Wallis has had relationships with the communist Committee in Solidarity with the People of El Salvador. Second, his “Witness for Peace” was an attempt to defend the Nicaraguan Sandinistas! Wallis, together with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright (Obama’s former pastor of 20 years) “rallied support for the communist Nicaraguan regime and protested actions by the United States which supported the anti-communist Contra rebels” (Family World News, February 2009, p. 7). Third, Wallis and his Sojourners community of fellow-travelers believe Fidel Castro’s Cuba, Hugo Chavez’s Venezuela, Daniel Ortega’s Nicaragua, and the other revolutionary forces “restructuring socialist societies” are the Communist paradises the United States needs to emulate in order to establish “social justice.” Writing in the November 1983 issue of Sojourners, Jacob Laksin notes, “Jim Wallis and Jim Rice drafted what would become the charter of leftist activists committed to the proliferation of Communist revolutions in Central America” (Laksin, “Sojourners: History, Activities and Agendas” in Discoverthenetworks.org., 2005). The ugly truth is Wallis wishes to see the destruction of the United States as a nation and in its place “a radical nonconformist community” patterned after the progressive, socialist commune he established in Washington, D.C., in 1971 (Laksin, Ibid.).”The Sojourners community,” says Laksin, “actively embraced ‘liberation theology,’ rallying to the cause of communist regimes that had seized power with the promise of bringing about a revolutionary restructuring of society.” Clark Pinnock, a disaffected former member of Sojourners, said that the community’s members were “100 percent in favor of the Nicaraguan [communist] revolution” (Laksin, Ibid.). Is this what Prestwood endorses? Brannon says that if they really want to have Jim Wallis speak then at the least invite someone like him to show up for a formal debate. If someone like Jim Wallis can be invited to speak at a church like Prestonwood then it should be warning to all of us in leadership positions. Who booked t his guy and why? What is Prestwood going to do about it and what does this say about the individual or individuals that thought this was a good idea? Is this the type of staff Prestowood is now employing? Do young, church staff members think a guy like Jim Wallis is a great guest speaker because SBC schools are teaching the worldview of Wallis?

How dare they invite  someone who regularly attacks our Pure Doctrines and the Inerrancy of the  Bible. Rhology adds:

Errant, human Scripture. By which he no doubt means “the parts of Scripture that I baselessly believe are not errant”. As I’ve asked many times before (in this very combox, even), how is the Scripture any guide or authority when YOU decide the subset of what is to be followed and believed among the set of all its contents? He has never attempted to answer that.

Certainly we can’t allow those different than us in our midst or chaos and heresy may ensue. Certainly allowing people like Jim Wallis in our churches may cause people to esteem Jesus’ words and hold Him in higher regard than Paul, the Bible and the American Gospel—which is heresy. We Know that Brannon Howse believes that America is a Christian Nation born of God and that Todd Friel and Ray Comforts (Awesome) are  disciples of John MacArthur who write on Brannon’s site.  We also know that they give their disciples John MacArthur Study Bibles and that John MacArthur has said that America was born from the sin of rebellion and Satanic witchcraft based on Romans 13. These facts don’t matter for where Absolute Truth and Discernmentalism is concerned—hypocrisy is Lord.

Discernmentalist Bowl

February 8, 2010

Forget the Super Bowl this year and watch the Discernmentalist Bowl live and commercial free. This year team Reagan’s Raiders takes on team Raw Sewage in a competition of discernmentalism of epic proportions. See who wins the highly coveted Reaganite Discernmentalist Cup Trophy as well as other cool Reaganite prizes. Here is the roster of team Raw Sewage’s lineup:

From left to right: Team Captain Ken Silva head of Raw Sewage Ministries,  Cheerleader Ericha Badger of Take A Stand Ministries, Head Cheerleader Toddy Friel of Wretched Discernmentalism, Field Discernmentalist Ingrid Eva Braun of Laodiceans R’ Us and Lead Conspiracy Theorist Adolfa Howse of New World Order Weekend.

Representing team Reagan’s Raiders are God’s Only Inerrant Party and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia

This year’s Discernmentalist Bowl’s Half-Time Show will feature special entertainment—open air law and wrath witnessing by Quirk Cameron and Ray Comforts (Awesome):

And a special Absolute Truth Gospel  Concert of Hope for God’s Wrath to Pour Down Upon All of Our Enemies like Haiti:

A Spectacular Discernmentalist Event For The Whole Family!