Archive for the ‘GOIP Ideas’ Category

Spurgeon Exposed As A Young Restless & Reformed Type Sinner

September 12, 2011

We are so tired of these Young Restless & Reformed type heathens trying to justify their fleshly desires and rebellious nature. How dare they flaunt their tattoos, smoke tobacco, drink one sip of an alcoholic beverage or even swish with an alcoholic mouthwash! Don’t they know that all of these things are a sin—how dare they disrespect our glorious Elder John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) and his clear teachings of our Pure Biblical Doctrines.

John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) is clearly head and shoulders above any of these heretical YRR apostates as John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) is the only True Living Teacher of God’s Word in history. Never-mind the fact that the bible never mentions tobacco or that the bible never mentions drinking in itself is a sin—(hect even Jesus drank wine)—if our glorious Elder (P. B. U. H.) says these things are a sin then that must be the Absolute Biblical Truth.

I mean how can one  use sinful activities to the glory of God—sheer blasphemy—just listen to this hideous description of your typical Young Restless & Reformed type sinner:

“Last Sunday evening, at the Metropolitan Tabernacle, the deservedly popular, unquestionably benevolent, and eminently shrewd Mr. Spurgeon was preaching a sermon on the sinfulness of little sins—a somewhat favourite topic among Nonconformist clergymen, and on which, under the title of ‘The Little Foxes,’ some curious lay-sermons have been written by Mrs. Harriet Beecher-Stowe.
“The gist of Mr. Spurgeon’s discourse was that habitual indulgence in little sins leads to the commission of great ones—a position enforced by one of the most famous English divines in the illustration of the ‘boy who plays with the devil’s rattles.’
“At the close of his useful sermon the minister introduced an American clergyman who, he said, was anxious to address a few words to the congregation. This reverend gentleman ‘improved the opportunity’ by inveighing fiercely against the sin of smoking tobacco, especially in the form of cigars, and told his hearers how he had struggled and fought against the pernicious habit, and how at last, by the blessing and with the assistance of Providence, he had conquered his addiction to the weed.
“Then uprose Mr. Spurgeon and, with quiet humour, remarked that he would not allow the congregation to separate without telling them that he did not consider smoking to be a sin, and that, by the grace of God, he hoped to enjoy a good cigar before going to bed that night.
“Hypercriticism should discern no irreverence in the conclusion of those remarks. We should be thankful for all things; and in observing that he hoped to enjoy a cigar through the Divine grace, he was but echoing the natural piety of Charles Lamb, who asked why we should not say grace before going out for a walk in the fields as well as before and after meat. Dr. Johnson said grace before he began the ‘Rambler’; and if Mr. Spurgeon be a smoker, he only adds another and most excellent name to the long catalogue of distinguished English divines of the Established and the Dissenting Churches who have solaced themselves with that Indian weed.”2

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Slice of Laodicea Introduces New Pocket-sized Truth Grinder to Test Market

June 28, 2010

Ingrid formerly of the great and mighty Truth Warrior Blog: Slice of Laodicea (which was secretly raptured off the internet after Ingrid merged with Crosstalk Blogs but not in an evil Emergent way) has finally released her brand new pocket-sized Truth Grinder in handgun form to a public test market. Now you can grind Truth with ease with this rare one of a kind SOL Collectible Pocket-Sized Truth Grinder Magnum.

Now you can turn any quote into a misquote with ease. You can spin any belief other than your own into heresy. You can grind, turn and twist any truth until it is so pulverized that you are able to remake Truth into your own image and the image of your fellow discernmentalists.

Ken Silva gives Ingrid and SOL’s brand spanking new Pocket-Sized Truth Grinder Magnum his personal seal of approval. Here are a few examples of the Pocket-Sized Truth Grinder Magnum in all of it’s Truth-grinding glory from some of our test runs:

Tony Campolo has said: “I have already made the point that we need to have to win people to Jesus Christ, but we must also preach the whole Gospel which not only calls people to love Jesus but to bring His justice into the political and economic arena in which we live.” Clearly that makes him a Communist/Socialist.

Rob Bell attended an event with the Dalai Lama—clearly Rob Bell doesn’t think Jesus is God.

Brian McLaren has said: “The church latched on to that old doctrine of original sin like a dog to a stick, and before you knew it, the whole gospel got twisted around it. Instead of being God’s big message of saving love for the whole world, the gospel became a little bit of secret information on how to solve the pesky legal problem of original sin.” Clearly he is not only a Gnostic but also a Pelagian/Semi-Pelagian.

We wish to weed out all the sinful reprobates and false converts from the Church—however, we are not Donatists/Semi-Donatists—just to make that clear, etc…

Todd Friel’s Secret Prosperity Agenda

February 23, 2010

As we all know Todd Friel (Wretched)’s phone number for his show is 1-800-LAW-GRACE—clearly he isn’t original as the  Litigation Funding for Potential Plaintiffs, Plaintiffs, and Attorneys’ phone number is 1-800-LAW-CASH. This may not look too concerning at first but upon further discernmentalization we have come to the conclusion by our perfect osmosis that Todd is secretly supporting the Prosperity Gospel. Clearly his slippery-slope of using the same  phone number as worldly and legal cash-fiends, ambulance chasing sharks and money sniffing bloodhounds is a secret code for his support of Prosperity teaching. This must have something to do with it as our Research Robot Monkeys have cracked the code. We Know! We have Absolute Proof—just look at what he’s hawking on his site:

Only a true Prosperity teacher would try to sell you something to make money off of the Gospel or endorse products for the Gospel like those Emergents do. We Know because we see all with our Bible-Based omniscience and osmosis.

P. S. Remember to give Todd Friel a call but before you do buy at least ten of his products to support him and his ministry of dividing the church and bless him financially in his Truth War ways.

Anti-Discernmentalists Plan Anti-Discernment Rally

February 11, 2010

We  are outraged by those working for equality and anti-hate which is why we must protest all this anti-discernmentalism going around. We have thankfully intercepted this evil Emergent video instructing Anti-Discernmentalists on how to protest our wise discernments. Warning this video promotes  Socialism and Communism:

Horrendous—think of the fragile minds of our children exposed to these unbiblical messages of love, brotherhood, justice, peace and unity. We are horrified beyond all words which is why all we have to say is WWRRD? We Know Reagan would not approve and if Regan would not approve Jesus certainly doesn’t approve—which is why we plan to keep on discernmentalizing these evil Emergents and Red-Letter Christians who are out to destroy our Pure Churches and Pure Doctrines.

Anti-Discernmentalists Bash Our What Would Ronald Reagan Do? Campaign

February 6, 2010

Dear fellow GOIPers,

We are under attack by anti-capitalist anti-Christians aka Democrats, athiests, Emergents, Red-Letter Xians and labor unions. How dare they bash our campaign with liberal unbiblical bible verses at that! We must stop their attacks and continue our WWRRD? campaign at all costs. Help support our campaign by giving us money and donating to The Theocratic Calvinist Christian Fascist Party’s Fundamentalist Absolute Truth Final President Ronald Reagan Legacy Foundation. We need your help so that we can name more stuff after Final President Reagan to help preserve and protect his fragile Sovereign Legacy over America—God’s Holiest and Chosen Nation.

In Brannon Howse, Eric Barger and Final President Reagan‘s Holy Truth Warrior names, Jesus’ name  Amen!

Dr. Don  Jobson, Dr. Truthslayer, Dr. I. Todyaso and Dr. Arthur McJohn.

Discernmentalists Detect High Concentrations Of Gaydiation

January 22, 2010

Recently Discernmentalists have noticed high concentrations of Gayons around Canada, New York and Southern California. These findings are indeed disturbing but not surprising. Top GOIP scientists are hard at work on constructing an Anti-Gaydiation sheild against these gayons to protect our Pure Biblical Marriage Doctrines. In the meantime, we promise to locate every gay person we can and kick them out of our Pure Churches. Afterall, all gays are pedophiles and that’s just wrong. Besides would you want one of these sitting beside you in church?

We think not that’s why we promise to do all the thinking for you—so remember to spread the fear and hate.

Pat Robertson: Absolute Truth Warrior

January 16, 2010

Join us  weekdays at 3 am on GOIP TV for Pat Robertson: Absolute Truth Warrior!

Some scenes from today’s episode

Pat can high jump 30,000 feet:

And run at 10,000 miles-per-hour:

Patty leg pressing 2,000 pounds by help of God and a strong healthy prostate:

Discernmentalists We Must Defend Pat Robertson

January 15, 2010

Why because Todd Friel says so: Pat Robertson’s Words and ‘The Real Problem after All’ and he is one of John MacArthur’s top Truth Warriors in the war on Truth our Truth Wars. The only reason informed ignorant liebrals and Emergents feel the need to tell the truth attack Pat is summed up here:

What the Robertson bashers left out is that finally, and with great compassion and concern in his voice, Pat said, “They need to have, and we need to pray for them, a great turning to God and out of this tragedy I am optimistic that some good thing may come, but right now we are helping the suffering people and the suffering is unimaginable.”

Agree or disagree with what Pat said, it was well within the bounds of historic Christian theology. Maybe that’s the real problem after all.

Man is offended by the fact that he is not God. They resent God’s Providence. A simple reading of the Bible shows how God uses natural disasters to further his purposes. Earthquakes, floods, famine, locusts, etc. they’re all there, but man hates it. Rather than humbly acknowledging that God’s ways are not our ways, man rails against and accuses God. The last thing they will do is cry out for his mercy in Jesus Christ.

Discernmentalists Teach True History

January 14, 2010

Some of our Secret Discernmentalist Agents have infiltrated a Canadian website to spread lies propaganda revisionist history the Absolutely True history of Lucy Maud Montgomery:

Montgomery for McCain

Postby TrueChristian » Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:51 am

Our beloved author LM Montgomery, as a conservative, would have clearly voted for John McCain if she were a US citizen and living now.

Obama wants to pull out of Iraq and declare defeat. President Bush has been winning the war against terrorism and spreading democracy in the middle east. McCain, as a war hero and experienced senator, will continue to defeat terrorism. If Obama becomes president, we are going to get hit by terrorists. Joe Biden has admitted this will happen.

I encourage every elligeble us citizen, in the spirit of Lucy Maud Montgomvery, to voet next week for Senator McCain.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16

Postby Wild Roses » Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:49 pm

McCain might be a war hero, but beyond that, he isn’t much else but a hypocrite. This U.S. citizen proudly voted for Obama.

I’m sure Captain Jim would be quite proud of me.

“We couldn’t buy the logic that Jesus was the only way. That meant the Buddhists and Hindus who had never even heard of Christ Almighty were doomed to hell, while Ku Klux Klan members were not.” From THE HUNDRED SECRET SENSES by Amy Tan.
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Postby TrueChristian » Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:13 am

So you would rather vote for Obama and get hit by terrorists instead of voting for someone experienced who could prevent a terrorits strike?
For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16
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Postby Shelly » Thu Oct 30, 2008 4:52 pm

You don’t know that terrorists would strike with Obama in office. Nor do you know that terrorists would leave the US alone with McCain in office.

And bringing democracy to Iraq? Ha! More like occupation.

Nope. I’m not voting for McCain. (Or Obama.)

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by TrueChristian » Sat Nov 01, 2008 9:31 am
Obama’s own running mate said that they were going to get hit by terrorists, and hes got years of foreign policy experience. And we are bringing democracy to Iraq. Now they can vote for there leader without fear of getting poisoned with nerve gas cant they?

The terrorists haven’t attackedus again because President Bush has been beating them. President Bush said we have to fight the terrorists there so we dont have to fight them here and hes been doing that. I think people have forgotten baout 911. Thats why its so imaportant that we vote for McCain like Lucy Maud would have.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16

Postby Shelly » Sat Nov 01, 2008 3:23 pm

I will NOT vote for McCain. Nothing you can say is going to change that.

Also: Who are you to say how LMM would’ve voted if she lived in the States?

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Postby Wild Roses » Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:02 pm

The terrorists didn’t hit us when Bill Clinton was office–they hit us when George W. Bush, a conservative, entered office. If Bush had been paying attention to the memos he gets while he’s on vacation, the attack wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Also, we’re not ‘beating’ the terrorists. In Afghanistan, they have regrouped.

And, why haven’t be bombed and invaded other countries where dictators still rule? Why is Iraq so important that it gets singled out but not the other countries where dictators hurt their people?

At least Obama has foreign policy experience. What is Sarah Palin’s? She can see Russia from her house. (She also has less political experience than Obama. He has years as a community organizer, President of the Harvard Law Review, was in the Illoinois State Senate, and in Senate. Palin only has two years as mayor of a town smaller than where I live, and two years as gov.) Furthermore, you are twisting Biden’s words.

I am so sick of McCain’s years as a POW being trotted out. What about the fact that he cheated on his first wife–a wife who waited for his return home for years, only to get dumped so he can marry a rich woman who stole drugs from her charity to feed her addiction. What about his role in the Keating scandal in the 1980s? What about the fact that he has more votes on veteran benefits than has Tim Johnson (who was in a coma!). McCain is a veteran–but somehow can’t make it to DC to enable a bill on veteran benefits to get passed.

I don’t think anybody in the U.S. has forgotten about 9/11. However, it was SEVEN years ago. You want to know a tragedy that doesn’t get enough attention? Hurricane Katrina. New York City has come back from the ashes, New Orleans is still stuck in the shams.

Montgomery may have been a conservative, but she was a Canadian. Based on her books, she only a had fleeting interest in US politics.

“We couldn’t buy the logic that Jesus was the only way. That meant the Buddhists and Hindus who had never even heard of Christ Almighty were doomed to hell, while Ku Klux Klan members were not.” From THE HUNDRED SECRET SENSES by Amy Tan.
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Postby TrueChristian » Tue Nov 04, 2008 11:42 am

Alquaida bombed the US Cole while Clinton was in office and he failed two chances to kill Bin Laden. The Bush administration said they warned the airline industry about a possible attack. You’lljust have to take Pres. Bushs word for it.

We are beating the terrorists. They have not attacked us again, have they? This is because President Bush has them on the run or in hiding incaves. But Presient Bush doesnt get credit for that? He was the most popular president in modern history and now everyones forgotten about that because the economies bad.

Palin isn’t running for president, McCain is, so it isnt as importnatn that she has foreign policy experience. Ronald Reagan was another governor without foreign experience and he defeated communism and was one of the greatest presidents.

Montgomery would have voted for McCain if she were still alive and a US citizen because she supported world war I–Another war against evil. She didn’t believe in the cut and run strategy.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, would not perish but receive everlasting life. – John 3:16
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Lets Start The New Year Off Right

January 3, 2010

Let us  do all the thinking and researchmentalism for you so that you won’t have to strain any of your brain cells. In the words of the OD Mafia:

God’s truth is so fragile we must take a stand in God’s sovereignty to protect it. If we do not, the perverts and sickos of this world will destroy the church. Are you tired of those wimpy so called Online Discernment Ministries? We are and we want to stand up and protect our God and His Truth…Truth is so fragile and if we do not make a stand in the sovereignty of God, the Church might be lost to the sickos and perverts out there who are invading it! We know who and what they are. They are in our pews. They are on your TV. They are corrupting the most godly of things, the Internet!

 This blog is about protecting the truth of God that is so fragile.

What we promise.

To expose all to God’s wrath.

To preach that Jesus is coming back and He is so angry with sinners!

Hell is a real “place”.

If you do not hold to true doctrine then you will be blotted from the Lamb’s Book of Life forever!

Spread the gospel of Spurgeon and John MacArthur (the only truth living teacher of God’s word) to all the world.

 We are tired of emergents, RCC wannabes, Rich Warren, Rob Bell, Beth Moore, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagget, Tony Jones, sinners in general who are not worthy of our God, and anyone that sounds like or acts like any of these apostates.

Meet  our GOIP Bots who assist us in our Absolute Truth War efforts as fully-fledged supporters of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars

GOIP  BOT 2000.10  or our God-Jesus Robot is the latest model in the GOIP Bot 2000 series and assists us in all of our judgementalist needs by helping to pour down God’s Wrath upon all, judging others, frontline defense, heresy hunting, omniscience, omnipresence, fortune telling among other judgemental tasks.  We stole the top secret plans for the GOIP  BOT 2000.10 from Japan. A home version of the GOIP  BOT 2000.10 is now available from GOIP Labs:

Revised:*Here are two videos of one of our GOIP  BOT 2000.10s in action—

When  we asked if Brian McLaren is a heretic he responded “The answer is yes”:

When we asked if John MacArthur is ever wrong he responded “The answer is no”:

*

Finally meet GOIP Bot 3000 which along with GOIP Eye 3 is the backbone of GOIP Discernmentalism and helps assist us in counter spiritual terrorism, Truth War ways, arrogance, greed, hate, torture, self-righteousness, keeping God in a box, Nationalism, burning heretics, among other tasks, etc. Using Eric Barger‘s Bible-Based Mathematics System in which 2 + 2 doesn’t always equal 4 but sometimes equals 10—-here is the logically sound Biblical equation which proves this Absolute Fact: 2 + 2=4 but when turned upside down 2 looks like an inversed s and s looks like a 5 so therefore 2(s) or s + s really is 5 + 5 which means 2 + 2 turned upside down means that 2 + 2 sometimes equals 10—we calculated the technical details involved in the making a GOIP Bot 3000. With Ken Silva’s Seal of Approval  our slave laborers created the GOIP Bot 3000 the top of the line in Truth War Discernmentalism:

This is why we will preach the Good News of God’s Wrath to you and force you to listen!