Archive for the ‘Gay bash’ Category

Hurricane Irene: God’s Wrath Against Satan’s Holiday

September 19, 2011

Northeastern states are facing a jack-o’-lantern shortage this Helloween after Hurricane Irene destroyed hundreds of pumpkin patches across the region, farmers say. Boo…freaking hoo…God hates Pumpkins…We Know! Every Helloween evil Arminian Papist Islamofascists join together with Pagan Secular Humanist Satanist Evilutionist Darwinianists by setting candles in Pumpkins and lighting them near their couches so they can chant their New Age mystical prayers in an attempt to try to destroy our Holy Doctrines.

Also on that unholy night of heathenism, the unholy alliance of Roman Arminian VaticanIslamists and Athiestic Satanic Enviromentalist Communist Socialist Darwin-worshippers go from door to door yelling “Trick-or-Treat” and kidnap pregnant Bible-Believing Protestants who don’t give them candy and force them at gunpoint to abort their fetuses so that they can drink their blood while committing acts of sodomy and other fornications.

Also they practice their favorite activity of sacrificing goats, pigs, sheeps, cats and Bible-Believing Protestant children on altars built to worship their false Pumpkin god the Jack-o-Lantern while reciting satanic verses from New Age Catholic Bible Perversions in Satan’s tongue—Latin.

This is what Helloween is all about and why Pumpkins are an abomination to God. I attest to you all of this is Absolute Biblically-Correct Factual Truth and not made up by any man as: “I myself have been a forty-five year student of the satanically inspired, centuries-old conspiracy to use government, education, and media to destroy every vestige of Christianity within our society and establish a new world order. Having read at least fifty books on the Illuminati, I am convinced that it exists and can be blamed for many of man’s inhumane actions against his fellow man during the past two hundred years.”

If you don’t believe me just click on this link: Helloween-Satan’s unholyday. Thankfully you have Godly Bible-Believing Online Discernment Ministries like this one that refuse to compromise on our Pure Doctrines. We must all do our part to take a stand in our angry God’s Sovereign Wrath and the Hard Truths of the Bible in defense of our Holy Doctrines. We must expose all and warn all on the evils of Pumpkins. We must leave no hidden evil uncovered.

Flaming Calvinists?

January 9, 2011

So I had some of our Research Robot Monkeys do some researchmentalism on a supposedly Christian Forum for a  new Discernmentalist article against the many heresies of the Emergent Church when they came across a character who had the title of “Flaming Calvinist:”

Notice there are many errors here concerning this arunma fellow:

  1. How can there be any “flaming Calvinists” that is a contradiction of terms. One can’t be simultaneously saved and a homosexual at the same time—Brian McLaren and the Emergent Church teaches that it’s ok to be gay and that gay Christians are saved. The Bible however is Absolutely Clear that all homosexuality (sodomy) is an unbiblical abomination and an unforgivable sin as clearly taught by Jesus and the Apostles in the Bible. To paraphrase my colleague Dr. I. Todyaso: One thing we do not need is Gay Calvinists out there perverting the Doctrines of Grace. How dare this so called character suggest he can be gay and a Bible-Believing Calvinist at the same time that’s about as oxymoronic as saying one is a Christian and an  Arminian at the same time! (Just ask Sharon about that!) The next thing you know Calvinists will be ordaining homosexuals….blasphemy!
  2. The only flaming that Bible-Believing Christians need is to roast heretics alive over a stake whether it be in reality or cyber-reality as John Knox’s clear teachings teach us
  3. How can anyone hold to the Biblical Doctrines of Grace and yet pledge allegiance to the Democratic Party? The two are antithetical as Democrats are anti-Christian. One can never vote Democrat as a True Bible-Believing Calvinist as Democrats reject the Bible and accept:  welfare queens,  Islamofascism, atheism, homosexuality, abortion and the rest of the sins that we take a stand against.

New Discernmentalist School Opened

February 23, 2010

Together Ken Silva  and Tim Challies have opened up a  new Discernmentalist Learning Center to teach the following Discernmentalist skills:

  1. How to know someone’s true beliefs by osmosis
  2. Comment Deleting
  3. Arrogance
  4. Self-Righteousness
  5. Discernmentalist math skills
  6. Uncomprohensive reading skills
  7. How  to write doom and gloom Discernmentalist articles
  8. Discernmentalist “study” skills
  9. Advanced mis-reading skills
  10. Discernmentalist test preparation

Phil Johnson and his Hugh Jass as well as our own Dr. I. Todyaso recommend the Ken Silvan Discernmentalist Learning Center for  all your Discernmentalist educational needs.

Todd Friel Caught Supporting Lesbianism

February 16, 2010

We are morally outraged that Todd Friel would link to an article with this ad on it:

Doesn’t he know that American Girl supports feminism, abortion and lesbianism as suitable lifestyles for girls? How dare Todd Friel subtly and indirectly support these unbiblical alternative lifestyles instead of warning others about these dangerous ads on the article that he linked to. We are disappointed in Todd—we thought he was more biblical than that. Afterall, Todd has been on record as saying that the bible and not Jesus Himself is the whole point of Christianity. Following Jesus may lead to liberal ideas like communism and socialism so Todd rightfully exposits that faith should be in the bible and following the bible not Jesus. This is why we are so disappointed by Todd’s turn of events and why we recommend that he take one of our Bible-based courses  to freshen up on his discernmentalism skills.

Anti-Discernmentalists Plan Anti-Discernment Rally

February 11, 2010

We  are outraged by those working for equality and anti-hate which is why we must protest all this anti-discernmentalism going around. We have thankfully intercepted this evil Emergent video instructing Anti-Discernmentalists on how to protest our wise discernments. Warning this video promotes  Socialism and Communism:

Horrendous—think of the fragile minds of our children exposed to these unbiblical messages of love, brotherhood, justice, peace and unity. We are horrified beyond all words which is why all we have to say is WWRRD? We Know Reagan would not approve and if Regan would not approve Jesus certainly doesn’t approve—which is why we plan to keep on discernmentalizing these evil Emergents and Red-Letter Christians who are out to destroy our Pure Churches and Pure Doctrines.

GOIP Scientists Invent Pocket-Sized Gaydar

January 22, 2010

Gay churches detected on Gaydar screen.

Recently after all the frequent gaydiation eruptions that Discernmentalists have detected—top GOIP Scientists have taken our Gaydar technology and have shrunk it down to a pocket  sized version. Using this GAYDAR Equation: 

The amount of muscular power Pr returning to the erect antenna is given by the Gaydar equation:

math

where*’

  • Pt = trouser power
  • Gt = “Telling by the way I walk” quotient.
  • Ar = fabulosity
  • σ = hairstyle cross section, or scattering highlights, of the target
  • F = shirt pattern propagation factor
  • Rt = distance from the transmitter to the moustache
  • Rr = distance from the moustache to the tip of the nose.

In the common case where the transmitter and the receiver are at the same location, Rt = Rr and the term Rt2 Rr2 can be replaced by LetsGetToIt”‘4, where LetsGetToIt is the result. This yields:

math

This shows that the received power declines as the fourth power of the range, which means that the reflected power from distant targets is very, very small. (This is the basis of that old chestnut, old gay men never die, they just fade away as the fourth power. – a joke which many mathematicians guffaw over to this day)

We figured out how to transform the raw power of Gaydar into a more compact sized version—so here it is—introducing the GAYGER METER new from GOIP Tech:

Now with two functionality purposes: detecting churches that support gay marriages and gay parents and outing gays in the midst of your church so that you can kick them out.

Gaydar showing an individual’s gayness level and how much of a threat it is to our Pure Churches and Pure Marriage Doctrines.

Discernmentalists Detect High Concentrations Of Gaydiation

January 22, 2010

Recently Discernmentalists have noticed high concentrations of Gayons around Canada, New York and Southern California. These findings are indeed disturbing but not surprising. Top GOIP scientists are hard at work on constructing an Anti-Gaydiation sheild against these gayons to protect our Pure Biblical Marriage Doctrines. In the meantime, we promise to locate every gay person we can and kick them out of our Pure Churches. Afterall, all gays are pedophiles and that’s just wrong. Besides would you want one of these sitting beside you in church?

We think not that’s why we promise to do all the thinking for you—so remember to spread the fear and hate.

The Face Of Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer Revealed

November 4, 2009

TyroneV.Hoofendorfer

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer, Guardian of Truth.

Our GOIP Bot 3000 has been busy at work as of  late. Today it was set on researchmentalist mode for 5 hours when all of a sudden a picture of our very own Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer, GOIP Sturmabteilung Minister Of  The Truth War On Scientology and avid gay basher emerged. Quite frankly we were stunned that his secret identity leaked on the web. Afterall it is a rule for Online Discernmentalists to keep their identities secret. This is just like that time when

 a picture of Ken Silva emerged on the internet which we thing was an evil plot devised by Tony Jones and Doug Pagitt. Fortunately we were able to intercept the picture and distort the image of Ken Silva in his secret lair. Ken, you can thank the ODMafia for keeping you secret identity from being known.

Unfortunately this time we were unable to intercept the picture and distort the image to preserve Hoofendorfer’s anonymity and secret identity which is why the picture is left as is. We have reason to suspect that Rob Bell and Rick Warren planted this image on the net to expose and mock our Pure Doctrines. Tis the way of those Seeker-driven Emergents—evil plotters they all are. And yet another image leaked of Hoofendorfer with some of his and our fellow Truth Warriors:

T.V.HoofendorferwithNaziZombieTruthWarriors

Ken Silva Exposed As A Closest Democrat And Obama Supporter

November 3, 2009

homobama_bin_laden

Recently our GOIP Bot 3000 came across startling misinformation about one of our own Ken Silva.  Quite frankly we are appalled at the misTruth that our GOIP Bot 3000 has made Light to us that Ken Silva, Defender of the True Faith of his own opinions all is actually a closet Democrat and Obama Supporter. How could you Ken? Didn’t you know that giving funds to the Dum-b-o-crapic National Convention and Obama bin Laden is evil for:

  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for terrorism.
  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for abortion.
  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for homosexuality.
  • After all Saint John MacArthur has taught you:

    We know what you did and did not do and we know that you did not give money to fund the Democratic National Convention and Obama. We also know that you did not personally hand  $1,680 in funds over to the Anti-Christ Obama in 2008.

    Smoking Gun—GOIP Eye 3—our all seeing satellite exposes a horrifying photo—Ken Silva’s hand is clearly not seen personally giving Obama cold hard cash just last year:

    s-HANDING-OUT-MONEY-large

    We had the GOIP Eye 3 zoom in on the hands to verify that they are‘nt indeed Ken Silva’s and Obama’s. We Know.

    Smoking Gun 2 from GOIP Eye 3—Ken Silva is not clearly seen leaving the scene of the crime with Obama and his agents of the New World Order of Obamanation:

    Obama 2008.jpg

    For shame Ken—we hope you come here to comment and clear up this unTruth and our misinformation for we thought you were one of us. All of us Online Discernmentalists must now call you back to our version of Biblical Integrity.

    The Emergent Perversion Of The YMCA…

    November 2, 2009

    emergentymca

    Those evil Emergents have infiltrated the YMCA teaching our children impure doctrines like the Stations of the Cross on Good Friday. We GOIPers are appalled—how dare those evil Emergents outrage a fine actor  and morally superior Hollywood star like Kirk Cameron:

    Even Ken Silva is enraged at those Emergents perverting the YMCA and you should be too.