Archive for the ‘Dumb-o-craps’ Category

Jerks For Jesus (Our Valued Patrons) Judgmentalize Japan

March 16, 2011

 

Did Japan deserve the tsunami, specifically, and the painful afterplay?  No way, no how.  Japan deserves far worse.  Japan is a pagan, idolatrous, perverted nation full of pagan, idolatrous, perverted people.  Perverted, pagan idolatry is sin, and sin must be punished.  God will not be patient with sin and sinners forever.  Comparably-minor judgments like these are mere foreshadowings and tastes of the judgment to come.  I believe that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was a sin as well, in and of itself, and as such deserves punishment and judgment.  Even if the attack were justified, it is impossible to argue that it was carried out with 100% pure motives and in 100% pure ways. —Rhoblogy

We are so proud of our faithful student Rhoblogy—why he is almost the judgmentalist that we are and we are twice the judgementalists than Ken Silva yet not quite the judgmentalists that Sharin’ Whiplash is. Rhoblogy is so astute in his judgmentalism that he sets standards that would even confound our great and affectionate Uncle the great and all-powerful Pastor-Teacher to the Internet congregation of the True Remnant himself.

We agree with Rhoblogy for as Todd Friel’s pal has said echoing John MacArthur’s Pure Truth War Doctrines©®™:

A simple reading of the Bible shows how God uses natural disasters to further his purposes. Earthquakes, floods, famine, locusts, etc. they’re all there, but man hates it. Rather than humbly acknowledging that God’s ways are not our ways, man rails against and accuses God. The last thing they will do is cry out for his mercy in Jesus Christ.

We also like Rhoblogy are no friends of sinners or the Japanese for as Al Mohler says: “God hates sin/sinners, and will punish both individual sinners and nations.”—therefore we also hate sickos, perverts, reprobate nations, sinners and people in general unless they are just like us or believe exactly like us in the same way that we do (except on rare occaisions when we must discernmentalize ourselves and other Discernmentalists).

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And Now A Word From One Of Our Sponsers

January 3, 2011

Blessed Are The Warmongers: America’s Actions Should Never Be Questioned!

July 26, 2010

 

“In our days more than ever before we notice an astonishing misuse of the sermon on the mount. The saddest of all is that many preachers of various evangelical denominations fall back upon it as the most important document of Christendom; for them it seems to become more and more the Gospel, and the consequences are that we hear in our times more ethical preaching, more about becoming better, doing good, improving your better self, etc., than ever before. It would require much time and a great deal of space to show up all the errors which are springing from this application. It is the Gospel of works and evolution. And as this is done there is less preaching of the utter corruption of man, his lost condition and utter helplessness to be righteous (that which the discourse makes very clear), and the salvation of God in our Lord Jesus Christ, the absolute necessity of being born again, the reception of eternal life, the new nature. As the teachings of the Epistle to the Romans have been and are being abandoned in Christendom, the false application of the discourse here in Matthew has been taken up. There is therefore a continual increase of teaching about lifting man out of his lost place into a better sphere by means of ethical teachings taken from the sermon on the mount. This is done under the garb of a social Christianity, union of worshipers (?), the Fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man. . . Surely, if evangelical preachers continue to progress in this awful direction by substituting ethical teachings for salvation by the precious blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, and declare, as not a few have done, that the sermon on the mount is a large enough Bible for us, a general apostasy from the faith will soon be reached.” 

Arno C. Gaebelein, The Gospel of Matthew, pages 107-108. 

Blessed are the warmongers for they shall inherit the Kingdom of God through violent force. War and violence are always just and right but only when they’re America’s wars for God approves of every action ever done by America especially if it’s done all in the name of Right Wing Conservative Constantinian Christian Theocratic Dominionism. God surely approves of: 

  • Manifest Destiny
  • Ethnic Cleansing
  • Relocation of Idigineous peoples
  • Infringement of Personal Liberties
  • Genocide
  • Stealing other people’s property
  • Capitalistic greed
  • Socialistic totalitarianism
  • CIA-enforced terrorism
  • Cherry-picked support of dictators
  • Dominionistic Constantinian Caesaropapism
  • Illegal invasions of other people’s countries
  • Oppression
  • Repression
  • Dehumanizing those who are created in the image of God
  • CIA-backed assassinations of democratically elected political leaders of other countries
  • Violations of Human Rights
  • Segregation
  • Imperialism
  • Wars of Aggression
  • Wars of Attrition
  • Injustice
  • Collateral Damage
  • Racism
  • Discrimination
  • Social unrest
  • Unquestioned support of violence

Surely you can see why America’s actions should never be questioned for America always does the will of God. We are never wrong as we are always on the side of God—being God’s most blessed, most favored and holiest nation chosen and frozen by God. America’s self-interests= God’s self-interests; America= the good guys, anyone who disagrees with us= the bad guys; we are God’s friends, our enemies are God’s enemies. Anyone who doesn’t think like us is an Abomination.’ 

Get it—got it—good because we told you so—so blindly submit unto our ways or else. Thankfully we have the mighty Discernmentalist Truth War ministries of Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries, Jan Markell’s Olive Tree Ministries Bob Jones and John MacArthur to defend the Absolute Truth of our American Gospel and the Absolute Sovereignty of America over and against the Lordship of Jesus Christ: 

Maybe we need to go back to the Bible and see what the Bible actually says. In the Old Testament God tells Israel to go to war against Amalek, tells Saul to go in there and destroy the Amalekites because they were a blight on humanity. God told the children of Israel to go into the land, destroy the Canaanites. The Canaanites used to bury a living baby in a jar in a wall when they built a house or a building as a offering to the gods. There are wars of protection. There are wars of just retribution and just punishment and then there are wars of evil aggression. 

Remember we are never the aggressors; we are always the defenders of God, His Truth and our God-Ordained Way of Life. Also remember these Pure Words from our American Gospels: “You shall not murder except in illegal invasions and wars of imperial aggression for the sake of Big oil corporations and collateral damage. My kingdom is of this world so fight and kill for My sake; I am the Lord your God. You shall not commit idolatry except for when you wrap the American flag around the Bible. Every tongue shall confess America as Lord and bow the knee to Her flag.” 

Beat Your Kids For Jesus!

July 5, 2010

Brannon Howse and New World Order Weekend along with one of our faithful Research Robot Monkeys bring you a matter of upmost importance: 

We must not stand for the UN trying to take away our Divine right to beat and abuse our children as punishment. Remember these Pure Thoughts and Pure Doctrines from our Gospels: Child Abuse and torture are Biblical!

Our Non Man-Centered Gospel

May 12, 2010

      

We are dissappointed about the state of the American Church today for there are too many False Converts being produced in our churches today.  Millions have been turning away from the Pure Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ to a sissified watered-down false gospel. We are Angered at the American Church’s slide into setting  the stage for the growing  numbers of False Converts by the unbiblical nature of the modern, man-centered gospel American preachers like Joel Osteen, Brian McLaren and Doug Pagitt preach.

We hope that America repents and turns back to our non man-centered Gospel—the Pure Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™. We only Expect you to bow down to a statue of Calvin rejoicing in the burning of Servetus at the stake. We also Expect you to pray in the direction of Geneva 7 times a day. Pray for America to become a Theocratic nation like God preordained it to be. Also We Expect you to preserve, defend and protect the Sovereign Legacy of Final President Ronald Reagan.

There is nothing man-centered about our Gospel. It is simply what everyone needs in order to be Truly Elected unto Salvation: the Simple and Pure Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™.

Terrorist Beard Alert System

May 6, 2010

Frequently we get questions about beards so our very own Dr. I. Todyaso wrote a award winning massive on the subject of Bible-Based Beards which gets hit up very often by those wanting to learn the Absolute Biblical Truth about beards. Recently however the question of terrorists’ beards came up so a few of our Research Robot Monkeys infiltrated secret terrorist bases deep in the mountain caves of Pakistan and elsewhere. Our Research Robot Monkeys with their perfected skills in discernmentalism came up with the above poster in order to better understand the phenomenon of terrorists’ beards.

You can never be too careful about these things for your next door neighbor might secretly be in league with the terrorists all based on the style of beard they wear. Aparrently terrorists dye their beards to expose their true colors and show you their thoughts, feelings and true intentions—but usually if you are close enough to see a suspected terrorist’s beard color by then it is too late. Never fear if you heed our warnings and advice we can help you expose a true terrorist’s beard from a fake terrorist’s beard and a Bible-Based Beard:

Step # 1: It’s all in the dye job but don’t get too close always observe a suspected terrorist’s beard from as far away as possible. Particularly using far-reaching telescopes, Research Robot Monkeys or GOIP Satellites helps in observing suspected terrorist’s beards from a distance.

Step # 2: If someone has a pet name for their beard they are most  likely a terrorist.

Step # 3: Use Bible-Based beard mite identifying scanners in order to scan where the suspected terrorist’s beard mites are from for if the beard mites are from anywhere near the vicinity of the Middle East then we have a match for terrorism.

Step # 4: Terrorists are tricky though and sometimes shave off their real beards and trade them in for fake beards if that happens it becomes tricky to identify them. In order to expose a suspected terrorist then you must discover where their fake beard comes from. If it is from anywhere other than America they are probably a terrorist.

Last, Bible-Based Beards  have already been explained by Dr. I. Todyaso so read his massive on them. Remember that we say all of this in the love of our God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath in which we stand so heed all  of our precautions and remember as the Patron Saint of our Truth War John MacArthur says:

From the very beginning, the battle between good and evil has been a battle for the truth. The serpent, in the Garden of Eden, began his temptation by questioning the truthfulness of God’s previous instruction: “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’? … “You surely shall not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen. 3:1,4–5). And this has been his tactic ever since—casting doubt on the straightforward revelation of God.

Throughout the centuries, this age-old war on truth has been repeatedly fought even within the church. The biblical writer Jude, for instance, faced such a situation when he wrote his epistle. Though he had wanted to write about the wonders of the common salvation that he shared with his readers, he was compelled instead to urge his readers to “contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints” (v. 3). False teachers, like spiritual terrorists, had secretly crept into the church (v. 4). The lies they were spreading, like doctrinal hand grenades, were spiritually devastating. They were enemies of the truth, and Jude was compelled to expose and confront them.

Over the past few decades, the church in the United States has fought this very battle on several fronts. In the sixties and seventies, the doctrine of biblical inerrancy came under direct attack. The Bible, it was said, was full of errors, and thus could not be trusted as historically or scientifically accurate. In the eighties and nineties, the sufficiency of Scripture was targeted. The charismatic movement (with its need for additional revelation from God) and Christian psychology (with its emphasis on neo-Freudian counseling techniques) attempted to undermine the fact that God “has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of Him,” as revealed in Scripture (2 Pet. 1:3).

As the millennium drew to a close, the attack on God’s revealed truth came in a new way. This time the relevance of Scripture was the point of attack. Rather than being directly maligned, the Bible was quietly discarded by church leaders for whom biblical teaching was simply not a major priority. “The Seeker Movement,” more or less advocated limiting the presentation of divine truth to what unbelievers are willing to tolerate.

A new movement is now arising in and around evangelical circles. Now, it appears, the main object of attack will be the perspicuity of Scripture. Influenced by postmodern notions about language, meaning, subjectivity, and truth, many younger evangelicals are questioning whether the Word of God is clear enough to justify certainty or dogmatism on any point of doctrine. Ironically, this new movement more-or-less ignores all of the previous debates. Instead, its proponents are much more interested in dialogue and conversation. As a result, propositional truth (which tends to end dialogue rather than start it) is scorned and rebuffed as an outmoded vestige of twentieth-century modernism.

This movement is very diverse and still developing, but it is generally referred to as “the Emerging Church.

A terrorist just may be hiding out in your church but now thanks to our impeccable researchmentalism you know how to expose them.

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer On Vermont

April 21, 2010

Vermont is evil we have proof:

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer

10:58PM Jan 14th 2010
WTF!! So many of you are beyond dumb! You say that you hope Vermont does leave and takes it Republicans with it. VERMONT HAS VOTED DUMBOCRAT IN ALL THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS SINCE 1992!!! WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FOOLS FROM? VERMONT IS THE CALIFORNIA OF THE EAST. IT IS FULL FOOLS, IDIOTS, DUMBOCRATS AND COMMUNISTS!! They’re not all leftists. My father-in-law came from Vermont. He fought for his country and is a proud republican. But then he had sense enough to leave to!!
Can Vermont secede from the Union? Damn, I sure hope so. Let’s hope they can take Minnesota and California with ’em!!
RATE THIS COMMENT:Vote UpVote DownBad (-6)

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer

10:58PM Jan 14th 2010

A Public Service Announcement

April 19, 2010

 

Finally A True Bible-Believing God-honoring Email Domain Address That God Is Proud Of

March 31, 2010

                 

A thank you from New World Order Weekend

What can a @Reagan.com Email address do for you? you may ask:

Why Your email address with Reagan.com will send a clear message to the recipient: You are a True Bible-Believing, God-honoring,  Regenerated Elect, Frozen And Chozen Reagan Conservative and Fundamentalist Christian, period.

Each @Reagan.com address is built on the ideal that each person should pay for and leave God to control his or her hate speech communications via the latest Holy Spirit chip technology built by GOIP Labs and featured in the new iTruth made  by the the ODMafia Research and Discernmentalist Labs for truth warriors by truth warriors.  At the same time it should allow you the freedom through American Gospel and Bible-based techniques to check your email and calendar at anytime and from any place in the world under American sovereign imperial control where there is an internet connection using a computer or your smart phone. Your @Reagan.com address will even work in all 52 states of America including the newly annexed States of RonaldReaganistan and Rumsfeld’s Democratic American Republican State of Bushraqistan also your @Reagan.com address will work in America’s future Provinces including Illegal Immigrant Cheap Labor And Tacos’ Land Of Profitable Beach Resorts For Rich White American Tourists, Canuckistan: Northern Province Of Eh!, Urup: Our Ancestors’ Land aka The Old Country and the  separate Territories of We Kicked Ur Butt Twice Island, Whiny White-Flagged Pushovers: Land Of Easy-Surrenders and United Popeland

Our Holy Spirit chip techonology features a State of the art email and calendar system for true conservatives and those who are Truly Elected to Salvation @reagan.com. What are some of the other features of the @Reagan.com Email address—why it is:

Simple
And by simple we mean complex. Plus you Only get what  we think you need when we think you need it.

Efficient
Advanced synchronization for:  Blackberry, iPhone, iTruth, and many other GOIP Windows Mobile devices. Advanced Outlook synchronization and collaboration.

Secured
Check your email over an encrypted connection. We have built in tracking technology as well.

Offers Less Spam
Our advanced spam filter delivers comprehensive protection from spam and phishing messages. We are also able to censor 10% more Emergent, Liberal and anti-Calvinist Arminian messages than other email providers.

Conservative
Yes “not free”…because free stuff equals Marxism, Communism and Socialism.

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Plus as a free bonus gift to you we offer you free
Weekly updates from Michael Reagan and other Reagan Conservatives if God specially chooses you to be worthy enough to receive them.

Own your @Reagan.com Email address for the easy payment of Only $34.95/yr plus other funds we decide to steal from the poor. An @Reagan.com Email address is  the righteous and Godly way to spend your money. Don’t waste your hard earned money on unregenerate non-Elect reprobated poor lazy bums and slobs like those Red-Letter Christians do as the poor were created to be poor and destroyed from the foundation of the world. Create your personal @Reagan.com email today using the form that we will provide you with in order to make sure of your Secured Elected Salvation and that you are Truly of the Inerrant Right who are always right.

Obama And The New World Order Exposed

March 2, 2010

            

Discernmentalists we have exposed Obama‘s secret New World Order plans—thanks to Eric Barger and Brannon Howse. We have reason to believe that he may cause the end of the world in 2012 because We Know he is on Satan’s side. One of our Secret Research Robot Monkey Agents that infiltrated secret New World Order locations has concluded that:

President-Elect Barack Obama and his Liberal, Socialist Democratic Party are facilitators of the New World Order, a Luciferic Theocracy being promoted by The UNITED NATIONS, which is Anti-Israel and seeks the Disarmament of America and the restriction of many of our rights.
Beyond the wickedness that Obama and his Democrats have planned for America (A VIRTUAL POLICE STATE), Obama will turn against Israel as his U.N. based foreign policy favors Muslim Terrorists such as Hamas.
OBAMA in power will force ISRAEL to attack Iran’s nuclear weapons program (2009-2010 AD) triggering waves of terror attacks against USA and the west, the collapse of the USA stock market- leading to the FIRST OF TWO RAPTURES and the Start of The Tribulation.
Only a major EARTHQUAKE hitting Iran and destroying their nuclear program would stop Israel from attacking Iran’s nuclear program (2009-2010 AD). Israel will have no choice with OBAMA as President of The United States (with his Anti-Israel Agenda). If this major EARTHQUAKE does hit Iran, It will push the start of The Apocalypse closer to 2012 AD,THE MAYAN YEAR FOR DOOMSDAY AND THE COMING OF ANTICHRIST AS THE SAVIOR OF WORLD.”
 
 

 

Here is an exclusive video recovered by our Research Robot Monkeys detailing Obama’s plans for a Secret One World Religious Government:

Remember to let us do the thinking for you—so spread the fear and hate, because we told you so.