Archive for the ‘dark’ Category

Breaking: Grand Moff Tarkin joins Mothra’s feminist assaults on our Truth

May 19, 2019

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Grand Mothra Tarkin spreading the evil horrors of equality of the sexes and female pastors

Quote Freakishly Tall News: “This is what feminists embrace. It is a horrible demonstration of the gullibility of women and the reason why women should never be ordained. It always bugged me that it appears that Vader (divine male leader) was a Subordinate of Grand Moth Tarkin (feminists) when Vader was on the Death Star. I always thought that being the number two man of the Sith would make him the number two man in the Empire? GK edit: I always wondered why John Williams didn’t write a theme for the Grand Moth. Would have been sweet like the Moth Theme from FOTR.”

Thankfully though Todd “Freakishly Tall” agrees with us that our Brand of fear-mongering and scare tactics are the only way to stop Mothra’s hordes from taking over our churches.

Jerks For Jesus (Our Valued Patrons) Judgmentalize Japan

March 16, 2011

 

Did Japan deserve the tsunami, specifically, and the painful afterplay?  No way, no how.  Japan deserves far worse.  Japan is a pagan, idolatrous, perverted nation full of pagan, idolatrous, perverted people.  Perverted, pagan idolatry is sin, and sin must be punished.  God will not be patient with sin and sinners forever.  Comparably-minor judgments like these are mere foreshadowings and tastes of the judgment to come.  I believe that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was a sin as well, in and of itself, and as such deserves punishment and judgment.  Even if the attack were justified, it is impossible to argue that it was carried out with 100% pure motives and in 100% pure ways. —Rhoblogy

We are so proud of our faithful student Rhoblogy—why he is almost the judgmentalist that we are and we are twice the judgementalists than Ken Silva yet not quite the judgmentalists that Sharin’ Whiplash is. Rhoblogy is so astute in his judgmentalism that he sets standards that would even confound our great and affectionate Uncle the great and all-powerful Pastor-Teacher to the Internet congregation of the True Remnant himself.

We agree with Rhoblogy for as Todd Friel’s pal has said echoing John MacArthur’s Pure Truth War Doctrines©®™:

A simple reading of the Bible shows how God uses natural disasters to further his purposes. Earthquakes, floods, famine, locusts, etc. they’re all there, but man hates it. Rather than humbly acknowledging that God’s ways are not our ways, man rails against and accuses God. The last thing they will do is cry out for his mercy in Jesus Christ.

We also like Rhoblogy are no friends of sinners or the Japanese for as Al Mohler says: “God hates sin/sinners, and will punish both individual sinners and nations.”—therefore we also hate sickos, perverts, reprobate nations, sinners and people in general unless they are just like us or believe exactly like us in the same way that we do (except on rare occaisions when we must discernmentalize ourselves and other Discernmentalists).

Research Robot Monkeys Fighting Snakes On A Plane

July 8, 2010

Recently we released our Research Robot Monkeys on a plane full of apostate Emergents who were flying on an Arminian Airlines flight bound for Rome. Our Research Robot Monkeys caught those evil Emergents in the act of praying silent New Age heretical Roman Catholic “wordless” Contemplative Centering Prayers. Those Emergents were on their way to sitting on couches with candles while drinking coffee with the Pope and Dalai Lama.

(Arminan Airlines Symbol Courtesy of the Devil. Our Research Robot Monkeys in a fury of Researchmentalism noted that the Double A in the symbol of Arminian Airlines also could stand for Apostate Atheists).

Angered by all that they observed and that those apostates wouldn’t bow down before our Pure Truth Wars Doctrines©®™ our Research Robot Monkeys began stoning all those man-centered Grace-hating dark ignorant man-loving heretical semi-Pelagian reprobated sinners by flinging feces at them. We proudly bring you our Research Robot Monkeys’ adventures on worldly apostate airlines every Mon-Fri. at 6 pm now only on GOIP-ODM TV.

America’s True Founders

July 4, 2010

This July 4th remember the True Founders of America by buying our new Bible based on the American Gospel. Who are America’s True Founders you may ask? Well  the answer should be simple right:

 Which of these writers influenced the political philosophy and origins of the founding documents of the United States of America:  President Thomas Jefferson, John Calvin, and/or Saint Thomas Aquinas? Easy, right?  The answer is President Thomas Jefferson.   You know, Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, and one of the many founders who threw off the religious tyranny of then-England and safeguarded the separation of church and state in our government. WRONG!  If you are one of the 80% of  students in the U.S.A. who will be reading textbooks published in Texas, you wouldn’t know that President Thomas Jefferson is a writer who influenced the intellectual origins of our nation.    Instead, you will be taught that Protestant “reformer” John Calvin  and medieval-minded, pre-rational-thinking Catholic Saint Thomas Aquinas are the true influences upon our nation’s founding documents. 

By buying Our Pure Bible you’ll support our cause and learn these True Facts and more:

The Patriot’s Edition of the 1599 Geneva Bible is the same Scripture, word for word, that the Pilgrims brought to America nearly 400 years ago. This new edition, however, features a prayer by George Washington, which begins…

“O eternal and everlasting God, i presume to present myself this morning before thy divine majesty, beseeching thee to accept of my humble and hearty thanks, that it hath pleased thy great goodness to keep and preserve me the night past from all the dangers poor mortals are subject to, and has given me sweet and pleasant sleep, whereby i find my body refreshed and comforted for performing the duties of this day, in which i beseech thee to defend me from all perils of body and soul…”

This edition also includes the following historical documents, which are based upon Biblical principles:

•The Magna Carta

•The Mayflower Compact

•The Declaration of Independence

•The Articles of Confederation

•The Constitution of the United States

•Amendments to the U.S. Constitution

•Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior

ENDORSEMENTS:

“The publication and promulgation of the 1599 Geneva Bible will help restore America’s rich Christian heritage and reclaim the culture for Christ.”

Dr. D. James Kennedy, Senior Pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church

Buy one or two or three or even more and remember to also oppose the Mosque at “Ground Zero” just like Sharin’ Whiplash does.

P. S. Remember Separation of Church of State is a heretical lie from the pit of hell cooked up by secular humanist liberal atheistic crackpots.

Fear AND Self-LOATHING on the INTERNET…

June 10, 2010

       

Our hero Ken Silva reprises his role in this sequel to the classic Fear And Loathing On The Internet. In this new film fresh off the conveyor belts of the GOIP DVD production lines—Ken begins lamenting the fact that there is  “a growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM) that has crept right into the timid heart of the squishy evanjellyfish church organism pretending to be a True Protestant community.”

Soon this lamenting turns into self-loathing followed by fear and then finally fear and self-loathing combined of which the title (Fear And Self-Loathing On The Internet) of the film is derived. Shortly in the film—in the midst of protesting against “the growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM)” in the church today— Ken experiences a computer crash but manages to send out this message through Discernmentalist Osmosis which is in the DNA of all True Discernmentalists:

Just a short note asking for prayer, particularly if you’ve been blessed by this online apologetics and discernment work, and making you aware that the hard drive in the main computer at here at Apprising Ministries has crashed. Fortunately back problems had forced me to do much of my work from a laptop so the loss of materials/information was lessened. Since our email program went through that now defunct main computer we no longer have access to it so we’ve begun a new email account: apprisingministries@gmail.com. We remain thankful you have been standing with Apprising Ministries through these 5+ years, and thank you for your prayer, as well as financial support as well. O, and the blessing; well, we’re still waiting to see what the Lord has in store through this little bit of a test as we try and rebuild our database.

Fearing for the worse Ken soon discovers that the evil Frank Viola and equally evil Leonard Sweet caused his hard drive to crash through their spiritually corrupt practice of Contemplative/Centering Prayer. Our film ends with Ken pledging to put his fear and self-loathing to good use as he vows to take revenge against Contemplative/Centering Prayer and the “sinfully-ecumenical” Purpose-Driven and Contemplative-driven Emerging/Emergent Church and “po-mo Christian” sinners in general by using big TRUTH WARRIOR words such as “gutless crybaby,” “spineless” and “sissified jellyfish” even more than he did in the first film or does now.

On a happier note Ken also reinstated his offer to make good on his vow to donate a “spine” and “Backbone”  to any apostate heretic that would repent and believe upon the Pure and True Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and Biblical American values such as capitalism and war so that this film could have a happier ending than the first one.

Ken Silva’s Emerging Hidden “Postmodern Fascist” Agenda

June 6, 2010

Said Mussolini, “If each age has its doctrine, the innumerable symptoms indicated that the doctrine of our age is the Fascist one.”[3] When Mussolini penned this sentence he did not have in mind the currently popular and historically ignorant definitions of Fascism that most people possess today…

What’s wrong with all of our Mighty Truth Warriors today? First our Research Robot Monkeys have caught Eric Barger drinking communistic coffee at a worldly Emergent coven. If that wasn’t bad enough, our Research Robot Monkeys have now caught our affectionate uncle in Discernmentalism Ken Silva subliminally supporting the “Postmodern Fascism of Emergents.”  Behold the horror of Ken Silva’s unconcious sin in all it’s Postmodern Fascist abomination:

We  had to place the red Swastika  on Uncle Ken’s original poster in all of it’s missiveness for clarity’s sake—just because you can’t see a Swastika in the original print doesn’t mean it’s not really there. It looks like a kinda Swastika sort of to begin with—so obviously Ken has subtly hidden it well in his meaningless arrows—but not well enough to get by us. As one of our valiant Research Robot Monkeys and mighty follower and fellow Discernmentalist of all that is Absolute  Biblical Truth noted upon first glimpsing Ken’s original poster:

In the real world, doctrines that contradict each other cannot all be true; they can all be false, but they cannot all be true. In addition, even though in today’s spiritually spineless visible church you won’t often hear this, both the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church are apostate forms of Christianity. And apparently in the PCUSA one can be a pastor and a universalist; welcome to the very near future of mainstream evangelicalism.

We agree as Ken Silva can’t be a True Truth Warrior Discernmentalist of Absolute Biblical Truth and secretly support “Postmodern Fascism” at the same time—for as our Truth Bible says: “Avoid all appearances of evil and worldliness except for when you’re fighting for Truth or playing basketball.”  This is why we had to Discernmentalize Ken and now must take a stand by taking a stand for Absolute Biblical Truth and why we all must come against this abomination.

The Unfolding Saga Of Beck-Gate

May 19, 2010

    

Discernmentalists we are under attack again as usual. This time one of our Pure Schools has let the apostate and non-Christian Glenn Beck speak at it’s Graduation ceremony. Glenn Beck is a Mormon as you know and Mormonism is not only heretical but also a False Religion with an unbiblical and False Jesus.  Why would any of our Pure Schools invite an unregenerate reprobate to speak to the regenerate and True Godly Elect? All they are doing is inviting danger into their midst…who knows some of the audience may really be False Converts who were never saved to begin with and now they may have slipped up big time and have  lost their Sanctification status.

We are appalled at the Seeker-Sensitiveness of Liberty University letting this ecumenical heresy slide. What happened to Liberty’s Godly Stand in our Truth Wars…are they now Emergent?  Ever since Jerry Falwell passed on to Heaven, Liberty has been getting more and more worldly. Why they’ve even let Arminian heretics on their staff—sheer blasphemy as We Know Arminians are unsaved. We must take a self-righteous stand in God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath to put a stop to this.

However we all still must continue to stand against the socialist false gospel of socialist justice.

Hunting Season For Liberals Officially Begins!

May 14, 2010

    

(Gloom And Despair News: a subsidiary of GOIP Media Dominion Corporation as distributed by Outhouse Fails Publishing, Inc.) —-  Discernmentalists head to hunting ranges all across America now that Liberal Hunting Season has begun. Steve Camp of Camp On This Gloom and Disparaging Ministries has promised to reward the first True Bible-Believing  Fundamentalist Conservative/Republican Calvinist Christian to bag over a hundred liberals with a prize of an authentic tissue paper used by none other than our very own Ken Silva. The tissue paper is bound to become a  True Discernmentalist collector’s item. Camp has indeed verified that the tissue has really been used by Ken Silva for it is so full of ego and Absolute Truth. The tissue also comes complete with a certificate of authenticity.

Camp is on record as saying there are no limits on who may be considered a liberal. Any and all groups other than Confessional Dortian Calvinists are to be considered too liberal to be Truly Biblical and most importantly even Truly Christian. Most or all groups that are considered too liberal to Truly be Christian are dark evil reprobated heathen unregenerate hell-bound apostates as Camp goes on to further state :

To paraphrase former President Ronald Reagan’s words when speaking of communism:

“Open Theism, Universalism, Mormonism, Romanism, the Emergent Church, Jehovah Witnesses, Pragmaticism, Syncretism, Word of Faith, New Perspective of Paul, Libertarian Free Will, Socinianism, the Social Gospel, and Sabellianism is foreign to heaven, where they’ve never had part in it; and is welcome in hell, where they’ve already got it.” (Source).

In related news, Brannon Howse and Todd Friel have teamed up and have pledged their support for an upcoming Anti-Glenn Beck /Anti-Social Gospel Rally. At the moment, all the details are still in the open. We’ll let you know when and if any futher details come to light or as soon as any  future developments are made available.