Archive for the ‘Cults’ Category

We Are Hardcore Discernmentalists!

January 10, 2011

We are under attack yet again by the world for a Secular dictionary has gotten the definition of Discernmentalists wrong:

Discernmentalists typically focus on perceived heresies in Pentecostalism, Charismatism and Ecumenism, among others. They defend their actions by citing Scriptural injunctions regarding the testing of scripture and cautioning against false teachers. Some Pentecostal/charismatic theologians claim that their interpretations of certain passages have been divinely inspired, a claim other Discernmentalists reject. Many outside the movement regard Discernmentalists as judgmental legalists who have absented themselves from teaching the grace that is a key Christian doctrine.

Discernmentalists should not be confused with anti-cult ministries, which work primarily in alerting Christians to the alleged dangers posed by churches that they consider to be cults.

Some areas attacked by discernmentalists include:

Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ film. Over 13,000 words of rebuttal on one website, on account of Gibson’s Catholicism and other Catholic involvement in production.
– Widely regarded parachurch organisations such as “Promise Keepers”, “Alpha”, “Focus on the Family”, Christian Vegetarian Association, etc.
– The Toronto blessing and similar “hyper-charismatic” movements.
– Many streams of Pentecostal thought.
Denunciation of many noted Christians based on supercritical evaluation of their activities, including those long dead. In addition, reliance upon sole sources of information does not meet normal standards of historical research. Without having in some way been able to record every single thought, act or word of every noted Christian it is impossible to know whether they should be condemned for something they may have later turned away from.

Most discernment ministry organisations are small but have achieved greater influence through the Internet. In summary, the purveyors of these ministries seem to proclaim themselves as ultimate authorities on all of the subjects which they publish an opinion on. Indeed we are the ultimate authorities on every subject that we publish on as we are expert discerners of all things. Note the Absolute Biblically True definition of a Discernmentalist is: Discernmentalist- An expert discerner who knows all, is able to read minds, re-interpret quotes, and misinterpret quotes biblically. Typically involved in the “special ops” of discernment, and has the right to mislead the public when defending the truth or orthodoxy against the unrighteous (ie almost everyone).

Not only are we the ultimate authorities on every subject that we publish on and expert discerners of all things—we are also Hardcore Discernmentalists as we sometimes must discernmentalize our own beliefs to make sure our Doctrines stay 500% Purer than everyone else’s.

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Shocked: Phil Johnson turns on John MacArthur (but still remains a member at Grace Community Church)

December 22, 2010

In a shocking furor of Discernmentalism, Phil Johnson aka Hugh Jass turns against the Ways of the Master and his Overlord Saint John MacArthur. Note Phil Johnson’s attack:  
“He [James White] is (rightly) concerned about people who run too far with the notion of imploring sinners to be reconciled to God (2 Corinthians 5) and who imagine that this justifies the ridiculous imagery of God on his knees, begging sinners to have a relationship with Him. Remember: I already said I don’t like that aspect of the video, either.”
JOHN MACARTHUR has said: Yep, we are to beg them, be reconciled to God, as it says, though God were begging through you. That’s exactly the language there. As though God were begging through you, be reconciled to God, go into all the world, preach the gospel to every creature, make disciples of all the nations. We have the responsibility to take the gospel to the ends of the earth to every creature.” Discernmentalists:
“Notice that Saint John MacArthur not only believes that God is begging through us, but he believes that it is “exactly the language there” in 2 Cor. 5:20. He says the same thing about that verse [i.e. “literally, ‘begging them'”] in his article on “Having an Eternally Right Relationship with God,” in Think Biblically!: Recovering a Christian Worldview, ed. John MacArthur (Good News Publishers, 2003), 108. So, MacArthur is not merely saying that he believes God is begging sinners, but he believes the Apostle Paul himself uses that kind of language. If MacArthur is correct, then Phil Johnson has not only called MacArthur’s beliefs and imagery on this subject “ridiculous,” but he has also unwittingly implied that the Apostle Paul’s inspired language is “ridiculous” as well.
Not only that, but he has also, by implication, said that the imagery of Augustine, Hugh Latimer, Samuel Rutherford [Westminster divine], Thomas Manton, Sydrach Simpson [Westminster divine], Robert Harris [Westminster divine], Theophilus Gale, Isaac Ambrose, Stephen Charnock, John Flavel, Richard Sibbes, John Shower, William Gurnall, George Swinnock, Ralph Venning, Daniel Burgess, Samuel Willard, George Whitefield, Jonathan Edwards, Solomon Stoddard, Samuel Davies, Andrew Gray, Ralph Erskine, Charles Spurgeon, Thomas Chalmers, Walter Chantry and Erroll Hulse is also “ridiculous.” I have documented the exact words of all of these men HERE [click].”
Phil should be ashamed for attacking the only True Living Teacher of God’s Word of this century like that. We demand that Phil be disciplined by his church authorities or else face God’s Wrath.

Let Us Bring You The Good News Of God’s Wrath For Only The Low Cost Of $89-$109!

June 12, 2010

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Ken Silva’s Emerging Hidden “Postmodern Fascist” Agenda

June 6, 2010

Said Mussolini, “If each age has its doctrine, the innumerable symptoms indicated that the doctrine of our age is the Fascist one.”[3] When Mussolini penned this sentence he did not have in mind the currently popular and historically ignorant definitions of Fascism that most people possess today…

What’s wrong with all of our Mighty Truth Warriors today? First our Research Robot Monkeys have caught Eric Barger drinking communistic coffee at a worldly Emergent coven. If that wasn’t bad enough, our Research Robot Monkeys have now caught our affectionate uncle in Discernmentalism Ken Silva subliminally supporting the “Postmodern Fascism of Emergents.”  Behold the horror of Ken Silva’s unconcious sin in all it’s Postmodern Fascist abomination:

We  had to place the red Swastika  on Uncle Ken’s original poster in all of it’s missiveness for clarity’s sake—just because you can’t see a Swastika in the original print doesn’t mean it’s not really there. It looks like a kinda Swastika sort of to begin with—so obviously Ken has subtly hidden it well in his meaningless arrows—but not well enough to get by us. As one of our valiant Research Robot Monkeys and mighty follower and fellow Discernmentalist of all that is Absolute  Biblical Truth noted upon first glimpsing Ken’s original poster:

In the real world, doctrines that contradict each other cannot all be true; they can all be false, but they cannot all be true. In addition, even though in today’s spiritually spineless visible church you won’t often hear this, both the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church are apostate forms of Christianity. And apparently in the PCUSA one can be a pastor and a universalist; welcome to the very near future of mainstream evangelicalism.

We agree as Ken Silva can’t be a True Truth Warrior Discernmentalist of Absolute Biblical Truth and secretly support “Postmodern Fascism” at the same time—for as our Truth Bible says: “Avoid all appearances of evil and worldliness except for when you’re fighting for Truth or playing basketball.”  This is why we had to Discernmentalize Ken and now must take a stand by taking a stand for Absolute Biblical Truth and why we all must come against this abomination.

Finally A True Bible-Believing God-honoring Email Domain Address That God Is Proud Of

March 31, 2010

                 

A thank you from New World Order Weekend

What can a @Reagan.com Email address do for you? you may ask:

Why Your email address with Reagan.com will send a clear message to the recipient: You are a True Bible-Believing, God-honoring,  Regenerated Elect, Frozen And Chozen Reagan Conservative and Fundamentalist Christian, period.

Each @Reagan.com address is built on the ideal that each person should pay for and leave God to control his or her hate speech communications via the latest Holy Spirit chip technology built by GOIP Labs and featured in the new iTruth made  by the the ODMafia Research and Discernmentalist Labs for truth warriors by truth warriors.  At the same time it should allow you the freedom through American Gospel and Bible-based techniques to check your email and calendar at anytime and from any place in the world under American sovereign imperial control where there is an internet connection using a computer or your smart phone. Your @Reagan.com address will even work in all 52 states of America including the newly annexed States of RonaldReaganistan and Rumsfeld’s Democratic American Republican State of Bushraqistan also your @Reagan.com address will work in America’s future Provinces including Illegal Immigrant Cheap Labor And Tacos’ Land Of Profitable Beach Resorts For Rich White American Tourists, Canuckistan: Northern Province Of Eh!, Urup: Our Ancestors’ Land aka The Old Country and the  separate Territories of We Kicked Ur Butt Twice Island, Whiny White-Flagged Pushovers: Land Of Easy-Surrenders and United Popeland

Our Holy Spirit chip techonology features a State of the art email and calendar system for true conservatives and those who are Truly Elected to Salvation @reagan.com. What are some of the other features of the @Reagan.com Email address—why it is:

Simple
And by simple we mean complex. Plus you Only get what  we think you need when we think you need it.

Efficient
Advanced synchronization for:  Blackberry, iPhone, iTruth, and many other GOIP Windows Mobile devices. Advanced Outlook synchronization and collaboration.

Secured
Check your email over an encrypted connection. We have built in tracking technology as well.

Offers Less Spam
Our advanced spam filter delivers comprehensive protection from spam and phishing messages. We are also able to censor 10% more Emergent, Liberal and anti-Calvinist Arminian messages than other email providers.

Conservative
Yes “not free”…because free stuff equals Marxism, Communism and Socialism.

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Plus as a free bonus gift to you we offer you free
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Own your @Reagan.com Email address for the easy payment of Only $34.95/yr plus other funds we decide to steal from the poor. An @Reagan.com Email address is  the righteous and Godly way to spend your money. Don’t waste your hard earned money on unregenerate non-Elect reprobated poor lazy bums and slobs like those Red-Letter Christians do as the poor were created to be poor and destroyed from the foundation of the world. Create your personal @Reagan.com email today using the form that we will provide you with in order to make sure of your Secured Elected Salvation and that you are Truly of the Inerrant Right who are always right.

Shocked: Spurgeon Had A False Conversion—We Know So!

February 20, 2010

Recently our Research Robot Monkeys have come upon new and startling information concerning Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior). We have found that Spurgeon had a False Conversion—we are truly disappointed in this finding. Here follows an account of  Spurgeon’s False Conversion:

Spurgeon’s conversion to Christianity came on January 6, 1850, at age fifteen. On his way to a scheduled appointment, a snow storm forced him to cut short his intended journey and to turn into a Primitive Methodist chapel in Colchester where “God opened his heart to the salvation message.” The text that moved him was Isaiah 45:22 – “Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God, and there is none else.”

Methodists teach Grace-hating Man-loving Arminianism, Decisional Regeneration and Free-Willism which are all errors. See  there this is proof of his False Conversion—We Know so! Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior) even admits by his own Free-Will he made a Decision for Christ rather than being Regenerated by the preaching of the Pure Gospel of God’s Sovereign Wrath:

I do from my soul confess that I never was satisfied till I came to Christ; when was yet a child, I had far more wretchedness than ever I have now; I will even add, more weariness, more care, more heart-ache than I know at this day. I may be singular in this confession, but I make it, and know it to be the truth. Since that dear hour when my soul cast itself on Jesus, I have found solid joy and peace; but before that, all those supposed gaieties of early youth, all the imagined ease and joy of boyhood, were but vanity and vexation of spirit to me. . That happy day, when I found the Saviour, and learned to cling to His dear feet, was a day never to be forgotten by me. An obscure child, unknown, unheard of, I listened to the Word of God; and that precious text led me to the cross of Christ. I can testify that the joy of that day was utterly indescribable. I could have leaped, I could have danced; there was no expression, however fanatical, which would have been out of keeping with the joy of my spirit at that hour. Many days of Christian experience have passed since then, but there has never been one which has had the full exhilaration, the sparkling delight which that first day had. I thought I could have sprung from the seat on which I sat, and have called out with the wildest of those Methodist brethren who were present, “I am forgiven! I am forgiven! A monument of grace! A sinner saved by blood! “My spirit saw its chains broken to pieces, I felt that I was an emancipated soul, an heir of Heaven, a forgiven one, accepted in Christ Jesus, plucked out of the miry clay and out of the horrible pit, with my feet set upon a rock, and my goings established. I thought I could dance all the way home. I could understand what John Bunyan meant, when he declared he wanted to tell the crows on the ploughed land all about his conversion. He was too full to hold, he felt he must tell somebody.

Sheer blasphemy—we are mortified beyond words! We are now praying that Todd Friel (Wretched), Ray Comforts (Awesome) and Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) drop all their associational ties with the works of this False Convert.

P. S. Also we are not too pleased with Spurgeon’s teachings against the Pure Reformed Doctrines and clear teachings of Calvin on Infant Baptism and also likewise with John Piper (Soft On Heretics)’s teaching against the Pure Baptism Doctrines of Calvin as well.

And remember these words of Absolute Truth from Sharin’ Whiplash:

Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

Advent Is Evil

December 21, 2009

Christmas! Bah humbug! Who needs to celebrate Christmas as the reprobated pagan heathens and Catholics do. Afterall, Christmas should should not be about celebrating the Incarnation of the world’s Savior but should not be about ridiculing and condemning Catholics and  other non-Calvinists and supporting Republican foreign policy, war, torture and capitalist materialist consummerism. Saint Spurgeon warns  us of the evils of celebrating Christmas in a religious way:

We have no superstitious regard for times and seasons. Certainly we do not believe in the present ecclesiastical arrangement called Christmas: first, because we do not believe in the mass at all, but abhor it, whether it be said or sung in Latin or in English; and, secondly, because we find no Scriptural warrant whatever for observing any day as the birthday of the Savior; and, consequently, its observance is a superstition, because not of divine authority. (Charles Spurgeon, Sermon on Dec. 24, 1871).

When it can be proved that the observance of Christmas, Whitsuntide, and other Popish festivals was ever instituted by a divine statute, we also will attend to them, but not till then. It is as much our duty to reject the traditions of men, as to observe the ordinances of the Lord. We ask concerning every rite and rubric, “Is this a law of the God of Jacob?” and if it be not clearly so, it is of no authority with us, who walk in Christian liberty. (from Charles Spurgeon’s Treasury of David on Psalm 81:4.)

GOIP Discernmmentalists Uncover A Secret Muslim Plot

December 3, 2009

Muslims are gaining the momentum to beat us to world domination. How dare they! Hear what my colleague in Discernmentalizations Dr. Truthslayer has to say:

“Muslims, within the span of 20-50 years, will essentially control the entire world because of their numbers;” We also believe that Muslims will build mosques on Mars very soon….perhaps even by 2018 if we do not act fast!

This is why we must take the world back for Jesus as we The Theocratic Calvinist Christian Fascist Party (GOIP)  and American Calvinists are predestined and Elected to rule the world—for God’s Absolute Glory—by God’s Absolute Sovereign Decree from the foundation of the world. We Absolute Truth Warriors also need to become more aggressive in our Absolute Truth War efforts against the dark and false religion of Islam. Here Saint John MacArthur explains the True and Pure Gospel of the Truth War against Mooslems:

Der Führer Ron Luce has also ordered us to step up our efforts in our Truth War as he has said that “secularism (Emergent and liberal Christianity) and Islam are almost indistinguishable, in that they’re in this war together to destroy Christianity.” Indeed this is Absolute Truth because our Führer said so and why we must  never compromise on preaching the whole ‘discernmentalist’ truth of the Truth War against all liberal, apostate, heretics such as Muslim-enabling Emergents!

Introducing The New Special Forces Of God’s Only Inerrant Party

November 24, 2009

A Special Dobson Ranch Pentagon Announcement

Redneck Special Forces Training photo. Shelly The True Republican is in the background.

The Pentagon of the GOIPers—Dobson Ranch—the Death Star Mighty G…od Fortress Space Station on Mars  announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite Fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) or more formally known as the GOIP Controlled United States Redneck Republican Special Forces (GOIP CUSRRSF).

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma,Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.

5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by this coming Friday. Here our resident Redneck GOIPer, R. R. stands with his pickup truck ready for duty and his gun ready for action:

ZOEINCARNATE’S Evil And Blasphemous Heresies

November 23, 2009

First, we are concerned with ZOEINCARNATE’S absurd notion that “God is a recovering practitioner of violence.” We agree with our fellow Absolute Truth Warrior and Discernmentalist John 14:6 :

Your blasphemy and those of your ilk apparently knows no bounds.

“By this he means that God used to think violence was a good idea, but then gave up on it.”

Are you people serious? What God is this that you claim to follow? A fallible deity who learns from his own mistakes!

Repent of these heretic, man-centered imaginations!

An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, — Proverbs 6:18

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; — 2 Cor 10:5

Strawman do not position make. Funny how quoting the Bible leads heretics to the accusation that “you alone know blah blah blah”.

It has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with Holy Scripture. To even entertain the idea that God is a “recovering” anything promotes a position of fallibility to the INFALLIBLE. That is heresy.

You are the created, lest you forget. And you are seeking to assign human frailties and shortcomings to the Creator. That is, also, heresy. God is not like you, get over it.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. – Isa 55:8

Holy God recovers from nothing. His ways are not our ways. Humble yourself and repent for this heretical thinking.

How many more times will emergents, liberals, and progressive hid behind “cast the first stone”. Are you to utter this to Holy God when you stand before Him? What will you say then, when all your noble thinking, philosophy, and bludgeoning of God’s Holy Word are laid before you and you are found guilty?

I pray for all of you amazing lost people. You truly are promoting high things that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. Does Scripture tells us God “recovered” from violence? It does not, so put this thought away and repent.

We also pray for Mike Morrell‘s unregenerate and non-elect reprobated soul—we pray that God’s Absolute Sovereign Glory is shown when Mike gets cast away like all those other heretics, sinners and unsaved non-Elect heathens:

We also assert the Biblical Truth that God’s very nature is violence against sinners, for God hates sinners with a holy passion. In fact, He hates them so much that He chose from the foundation of the world to only save  Johh CalvinJohn MacArthur, some other guys named JohnPhil Johnson, Al Mohler, Charles Spurgeon, James White, Todd Friel, Will Kinney and 137,000 other Elected and Predestined Calvinist saints including we of God’s Only Inerrant Party and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia—the rest of humanity then is going to hell because God chose to destroy them before even creating humanity.

Also we wish to point out these 9 other propositions of Biblical Absolute Truths that we know with Absolute Certainty:

1. God never changes. (Malachi 3:6)

2. Therefore God never changes His mind about anything. [ie. Law vs. Grace, Old vs. New Covenants, repented that He made humanity, promised no more Noah type floods, sacrifice vs. mercy, walks with Adam and Eve in Eden vs. unseen in Heaven vs. incarnated Jesus vs. the unseen Risen Lord Jesus of faith, etc. (Genesis 6:6;  Gen. 9:8-17; Hosea 6:6, Matthew 9:13, Matthew 12:7; etc).

3. As change sounds too much like evilution.

4. Therefore change is evil in and of itself

5. As all is Absolute, black and white and in stone.

6. Evilution is a human invention.

7. So therefore God has nothing whatsoever to do with humanity not even in His incarnated form (the fully human-fully God—Jesus).

8. Also God is Absolute.

9. And therefore has nothing whatsoever to do with change aka. evilution.

We also agree with John 14:6 ‘s namesake: “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Indeed we are not  the way, the truth, and the life: so that no man cometh unto the Father, but by us and our discernmentalizations, for we hold the Absolute Truth the King James Bible AV1611 in our hands (instead of God/Jesus the Absolute Truth holding us in His hands). Therefore since we do not hold  the Absolute Truth in our hands, we do not have the rite/right to judgementalize others who do not hold to our opinions of truth the Absolute Truth, ‘for we  alone have a direct line to God in the King James Bible AV1611—the literal words and mind of God. For the King James Bible AV1611 is literally Jesus/God:  

We alone do not have the one true interpretation of scripture as first established by our Final Prophet John Calvin—the perfect exegete whose fruits were nothing but Pure. Afterall, John Calvin is not the Holy Spirit incarnate—the Advocate and Comforter promised in the Bible—the final word on all Christianity:

The doctrine of the work of the Holy Spirit is a gift from John Calvin to the Church of Christ.  He did not, of course, invent it. The whole of it lay spread out on the pages of Scripture with a clearness and fullness of utterance which one would think would secure that even he who ran should read it; and doubtless he who ran did read it, and it has fed the soul of the true believer in all ages.

We alone—the True Chosen Elect of God are not Pure enough in our ontological certainty to go casting the first stone and hurling accusations of missives and discernmentalizations that  correct and refute the errors of non-blasphemy and non-heresy.’