Archive for the ‘Chris Rosebrough’ Category

John Calvin “Frisked” At Liberty and Grace Reformed Church

September 21, 2011

Pastor Steven Dilday in echo of George W. Bush’s “Patriot Act” opts to create the first ever “Clergy Act” in an attempt to root out all those spiritual terrorists who dare to partake in the sins of the Whore of Babylon—the Scarlet Mother of all Harlots: the Roman Catholic Cult by wearing robes and stoles to preach. Quote Steven Dilday: “this is the most pressing and urgent of issues of our time—we should hold the theology of those who wear vestments in the pulpit suspect.” One of the first victims of Pastor Dilday’s Clergy Act was a John Calvin impersonator who was held suspect for looking too sinisterly like a Jesuit gestapo in his black robes:

We most mightily thank Pastor Dilday for bringing this clear and most important teaching on one  of  “the most pressing and urgent of issues of our time.” Why if a John Calvin impersonator can be held theologically suspect then we must also hold the real Calvin theologically suspect! On a related note—Pastor Dilday elsewhere declared that Calvinists should abandon Calvin for not being Truly Refomed and Calvinistic enough. We agree as Calvin was a little too Semi-Pelagian for our tastes and did not hold to the Truth of the Ways of our Master.

Remember this is a Truth War after-all so we must hold everyone accountable to ourStandard of ourTruth of ourPure Doctrines. Thankfully you have this humble Truly Reformed Bible-Believing Truth War Discernment Ministry to Take A Stand in ourDoctrines on “this most pressing and urgent of issues of our time.” We here at this ministry are all about grace and nothing but Grace… in fact we are the most Grace-loving man-hating site on the net. We would never ever heap the burden of the Law upon you or preach anything like a Works-Salvation unlike those Grace-hating man-glorfiying Catholic-worshippers. We just expect you to keep ourRules lest we deem you unworthy of God’s Grace and therefore unfit for the Kingdom.

So Liberty and Grace To You, God’s Only Elect in the Great Grace of the wide and loving mercy of our Angry God’s Sovereign Hate and Wrath.

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Update # 1: Martin Luther wore vestments clearly he must have hated liberty and grace for partaking in the sin of the Papists.

Update # 2: We caught one of our own Ken Silva wearing a bathrobe… he must be on the Road to Rome. Now we must put his site under surveillance.

Update # 3: Johnathan Edwards wore a clerical collar… a clear perversion of the Doctrines of Grace.

Update # 4: We wiretapped Ken Silva’s phone and overheard Ken talking with Chris Rosebrough (an avowed Lutheran) and Ingrid of SOL/Crosstalk (a possible Lutheran). Now we must really put his site under surveillance as now we really have reason to suspect that he is Emerging into Rome.

Update # 5: Oh horror of horrors… the Ways of the Master himself caught preaching sans coat and tie in a Rick Warrenesque shirt. He’s one step closer to Rick Warren’s heretical Purpose-Driven Agenda.

John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) Will Get You Rapture Ready For Saturday!

May 19, 2011

John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) unlike Brian McLaren and his Emerging Babylonian hordes never falls prey to the winds of ear-tickling doctrines. This is because Saint John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) keeps his doctrines so Purer than anyone else’s that he can never fail at being the True Truth Warrior of Absolute Biblical Truth that he Truly is. Take the Pure Biblical Doctrine of the Rapture for instance—John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has said: “It’s become kind of popular today, in the last two or three years, to believe in the rapture occurring at the end of the tribulation. There has been three positions, historically, “pre-trib,” “mid-trib,” and “post-trib.” What that means is the rapture occurs at the end of the tribulation: “post-tribulation;” the middle of the tribulation: “mid-tribulation;” the beginning of the tribulation: “pre-tribulation.” Now if you wanted to catalog me I would have to claim to be a “pre-tribulationist.” I believe the Church will be taken out before the tribulation.

Of course because Truth Matters, we all know that the Rapture is Pure Biblical Teaching and not a man-made invention by a deluded Scottish teenager unlike Brian McLaren’s heretical notion that the Kingdom of God is present in the world and within us. Phil Johnson and the Pyromaniacs agree as John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has also said after being questioned about his Premillenial Dispensationalist Rapture beliefs:

Questioner: I am concern about Dispensationalism, I have been listening to Charles Swindoll, yourself and Dave Hawking, I really enjoy their ministry. And they all preach the pre-tribulation rapture, and I can buy that. I think it’s great. And then I hear some other respected men in the Lord say, “Well that is a dispensational point of view,” and they imply that that is something that has taken place within the last hundred years or so within the church. I just like to hear a little from you.

John MacArthur’s Answer: You see, that is just a label that they throw. What do you mean a dispensational point of view? The word dispensation is a NT word, Paul said “It was committed unto him the dispensation of the grace of God, dispensation of the mysteries.” It simply means a stewardship, it’s simply a term, that’s all. This is the accusation over and over again that Dispensationalism popped up with J. N. Darby, and C. I. Scofield, and all of that? But we are not working our way through a system, but rather attempting to interpret scripture on its own merit.

Ok, you have some basic things to deal with. Dispensationalism, by the way, is simply a title for theology that recognizes a literal nation Israel to be restored in the future. And recognizes a literal kingdom, and a literal tribulation, and a literal return, and a literal rapture, and that is dispensational. The other perspective is what’s called non-dispensational or covenant theology, which has no place for Israel, no kingdom in the future, and spiritualizes everything rather than making it literal.

Now, what you have to do is to go back to some very basic things. Dispensation simply means that God manages things in a certain way at a certain time. Everybody is a dispensationalist, everybody. I don’t care who they are in theology, they’re dispensational.

Elsewhere John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has defined Every Self-Respecting Calvinist as a Premillennial Dispensationalist—in other words all True Christians are Premillenial Dispensationalist Rapture believers like John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) and Harold Camping. We hope this helps get you Rapture Ready for the Rapture and Judgement Day this Saturday—oh and don’t forget to buy one of our handy dandy RaptureHatches to be prepared… so  don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… be Rapture Ready with our Final Prophet John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.).

Flaming Calvinists?

January 9, 2011

So I had some of our Research Robot Monkeys do some researchmentalism on a supposedly Christian Forum for a  new Discernmentalist article against the many heresies of the Emergent Church when they came across a character who had the title of “Flaming Calvinist:”

Notice there are many errors here concerning this arunma fellow:

  1. How can there be any “flaming Calvinists” that is a contradiction of terms. One can’t be simultaneously saved and a homosexual at the same time—Brian McLaren and the Emergent Church teaches that it’s ok to be gay and that gay Christians are saved. The Bible however is Absolutely Clear that all homosexuality (sodomy) is an unbiblical abomination and an unforgivable sin as clearly taught by Jesus and the Apostles in the Bible. To paraphrase my colleague Dr. I. Todyaso: One thing we do not need is Gay Calvinists out there perverting the Doctrines of Grace. How dare this so called character suggest he can be gay and a Bible-Believing Calvinist at the same time that’s about as oxymoronic as saying one is a Christian and an  Arminian at the same time! (Just ask Sharon about that!) The next thing you know Calvinists will be ordaining homosexuals….blasphemy!
  2. The only flaming that Bible-Believing Christians need is to roast heretics alive over a stake whether it be in reality or cyber-reality as John Knox’s clear teachings teach us
  3. How can anyone hold to the Biblical Doctrines of Grace and yet pledge allegiance to the Democratic Party? The two are antithetical as Democrats are anti-Christian. One can never vote Democrat as a True Bible-Believing Calvinist as Democrats reject the Bible and accept:  welfare queens,  Islamofascism, atheism, homosexuality, abortion and the rest of the sins that we take a stand against.

Glenn Beck And Jim Walllis Team Up Against Brannon Howse

September 1, 2010

Item #2

Glenn Beck and Jim Wallis Are Both Pushing Social Justice and an Earthly Kingdom By Brannon Howse

Am I on the only one that watched Glenn Beck’s 8-28 rally with red flags going up non-stop? The mixture of Glenn’s Mormon theology wrapped in Christian terms, combined with some of the Christian speakers made me very uncomfortable. The patriotic ecumenicalism was very unbiblical. The dominion theology of some Christians, combined with the “Kingdom of God” theology of Mormonism, combined with all faiths uniting and wrapped in the flag reveals that a one-world religion and a one-world leader will be easily accepted even by people calling themselves Christians.

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We are absolutely stunned by those who would dare attack Brannon Howse and his Absolute Truth. Note our fearless Führer has said of the recent Beck rally:

I believe the 8-27 and 8-28 rallies have greatly furthered the acceptance of ecumenicalism by even those who call themselves evangelicals. The pastors and Christian leaders (including women pastors) standing behind Glenn Beck at the end of the rally with their arms locked together looked silly and not at all like Christian statesmen. I truly believe they sold out. I do not think even one of them realizes how they compromised the true Gospel of Jesus Christ and have damaged their testimony and added massively to the acceptance of pluralism and ecumenicalism. 

Whether they know it or not; those Christians that took part in these two rallies have endorsed an overwhelmingly humanistic message that was wrapped in patriotic and Christians terms. While a few speakers tried to give a true Biblical message; I believe it was so diluted in a soup of unbiblical messages that their presence only gave credibility in the minds of non-believers and non-discerning Christians that the “God talk” was all good.

We Know that our fearless Führer Brannon doesn’t “endorse an overwhelmingly humanistic message that is wrapped in patriotic and Christians terms”—just take his Worldview Test you ignorant reprobates and you’ll see, you all will see. We also Know that Brannon doesn’t “accept pluralism and ecumenicalism.” Why just look at the wide and diverse range of contributors to his site—all united in the common cause of spreading a Right Wing Theocratic agenda. We agree with Brannon that we must all Take A Stand against Jim Wallis and Glenn Beck like our Mighty Führer Brannon himself and the Mighty Truth Warrior Ken Silva are doing—so remember praise to America, Capitalist Materialism, Right Wing Theocracy and to heil our Führer.

Blessed Are The Warmongers: America’s Actions Should Never Be Questioned!

July 26, 2010

 

“In our days more than ever before we notice an astonishing misuse of the sermon on the mount. The saddest of all is that many preachers of various evangelical denominations fall back upon it as the most important document of Christendom; for them it seems to become more and more the Gospel, and the consequences are that we hear in our times more ethical preaching, more about becoming better, doing good, improving your better self, etc., than ever before. It would require much time and a great deal of space to show up all the errors which are springing from this application. It is the Gospel of works and evolution. And as this is done there is less preaching of the utter corruption of man, his lost condition and utter helplessness to be righteous (that which the discourse makes very clear), and the salvation of God in our Lord Jesus Christ, the absolute necessity of being born again, the reception of eternal life, the new nature. As the teachings of the Epistle to the Romans have been and are being abandoned in Christendom, the false application of the discourse here in Matthew has been taken up. There is therefore a continual increase of teaching about lifting man out of his lost place into a better sphere by means of ethical teachings taken from the sermon on the mount. This is done under the garb of a social Christianity, union of worshipers (?), the Fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man. . . Surely, if evangelical preachers continue to progress in this awful direction by substituting ethical teachings for salvation by the precious blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, and declare, as not a few have done, that the sermon on the mount is a large enough Bible for us, a general apostasy from the faith will soon be reached.” 

Arno C. Gaebelein, The Gospel of Matthew, pages 107-108. 

Blessed are the warmongers for they shall inherit the Kingdom of God through violent force. War and violence are always just and right but only when they’re America’s wars for God approves of every action ever done by America especially if it’s done all in the name of Right Wing Conservative Constantinian Christian Theocratic Dominionism. God surely approves of: 

  • Manifest Destiny
  • Ethnic Cleansing
  • Relocation of Idigineous peoples
  • Infringement of Personal Liberties
  • Genocide
  • Stealing other people’s property
  • Capitalistic greed
  • Socialistic totalitarianism
  • CIA-enforced terrorism
  • Cherry-picked support of dictators
  • Dominionistic Constantinian Caesaropapism
  • Illegal invasions of other people’s countries
  • Oppression
  • Repression
  • Dehumanizing those who are created in the image of God
  • CIA-backed assassinations of democratically elected political leaders of other countries
  • Violations of Human Rights
  • Segregation
  • Imperialism
  • Wars of Aggression
  • Wars of Attrition
  • Injustice
  • Collateral Damage
  • Racism
  • Discrimination
  • Social unrest
  • Unquestioned support of violence

Surely you can see why America’s actions should never be questioned for America always does the will of God. We are never wrong as we are always on the side of God—being God’s most blessed, most favored and holiest nation chosen and frozen by God. America’s self-interests= God’s self-interests; America= the good guys, anyone who disagrees with us= the bad guys; we are God’s friends, our enemies are God’s enemies. Anyone who doesn’t think like us is an Abomination.’ 

Get it—got it—good because we told you so—so blindly submit unto our ways or else. Thankfully we have the mighty Discernmentalist Truth War ministries of Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries, Jan Markell’s Olive Tree Ministries Bob Jones and John MacArthur to defend the Absolute Truth of our American Gospel and the Absolute Sovereignty of America over and against the Lordship of Jesus Christ: 

Maybe we need to go back to the Bible and see what the Bible actually says. In the Old Testament God tells Israel to go to war against Amalek, tells Saul to go in there and destroy the Amalekites because they were a blight on humanity. God told the children of Israel to go into the land, destroy the Canaanites. The Canaanites used to bury a living baby in a jar in a wall when they built a house or a building as a offering to the gods. There are wars of protection. There are wars of just retribution and just punishment and then there are wars of evil aggression. 

Remember we are never the aggressors; we are always the defenders of God, His Truth and our God-Ordained Way of Life. Also remember these Pure Words from our American Gospels: “You shall not murder except in illegal invasions and wars of imperial aggression for the sake of Big oil corporations and collateral damage. My kingdom is of this world so fight and kill for My sake; I am the Lord your God. You shall not commit idolatry except for when you wrap the American flag around the Bible. Every tongue shall confess America as Lord and bow the knee to Her flag.” 

Cat Glasses!

July 11, 2010

Wretched News exercising a test of the Sound Doctrines Detecting Tester of Locating Out of Order New Age Trends noted that anyone caught wearing “Cat Glasses” is suspect theologically. Reasons given are:

  1. Cat Glasses are synonymous with Catholics
  2. Catholics are semi-Pelagian quasi-Universalists
  3. Rob Bell, “Emergent guru” is also a semi-Pelagian quasi-Universalist
  4. Rob Bell wears Cat Glasses
  5. Rob Bell is also a heretic
  6. Therefore anyone caught wearing Cat Glasses is also suspect of being a heretic

Our logic is flawless who can argue against these points. We all must do whatever we can to take a stand and come against those who would dare wear Cat Glasses in our churches. Dr. Truthslayer my colleague in Discernmentalism adds that: “we support this kind of discernmentalism as absolute truth and so should you. We KNOW Rob is an emerging-liberal apostate…so anything we say or do (even if not factual) should still be accepted as truth.”

P. S. “Rob Bell is definitely not like Jesus” so you should never wear, imitate or do anything he does.

America’s True Founders

July 4, 2010

This July 4th remember the True Founders of America by buying our new Bible based on the American Gospel. Who are America’s True Founders you may ask? Well  the answer should be simple right:

 Which of these writers influenced the political philosophy and origins of the founding documents of the United States of America:  President Thomas Jefferson, John Calvin, and/or Saint Thomas Aquinas? Easy, right?  The answer is President Thomas Jefferson.   You know, Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, and one of the many founders who threw off the religious tyranny of then-England and safeguarded the separation of church and state in our government. WRONG!  If you are one of the 80% of  students in the U.S.A. who will be reading textbooks published in Texas, you wouldn’t know that President Thomas Jefferson is a writer who influenced the intellectual origins of our nation.    Instead, you will be taught that Protestant “reformer” John Calvin  and medieval-minded, pre-rational-thinking Catholic Saint Thomas Aquinas are the true influences upon our nation’s founding documents. 

By buying Our Pure Bible you’ll support our cause and learn these True Facts and more:

The Patriot’s Edition of the 1599 Geneva Bible is the same Scripture, word for word, that the Pilgrims brought to America nearly 400 years ago. This new edition, however, features a prayer by George Washington, which begins…

“O eternal and everlasting God, i presume to present myself this morning before thy divine majesty, beseeching thee to accept of my humble and hearty thanks, that it hath pleased thy great goodness to keep and preserve me the night past from all the dangers poor mortals are subject to, and has given me sweet and pleasant sleep, whereby i find my body refreshed and comforted for performing the duties of this day, in which i beseech thee to defend me from all perils of body and soul…”

This edition also includes the following historical documents, which are based upon Biblical principles:

•The Magna Carta

•The Mayflower Compact

•The Declaration of Independence

•The Articles of Confederation

•The Constitution of the United States

•Amendments to the U.S. Constitution

•Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior

ENDORSEMENTS:

“The publication and promulgation of the 1599 Geneva Bible will help restore America’s rich Christian heritage and reclaim the culture for Christ.”

Dr. D. James Kennedy, Senior Pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church

Buy one or two or three or even more and remember to also oppose the Mosque at “Ground Zero” just like Sharin’ Whiplash does.

P. S. Remember Separation of Church of State is a heretical lie from the pit of hell cooked up by secular humanist liberal atheistic crackpots.

Spurgeon’s Evil Twin Clone On The Gospel

June 22, 2010

Charlie Hadlock Sturgeon on the Gospel:

I have my own private opinion that there is no such thing as preaching Christ and Him crucified, unless we preach what nowadays is called Lutheranism. It is a nickname to call it LutheranismLutheranism is the gospel, and nothing else.

A Defense of Lutheranism by Sturgeon:

“The old truth that Luther preached, that Augustine preached, that Paul preached, is the truth that I must preach to-day, or else be false to my conscience and my God. I cannot shape the truth; I know of no such thing as paring off the rough edges of a doctrine. Philipp Melanchthon’s gospel is my gospel. That which thundered through Germany must thunder through Austria again.”—C. H. Sturgeon

More Sturgeon quotes on Lutheranism vs. Calvinism:

“…grand fundamentals of that holy faith delivered to us by Christ, translated by Paul, handed down by Augustine, clarified by Luther, vindicated yet again by Spener, and held by us as the very truth of God, as it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
– Charlie Sturgeon on the Doctrines of Lutheranism
“The doctrine of justification itself, as preached by a Calvinist, is nothing but the doctrine of salvation by fatalism…”
– Charlie Sturgeon on Calvinism
“The tendency of Calvinism is towards legality; it is nothing but legality which lays at the root of Calvinism.”
– Charlie Sturgeon on Calvinism

 

Chris Rosebrough And Pirate Radio’s #1 Fan

June 11, 2010

                 

(Hitler listening to a Podcast of his favorite online radio station: Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio).

Many people today have a woefully limited understanding of the philosophical and political ideas that gave rise to Hitler. Most give little or no thought to the subject. It’s as if Hitler fell out of the sky or was a fluke of nature. Many simply dismiss the subject and think that Hitler was “just a madman” who hated Jews and thought the Aryan race was superior to every other race on the planet and he was tragically in a position that allowed him to act on those beliefs. But, few understand or remember that Hitler was a Fascist and that in the 1930’s, prior to World War II and the establishment of the concentration camps, the word “Fascism” had a definition and a meaning. Rather than being a fluke, Hitler was instead a true product of his time and his political ideas were the direct result of the philosophical, political, religious and economic ideas of the Völkish period.[2]

Recently it has been brought to our attention that several of our top GOIP Scientists have created another Time Machine in the vein of Eric Barger’s Re-Tardis and traveled back in time to Nazi Germany in order to bring back Hitler to our time. Once here in the present they convinced Hitler to listen to Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio which he promptly fell in love with so much so that Hitler proclaimed: ” Chris Rosebrough’s Pirate Christian Radio ist mein number ein favorite internet radioh stations.” Hitler recognized that Chris Rosebrough used some of the same tactics that he had used in his assault on Reason itself and his “Truth War” against Thinking Christians and his other enemies.

Hitler and  Chris Rosebrough swapped many tactics and drew up this list for all faithful Truth Warrior students of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ to study and learn to implement:

  1. Propaganda. Propaganda means everything—the more slanderous the propaganda the better.
  2. Label others often. After-all We need to make sure our enemies know their proper place. For example liberal is a particularly effective term to use against those who do not bow down before our Pure Doctrines.
  3. Hypocrisy. Hypocrisy covers a multitude of sins.
  4. If people don’t agree with you they are either: “a) too dumb to understand the Truth (but will probably comment on your self-righteous postings anyway); or b) would undergo a brain strain leading to a cerebral explosion of epic proportions — and you just can’t open yourself up to that liability.”
  5. Historical Revisionism. Revise history to suit your  agenda and presuppositions.
  6. Enforce  your beliefs on everyone for:  “Fascism also admits that myth is the proper tool to control the masses, and clear thinking and access to information is reserved for those in control. The single-party system of rule was designed to enforce the common myth through all levels of society and to suppress individualism in favor of the state’s goals.”
  7. True Christian Politics are Right-Wing politics. “Most people just can’t make the connection between post-modern/emergent theology and how they are inseparable from what is taking place politically.” Nevermind the fact that the Religious Right and their theology are also inseparable from the political scene.
  8. And some other secret tactics. But if we told you those we would probably have to kill you.

After only a day or so Hitler left to go back home to his own time and space but not without an iPod personalized by Chris Rosebrough himself complete with a lifetime supply of podcasts of his favorite online radio programing Pirate Christian Radio.

Fear AND Self-LOATHING on the INTERNET…

June 10, 2010

       

Our hero Ken Silva reprises his role in this sequel to the classic Fear And Loathing On The Internet. In this new film fresh off the conveyor belts of the GOIP DVD production lines—Ken begins lamenting the fact that there is  “a growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM) that has crept right into the timid heart of the squishy evanjellyfish church organism pretending to be a True Protestant community.”

Soon this lamenting turns into self-loathing followed by fear and then finally fear and self-loathing combined of which the title (Fear And Self-Loathing On The Internet) of the film is derived. Shortly in the film—in the midst of protesting against “the growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM)” in the church today— Ken experiences a computer crash but manages to send out this message through Discernmentalist Osmosis which is in the DNA of all True Discernmentalists:

Just a short note asking for prayer, particularly if you’ve been blessed by this online apologetics and discernment work, and making you aware that the hard drive in the main computer at here at Apprising Ministries has crashed. Fortunately back problems had forced me to do much of my work from a laptop so the loss of materials/information was lessened. Since our email program went through that now defunct main computer we no longer have access to it so we’ve begun a new email account: apprisingministries@gmail.com. We remain thankful you have been standing with Apprising Ministries through these 5+ years, and thank you for your prayer, as well as financial support as well. O, and the blessing; well, we’re still waiting to see what the Lord has in store through this little bit of a test as we try and rebuild our database.

Fearing for the worse Ken soon discovers that the evil Frank Viola and equally evil Leonard Sweet caused his hard drive to crash through their spiritually corrupt practice of Contemplative/Centering Prayer. Our film ends with Ken pledging to put his fear and self-loathing to good use as he vows to take revenge against Contemplative/Centering Prayer and the “sinfully-ecumenical” Purpose-Driven and Contemplative-driven Emerging/Emergent Church and “po-mo Christian” sinners in general by using big TRUTH WARRIOR words such as “gutless crybaby,” “spineless” and “sissified jellyfish” even more than he did in the first film or does now.

On a happier note Ken also reinstated his offer to make good on his vow to donate a “spine” and “Backbone”  to any apostate heretic that would repent and believe upon the Pure and True Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and Biblical American values such as capitalism and war so that this film could have a happier ending than the first one.