Archive for the ‘Camp on this’ Category

We Hate Easter!

April 8, 2011

If there is any Evil Pagan unholy-day we hate just as much as the blasphemous Roman Arminian Papist Christ-Mass—it would be Easter…why you may ask? Because Easter is the spawn of Satan:

Easter: The Devil’s Holiday
Recalling the fundamentals of the Papist Holiday and what we should be thinking about as true Christians.

Easter: The Devil’s Holiday
by Dr. C. Matthew McMahon

Easter has little to do with real Christianity. Does that surprise you? It should not. For example, Easter was not popular with the Puritans or the Pilgrim settlers in America. Neither Puritans or Pilgrims had use for ceremonies associated with religious festivals invented in either pagan history, or reinvented by Roman Catholicism. In actuality, here in the America’s only after the bloodshed Civil War did Easter “begin again” to be accepted. As Walsh states in his “Holy Time and Sacred Space in Puritan New England” (Walsh, American Quarterly, Vol. 32, No. 1 (Spring, 1980), pp. 79-95) “The New England [Pilgrims] like Reformed Protestants everywhere, rejected traditional Roman Catholic and Anglican beliefs and practices that organized time around consecrated churches, railed-off altars, holy shrines, miraculous wells, and that supposed the flow of time to be an irregular succession of holy days and sacred seasons. The Reformers argued, what was intend3e as a crutch for others had become a cast for Christians who willingly accepted the obligation of constant worship. They for whom all days are holy can have no holidays.” (See, for example, The Sermons of John Calvin Upon the Fifth Book of Moses called Deuteronomie, trans. Arthur Golding (London: H. Middleton, 1583).


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“Calvinism Unnatural”: Gay Christians Say

July 3, 2010

Fellow Discernmentalists…Beware… We are Under Attack again. The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have issued this controversial statement:

We have to continue to witness against the evil of Calvinism and pray that the Lord will open the blind eyes of those deceived by this unnatural behavior. We’re not remotely concerned about being politically correct about this issue. We know that Calvinists have chosen to continue believing in their fatalistic and self-destructive philosophy. We only pray that God will deliver them and change them to accepting their God-ordained Freedom in Christ. Yes Calvinism is unnatural…for who in their right mind would willing comply with subjecting themselves to being a mere automaton slave of the unpredictable whims of a fickle God of Wrath? No we are not robot zombie puppets…after all for Freedom’s sake Christ came to set us Free.   

Oh the horror of such rank heresy and bigoted terms! How dare anyone attack our Pure Biblical Truth Gospel like that. How dare anyone suggest that such a thing as Libertarian Free Will exists…why that goes against every moral fiber of our sound Biblical eisegesis exegesis. How can grace be grace if it is a free gift that just anyone can freely choose to accept and how can grace be a free gift if it wasn’t freely given to those whom God fatalistically pre-chose to give it to? We are appalled that anyone would dare think  differently than us. I mean it’s not like those stone dead in their sins can hear God’s voice anyway. No that would be too synergistic and we know that God never ever cooperates with man in anything. Remember these tried and true Pure words from our Gospels:  “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated”—which we know has everything to do with salvation in Christ.

Getting back to The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality, their attacks have even taken a far sinister turn when they suggested that John Calvin was actually a queerosexual. We can’t stand for this bigoted libel and slander of  ‘a great and holy man of God so greatly used by our Absolutely Sovereign Lord of Vengeful Jealous Wrath without whom we would all still be struggling in the dark ignorance of Roman Arminianism that man-exalting heresy.’ Some members of  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have stated that Calvinists were born the way they are and choose to remain Calvinist and glorify their mentally unbalanced disease:

However the large majority of  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality believe that Calvinism is a choice and that Calvinists should repent of their abnormal, unnatural and unbiblical behavior.  The Gay Christian League of Anti-Christs for the Destruction of Biblical Morality have even set up centers for deprogramming Calvinists.  We have reason to suspect that the leaders who caused all these recent attacks are none other than Greg McCaw a self-avowed gay queer fag Emergent Christian (an oxymoron if there ever was one)—in conjunction with a heretic named Tom and another fag named Alvin McEwen. Fellow Discernmentalists we must not stand for these bigoted lies against our Pure Biblical Gospel Truth Doctrines—the Once For All Biblically Correct Pure Gospel Truth Doctrines delivered to the Saints like John Owen and Augustus Toplady lest the Church fall into the hands of the Emerging Homosexualist agenda of Emergent apostates.

P. S. We are not bigots for taking a stand against all you Arminian, Emergent and queer reprobates…we are just speaking the Truth in love and grace of course!

What Manner Of Calvinists Are You?

June 30, 2010

Dear Dr. Jobson,

I am a new follower of your site and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia… from what I’ve viewed so far I’m impressed but have a few quick questions for you:

Could you please tell me your standing on the 5 points of Calvinism? Do you believe in TULIP? The “Divines of Dort?” Just what manner of Calvinists are you and the rest of the crew of your fine d-i-s-s-e-r-n-m-e-n-t ministries?

Signed,

A concerned reader—I. R. Monkey

———————————————————————————————-

 

Dear I. R. Monkey,

We assure you by our eternally secured elect salvation that we are among the highest pedigree of Calvinists. We know that we are among the Regenerate Predestined Elect for whom God chose from the foundation of the world to send His son for and to limit His atonement for—all out of His good pleasure of course and all for His glory. You see our God the True God is a jealous and vain God who needs and doesn’t need humans at the same time—but He doesn’t need just any humans—He needs Divine Truth Warrior humans. He doesn’t need Arminians, Emergents and Catholics, etc. however.

This was why we were unable to resist His great wrath rape hate grace in electing us as Truth Warriors. We not only believe in the 5 points of Calvinism that John MacArthur and Ken Silva and all our other fellow ODMs hold to but we also believe in the 4 extra points of Calvinism that all ODMs hold in common as well though we are still 1 point behind Sharin’ Whiplash. We also believe in all 5 Solas alone so you see we are above and beyond your average Calvinist for we are True Bible-Based Calvinists. We only hope that you will one day come to unconditionally accept our Pure Doctrines and teachings as Absolute Truth. We also hope through your total inability that you unconditionally accept our conditions of repentance and belief lest you be among the unregenerate reprobated non-elect sinners chosen to bear God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath in the “real place” that is hell. We hope that clears up where we stand.

In the wide mercy of His loving wrath,

Dr. Don Jobson

 

 

 

Fear AND Self-LOATHING on the INTERNET…

June 10, 2010

       

Our hero Ken Silva reprises his role in this sequel to the classic Fear And Loathing On The Internet. In this new film fresh off the conveyor belts of the GOIP DVD production lines—Ken begins lamenting the fact that there is  “a growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM) that has crept right into the timid heart of the squishy evanjellyfish church organism pretending to be a True Protestant community.”

Soon this lamenting turns into self-loathing followed by fear and then finally fear and self-loathing combined of which the title (Fear And Self-Loathing On The Internet) of the film is derived. Shortly in the film—in the midst of protesting against “the growing influence of Contemplative Spirituality/Mysticism (CSM)” in the church today— Ken experiences a computer crash but manages to send out this message through Discernmentalist Osmosis which is in the DNA of all True Discernmentalists:

Just a short note asking for prayer, particularly if you’ve been blessed by this online apologetics and discernment work, and making you aware that the hard drive in the main computer at here at Apprising Ministries has crashed. Fortunately back problems had forced me to do much of my work from a laptop so the loss of materials/information was lessened. Since our email program went through that now defunct main computer we no longer have access to it so we’ve begun a new email account: apprisingministries@gmail.com. We remain thankful you have been standing with Apprising Ministries through these 5+ years, and thank you for your prayer, as well as financial support as well. O, and the blessing; well, we’re still waiting to see what the Lord has in store through this little bit of a test as we try and rebuild our database.

Fearing for the worse Ken soon discovers that the evil Frank Viola and equally evil Leonard Sweet caused his hard drive to crash through their spiritually corrupt practice of Contemplative/Centering Prayer. Our film ends with Ken pledging to put his fear and self-loathing to good use as he vows to take revenge against Contemplative/Centering Prayer and the “sinfully-ecumenical” Purpose-Driven and Contemplative-driven Emerging/Emergent Church and “po-mo Christian” sinners in general by using big TRUTH WARRIOR words such as “gutless crybaby,” “spineless” and “sissified jellyfish” even more than he did in the first film or does now.

On a happier note Ken also reinstated his offer to make good on his vow to donate a “spine” and “Backbone”  to any apostate heretic that would repent and believe upon the Pure and True Gospel of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and Biblical American values such as capitalism and war so that this film could have a happier ending than the first one.

God So Didn’t Love The World

June 3, 2010

 

We Discernmentalists stand by the Hard Truths of the Bible. We are appalled by all the apostate and false teachers who have crept into the Church over the years and in the process have tried to “sissify” our Pure Truth War Gospel. In turn these “effeminate and weak gutless-grace girliemen”  have compromised Truth by teaching their congregations and others to ignore the Hard Truths of the Bible in favor of a “touchy-feely, lets all sing Kumbahyah, hold hands and try to get along and  feel good about ourselves self-esteem false gospel.”

Thankfully though We are not like them. Thankfully We of God’s Only Inerrant Party and the OD Mafia teach only the Hard Truths of the Bible. Thankfully just like us Steve Camp also is not one of those  “effeminate and weak gutless-grace girliemen”  type false teachers. Thankfully like us he too takes a  stand and teaches only the Hard Truths of the Bible. Why just the other day Steve Camp was teaching on this Absolutely Essential Hard Truth from our Pure Truth War Bible:

John MacArthur 3:16-21 (Truth War Bible)

16For God so didn’t love the world, that he didn’t give his only begotten Son, that whosoever was not predestined unto belief and elected salvation by a hidden and unknowable absolute decree should perish, and be reprobated unto everlasting damnation.

17For God sent his Son into the world to condemn the non-Elect of the world; but also that the Preordained Elect of the world through another hidden and unknowable absolute decree shall be regenerated unto their already pre-chosen salvation.

18He that was Predestined and Elected to believeth on him is not condemned: but he that was predestined to believeth not is reprobated and condemned already, because he hath been appointed to not believe in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

19And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil except for Elect Truth Warriors.

20For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved except for Elect Truth Warriors.

21But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in taking a self-righteous stand in God‘s Absolute Sovereign Wrath.

Isn’t our Pure Gospel great—I just reel in all it’s wonderful beauty so much so that I always get thrilled and chills down my spine whenever I hear it proclaimed—why it offers nothing but hope and good news in every verse!  Anything other than this is Pelagianism/Semi-Pelagian (aka Roman Arminianism) at the least or even worse Universalism. How dare anyone say that God loves everyone or believe that His Atonement is universal as that is unbiblical! For God has no obligation to love anyone–none whatsoever period.

We are morally outraged by those who would dare slander our Pure Truth Gospel Doctrines like that. We Know for a fact that John Calvin nor Martin Luther would never believe in such horribly blasphemous and ungodly false and grace-denying doctrines. This is why when we say that God hates all you unregenerate reprobated apostates we mean it in the most Absolutely Biblical sense/way.

God’s Only Inerrant Party: Or Postmodern Fascists…

May 31, 2010

Said Drucker, “Fascism, however, goes much further in its negation of the past than any earlier political movement, because it makes this negation its main platform. What is even more important, it denies simultaneously ideas and tendencies which are in themselves antithetic. It is antiliberal, but also anticonservative; antireligious and antiatheist, anticapitalist and antisocialist…—the list could be continued indefinitely.”[9]

We Discernmentalists believe in Fascism all the way as we define ourselves solely by what we take a stand against instead of what we are for. We all take a self-righteous stand in God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath when we spread lies, slander and misinformation come down negatively against the following: liberals, liberalism, liberal conservatives, conservative liberals, conservatives who don’t believe exactly as we do, libertarian conservatism, libertarians, other religions, religious persons of other religious groups, other Christians, non-Christian groups, non-Calvinist Christian groups, all non-Calvinists, other Calvinists, atheists, social justice, the Social Gospel, socialism, communism, true capitalism, etc.— the list could be continued indefinitely.

We are reactionary to the tee as we overreact and protest against anything that we can’t understand or that we personally dislike. Why bother to learn from those that we disagree with as we are by nature born correct, inerrant and always Right being of the Chosen and Frozen Master Religious Race (Calvinazis) so that those with whom we disagree are by default already and automatically decreed and declared always wrong from the foundation of the world.

The New World Order Book Encyclopedia of Discernmentalism defines Fascism as follows:

– an Extreme Ultra Radical Right-Wing religio-politico philosophy bent on total totalitarian control of the Church and the State

– the underlying philosophy of our Religious Right (God’s Only Inerrant Party)

– The Conservative Political Platform of Ronald Reagan

– Brannon Howse’s favorite Discernmentalist tool

– Chris Rosebrough and Pirate Radio

– Ken Silva’s  secret agenda

– John MacArthur’s no-Grace Community Church

“Fascist totalitarianism has no positive theology, but confines itself to refuting, fighting and denying all traditional ideas and ideologies…Fascism not only refutes all old ideas but denies, for the first time in European history, the foundation on which all former political and social systems had been built…”[5]

 

Other links of interest on Fascism:

All Hail, Capitalism’s Savior!…

May 27, 2010

 

“If we ever forget that we’re one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.” — Ronald Reagan

This is why Ronald Reagan was the last True President that we ever had and why Reagan was Elected the Final President of America, so bow down and submit unto His Pure Doctrines:

Ronald Wilson Reagan was indeed Capitalism’s True Saviour! This was even prophesized in the Truth War Bible. The Gospel of Reaganism According to Worldview Weekend Truth Warriors Chapter 11:

Worldview Weekend’s Code Blue Rally is for adults and students age 9 to 109 because the church in America is in critical condition. Christian adults and young people alike embody worldviews that are no different from those outside the church. Jesus’ warning in Revelation 3:16 should be ringing in our collective ears: “So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I am going to vomit you out of my mouth” (HCSB). Separation from Christ means spiritual death follows quickly. For that reason, Worldview Weekend has declared CODE BLUE for America’s church. Urgent action is vital, or the vibrant Christian faith we all should be sharing will soon be dead. 
 

Worldview Weekend is committed to a four prong strategy for its Code Blue Campaign: 1). Teach Christians to contend for the faith through apologetics training. 2). Teach Christian to think like Biblically minded Christians through worldview training. 3). Teach Christians to evangelize like Jesus did using the Moral Law 4). Challenge Christians to make sure they are true converts by examining their lives in light of the Biblical hallmarks of a Christian. These hallmarks can be found in the book of I John. 

And remember to:

Stop Supporting Abortion, Socialism, and Anti-American Politicians When You Can Support the Exact Opposite with A Reagan.com Email Address

The inspiration for @Reagan.com came from Michael Reagan when he realized that most of the organizations providing email services are supporters of the Obama, Pelosi, and Reid agenda and do not adhere to true Reagan Conservative values. �If a fellow Conservative has a problem or feels uncomfortable using the services of a Liberal organization, so do I” Said Michael Reagan. “I see a large number of people who believe in Reagan Conservative Values unwittingly supporting businesses and organizations that support and promote Liberal and Socialist causes! That has to stop.” Click here to get your Reagan.com Email address now: http://www.reagan.com/email/ref.php?refid=1269141911

@Reagan.com Email service provides its users with peace of mind by knowing that none of the proceeds will go to support any liberal cause.

Yes we all should bow down and Obey Reagan’s Pure Doctrines as Capitalism is Absolute Biblical Truth of this we are Absolutely Certain.

Hunting Season For Liberals Officially Begins!

May 14, 2010

    

(Gloom And Despair News: a subsidiary of GOIP Media Dominion Corporation as distributed by Outhouse Fails Publishing, Inc.) —-  Discernmentalists head to hunting ranges all across America now that Liberal Hunting Season has begun. Steve Camp of Camp On This Gloom and Disparaging Ministries has promised to reward the first True Bible-Believing  Fundamentalist Conservative/Republican Calvinist Christian to bag over a hundred liberals with a prize of an authentic tissue paper used by none other than our very own Ken Silva. The tissue paper is bound to become a  True Discernmentalist collector’s item. Camp has indeed verified that the tissue has really been used by Ken Silva for it is so full of ego and Absolute Truth. The tissue also comes complete with a certificate of authenticity.

Camp is on record as saying there are no limits on who may be considered a liberal. Any and all groups other than Confessional Dortian Calvinists are to be considered too liberal to be Truly Biblical and most importantly even Truly Christian. Most or all groups that are considered too liberal to Truly be Christian are dark evil reprobated heathen unregenerate hell-bound apostates as Camp goes on to further state :

To paraphrase former President Ronald Reagan’s words when speaking of communism:

“Open Theism, Universalism, Mormonism, Romanism, the Emergent Church, Jehovah Witnesses, Pragmaticism, Syncretism, Word of Faith, New Perspective of Paul, Libertarian Free Will, Socinianism, the Social Gospel, and Sabellianism is foreign to heaven, where they’ve never had part in it; and is welcome in hell, where they’ve already got it.” (Source).

In related news, Brannon Howse and Todd Friel have teamed up and have pledged their support for an upcoming Anti-Glenn Beck /Anti-Social Gospel Rally. At the moment, all the details are still in the open. We’ll let you know when and if any futher details come to light or as soon as any  future developments are made available.

Obama And The New World Order Exposed

March 2, 2010

            

Discernmentalists we have exposed Obama‘s secret New World Order plans—thanks to Eric Barger and Brannon Howse. We have reason to believe that he may cause the end of the world in 2012 because We Know he is on Satan’s side. One of our Secret Research Robot Monkey Agents that infiltrated secret New World Order locations has concluded that:

President-Elect Barack Obama and his Liberal, Socialist Democratic Party are facilitators of the New World Order, a Luciferic Theocracy being promoted by The UNITED NATIONS, which is Anti-Israel and seeks the Disarmament of America and the restriction of many of our rights.
Beyond the wickedness that Obama and his Democrats have planned for America (A VIRTUAL POLICE STATE), Obama will turn against Israel as his U.N. based foreign policy favors Muslim Terrorists such as Hamas.
OBAMA in power will force ISRAEL to attack Iran’s nuclear weapons program (2009-2010 AD) triggering waves of terror attacks against USA and the west, the collapse of the USA stock market- leading to the FIRST OF TWO RAPTURES and the Start of The Tribulation.
Only a major EARTHQUAKE hitting Iran and destroying their nuclear program would stop Israel from attacking Iran’s nuclear program (2009-2010 AD). Israel will have no choice with OBAMA as President of The United States (with his Anti-Israel Agenda). If this major EARTHQUAKE does hit Iran, It will push the start of The Apocalypse closer to 2012 AD,THE MAYAN YEAR FOR DOOMSDAY AND THE COMING OF ANTICHRIST AS THE SAVIOR OF WORLD.”
 
 

 

Here is an exclusive video recovered by our Research Robot Monkeys detailing Obama’s plans for a Secret One World Religious Government:

Remember to let us do the thinking for you—so spread the fear and hate, because we told you so.

 

All Theological Roads Lead Back To Rome?

February 21, 2010

Sharin’ Whiplash aka Non-Electgal in an UnReformed and Deformed moment stated:

Anabaptists, Reformed/Presbyterians, Lutherans, and Anglicans are 4 separate branches with separate traditions. All four branches are Reformed from Roman Catholicism in the broad sense of the term.

Clearly she might be one of the unregenerate reprobates decieved into believing that she is Truly Elect or Secured in her Reprobation for as we know Calvinism has  nothing to do with “Roman Arminianism or Roman Catholicism that man-exalting heresy!” And we don’t exalt man especially not Calvin—We Know! Why—because We told ya so! Or maybe Sharin’ has contracted the same Postmodern and Emergence virus that Ken Silva has contracted?