Archive for the ‘bible-centrism’ Category

Your Typical Baptists aka Heretics

October 27, 2019

We would like to thank Biblical Christianity for teaching us these warning signs to aid us in the Truth War against all those whose Doctrines aren’t Pure enough:ls

  • A monergist synergist
  • A Pelagian Calvinist
  • A sola scriptura tradition-worshiper
  • A 66-book Apocryphalist
  • A monotheist idolater

We know that this fits the definition of a typical Baptist to a tee as they corrupt our Truth War Doctrine by teaching such horrible things as:

God saves any person who responds to the Gospel.

God is Sovereign yet is not the author of evil.

We believe in the Bible as laid out in our Distinctives (traditions).

The King James is one of many translations used in our churches.

Now we commend you to our further Researchmentalism on this very subject:

Baptists may be Calvinists, but they are not, strictly speaking, Reformed.”

“What is so bizarre is that eternal security is like article I of Baptist faith, but Anabaptists are classic Arminians –no security for them!…confused and confusing, even to themselves. Baptists want to be free-willers to choose salvation if and when they’re ready, but once they’ve made their ‘decision’ and are saved through Believer’s Baptism, they want to pass the buck to God to keep them that way. Baptists, with their muddled theology, think they should have the best of both worlds, so to speak. I find that very annoying.”–Sharon Whitley

Only the Truly Reformed by the Purity of our Doctrines shall be saved,

I. Todyaso

 

Be A Literalist! Part 6 -SOLO Scriptura: or We Only Need The Bible

October 23, 2019

still-waiting-for-the-bible-versethat-validates-sola-scriptura-memegenerator-net-18047998Turning back to one of our Research Robot Monkeys a moment: we need to follow The whole Bible. Be real and stop your deception. Either follow the whole Bible or leave the Christian faith. I do not want a cut and paste faith. That is no faith at all. As Discernmentalists we only need the Bible as the Bible contains all the answers to life’s problems like how to fight tooth decay. We don’t need Jesus nor the Holy Spirit as the Bible is the whole point of Christianity anyways—besides that the Holy Spirit stopped speaking in the 16th Century-17th Century when the King James fell from Heaven and the oracles of Reformers dropped their founts of wisdom as Real Christianity started in the 16th century with the Reformation. As soon as the Bible was written the Holy Spirit left so that no more miracles might happen. We now only have the Bible and God who is far away in heaven and Jesus who is on the throne in heaven and really has nothing to do with us until he returns and savagely kills all the apostate emerging church people; Catholic mystics and hippie Quakers or those who thought they got saved through women preachers and their sodomite loving ways.

Also Be a literalist. Read the Bible literally. Which is why we believe in Solo Scriptura (which of course is Luther and the Reformers not the Bible):

3

Proof.

Thankfully none of our own refused to follow the whole Bible like when the Reformers removed books from the Bible that they didn’t agree with or when Luther called the Book of James “an Epistle of straw.” As you can see Solo Scriptura is correct as our Doctrines are Purer than yours.

Ray Comfort (Awesome) warns Bibliophiles the same as Pedophiles

May 18, 2019

book-page-hugging-woman

Evidence of Bibliophilia: Here a Book assaults an un-expectant innocent young lady.

Ray Comfort (Awesome) another defender of our Mighty Truth especially against the atheist hordes—deposited nuggets of Comfort (Awesome) while working with us on our sin-free Arthur episode. Ray (Awesome) Hell’s Best Kept Secret told us that Bibliophiles are the same as pedophiles: “Bibliophile noun a cross between a paedophile and the Bible.” Ray Comfort (Awesome) also gave us this advice on what to look out for in banning sinners from commenting on our Blogs: “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you.” Ray (Awesome) also went on to state that: “I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible. My sincere apologies. Still learning. Best wishes.”

Ray (Awesome) we believed you have slipped in apologizing to that atheist as Discernmentalists we should never apologize for speaking our the Truth. If anything that atheist should apologize to you for insulting your intelligence—we know bibliophiles are the same as pedophiles. We have shocking evidence that bibliophiles are assaulting children with books—{click link: [HERE] (Warning Graphic Imagery)}. We believe this lapse in self-righteousness is due to the Eastern Mysticism we caught him practicing when he recited Bible verses in a Triadic liturgical mantra against our Clear Teachings against such.

On a related note—Mrs. Jobson has gotten use to the smell of her mothball necklace that protects her from the feminist attacks of Mothra priestesses. She gave a few to our children and really recommends mothballs for protection against bibliophiles as they’ve stopped the attacks from atheist bibliophiles like Disney molesting our kids with strange books.

SBC under siege by Mothra Priestesses!

May 18, 2019

 

mothsbcattack

Actual photo of this assault by Mothra and her Priests/Priestesses!

Not a day goes by when our Truth is not under attack—this time we’re under siege by Mothra. [H/T]: The moth-eaten SBC and the women who did it. “But I am like a moth to Ephraim, and like dry rot to the house of Judah.” (Hosea 5:12).

Oh the unholy horror of this affront on our Truth—I only pray that Mrs.  Jobson doesn’t catch wind of these secret feminist doctrines or she might rebel against my divinely mandated authority again. I’ve forced Mrs. Jobson to wear a necklace made out of mothballs just in case—sure it smells funny but I told her: “listen woman this is for your own good and it helps protect the purity of our Truth.” Anyways here’s how to spot these secret feminist Mothra priestesses:

They are feminists—don’t let them tell you otherwise. Also we hear they’re not too fond of the smell of mothballs but are attracted to altar flowers. (See this link for proof).

This is the new crop of what I called Christian secret feminists- but they aren’t as secret as they were in 2012. They live a feminist life inside of Christianity but call it ministry. They are openly rebelling now.

One woman who has much to answer for about this new role is Beth Moore. She was the one who broke new ground in the Southern Baptist Convention, a most conservative denomination, in how far a woman could go in attaining celebrity status, living for her career and not for her home, and promoting gender role reversals.

She showed us how to be the main and sustained breadwinner of the family. She showed us that she could preach in a church and teach anyone in the world, uncensured. Mrs Moore, while speaking conservative values cloaked in all the right Christianese, has lived a very feminist life. (We suspect this is because of their super secret psychic cloaking powers).

We only know this because of using our Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology or SKIRT—also they are most likely to predict an oncoming Mothra attack as per our findings. We also have reason to suspect these feminist Mothra priestesses of secret Catholic leanings:

holy_mothra_godzilla

Absolute Proof. We discovered this too while using our Bible-based SKIRT (Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology).

So be warned and beware—thankfully you have lone Discernmentalists in the wilderness like us to warn you of all these threats on our Truth. At this very moment we’re working on Mothra-sized mothballs—to surround our Holy Convention and churches—and prevent these feminist Mothra priestesses unleashing even more Mothra attacks on our churches and Truth.

Beard Shavers are weak and Spineless Truth Warriors!

May 14, 2019

pc060024v2-2-696x464

We need beards now more than ever in these Perilous times to fight the good fight of the Truth War but not just any beards—we must keep our beards Biblically Pure in order to separate ourselves from worldliness and the Spiritual Terrorists who are always attacking our Truth as:

In our current culture, the progressive trends of gender confusion and transgenderism is all the more reason we should uphold the biblical picture of a masculine man by having beards to stand separated from the pagan culture of today.

Truth Warriors without a  beard lack a Backbone and are most likely theologically suspect and part of the weak womanly gutless-grace Girlieman sissified wimpy Evanjellyfish church. Beards are a must for protecting our Truth as all the greatest of the greats Truth Warriors had beards like Spurgeon. In fact we believe beardless weirdos are responsible for sissifying churches today as they are most likely to believe in weak doctrines and like Spurgeon we must take a stand for the Hard Truths of the Bible.

This matter of Christians rejecting the biblical truth of gender distinct (roles) and beards is essentially a form of Gnosticism reviving in these last days. Beards make a man a man as distinct from women.

Strangely, the few churches and Bible colleges today that remain biblical in the teaching of gender distinction of women wearing modesty dresses ignore the topic of a man’s facial hair as part of this doctrine. Every Bible school that I am personally aware of that teaches gender distinction also implement rules that the men must be clean shaven. Where does such thinking come from? Where is the consistency when it is taught women have to dress like women but men can claim “christian liberty” when it comes to shaving off the God given mark of masculinity? Adam Clarke (1762- 1832) commented on Deuteronomy 22:5, “It certainly cannot mean a simple change in dress, whereby the men might pass for women, and vice versa. This would have been impossible in those countries where the dress of the sexes had but little to distinguish it, and where every man wore a long beard. It is, however, a very good general precept understood literally, and applies particularly to those countries where the dress alone distinguishes between the male and the female. The close-shaved gentleman may at any time appear like a woman in the female dress, and the woman appear as a man in the male’s attire. Were this to be tolerated in society, it would produce the greatest confusion.”39)Adam Clarke, Adam Clarke Commentary.

Besides that beards provide extra protection from wetness. Be true to what the bible teaches and you will be saved. Levitcus 19:27 should answer all your remaining questions.

I want you to know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up,

Pastor I. Todyaso

Book Review Of The Month: Doug Wilson’s RapeGod!

May 11, 2019

thugwils

“A man  penetrates, conquers, colonizes, plants. A woman receives, surrenders, accepts.”—Doug Wilson

We’re reviewing book reviews in our local Discernmentalist Book Club this month and this one particular ear-tickling Postmodern unbeliever’s book review of the great Doug Wilson (Neo-Confederate Rape-apologist)‘s wonderfully Biblically accurate book on human relations as defined by God RapeGod made us laugh:

It isn’t fair to critique a book I haven’t read. That being said, the title and the contents offend me right from the start. “RapeGod”: It doesn’t take a genius to observe our current culture and the trashiness that exists–and this “author” will join together in a title what humans have abused with the One who created it (to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage)?

Have some RESPECT for the holy God!! The Jews, out of reverence for God won’t even type or write out his name as we do. They will use G-d!

And the name of the chapters: “God Wears Lipstick”, “Leather, Whips and Fruit”, “Whoopee Forever”. No further comment.

Just read the Bible! See our sin, and how a Holy God cannot have fellowship (connection) with sin, and how he provided redemption Rev. 5:9 “with your blood you purchased men for God”. Read Revelation and how God has a future in Heaven, perfect, free from sin. Rev 4:8: “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty…”.

Whoopee forever? Not. Worship God forever, oh yes!

First Mr. Ear Tickles attacks a core Doctrine of Discernmentalism: reviewing books we haven’t even read and then attacking said books on our Mighty Truth Warrior Blogs—by accusing them of promoting heresy based on a blurb we read online or a video preview. Also the Hard Truths of our Truth War Gospel will always offend those with itching ears looking for a feel-good watered-down sissified Socialist heretically liberal gospel like Emergents preach. Secondly Doug Wilson (Neo-Confederate rape-apologist) only writes on the trashiness of our current culture in order to warn readers of the dangers of our many enemies who attack our Pure Doctrines of Biblical Manhood and womanhood like Emergents; socialists; progressives; Rock music; hippies; Harry Potter; liberals; mystics; video games; the “Emerging” Village People; queerosexuals; femimarxists; girliemen; Ken and Barbie dolls; Pokémon; Santa Claus; the Easter Bunny; aliens; Bigfoot; etc. He only wants to protect women as this quote from the book demonstrates:

If a woman were responsible to submit to men in general, her life would be unbearable no one can serve two masters. But a woman who is responsive to a godly man is protected from having to submit to other men, most of whom are less than godly. She consequently has a great deal more liberty than a woman who not protected in this way. Thus the so-called “independent” woman is not under any kind of protection. She is truly on her own, but with the result being that she is buffeted about by all sorts of men. But if her father were doing what he ought to do, or if she were in a marriage relationship where the husband was doing what he ought to do, she would be protected from the insults and harassment of men in general This explains why some of the most “independent” women are so insecure, and why some of the most submissive women have a real security and strength of mind. Women inescapably need godly masculine protection against ungodly masculine harassment; women who refuse protection from their fathers and husbands must seek it from the police. But women who genuinely insist on “no masculine protection” are really women who tacitly agree on the propriety of rape. Whenever someone sets himself to go against God’s design, horrible problems will always result. The Bible says that we find the way to true self-discovery through self-surrender. Those who exalt themselves are humbled, and vice versa. In the feminist movement over the last several decades, women have been looking for (and have not yet found) themselves. This is because they have been trying to find and identify their role apart from God’s design. The beauty of biblical courtship is that it never leaves women unprotected. (RapeGod pg. 13)

Were Mr. Ear Tickles who we now suspect is a fememergent plant serious about reviewing this classic by Doug Wilson (Neo-Confederate rape-apologist) he would have already known that via Bible-based osmosis. Next his terrible review accuses Doug (Neo-Confederate rape-apologist) of disrespecting the God of the Bible.  How can this be—when Doug (Neo-Confederate rape-apologist) has spent his whole life defending Absolute Biblical Truth such as the Confederacy’s Divine Right to own slaves and commit Treason on account of States’ Rights.  Doug Wilson (Neo-Confederate rape-apologist) has more respect for the God of the Bible than quasi-Universalist mystic emergence guru Rob Bell and the once sex-obsessed Mark Driscoll combined. Here’s proof— later the book stated:

Male authority is an erotic necessity. In order to make love, a man must be hard and the woman soft. This is not just a physiological detail, but a metaphor for their whole relationship. Feminists, having demanded soft men, have discovered that it is beyond exasperating to be locked in a rape fantasy with some Caspar Milquetoast. Ravish me! she pleads with her eyes. Let’s go down to the aquarium, he says, and look at the endangered species exhibit. If you are going to go for soft, then another woman makes better sense. Lesbianism, it turns out, has an internal logic. (RapeGod pgs.142–143)

Next if one’s not willing to write God’s name out then one never believed in God to begin with (by the way God’s name is God as distinguished from other gods or a god like Allah). Also we caught Mr. Ear Tickle lying as he read the chapter titles—so much for not reading the book like a True Discernmentalist book-reviewer does. Here we agree with the ear-tickler to read the Bible but only if its an ODM-approved Bible such as the AV1611 King James or our Truth War Pope’s Glorious Study Bibles. Speaking of our Truth War that book is required reading for all True Truth Warriors—otherwise how will we know which truths of ours are always being attacked that we are called to ever-defend?

Before his concluding remarks Mr. Ear-Tickler mentions the Trinity without shewing how RapeGod by Doug Wilson (Semi-Arian slavery-apologist) defends the unBiblically unorthodox Orthodox Doctrine of Christ’s subordination to the Father in the Godhead just like a woman is subordinate to her father first and then her husband which is exactly nothing at all like the Arian heresy that Christ is subordinate to the Father in the Godhead. One final thought on RapeGod is Doug (Semi-Arian slavery-apologist)‘s warning from it’s epilogue which is why it is highly recommended by Discernmentalists:

Comes now some academic bloviation to help us all through whatever remaining prejudices we might have had about the molestation of children (HT: Baylyblog & Frank Turk). At issue is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which is still, even in these postmodern times, filled with hatred and outmoded forms of discriminatory malice. It appears that pedophilia and hebephilia are still listed as disorders, and boy, do we have some work to do! You know, addressing all that hatred.

For those just joining us, the days are coming when the only entry left in the DSM will be the then outlawed practice of intercourse in the missionary position by a heterosexual married couple.

Trish of Fish With Trish flubs answer to Important Doctrinal Question…

April 26, 2019

Resurrecting an old ODMafia post that got *raptured by an evil Emergent plot:

Thankfully found hidden deeply and safely within our Super Secret ODM Archives.

March_09_Cover1Note Trish of Fish with Trish who partners with Todd Friel (Wretched); Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) and Ray Comforts (Awesome) states: “Questioner: How can I as a woman get over my fear of evangelizing others? Trish: Women  should read their Bible out loud daily at home in front of their families in order to get over their fear and practice sharing their faith with others.”* [*Editors’ Note: This was a long lost screenshot so just take our word for it.] {1} {2}

We are greatly concerned here for many reasons. First of all why would any Godly woman ever read the Bible—an oxymoron of terms—for as the Apostle Paul proclaimed: “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.” Secondly, we must Absolutely forbid women reading the Bible under any circumstances just in case she slips up and reads a passage of Scripture aloud…  in front of men and women… say like Romans 1:18-32 and therefore ‘usurps authority over man’ by preaching the Gospel to them.

If women want to know what the Bible says, they should find a man whose feet they can sit under and ‘learn in quiet submission’… especially if that man is the greatest Man of God in our Age of uncertainty, our Pope of the Truth War John MacArthur (P. B. U. H). Thirdly, we mustn’t ever let any woman share the Gospel as that leads to the slippery-slope of female Pastors preaching the Gospel and as we all know preaching/sharing the Gospel is a Divinely mandated role for males only. However, Trish wrongly states:

One of the greatest signs of being born again is to have the desire/boldness to speak the Word of God and to tell others about his glorious gospel (Acts 4:31). A biblical woman is a woman that shares the good news of the Gospel with her family members, her children and the lost in general. There is no distinction. You can’t be a biblical woman and not talk about the Gospel. The Gospel is at the very center of a biblical woman.

This supports that slippery-slope. What’s next? Women prophesying* in churches? Women leading in prayer? Women becoming Ruling Elders? Heaven forbid that—this is what the Ways of the Master of the Truth War himself teaches and so should we. Remember “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” This is why we should never ever under any circumstances let a woman preach, speak or even share the Gospel… let alone Pastor a church. I hope this clears up where we all must stand in the Absolute Sovereignty of the Angry God of our Doctrine and His Holy Wrath.

Humbly serving in His gracious Wrath,

Pastor Don Jobson

*- Note: Prophesy means preach.

P. S. In related news: woman caught preaching from the Bible—millions accidently get Saved.

Praise Our Angry God: Easter Worshippers Aren’t TRUE CHRISTIANS!

April 22, 2019

20

Thank our Angry God and his  commendable hatred for continually pouring down His satisfied wrath (that He already poured down on Jesus in our place) upon our enemies against our war on Truth Truth War. We most mightily thank humble Discermentalist ministries in divisionism like ‘s for bringing our Clear Teachings to all who should bow down to us and our Pure Doctrines: “The worst part about this tragedy is that the vast majority of these victims are likely facing eternal judgment in hell where they were pre-damned to right now. The last thing they need is affirmation of their idolatrous system of worship.”

We who are True Bible-Believing Sola-Scripturist Conservatives affirm what the Westminster Confession not the Bible says: “There is no other head of the Church but the Lord Jesus Christ; nor can the Pope of Rome, in any sense, be head thereof; but is that Antichrist, that man of sin, and son of perdition, that exalts himself, in the Church, against Christ and all that is called God.”—against all man-made unbiblical doctrines and traditions. For as Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) not the Bible says:

In today’s spirit of ecumenism, many evangelicals have called for the Protestant Church to lay aside its differences with Rome and pursue unity with the Catholic Church. Is that possible? Is Roman Catholicism simply another facet of the body of Christ that should be brought into union with its Protestant counterpart? Is Roman Catholicism simply another Christian denomination?

While there are many errors in the teaching of the Catholic Church (for example its belief in the transubstantiation of the communion wafer and its view of Mary), two rise to the forefront and call for special attention: its denial of the doctrine of sola Scriptura and its denial of the biblical teaching on justification. To put it simply, because the Roman Catholic Church has refused to submit itself to the authority of God’s Word and to embrace the gospel of justification taught in Scripture, it has set itself apart from the true body of Christ. It is a false and deceptive form of Christianity.

We  are also thankful for our angry Sovereign God sending fire to destroy perverted pagan places of worship that pervert our Pure Gospel. We pray that His gracious loving wrath might smite more grace-hating man-loving reprobates hip and thigh. Which is why we must take a stand against all those who dare take a stand against us:

19

Besides that Lutherans aren’t Calvinistic enough  to be True Christians and as we all know because Saint Charles Spurgeon (PBUH) not the Bible told us so: “Calvinism (not Jesus) is the Gospel!” Our Research Robot Monkeys noted that Luther observed Easter against our clear teachings of its pagan catholic origins—but enough about Easter lets get back to TRUE BIBLE DOCTRINES like our American Gospel of CAPITALIISM.

Pope Pyro the First says: “Education Smeducation!”

April 20, 2019

16

Our Illustrious Infallible Grand Poobah the Most Inerrant Most Holy Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) decrees: “Education smeducation…students keep your mouth shut…I am the Master and you barely worthy to sit at my anointed feet of discernmentalism…I have no need of degrees as  I already know all Truth. Did Paul have a  degree? Did Spurgeon? For I was personally appointed by God to lead the Truth War and spread disimformation slander discernmentalism. I know all Truth and history as I was there.”

Elsewhere Phil Johnson aka Hugh Jass noted that our Holy mecca Vatican school University of Discernmentalism is under attack:

Pastor John MacArthur has described the probation of his Master’s University and Seminary by an accrediting agency as an “orchestrated” attack, possibly by Satan, and directed students to keep quiet about the controversy.

A Nov. 29 report from the Chronicle of Higher Education published an audio recording of an hourlong sermon from August wherein the 79-year-old Reformed pastor told the student body that their accreditor’s actions amounted to an effort “orchestrated, if not by humans, by Satan himself.”

MacArthur also told students not to ask questions about the accreditation issues, they had no right to learn the details, and that it was not their responsibility.

“There are things that God hates, right?” he said, referencing Proverbs 6. “One of them is the one who stirs up strife,” he said, urging students to keep their complaints within the university and seminary.

“Keep your mouth shut,” MacArthur told them.

“Don’t stir up strife. You don’t know the whole story.”

God Hates Easter

April 19, 2019

2yzmd7

Look reprobates don’t try to grandstand us on our Pure Doctrines we know the Plain Truth having  put on a Puritan’s Mind that:

10“Easter has little to do with real Christianity (and by Real Christianity we mean American Christianity for God hates non-Americans unless you were a European Reformer from the 1600s). Does that surprise you? It should not. For example, Easter was not popular with the Puritans or the Pilgrim settlers in America. Neither Puritans or Pilgrims had use for ceremonies associated with religious festivals invented in either pagan history, or reinvented by Roman Catholicism. In actuality, here in the America’s only after the bloodshed Civil War did Easter “begin again” to be accepted. As Walsh states in his “Holy Time and Sacred Space in Puritan New England” (Walsh, American Quarterly, Vol. 32, No. 1 (Spring, 1980), pp. 79-95) “The New England [Pilgrims] like Reformed Protestants everywhere, rejected traditional Roman Catholic and Anglican beliefs and practices that organized time around consecrated churches, railed-off altars, holy shrines, miraculous wells, and that supposed the flow of time to be an irregular succession of holy days and sacred seasons. The Reformers argued, what was intended as a crutch for others had become a cast for Christians who willingly accepted the obligation of constant worship. They for whom all days are holy can have no holidays.” (See, for example, The Sermons of John Calvin Upon the Fifth Book of Moses called Deuteronomie, trans. Arthur Golding (London: H. Middleton, 1583).”

P.S. You heathens better bow to our God on Sunday (a Popish pagan day of worship) rather than the Sabbath or else.