Archive for the ‘Batman!’ Category

Mrs. Jobson speaks on Mothballs

June 24, 2019

I’m proud of my wife’s article against the feminist assaults we’ve been facing and how to combat them that I wrote for her in keeping with our Clear Teachings on wifely submission—I tried to submit it on her behalf to The Council On Biblical Manhood and womanhood for publication in the latest issue of their magazine on Biblical womanhood but they rejected it and laughed in my face. I suspect it is because they saw her name as the author—I know it can’t be because of the references to mothballs in the article because they agree with Our Brand. For those of you who don’t know the main definition of mothballs as defined in Volume Two of The Discernmentalist Dictionary is:

MOTHBALLs or (Modernism’s Old Theologies of Hate Bringing About Legalism on  Ladies): (noun)- the only known protection against Mothra and feminist attacks on Discernmentalist Truth. Also useful in warding off Bibliophiles.

Anyways here is my lovely wife’s beautiful and well-written article:

0_300x300_Back_Color-WhiteMy Life As An Unfeminist Submissive Mothball Wearing Wife

By Mrs. Brandy Hose Jobson

Contrary to what our annoyed tortured faithful readers may think Mrs. Jobson indeed loves wearing  her mothball necklace. In fact just smelling them have calmed Mrs. Jobson’s (her)  fears of Mothra’s feminist Agenda assaulting our Truth. Mrs. Jobson wishes more women would learn the joy of being submissive and the benefits of wearing mothballs for protection. I (Don Jobson) told her (my wife Mrs. Jobson) that any time she’s tempted to even think the unbiblical thought of women being able to pastor a church—just keep calm by focusing on her mothballs. Now you can see the Clear benefits of our Teachings. I was telling Mrs. Jobson the other day that if “tolerance” is the core value of political correctness then feminism is it’s most cherished cause–and the implications of apostate culture’s cultural devotion to feminism are monstrous. Feminism is not about equal rights for women but about the feminization of the American male.

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My wife’s lovely mothball necklace 4 Protection against Mothra and feminists

It has indeed turned even more monstrous ever since these Mothra attacks started occurring on innocent unsuspecting Southern Baptist churches but thankfully our Brand works like a charm. In fact its extra magical almost like the heretical Mormon cult’s secret undergarments—only ours is Truly Biblical. Sadly though it has yet to be seen as working on gay feminists. This content is for Premium members only. Login or sign up to gain access to over $164440 in Worldview Weekend resources. (Whoops looks like Brannon is charging now for us Discernmentalists to crib from his self-righteous site. How dare he!).

Feminist Mothra dogma decrees that women can never be successful. That shows how out of touch the feminists are. Now Mothra as you may not know was never successful especially since:

Mothra is one of the most powerful psychics in the Toho universe. She has had the ability to use this power benevolently, to communicate with humans, or defensively, to destroy her enemies. As suggested earlier, Mothra is assumed to be divine and draws many parallels to the Phoenix, which makes her one of the more powerful kaiju of the Toho universe. Mothra has become one of Godzilla’s more challenging opponents, having achieved the greatest success rate in battle save Godzilla himself…

Anyways just remember mothballs for your protection against the Mothra feminist hordes. Mrs. Jobson agrees with me because I told her to.

My wife still protected by mothballs from Mothra feminists,

Don Jobson

Your Best Hell Now!

April 28, 2019

Introducing a new book recently rediscovered in our super secret archives. In Your Worst Hell Now aka Your Best Hell Now sinisterly ecumenical possible semi-pelagian quasi-universalist mystic Emergence guru Rob Bell teaches heretical apostates these essential Christian non-Christian Doctrines:

  • That God is everywhere
  • Including hell
  • That God is love
  • That God’s love wins
  • That God wishes that all might be saved
  • Among other  square quotes “sinister” and biblical unbiblical ideas

We Online Discernmentalists know that no one before murky mystic Rob Bell, an icon in the postliberal cult of the Emergent Church and teaching pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church, taught this:

“In souls, there is no illness caused by evilness [ἀπὸ κακίας] that is impossible to cure [ἀδύνατον θεραπευθῆναι] for God the Logos, who is superior to all.” (CC 8.72)”
Origen, Contra Celsum

“Christ reigns in order to save.” (Hom. in Luc. 30)”
Origen, Homilies on Luke: Fragments on Luke
———-
As you can see from those sinister quotes above—this is why we of the ODMafia community would never under any circumstances recommend Rob Bell’s book. Our Research Robot Monkeys have just informed us that our old enemy Mike Morell recommends Rob Bell’s books to everyone that in itself should tell you how sinfully apostate this book isn’t.

Discernmentalist Bowl

February 8, 2010

Forget the Super Bowl this year and watch the Discernmentalist Bowl live and commercial free. This year team Reagan’s Raiders takes on team Raw Sewage in a competition of discernmentalism of epic proportions. See who wins the highly coveted Reaganite Discernmentalist Cup Trophy as well as other cool Reaganite prizes. Here is the roster of team Raw Sewage’s lineup:

From left to right: Team Captain Ken Silva head of Raw Sewage Ministries,  Cheerleader Ericha Badger of Take A Stand Ministries, Head Cheerleader Toddy Friel of Wretched Discernmentalism, Field Discernmentalist Ingrid Eva Braun of Laodiceans R’ Us and Lead Conspiracy Theorist Adolfa Howse of New World Order Weekend.

Representing team Reagan’s Raiders are God’s Only Inerrant Party and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia

This year’s Discernmentalist Bowl’s Half-Time Show will feature special entertainment—open air law and wrath witnessing by Quirk Cameron and Ray Comforts (Awesome):

And a special Absolute Truth Gospel  Concert of Hope for God’s Wrath to Pour Down Upon All of Our Enemies like Haiti:

A Spectacular Discernmentalist Event For The Whole Family!

Lets Start The New Year Off Right

January 3, 2010

Let us  do all the thinking and researchmentalism for you so that you won’t have to strain any of your brain cells. In the words of the OD Mafia:

God’s truth is so fragile we must take a stand in God’s sovereignty to protect it. If we do not, the perverts and sickos of this world will destroy the church. Are you tired of those wimpy so called Online Discernment Ministries? We are and we want to stand up and protect our God and His Truth…Truth is so fragile and if we do not make a stand in the sovereignty of God, the Church might be lost to the sickos and perverts out there who are invading it! We know who and what they are. They are in our pews. They are on your TV. They are corrupting the most godly of things, the Internet!

 This blog is about protecting the truth of God that is so fragile.

What we promise.

To expose all to God’s wrath.

To preach that Jesus is coming back and He is so angry with sinners!

Hell is a real “place”.

If you do not hold to true doctrine then you will be blotted from the Lamb’s Book of Life forever!

Spread the gospel of Spurgeon and John MacArthur (the only truth living teacher of God’s word) to all the world.

 We are tired of emergents, RCC wannabes, Rich Warren, Rob Bell, Beth Moore, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagget, Tony Jones, sinners in general who are not worthy of our God, and anyone that sounds like or acts like any of these apostates.

Meet  our GOIP Bots who assist us in our Absolute Truth War efforts as fully-fledged supporters of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars

GOIP  BOT 2000.10  or our God-Jesus Robot is the latest model in the GOIP Bot 2000 series and assists us in all of our judgementalist needs by helping to pour down God’s Wrath upon all, judging others, frontline defense, heresy hunting, omniscience, omnipresence, fortune telling among other judgemental tasks.  We stole the top secret plans for the GOIP  BOT 2000.10 from Japan. A home version of the GOIP  BOT 2000.10 is now available from GOIP Labs:

Revised:*Here are two videos of one of our GOIP  BOT 2000.10s in action—

When  we asked if Brian McLaren is a heretic he responded “The answer is yes”:

When we asked if John MacArthur is ever wrong he responded “The answer is no”:

*

Finally meet GOIP Bot 3000 which along with GOIP Eye 3 is the backbone of GOIP Discernmentalism and helps assist us in counter spiritual terrorism, Truth War ways, arrogance, greed, hate, torture, self-righteousness, keeping God in a box, Nationalism, burning heretics, among other tasks, etc. Using Eric Barger‘s Bible-Based Mathematics System in which 2 + 2 doesn’t always equal 4 but sometimes equals 10—-here is the logically sound Biblical equation which proves this Absolute Fact: 2 + 2=4 but when turned upside down 2 looks like an inversed s and s looks like a 5 so therefore 2(s) or s + s really is 5 + 5 which means 2 + 2 turned upside down means that 2 + 2 sometimes equals 10—we calculated the technical details involved in the making a GOIP Bot 3000. With Ken Silva’s Seal of Approval  our slave laborers created the GOIP Bot 3000 the top of the line in Truth War Discernmentalism:

This is why we will preach the Good News of God’s Wrath to you and force you to listen!

Contemplative Prayer Destroying America And The Church

November 28, 2009

Evil Emergents believe in Contemplative Prayer. Contemplative  Prayer was invented by Hindus and Papists. Romanists/Papists, Hindus and Muslims are of the devil and are members of the Synagogues of Satan. Barak Obama is a Muslim and the  political anti-Christ. Evil Emergents voted for Obama therefore Contemplative Prayer is destroying America and the Church:

Our excellent discernmentalist and researchmentalist skills which God gifted us with Himself have led  us to conclude these Absolute Truth facts—so if you are anything like us (Elect of God, regenerate, American, Ultra Right Wing Conservative Fundamentalist Calvinist Republicans, warmongers, capitalist materialists, non-Marxists, Saved, inerrant, etc.),  you should avoid Contemplative Prayer like the plague. And if you are an Evil Emergent then all we have to say to you is Repent that is if God lets you repent—because We Know with Absolute Certainty that you Emergents are of the non-Elect, unregenerate, anti-American, Arminian, Neo-Marxist, socialist, communist, anti-capitalists, reprobated and unsaved—because of your impure doctrines. Afterall, God only listens to Imprecatory Prayers   which we are praying against  you Emergents right now—and the only meditation one needs is on the Holy Inerrant Infallible Word Of God—the King James Bible AV1611.