Archive for the ‘Bathroom god’ Category

Shocked: Doug Wilson secretly supports abortion….

September 9, 2019

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Abortion doesn’t kill babies people do. The only way to stop bad abortions is good abortion policy.”

Having acknowledged that murder arises from the sinful heart of man, and not from the availability of abortion, we should nevertheless acknowledge that in this sinful world, murder rates can vary, and that there can be genuine secondary causes that can affect this. Intelligent public policy should therefore be interested in pursuing any avenue that promises to help us address this. But we are not having an intelligent public policy debate on this subject because certain proposed answers are outlawed a priori—meaning that you will not be able to get them on the agenda. Positively, we find that widespread abortion discourages baby killing. Laws permitting birth control discourage abortion. Negatively, why are we not allowed to ask why these pro-gun anti-abortion activists are overwhelmingly young men who grew up learning misogyny from peers? Perhaps it is the case that a strong female presence in the home who had an abortion is rather the thing that prevents toxic masculinity and a child growing up  with an  abusive parent? And why are we not permitted to ask what prescription drugs pro-gun anti-abortion activists are on? Why is that a closed subject? Why is no one that interested in how many of these pro-gun anti-abortion activists are pot smokers? How many of them have beards and tattoos or ear-piercings? How many are addicted to rap and violent videogames?

The Reason for Mass Gun Violence is…

September 7, 2019

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Typical Mass Shooter

…Smoking Pot decrees Doug Wilson: ” Why is no one that interested in how many of these shooters were pot smokers?”

Yeah that’s right rolling a doobie and smoking a joint gives people the urge to go out and commit mass killings of hunger that is. As anyone who can read would know:

Marijuana reaches the same pleasure centers in the brain that are targeted by heroin, cocaine and alcohol.

Depending on the quantity, quality and method of consumption, marijuana can produce a feeling of euphoria — or high — by stimulating brain cells to release the chemical dopamine. When smoked or otherwise inhaled, the feeling of euphoria is almost immediate. When ingested in food, it takes much longer, even hours, for the drug to signal the brain to release the dopamine, according to the National Institutes of Health.

Other changes in mood can occur, with relaxation frequently being reported. Some users experience heightened sensory perception, with colors appearing more vivid and noises being louder. For some, marijuana can cause an altered perception of time and increased appetite, known as the “munchies.”

The impact can vary by person, how often they have used the drug, the strength of the drug and how often it has been since they have gotten high, among other factors.

“In some cases, reported side effects of THC include elation, anxiety, tachycardia, short-term memory recall issues, sedation, relaxation, pain-relief and many more,” said A.J. Fabrizio, a marijuana chemistry expert at Terra Tech Corp, a California agricultural company focused on local farming and medical cannabis.

Other effects, according to the NIH, include:

  • Feelings of panic and fear (paranoia)
  • Hallucinations
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Decreased ability to perform tasks that require coordination
  • Decreased interest in completing tasks

When coming down from the high, users may feel depressed or extremely tired. While marijuana use produces a mellow experience (users are sometimes referred to as “stoners”) for some, it can heighten agitation, anxiety, insomnia and irritability, according to the NIH.

New Bible-Based Laxative

April 19, 2010

Finally a colon cleanser fit to relieve the bowels of God’s Holy Predestined Elect introducing PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives. Every PoopraCrapsarian tablet is made by the most natural and Biblical of ingredients based on the Levetical Dietary Laws of keeping Kosher.  All PoopraCrapsarian tablets contain the Absolute Decrees of God so remember PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives for all your colon cleansing needs—good only for the fatallistically predetermined voiding of bowels.

Warning PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives are only good enough for the Truly Predestined Elect of God—the True Converts. Side effects may include but are not limited to: bloating, upset stomach, diaherrea, arrogance, extreme Capitalism, anti-Catholic bigotry, a feeling of religious supremacy over those who disagree with you, elitism, aversion to religious objects, the need to burn heretics at the stake, love of war and torture, condescension and other  side effects. False Converts, unregenerate reprobates and heathens need not apply as they have already been  fatallistically predetermined by God to suffer the wrath of eternal bowel discomfort from the foundation of the world.

Ken Silva Contracts A Rare Emergent Virus

February 21, 2010

Yesterday Ken Silva contracted the rare hideous and disfiguring Emergent virus: Calvini sincerus doxolatroum vitare. This caused him to attack God’s Absolute Sovereignty and utter such an unReformed statement as this:

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR UNLEASHING THE EMERGING CHURCH VIRUS EMBED CODE?

We Know who is responsible and the Pure Reformed answer is:

God from all eternity, did, by the most wise and holy counsel of His own will, freely, and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to pass yet so, as thereby neither is God the author of sin, nor is violence offered to the will of the creatures; nor is the liberty or contingency of second causes taken away, but rather established.
Westminster Larger Catechism Q3

That means that God is responsible and the One who caused from the Foundation of the World the UNLEASHING of  THE EMERGING CHURCH VIRUS which Ken Silva contracted. We all are now praying for Ken Silva to be healed and get well from such a dark and reprobated illness so that he can return to his ole Deformed Purely Reformed, Emergent-bashing and Discernmentalist self.

Shocked: Spurgeon Had A False Conversion—We Know So!

February 20, 2010

Recently our Research Robot Monkeys have come upon new and startling information concerning Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior). We have found that Spurgeon had a False Conversion—we are truly disappointed in this finding. Here follows an account of  Spurgeon’s False Conversion:

Spurgeon’s conversion to Christianity came on January 6, 1850, at age fifteen. On his way to a scheduled appointment, a snow storm forced him to cut short his intended journey and to turn into a Primitive Methodist chapel in Colchester where “God opened his heart to the salvation message.” The text that moved him was Isaiah 45:22 – “Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God, and there is none else.”

Methodists teach Grace-hating Man-loving Arminianism, Decisional Regeneration and Free-Willism which are all errors. See  there this is proof of his False Conversion—We Know so! Charles Spurgeon (Holy Warrior) even admits by his own Free-Will he made a Decision for Christ rather than being Regenerated by the preaching of the Pure Gospel of God’s Sovereign Wrath:

I do from my soul confess that I never was satisfied till I came to Christ; when was yet a child, I had far more wretchedness than ever I have now; I will even add, more weariness, more care, more heart-ache than I know at this day. I may be singular in this confession, but I make it, and know it to be the truth. Since that dear hour when my soul cast itself on Jesus, I have found solid joy and peace; but before that, all those supposed gaieties of early youth, all the imagined ease and joy of boyhood, were but vanity and vexation of spirit to me. . That happy day, when I found the Saviour, and learned to cling to His dear feet, was a day never to be forgotten by me. An obscure child, unknown, unheard of, I listened to the Word of God; and that precious text led me to the cross of Christ. I can testify that the joy of that day was utterly indescribable. I could have leaped, I could have danced; there was no expression, however fanatical, which would have been out of keeping with the joy of my spirit at that hour. Many days of Christian experience have passed since then, but there has never been one which has had the full exhilaration, the sparkling delight which that first day had. I thought I could have sprung from the seat on which I sat, and have called out with the wildest of those Methodist brethren who were present, “I am forgiven! I am forgiven! A monument of grace! A sinner saved by blood! “My spirit saw its chains broken to pieces, I felt that I was an emancipated soul, an heir of Heaven, a forgiven one, accepted in Christ Jesus, plucked out of the miry clay and out of the horrible pit, with my feet set upon a rock, and my goings established. I thought I could dance all the way home. I could understand what John Bunyan meant, when he declared he wanted to tell the crows on the ploughed land all about his conversion. He was too full to hold, he felt he must tell somebody.

Sheer blasphemy—we are mortified beyond words! We are now praying that Todd Friel (Wretched), Ray Comforts (Awesome) and Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) drop all their associational ties with the works of this False Convert.

P. S. Also we are not too pleased with Spurgeon’s teachings against the Pure Reformed Doctrines and clear teachings of Calvin on Infant Baptism and also likewise with John Piper (Soft On Heretics)’s teaching against the Pure Baptism Doctrines of Calvin as well.

And remember these words of Absolute Truth from Sharin’ Whiplash:

Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

Ken Silva Exposed As A Closest Democrat And Obama Supporter

November 3, 2009

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Recently our GOIP Bot 3000 came across startling misinformation about one of our own Ken Silva.  Quite frankly we are appalled at the misTruth that our GOIP Bot 3000 has made Light to us that Ken Silva, Defender of the True Faith of his own opinions all is actually a closet Democrat and Obama Supporter. How could you Ken? Didn’t you know that giving funds to the Dum-b-o-crapic National Convention and Obama bin Laden is evil for:

  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for terrorism.
  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for abortion.
  • A vote for Obama Hussein Bin Laden is a vote for homosexuality.
  • After all Saint John MacArthur has taught you:

    We know what you did and did not do and we know that you did not give money to fund the Democratic National Convention and Obama. We also know that you did not personally hand  $1,680 in funds over to the Anti-Christ Obama in 2008.

    Smoking Gun—GOIP Eye 3—our all seeing satellite exposes a horrifying photo—Ken Silva’s hand is clearly not seen personally giving Obama cold hard cash just last year:

    s-HANDING-OUT-MONEY-large

    We had the GOIP Eye 3 zoom in on the hands to verify that they are‘nt indeed Ken Silva’s and Obama’s. We Know.

    Smoking Gun 2 from GOIP Eye 3—Ken Silva is not clearly seen leaving the scene of the crime with Obama and his agents of the New World Order of Obamanation:

    Obama 2008.jpg

    For shame Ken—we hope you come here to comment and clear up this unTruth and our misinformation for we thought you were one of us. All of us Online Discernmentalists must now call you back to our version of Biblical Integrity.

    The Postmodern Apostasy Of The Candy Industry

    November 2, 2009

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    Todd Friel Presents Brokeback Mountain

    November 1, 2009

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    Todd Friel to star in God’s version of Brokeback Mountain. It should bring you relief as it’s a much needed remedy to that Leftist media one that promotes the homosexual agenda and acceptance of an abominable lifestyle. Watch it or else.

    John MacArthur Explains The Absolute Poop

    October 16, 2009

    HOW TO POOP IN A BIBLICALLY CORRECT WAY

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    POOP BIBLICALLY: A SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY ON HOW TO POOP IN A BIBLICALLY CORRECT WAY—SO AS TO PLEASE OUR HATEFUL VENGEFUL GOD OF WRATH AND GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY IN YOUR POOPING

    By

    John “Funky Smell” MacArthur

    • 1 Kings 14:10 (New King James Version)
      New King James Version (NKJV)
      Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
      10 therefore behold! I will bring disaster on the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam every male in Israel, bond and free; I will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as one takes away refuse until it is all gone. “one burns dung, until it is all gone.” (NIV)
      —-What does this verse say? It tells us to burn our excrements until they are all gone, but man exercising his humanistic pride thought he was better than God by inventing plumbing and toilets. The secularized carnal minds of New Agers and that old line of theological liberals want to deceive the Elect into thinking the Elect can use the modern conveniences of indoor plumbing and toilets (which are a sin) instead of the God ordained method of getting rid of our excrements as prescribed in His Holy Inerrant and Infallible Word.
    •  Job 20:6-8 (New King James Version)
      New King James Version (NKJV)
      Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
      6 Though his haughtiness mounts up to the heavens,
            And his head reaches to the clouds,
      7 Yet he will perish forever like his own refuse;
            Those who have seen him will say, ‘Where is he?’
      8 He will fly away like a dream, and not be found;
            Yes, he will be chased away like a vision of the night. “he will perish forever, like his own dung; banished like a vision of the night.” (NIV)
      — What does this verse say? It tells the Elect that God decrees them to defecate at night—that any other time of day is a prideful sin against the Divine Sovereignty of our Hateful, Vengeful, God of Wrath.
    • Deuteronomy 23:12-14 (New King James Version)
      New King James Version (NKJV)
      Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
      12 “Also you shall have a place outside the camp, where you may go out; 13 and you shall have an implement among your equipment, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig with it and turn and cover your refuse. 14 For the LORD your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and give your enemies over to you; therefore your camp shall be holy, that He may see no unclean thing among you, and turn away from you.
      — What does this verse say? Here is where the Orthodox Doctrine of the Holy Pooping is clearly laid out, which we can know with Absolute Certainty as our Divine Sovereign Hateful, Vengeful, God of Wrath spoke with His own lips in His Holy Inerrant and Infallible Word to defecate outside and that all other places for defecating are sinful. Our Holy Sovereign Creator, God of Wrath, is most pleased when we (the Elect) obey and submit to the Orthodox Doctrine of the Holy Pooping as clearly laid out in His Holy Inerrant and Infallible Word. When the Israelites obeyed our God of Wrath not love (Theological liberals want to delude you into thinking God is a lovey dovey inclusive God of let’s hold hands and sing kumba-yah but the Bible is clear on this matter when it says: “God is an all consuming fire, a God of Vengeful Wrath and no respecter of persons”) by defecating outside, they gave God the glory by defecating in a holy manner. 

    One other thing I would like to say to Bible-minded Christians is to remain Bibliocentric and hold onto Biblical Integrity, one ought to confront all Christians living in the sin of using toilet paper as toilet paper was invented by Pagan Chinese, who worshipped false gods and not our God of Wrath as Revealed in the Inerrant and Infallible Holy Bible.  Also, paper itself was invented by Pagan Egyptians to inscribe their demonic and blasphemous scriptures to their false gods, in their dark, morally and spiritually corrupt religious practices—so that if the Elect falls prey to the sin of using toilet paper, they in affect may be welcoming in false gods (disguised as seducing demons) into their lives. So as we can see using toilet paper is an unholy sin of humanistic pride against our Divine Sovereign God of Wrath, who in His Absolute Sovereignty created (6000 years ago in 6 literal days) our hands, wool, lace or hemp, wood shavings, leaves, grass, hay, stone, sand, moss, water, snow, maize husks, fruit skins, or seashells, and corn cobs for us to use to clean our anuses. Toilet paper then is for that old line of theological liberals, evolutionists, secular humanists and atheistic communists and not True Bible-Believing Christians.

    In conclusion to my God-honoring Expository Sermon (the only sermons recognized by God are Expository, because that’s how Calvin and Spurgeon preached), I pray that the Elect Church purges itself of the errors of the modernistic and post-modernistic ways of thinking about defecating before the Holy Rapture in the Predestined and God-ordained Premillenial Dispensationalist End Times and returns itself to the Fundamentally Orthodox Doctrine of the Holy Pooping as clearly laid out with Absolute Certainty in the Inerrant and Infallible Holy Bible that we please and give glory to our Absolute Divine Sovereign Hateful, Vengeful, God of Wrath by: defecating only outside at night, burning or burying our excrements and using the God-ordained method of our hands, wool, lace or hemp, wood shavings, leaves, grass, hay, stone, sand, moss, water, snow, maize husks, fruit skins, or seashells, and corn cobs that our Absolute Sovereign Wrathful Creator created for us to use to clean our anuses. Amen.
    ——————————————————————————————–

    Courtesy of John “No Grace To You—More Grace For Me”  MacArthur, Pastor of no Grace Community Church and Founder of no Grace To You Ministries.

    Heresy Wars: Our Purified Version Of Star Wars

    October 15, 2009

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    The Heresy Wars cast relaxing on the set. Join them weekdays at 3 pm on Worldview Weekend TV as they hunt down heretics and bring them in for a bounty.

    John Calvin is aghast at the impure doctrines of his bounty—an evil Grace-hating Man-loving Arminian . Equally The Way Of The Master logo at the bottom is a device that Todd Friel activated from where he is sitting in an attempt to try to beam Sound Doctrine directly into that Evil Emergent Iggy’s brain. Iggy of course is off camera.

    And this is a production still from season 1 episode 5.