Archive for the ‘around the world’ Category

Trump considers Sicking Lobstermen from Mars on Deep State

December 11, 2019

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Shelldrake Clorzo  pledges to pinch the Deep State with his pincers

QAnon reports on American Thinker:

Will December be the month the pincers close in on the Deep State?  Some promising storm clouds are building.  Justice Department inspector general Michael Horowitz will appear before Senator Lindsey Graham’s Judiciary Committee on December 11, with the long promised I.G. report on FISA abuse to be released December 9.The report is already being downplayed by the media, with the New York Times warning, “DOJ watchdog report expected to clear Comey, McCabe, and Strzok of bias in Trump-Russia probe.”  Okey-dokey, case closed.  The storm will be only a light breeze — at least according to their “unnamed sources” and “officials familiar with the report.” Read more: https://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2019/11/are_the_pincers_closing_on_the_deep_state.html#ixzz66pc3EPCC

It was also reported from an anonymous transmission from outer space that a UFO was spotted a few light-years from Earth. The Trump Administration has said to have made contact with the ship piloted by one Shelldrake Clorzo (a lobsterman from Mars). Shelldrake has been desperately searching for a way to avoid problems with the IRS of Mars and the unpaid millions he owes them in back taxes. He has asked Trump for help—in return and armed with a foolproof plan he pledges to sick his pincers on the Deep State to repay Trump.

Mrs. Jobson speaks on Mothballs

June 24, 2019

I’m proud of my wife’s article against the feminist assaults we’ve been facing and how to combat them that I wrote for her in keeping with our Clear Teachings on wifely submission—I tried to submit it on her behalf to The Council On Biblical Manhood and womanhood for publication in the latest issue of their magazine on Biblical womanhood but they rejected it and laughed in my face. I suspect it is because they saw her name as the author—I know it can’t be because of the references to mothballs in the article because they agree with Our Brand. For those of you who don’t know the main definition of mothballs as defined in Volume Two of The Discernmentalist Dictionary is:

MOTHBALLs or (Modernism’s Old Theologies of Hate Bringing About Legalism on  Ladies): (noun)- the only known protection against Mothra and feminist attacks on Discernmentalist Truth. Also useful in warding off Bibliophiles.

Anyways here is my lovely wife’s beautiful and well-written article:

0_300x300_Back_Color-WhiteMy Life As An Unfeminist Submissive Mothball Wearing Wife

By Mrs. Brandy Hose Jobson

Contrary to what our annoyed tortured faithful readers may think Mrs. Jobson indeed loves wearing  her mothball necklace. In fact just smelling them have calmed Mrs. Jobson’s (her)  fears of Mothra’s feminist Agenda assaulting our Truth. Mrs. Jobson wishes more women would learn the joy of being submissive and the benefits of wearing mothballs for protection. I (Don Jobson) told her (my wife Mrs. Jobson) that any time she’s tempted to even think the unbiblical thought of women being able to pastor a church—just keep calm by focusing on her mothballs. Now you can see the Clear benefits of our Teachings. I was telling Mrs. Jobson the other day that if “tolerance” is the core value of political correctness then feminism is it’s most cherished cause–and the implications of apostate culture’s cultural devotion to feminism are monstrous. Feminism is not about equal rights for women but about the feminization of the American male.

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My wife’s lovely mothball necklace 4 Protection against Mothra and feminists

It has indeed turned even more monstrous ever since these Mothra attacks started occurring on innocent unsuspecting Southern Baptist churches but thankfully our Brand works like a charm. In fact its extra magical almost like the heretical Mormon cult’s secret undergarments—only ours is Truly Biblical. Sadly though it has yet to be seen as working on gay feminists. This content is for Premium members only. Login or sign up to gain access to over $164440 in Worldview Weekend resources. (Whoops looks like Brannon is charging now for us Discernmentalists to crib from his self-righteous site. How dare he!).

Feminist Mothra dogma decrees that women can never be successful. That shows how out of touch the feminists are. Now Mothra as you may not know was never successful especially since:

Mothra is one of the most powerful psychics in the Toho universe. She has had the ability to use this power benevolently, to communicate with humans, or defensively, to destroy her enemies. As suggested earlier, Mothra is assumed to be divine and draws many parallels to the Phoenix, which makes her one of the more powerful kaiju of the Toho universe. Mothra has become one of Godzilla’s more challenging opponents, having achieved the greatest success rate in battle save Godzilla himself…

Anyways just remember mothballs for your protection against the Mothra feminist hordes. Mrs. Jobson agrees with me because I told her to.

My wife still protected by mothballs from Mothra feminists,

Don Jobson

Ray Comfort (Awesome) warns Bibliophiles the same as Pedophiles

May 18, 2019

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Evidence of Bibliophilia: Here a Book assaults an un-expectant innocent young lady.

Ray Comfort (Awesome) another defender of our Mighty Truth especially against the atheist hordes—deposited nuggets of Comfort (Awesome) while working with us on our sin-free Arthur episode. Ray (Awesome) Hell’s Best Kept Secret told us that Bibliophiles are the same as pedophiles: “Bibliophile noun a cross between a paedophile and the Bible.” Ray Comfort (Awesome) also gave us this advice on what to look out for in banning sinners from commenting on our Blogs: “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you.” Ray (Awesome) also went on to state that: “I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible. My sincere apologies. Still learning. Best wishes.”

Ray (Awesome) we believed you have slipped in apologizing to that atheist as Discernmentalists we should never apologize for speaking our the Truth. If anything that atheist should apologize to you for insulting your intelligence—we know bibliophiles are the same as pedophiles. We have shocking evidence that bibliophiles are assaulting children with books—{click link: [HERE] (Warning Graphic Imagery)}. We believe this lapse in self-righteousness is due to the Eastern Mysticism we caught him practicing when he recited Bible verses in a Triadic liturgical mantra against our Clear Teachings against such.

On a related note—Mrs. Jobson has gotten use to the smell of her mothball necklace that protects her from the feminist attacks of Mothra priestesses. She gave a few to our children and really recommends mothballs for protection against bibliophiles as they’ve stopped the attacks from atheist bibliophiles like Disney molesting our kids with strange books.

Joel Osteen Threatens Bible-readers with unbiblical toothpaste!

May 14, 2019

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We can’t say we are shocked at this horror as we’ve been apprising you of the hideousness of all these seeker-driven Emergents out there living as though God has a plan and purpose for their lives. In Joel Osteen’s latest attack on Bible-readers he unveiled his apostate unbiblical toothpaste and threatened to brush the teeth of anyone who dared open their Bibles. If he would only let them read their Bible then they would know: The Bible contains all the wisdom man needs for solving all the spiritual struggles, problems, and issues of life.

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia is now offering Bible Studies on how to prevent tooth decay to counteract this worldly assault on our Truth.

Bible verses we’ve found so far that help us in fighting and preventing cavities; gingivitis; tooth decay and other dental infirmities:

  • 0 Bible results for “brush your teeth.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothpaste.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothbrush.”
  • 0 Bible results for “mouthwash.”
  • 0 Bible results for “toothache.”
  • 0 Bible results for “gingivitis.”

This proves how little of the Bible Joel Osteen has read. In fact we suspect he uses alcohol-based mouthwash against our Clear Teachings.

 

Eric…take a Stand: “Harry Potter=Pornography!”

April 28, 2019

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Eric Barger of Take A Stand notes that all  the troubles in today’s perilous times are the cause of kids getting into Harry Potter:

But I have no reservation in saying that reading Harry Potter is spiritual pornography for God’s people and is akin to spiritual adultery for a Christian.

Nearly everyday I hear someone say “I’m a Christian” but then defend Potter. And we wonder why our homes are deviled, our prayers left unanswered and our finances and affairs upside down? How can God ever bless us if we persist in entertaining ourselves and our families with philosophies that His word calls an “abomination?”

I am now repeating myself from other installments found here on the web site but it’s true – we need to choose who we are going to serve and take serious the command to expose the unfruitful works of darkness around us. (Ezk. 44:23, Eph. 5:10-11, II Cor. 6:14-18, etc.)

We here of the GOIP and Mafia agree as we’ve already exposed Harry Potter’s connection to that seeker-driven heretic Rick Warren’s Purpose-driven New Age Agenda. Clearly this is the reason for all the problems in the world today for as Eric Barger also says:

What verse 32 is saying is that though we are not actually involved with something which God clearly disdains (such as witchcraft) yet we approve of it, defend it, and do not speak out against it then we mightas well just become a full-fledged practicing pagan ourselves and stop beating around the bush. The occult is completely in opposition to God. We know it is totally from Satan’s camp and 100% out of God’s will, yet we lift up Harry Potter as a role model? How can we when millions around us will spend eternity in Hell because of the very things J. K. Rowling has built into her hero character? A great example of Romans 1:32 in action is this…a man caught in the trap of watching pornography, is actually the same in the sight of God as those who are PERFORMING the sexual acts. That makes it pretty plain and blunt doesn’t it?

Yes that’s right Harry Potter is the gateway drug to Playboy and other porno mags. What’s next will Harry Potter replace our Pure Doctrines? Blasphemous…this is why we must continue to take a stand in opposing that occultic pope of seeker-driven-ness and Purpose-Driven new worldliness Rick Warren.

Breaking News: Our Ex-Leader Deposed!

April 26, 2019

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Spreading the ODM Gospel of fear and militarism! at Ron Luce’s Battle Cry training camps for Truth Warriors.

“This is a real war… I want an attacking church.” – Ron Luce

In case you are wondering we had to renounce our ex-fuhrer for sliding into  the apostasy of the sissified Evanjellyfish weak wimpy gutless grace girlymen: “…(Ron) Luce painted himself as the victim in an interview with Christianity Today: “I guess we’re guilty of reaching as many kids as we could, thinking our business model was sound.”” You hear that weak gutless spineless response—we would expect that from crybaby liberal snowflakes but  A True Man of God in our Truth War would never feel victimized:

…I don’t know if you’re interested in boxing. It’s a…it’s far…it’s the sort of last most barbaric holdover from the past where you pound people’s brains senseless. It’s amazing with all of the things that people scream about in our society…don’t eat potato chips and things like that…that somebody doesn’t rise up and call a halt to people bashing each other’s brains in on purpose. But as brutal as it is, boxers fight with leather gloves padded to cushion the blow. You should know that, in the days of the New Testament, Greek boxers had fur-lined gloves. There was just a little fur and leather, no padding. They were made generally of ox hide. And stitched into the glove at the knuckles was lead and iron. When Paul talks about fighting the good fight, he’s talking about some serious action. And in a Greek boxing match, the loser had his eyes gouged out as emblematic of his failure.Boxing, to us, is not what it was then. It was a death/life struggle. Serious conflict from which you could emerge dead or lifetime blind. I just don’t think the church understands that. I…I met with the pastor of the largest seeker friendly church, and he said to me, “You know what your problem is MacArthur? You need to lighten up.” And I smiled. I said, “It’s really hard to do in the middle of war.” Fight the good fight. It is a good fight, isn’t it? It’s a noble fight. To fight against the kingdom of darkness with the truth. The only weapon we have is the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, right?

And I think that’s one of the serious problems today, is people aren’t taking the battle as seriously as they have to take it. And He helps us with that. “Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you are called.” What does that phrase mean? He simply means this: Get a grip on the fact that you’re dealing with eternal issues. How can you treat the ministry shallow……in shallow terms? How can you treat it trivially? This is war, and eternity is at stake. “You knew that…He says in verse 12…when you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. You knew that when you confessed Christ, when we were all there gathered.” He’s probably referring to His ordination when the elders laid hands on Him and set Him apart from the ministry. “You confessed at that time that this was a mater of eternal issues. You’re not just slapping people around with some puffy gloves here. This is a life and death matter. Get a grip on it.”

A True Man of God would never run as we are suppose to keep up our good fight in victimizing others fighting for our Truth and the purity of our Doctrines. After all this is the Truth War and we must keep fighting so that we can feel persecuted by ourselves win the war against liberals; Emergents; globalists; socialists; Evanjellyfish and our many enemies of our Truth. What happened to the Ron who stood in the greatness of our militant dogma?  For shame—what happened to this Ron?:

BattleCry Philadelphia was more than just a vulgar carnival designed to suck donations into the coffers of Ron Luce’s corporation “Teen Mania”. Indeed, it had a point, to recruit the future elite “warriors” in the coming battle against the separation of church and state. It turned dark and frightening on Saturday afternoon. After Franklin “Islam is a Wicked Religion” Graham came out to thunder against the evils of homosexuality and the Iraqi people (whom he considers to be exactly the same people as the ancient Babylonians who enslaved the tribes of Israel and deserving, one would assume, the exact same fate) we heard an explosion. Flames shot out on stage and a team of Navy Seals was shown on the big TV monitors in full camouflage creeping forward down the hallway from the locker room with their M16s. They were hunting us, the future Christian leaders of America. Two teenage girls next to me burst into tears and even I, a jaded middle-aged male, almost jumped out of my skin. I imagined for that moment what it must have felt like to have been a teacher at Columbine high school. 10 seconds later they rushed out onstage and pointed their guns in our direction firing blanks spitting flames. About 1000 shots and bang, we were all dead.

What would our most Biblical and most Godly President ever say? What would the late great Pastor-Teacher to the Internet Congregation to the True Remnant of ODM Truth Warriors think?…in fact we already know as my co-warrior in our Truth War Dr. Itodyaso wrote the other day “he is rolling over in his grave.” Thankfully we came under the leadership of a True MAN OF GOD years ago even before Ron Luce was dethroned—who has led us to higher standards of godliness and self-righteousness in protecting our Pure Doctrines and militant dogmas—that True Man of God is the Pope of our Truth War aka John MacArthur (PBUH).

More on Our Persecution

April 23, 2019

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Once again my fellow Truth Warriors in our war on Truth War we’ve come under assault. This time by the sinfully ecumenical quasi-universalist semi-pelagian worldly heretical mystic seeker sensitive purpose driven Emergence unchristian against our clear teachings against such Relevant Magazine for writing an article against our Persecution Complex fake Real Persecution. Quote:

Obama was now, according to one Brietbart reporter, one of those “people who don’t want to say ‘Christians’”. “Yeah we’re actually called Christians not ‘Easter worshippers’”, sniffed a National Review writer. And so the sneaking conspiracy spread.

This is one of those “scandals” that becomes absurd as soon as you say it aloud. The charge is that former President Obama must hate Christianity so much he can’t even bring himself to say the word out loud. Such a rare form of psychological loathing that would be very surprising coming from a man who, say, famously sang “Amazing Grace” at a memorial service for Christians who were murdered in his own country while he was President.

Referring to people attending a religious service as “worshippers” is standard practice. It was only a few days ago that the AP called those mourning the closure of the Notre Dame Cathedral as “Easter Worshippers.”

How dare they take a stand against  our persecution for taking a stand against all those who would dare call Easter worshippers True Christians against our clear teachings that such is an abomination! We must reunite again in our war on Truth Truth War to come against all those who would dare come against us and be ever apprising on those who pervert our True Doctrines. Quote:

There’s a whole cottage industry built up around this complex — the God’s Not Dead franchise springs to mind — and it ends up doing real damage to Christians in other countries who are facing actual, not imagined, persecution. When American Christians cry wolf about actual persecution enough, the real thing ends up getting ignored.

And that’s the sad irony here. What happened in Sri Lanka is a true example of believers being targeted for their religious beliefs, while American Christians took a statement of seeming sincerity as a perceived slight and obfuscated the real persecution. If Christians truly care about persecution, they will mourn the real thing, not create fake versions of it.

But our Pope of our war on postmodernity Truth War (PBUH) says:

In this era of religious pluralism and postmodern relativism, evangelical Christianity has been marginalized as too rigid and too exclusive for public consumption. In the same way, the first-century church was a direct contradiction, not just of Jewish teaching, but of Roman paganism, as well. John MacArthur explains how the New Testament Christian’s life contradicted the religious norms of life in Roman society.

Because the Christians refused to make the required sacrifice offered in worship to the emperor, they were seen as traitors. They also proclaimed the kingdom of God, which caused the Romans to suspect them of plotting to overthrow the government. To avoid harassment by government officials, Christians often held their meetings in secret and at night. That heightened the Romans’ suspicions that they were hatching an anti-government plot. That Christians generally refused to serve in the Roman army also caused them to be viewed as disloyal.

The Romans also persecuted Christians for religious reasons. They allowed their subjects to worship whatever gods they liked, as long as they also worshiped the Roman gods. But Christians preached an exclusive message that there is only one God and only one way of salvation. That, coupled with their evangelistic efforts to win converts from other religions, went against the prevailing atmosphere of religious pluralism. [3] The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: John 12-21, 167-168.

The world doesn’t often clearly delineate religious lines of demarcation. To the untrained eye, most “Christian” religions look vaguely similar. And so long as the various religions can get along with one another—regardless of their differences—the world is happy to tolerate their faith and practice. Look no further than the widespread ecumenical support for this latest pope, or the constant campaign to rebrand Islam as a religion of peace as evidence of the world’s preference for postmodern religious harmony.

It’s only when God’s people make a stand for the objective, eternal truth of His Word that they find themselves in the crosshairs of an otherwise tolerant society. The message is clear: If you could just take your faith less seriously, we’d be able to get along. But the inability of God’s truth to mix with error means God’s people will always be branded as the problem children.

So who  you gonna believe us or them? So take a stand in our Conspiracy Driven Church and spread the fear and spread the hate against all those liberal sinners who said something we don’t like and hurt our feelings went against our God who is a good liberal-hating Obanma/Hillary-bashing Republican just like us because we’re so persecuted.

Eradicate Popish-Pagan Holidays In America!

December 23, 2011

Our Pilgrim forefathers considered Christmas a display of “popish” extravagance inspired by Satan, and not without some justification. Until the 19th century Christmas was usually celebrated by drunken riots. The city council of New York finally voted to pay for a special uniformed Christmas day police force after a particularly deadly Christmas evening riot in 1828. But that didn’t stop a repeat in 1851 when the New York Tribune noted the “…musketry and firecrackers, the bacchanal songs and noisy revels, which for two hours after midnight made sleep not a thing to be dreamed of.”

Typical members of the Whore of Babylon (Romish Arminianist Satan-worshipers) trying to defend their unholy, ungodly and unbiblical Hell-a-day from True Bible-Believers:

We also believe that Christmas celebrates Satan and the birth of the anti-Christ like our Puritan ancestors—and you should too [believe that Christ-mass is the most Satanic time of the year under Ishtar (Easter)] as one of our top key Researchmentalists Sharon M. Whitley always says: “Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”

Now go out and make this Season a non-Pagan Holy Day by spending more of  your hard-earned cash on us. We require your tithes in a non-gift-giving way—buy our stuff like our new Rapture kit. Capitalism is how you can truly redeem this satanic Popish-Pagan season from idolatrous blasphemous Romish Arminianist filth for Capitalism is what makes America truly Holy and great as Capitalism is Biblical!  And your hard-earned money which you must tithe to us helps keep fine quality Discernmentalist websites like this one up and running.

The Poison Of Anti-Calvinism

August 29, 2011

Anyone who dares to offer any sort of critique of any of the 5 points of Dortian Calvinism is a bigot and a lost deluded ignorant individual. Not only that but to offer up any kind of logical and sound Biblical critique of any of the Doctrines of Dort is to go against God and His Grace. Arminian Semi-Pelagians, Romanists, Papists, Barthians, Emergents and any other Anti-Calvinists belong to the Synagogues of Satan and are part of the Whore of Babylon that is out to destroy the Pure Gospel and God’s Absolute Truth. Anti-Calvinism is a poisonous hate-filled cancer spreading like gangrene by Spiritual Terrorists within and outside of the church.

Also anyone who dares to attack any aspect of Calvinism is unReformed, lacks any True understanding of the Bible and slanders the Reformation. This is why Arminian heretics are not only Semi-Pelagians but also closet Mary-Worshipping Papists. Arminianism and Anti-Calvinism are the roads straight back to the Bondage of Rome because Calvinism not Jesus Christ is the Pure Gospel.

The reason that I bring this up is because of my exposure to the inane nature of so much of the popular anti-Calvinism found in the writings of ignorant heretics like Geisler, Hunt, Vance, and Bryson (repeated without the slightest bit of concern by Coate) and that is the contrast between the biblically-based presentations of Reformed writers and our concern for accuracy in even representing those who disagree with us (and who attack us personally) and the methodology of “anything goes as long as it is opposed to Calvinism” of the other side.

Anti-Calvinists are the most ignorant, arrogant, hateful and disgusting people in the world. All Anti-Calvinists should be locked up for their criminal behavior. I thank God and His Absolute Sovereign Wrath that all Anti-Calvinists were predestined to be tortured for all eternity unless they are able to repent—so  Anti-Calvinists of the world—REPENT—and remember when we tell you that God hates all of youwe are only speaking the TRUTH in Love.

Evil Commies Honor Diseased Baptist

August 26, 2011

 

This just in fresh from Der Führer’s desk: Item #4-
Communist-Created Statue to Honor King
by Der Führer Brannon Howse’s henchman, Cliff Kincaid

With False President, Commie and Anti-Christ Obama preparing to preside over the official unveiling of the False Convert and Commie heretic— the evil Martin Luther King, Jr.’s Memorial, the last thing the administration needs is a controversy over the “Made in China” label for the 30-foot structure. But the shocking truth, known for many years, is beginning to be picked up by some media outlets as the special event approaches. The project in honor of the American civil rights and Satanic Baptist figure was “outsourced” to Lei Yixin, a Chinese government-approved sculptor best known for creating edifices glorifying Mao Tse-Tung, father of Communist China and notorious mass-murderer.

How dare anyone let supporters of mass-murderers create statues—let alone statues of mass-murderers! Haven’t people read my excellent article exposing MLK as the man-exalting reprobate that he was. Excerpt:

Martin Luther King, Jr. was a Baptist minister and Baptists are heretics with the soul-destroying disease, Baptici hereticus. Also Baptists have unbiblical and Semi-Pelagian church polity as Sharin’ Whiplash reminds Discernmentalists that Absolute Truth Biblical church polity is Presbyterian in nature—we who are God’s True Elect Know this.  In this way, Martin Luther  King, Jr. led many souls astray by spreading the disease Baptici hereticus—not only that he was a communist and socialist bent on destroying America.

Martin Luther  King, Jr. may have had a dream but that dream was for a socialist and communist America and  that’s heresy.

He also damned many souls to hell with his Commie Baptist ways.