Archive for the ‘Absolute Diets’ Category

We’re Being Invaded…

February 17, 2020

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Dearborn, Michigan 2019—thanks a lot libturdz.

“Everyone talks about religious liberty, but no one believes it. So let us be blunt about it: we must use the doctrine of religious liberty to gain independence for Christian schools until we train up a generation of people who know that there is no religious neutrality, no neutral law, no neutral education, and no neutral civil government. Then they will get busy in constructing a Bible-based social, political, and religious order which finally denies the religious liberty of the enemies of God.” ~Iman Mullah Gary North (Source)

Western Civilization is falling thanks to libruls. Muslimen are invading and taking over our Great Country spreading Shariya’s laws. Why just the other day I was visiting the local grocery store and they had *halal* (*shocker) food—if that’s not proof that we’re being invaded then I don’t know what is. No other religious custom has their food in our grocery stores—how come the Moslems get to spread their foods? Diversity that’s why—another evil liebral plot to kill all white conservative bible-believing heterosexual men. I’ve never heard nor seen an International section before in our grocery stores in my lifetime and if there is it must be part of the leftist globalist agenda. What’s happening to our culture—why must libbies and muslims destroy it? What happened to grocery stores only being filled with ethnically American bible-believing foods from our culture? Why are good conservative American bible-believin’ Christian non-immigrant native foods like lasagna; quesadillas; matzah balls; baguettes; chop suey; or kebabs; etc. no longer allowed? Why must leftist librul socialists force us to accept diversity? I don’t see any diversity in Islam.

Eric Barger warns:

How true. Perhaps this is why the secularists have systematically attempted to delete the Christian history of our Founding Fathers any way they can?

It is truly in our hands to see that succeeding generations understand, respect and are given the opportunity to live by the principles that truly guided our nation to the past greatness which we still enjoy remnants of today.

In closing, allow the words of Noah Webster, the father of American education, to resound in your heart. They are still the truth today.

“Education is useless without the Bible…The Bible was America’s basic text book in all fields.”

“In my view, the Christian religion is the most important and one of the first things in which all children, under a free government ought to be instructed. . . . No truth is more evident to my mind than that the Christian religion must be the basis of any government intended to secure the rights and privileges of a free people.”

While America is thinking about basketball playoffs and American Idol finalists perhaps it would be good to understand the plan that Islamists have to overwhelm, dominate, and control our government and legal system. That’s right. And they are DOING IT RIGHT NOW!

If you care about your freedom to express the Gospel and your kids and grandkid’s ability to live free lives you need to know that what I and others have been warning about is now coming true behind the scenes and all of this while our media stand idly by complicit to help turn America in favor of Islam and Sharia Law. That’s right. Just keep sitting on the sidelines and we will all pay the consequences. Get Lutzer’s book and Take A Stand!

 

Our Conditions for God’s Unconditional Grace…

October 11, 2019

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God’s Grace is unconditional as the U and I in TULIP points out and we always scream and yell about and preach from our pulpits and debate/argue with grace-hating man-loving semi-Pelagian Armenians over—however just because God’s Grace is unconditional doesn’t mean His love is:

 

“the love of God that is unconditional,” The love of God is not unconditional. “Acts 17:30 English Standard Version (ESV) 30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent” There is the condition. Anyone teaching otherwise is lying.” It’s supposed to be a love that is real and genuine, that can accept people for who they are, even if you don’t agree with them.” Baloney. Loving someone is bringing them to the knowledge of Christ, not accepting their sin,.

“18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[b] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you Matthew 28 – no unconditional love there either.

In fact we know there are terms and conditions to God’s Unconditional Grace (love) as we wrote them so if anyone violates any of our terms & conditions we can only conclude that God has deemed them unworthy of His Unconditional Grace (love). Terms and conditions that make you unworthy of God’s Unconditional Grace (love):

  1. You’re Armenian.
  2. You’re gay or have spoken nicely of gays.
  3. You had or are thinking about having an abortion.
  4. You believe feminism.
  5. You’re a Democrat or even voted Democrat even once.
  6. You’re an anti-Trump RINO.
  7. You don’t believe in Hell.
  8. You believe God is full of love not Holy Sovereign Wrath.

However once again we must give a free pass to our fellow warmongers even-though they violate all that Jesus commanded in the Sermon on the Mount and our Most Biblical and Godly President ever even-though he violated all that Jesus commanded on divorce and remarriage. All those who put America First are exempt from the terms and conditions we’ve placed on God’s Unconditional Grace (love).

 

Mrs. Jobson speaks on Mothballs

June 24, 2019

I’m proud of my wife’s article against the feminist assaults we’ve been facing and how to combat them that I wrote for her in keeping with our Clear Teachings on wifely submission—I tried to submit it on her behalf to The Council On Biblical Manhood and womanhood for publication in the latest issue of their magazine on Biblical womanhood but they rejected it and laughed in my face. I suspect it is because they saw her name as the author—I know it can’t be because of the references to mothballs in the article because they agree with Our Brand. For those of you who don’t know the main definition of mothballs as defined in Volume Two of The Discernmentalist Dictionary is:

MOTHBALLs or (Modernism’s Old Theologies of Hate Bringing About Legalism on  Ladies): (noun)- the only known protection against Mothra and feminist attacks on Discernmentalist Truth. Also useful in warding off Bibliophiles.

Anyways here is my lovely wife’s beautiful and well-written article:

0_300x300_Back_Color-WhiteMy Life As An Unfeminist Submissive Mothball Wearing Wife

By Mrs. Brandy Hose Jobson

Contrary to what our annoyed tortured faithful readers may think Mrs. Jobson indeed loves wearing  her mothball necklace. In fact just smelling them have calmed Mrs. Jobson’s (her)  fears of Mothra’s feminist Agenda assaulting our Truth. Mrs. Jobson wishes more women would learn the joy of being submissive and the benefits of wearing mothballs for protection. I (Don Jobson) told her (my wife Mrs. Jobson) that any time she’s tempted to even think the unbiblical thought of women being able to pastor a church—just keep calm by focusing on her mothballs. Now you can see the Clear benefits of our Teachings. I was telling Mrs. Jobson the other day that if “tolerance” is the core value of political correctness then feminism is it’s most cherished cause–and the implications of apostate culture’s cultural devotion to feminism are monstrous. Feminism is not about equal rights for women but about the feminization of the American male.

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My wife’s lovely mothball necklace 4 Protection against Mothra and feminists

It has indeed turned even more monstrous ever since these Mothra attacks started occurring on innocent unsuspecting Southern Baptist churches but thankfully our Brand works like a charm. In fact its extra magical almost like the heretical Mormon cult’s secret undergarments—only ours is Truly Biblical. Sadly though it has yet to be seen as working on gay feminists. This content is for Premium members only. Login or sign up to gain access to over $164440 in Worldview Weekend resources. (Whoops looks like Brannon is charging now for us Discernmentalists to crib from his self-righteous site. How dare he!).

Feminist Mothra dogma decrees that women can never be successful. That shows how out of touch the feminists are. Now Mothra as you may not know was never successful especially since:

Mothra is one of the most powerful psychics in the Toho universe. She has had the ability to use this power benevolently, to communicate with humans, or defensively, to destroy her enemies. As suggested earlier, Mothra is assumed to be divine and draws many parallels to the Phoenix, which makes her one of the more powerful kaiju of the Toho universe. Mothra has become one of Godzilla’s more challenging opponents, having achieved the greatest success rate in battle save Godzilla himself…

Anyways just remember mothballs for your protection against the Mothra feminist hordes. Mrs. Jobson agrees with me because I told her to.

My wife still protected by mothballs from Mothra feminists,

Don Jobson

Celebrities Endorsed Rob Bell’s Dr. Pepper

May 21, 2019

Gene Simmons of Kiss in the past endorsed Rob Bell’s heretical plot to use Dr. Pepper to lure unsuspecting sinners into believing God’s Love wins. Quote one of our old articles—Actual quote from Rob Bell (a heretic): “Hahaha…if I use the same colors on the book cover of Love Wins as Dr. Pepper Cherry, people will have to believe my Universalist message that Love Wins.” Ken Silva who wasn’t half the Discernmentalist that we are—failed to catch that. Thankfully though we have warned you at just how crafty the Emergent Church’s secret Agenda is!

Thankfully our Research Robot Monkeys also heard that Gene recently got saved from the Emergent hordes as he was heard weeping tears of joy at the Pentagon from hearing the good news of their war mongering. We heard he repented and started worshipping America First again—thank our Angry God! Now you may not know but elsewhere Rob Bell (a heretic) said this against our beloved America which proves him a heretic as America should never be questioned:

“Most of the Bible is a history told by people living in lands occupied by conquering superpowers. It is a book written from the underside of power. It’s an oppression narrative. The majority of the Bible was written by a minority people living under the rule and reign of massive, mighty empires, from the Egyptian Empire to the Babylonian Empire to the Persian Empire to the Assyrian Empire to the Roman Empire.

This can make the Bible a very difficult book to understand if you are reading it as a citizen of the most powerful empire the world has ever seen. Without careful study and reflection, and humility, it may even be possible to miss central themes of the Scriptures.”
Rob Bell, Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile

You see there he’s saying Americans can’t understand the Bible—nonsense as we all know Americans (or at least Nationalists) wrote our Bible. Here’s a Trumpism for you to counteract this heresy: “We love winners. We love winners. Winners are winners.”

Islam Is Too Liberal

April 20, 2019

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Islam is too liberal for America. They refuse to be Conservative like us. They don’t look like us. They’re poor. They have intellectuals among them. They have beards. Their food is healthy. They refuse to discriminate against non-Islamic Americans. They’ll sell you pork even-though its against their religion. They’re foreigners. Obama was one of them. They refuse to follow biblical American values like Capitalism. They demand Rights. They want welfare handouts like Marxist socialist commies. They want  to impose Shareeka’s Law on us. They have funny names. They’re unreasonable unlike us:

So when Exodus 21:15-17 prescribes that cursing or striking a parent is to be punished by execution, that’s fine with Gary North. “When people curse their parents, it unquestionably is a capital crime,” he writes. “The integrity of the family must be maintained by the threat of death.” Likewise with blasphemy, dealt with summarily in Leviticus 24:16: “And he that blasphemeth the name of the Lord, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.”

Reconstructionists provide the most enthusiastic constituency for stoning since the Taliban seized Kabul. “Why stoning?” asks North. “There are many reasons. First, the implements of execution are available to everyone at virtually no cost.” Thrift and ubiquity aside, “executions are community projects–not with spectators who watch a professional executioner do `his’ duty, but rather with actual participants.” You might even say that like square dances or quilting bees, they represent the kind of hands-on neighborliness so often missed in this impersonal era. “That modern Christians never consider the possibility of the reintroduction of stoning for capital crimes,” North continues, “indicates how thoroughly humanistic concepts of punishment have influenced the thinking of Christians.”—Gary North (White  American Conservative Protestant Calvinist Christian Tea Party Economist Bible-Believing  Heterosexual Capitalist Male)

This is why we must take a stand against religious freedom for Muslims and refuse to let them immigrate  here.

Happy Non-Pagan Easter Reprobates: Now Burn In Hell!

April 19, 2019

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Its the most satanic time of the year when millions of apostates participate in Popish Pagan Occultism against our clear Biblical Doctrines:

“Easter should not be celebrated either corporately in church or privately at home period.”—Sharon M. Whitley has spoken.

Thankfuly we  now  have the most intelligent—most Biblical President ever in the White House now who would never lead God’s True Elect astray into celebrating the blasphemous Romish idolatry of a Christ-centered Easter unlike our last Muslim President Obama. This is why all True Christians elected by God in our great sovereign hatred and discernmentalism must take a stand against this holiday of pagan Ishtar worship nonsense—beside we who truly know God know that God only honors Holy Days that celebrate America First!

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Judging Others: The True Christian’s Duty!

April 17, 2019

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Bow to our Pure Doctrines heretics for we stand in judgment over you with our great Discenmentalism. You have heard it said judge not lest ye be judged but we say unto you that we have a right to judge all with our high standards of our Judgementalism using our Discernmentalist methods:

Angry Nonsense Guarding Everyone Really Horrible Against Truly Reformed Evangelicals Deconverting [to a more reflective Christianity] (ANGERHATRED)

For if we were to remove our Truth from grace you wouldn’t have grace, but a spineless imitation. (As you’ve already figured out, this is the shadow side of liberalism.) We judge so that our grace might abound.

We Hate Easter!

April 8, 2011

If there is any Evil Pagan unholy-day we hate just as much as the blasphemous Roman Arminian Papist Christ-Mass—it would be Easter…why you may ask? Because Easter is the spawn of Satan:

Easter: The Devil’s Holiday
Recalling the fundamentals of the Papist Holiday and what we should be thinking about as true Christians.

Easter: The Devil’s Holiday
by Dr. C. Matthew McMahon

Easter has little to do with real Christianity. Does that surprise you? It should not. For example, Easter was not popular with the Puritans or the Pilgrim settlers in America. Neither Puritans or Pilgrims had use for ceremonies associated with religious festivals invented in either pagan history, or reinvented by Roman Catholicism. In actuality, here in the America’s only after the bloodshed Civil War did Easter “begin again” to be accepted. As Walsh states in his “Holy Time and Sacred Space in Puritan New England” (Walsh, American Quarterly, Vol. 32, No. 1 (Spring, 1980), pp. 79-95) “The New England [Pilgrims] like Reformed Protestants everywhere, rejected traditional Roman Catholic and Anglican beliefs and practices that organized time around consecrated churches, railed-off altars, holy shrines, miraculous wells, and that supposed the flow of time to be an irregular succession of holy days and sacred seasons. The Reformers argued, what was intend3e as a crutch for others had become a cast for Christians who willingly accepted the obligation of constant worship. They for whom all days are holy can have no holidays.” (See, for example, The Sermons of John Calvin Upon the Fifth Book of Moses called Deuteronomie, trans. Arthur Golding (London: H. Middleton, 1583).


New Bible-Based Laxative

April 19, 2010

Finally a colon cleanser fit to relieve the bowels of God’s Holy Predestined Elect introducing PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives. Every PoopraCrapsarian tablet is made by the most natural and Biblical of ingredients based on the Levetical Dietary Laws of keeping Kosher.  All PoopraCrapsarian tablets contain the Absolute Decrees of God so remember PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives for all your colon cleansing needs—good only for the fatallistically predetermined voiding of bowels.

Warning PoopraCrapsarian Laxatives are only good enough for the Truly Predestined Elect of God—the True Converts. Side effects may include but are not limited to: bloating, upset stomach, diaherrea, arrogance, extreme Capitalism, anti-Catholic bigotry, a feeling of religious supremacy over those who disagree with you, elitism, aversion to religious objects, the need to burn heretics at the stake, love of war and torture, condescension and other  side effects. False Converts, unregenerate reprobates and heathens need not apply as they have already been  fatallistically predetermined by God to suffer the wrath of eternal bowel discomfort from the foundation of the world.

Worldly Cheese Found

April 3, 2010

Our Research Robot Monkeys are always combing the web and the globe for all things worldly and apostate as they are able to find the devil in anything and everything. Recently a worldly and demon possessed cheese has been brought to their attention:

What makes this cheese so evil and reprobate? Just listen to the name Babybel which sounds too much like Babel which was in Babylon. Oh the rank apostasy—not only that we  believe Babybel cheese is truly Satanic for when our Research Robot Monkeys parsed the letters out  of  Babybel, they discovered it was a secret codeword for Baby Bel. Bel as in BelBa’al or Belial which of course are other names for the devil.

We concur as here are some of the worldly promises which Babybel offers:

  • they suit alternative vegetarian dietary needs (this is nothing  but liberalism).
  • they make Goat cheese (Goats  are symbolic of Satan and the unsaved non-Elect unregenerate reprobates).
  • they promise laughter (Discernmentalists don’t believe in laughter as laughter is too fun and fun leads to rebellion and rebellion is of the devil. We do believe in laughing at the non-Elect however and rejoice in their predestined damnation which brings gory glory to God).
  • it’s feminist (their commercial says that the cheese is “for the laughing girl”).
  • We Know that Emergents probably like it and if it was used in their churches it would cause women to disobey I Corinthians 14:33-35: “33For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. 34Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. 35And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” (KJV).