Archive for the ‘Absolute Certainty’ Category

Our Conditions for God’s Unconditional Grace…

October 11, 2019

images

God’s Grace is unconditional as the U and I in TULIP points out and we always scream and yell about and preach from our pulpits and debate/argue with grace-hating man-loving semi-Pelagian Armenians over—however just because God’s Grace is unconditional doesn’t mean His love is:

 

“the love of God that is unconditional,” The love of God is not unconditional. “Acts 17:30 English Standard Version (ESV) 30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent” There is the condition. Anyone teaching otherwise is lying.” It’s supposed to be a love that is real and genuine, that can accept people for who they are, even if you don’t agree with them.” Baloney. Loving someone is bringing them to the knowledge of Christ, not accepting their sin,.

“18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[b] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you Matthew 28 – no unconditional love there either.

In fact we know there are terms and conditions to God’s Unconditional Grace (love) as we wrote them so if anyone violates any of our terms & conditions we can only conclude that God has deemed them unworthy of His Unconditional Grace (love). Terms and conditions that make you unworthy of God’s Unconditional Grace (love):

  1. You’re Armenian.
  2. You’re gay or have spoken nicely of gays.
  3. You had or are thinking about having an abortion.
  4. You believe feminism.
  5. You’re a Democrat or even voted Democrat even once.
  6. You’re an anti-Trump RINO.
  7. You don’t believe in Hell.
  8. You believe God is full of love not Holy Sovereign Wrath.

However once again we must give a free pass to our fellow warmongers even-though they violate all that Jesus commanded in the Sermon on the Mount and our Most Biblical and Godly President ever even-though he violated all that Jesus commanded on divorce and remarriage. All those who put America First are exempt from the terms and conditions we’ve placed on God’s Unconditional Grace (love).

 

Eric Barger rocks another Church

September 24, 2019

XAA5_085_f9d6ad7d-d7db-4311-9581-96a5f531a371

“What better way is there to see a society abandon historical truths than to allow them to be revised, misshaped or omitted from school textbooks? Mark my words, our Founders lofty and spiritually inspired ideals are slowly fading from view at the hands of those who publicly boast in their pledge to do damage to the centuries-old goal and privilege of experiencing Christian freedom, standards and evangelism in our land.

Make no mistake; it is NO accident that the curriculum is mum on who we really are as a nation. With the spirit of humanist educator John Dewey leading from his grave, the secularists have fought hard to accomplish their goal of “Christianity free” textbooks. At very least they desire to play down religion and do injustice to the historical significance of the faith of our Founders.”—Eric Barger

Experienced ministers know how the scenario goes. A relatively new member who has jumped into congregational life wants to share some “concerns” he has about the church.

At the appointed time, the pastor discovers this is really a test — with an agenda. Questions that did not originate with the questioner start to flow.

Questions like: “Do you believe in a literal hell, yes or no?” “Is that a Brian McLaren book on your shelf?”

“Why did you quote Nouwen and Merton last Sunday without telling the church they are dangerous?” “Have you attended a conference at which Leonard Sweet or Richard Foster spoke?”

“The word ‘missional’ was in the church newsletter this week; don’t you check for things like that?” “Are you aware that in the young adults class last Sunday, the teacher talked about social justice instead of the Gospel?”

“Why don’t you preach against evolution?” “Are you aware of Rick Warren’s universalist leanings?”—[H/T]: Some Heretical Blog that we all must take a stand against for questioning the purity of our doctrines.

 

 

Purpose-Driven Tim Tebow vs Purposeless Driven Todd Friel

September 10, 2019

69746548_1101505016715425_7468453643864244224_o Special Alert: Another one of our mighty Truth Warriors has fallen for the Purpose drivel nonsense of the Heretical Purpose-Driven guru Rick Warren in these perilous times of the last days of  the end times. For shame–if Tim Tebow were  a real Christian He would know God has no plan for our lives as He meant for them to be purposeless; meaningless and Wretched. Doesn’t he know that:

When a man writes books including the theme of salvation, using nearly twenty translations of the Bible, yet fails to expound on sin, the dire need to repent, and fails to mention the reality of hell and the Lord’s soon coming judgment, this is a false Gospel. Having attended four prophecy conferences in the last decade, I found it fascinating that about twenty speakers at each conference, all who represented different Protestant denominations, and none who worked intimately with, or even knew each other, all found major flaws in the theology of Rick Warren. Warren is not the subject of a witch hunt of sorts. These erudite scholars live totally separate lives from one another, yet all come up with the same conclusions. One can easily observe this, as his critics each cover different concerns in his convoluted theology. Where there is smoke there is fire. 

In fact nowhere in the Bible is there mentioned God having a plan for our lives as our Pope of all Truth John MacArthur (PBUH) preaches:

“That sounds biblical” is a dangerous phrase. Satan’s most treacherous lies often come cloaked in a disguise of truth. And the most successful false teachers are usually the ones most skilled at twisting Scripture to suit their own purposes. To survive in the war for the truth, every believer needs to be armed with biblical wisdom and careful discernment.

Everything is the Other Side’s Fault…

August 3, 2019

67348309_10215226722245883_1387808159308972032_n

The newest product from Blame & Shame Co (a division of GOIP Industries)—the Hate Radio Hat comes pre-set with a filter that automatically pre-tunes to the wearer’s personal biases. Dividing and conquering has never been easier for the Discernmentalist on the hunt for enemies. Now you’ll be able to find heresy where there is none. Turn any conservative quote into a racist one and any liberal quote into a socialist one. In example—of course Democrats are the only ones who would burn a church like Jered Ragon (founder of Abolish Human Abortion). We also have discernmentalized that Left-wing terrorism (responsible for 23 deaths between 1992-2017) is more violent than Right-wing terrorism (responsible for 217 between 1992-2017). Peace is heresy and warmongering is blessed. Being right and certain in our beliefs is more important than truth. So believe what we tell you because we told ya so.

This Just In: U2’s Bono Pulls Emergents To Hell

July 17, 2019

mac001

Bono (Pictured)

Breaking News from the Frontlines of the Truth WarThis article will show you that not only are Bono and C. S. Lewis by guilt of association not a Christian, but that they are both really from the dark side:

Have you been fooled by this rocker, who talks about his love for Jesus, but in reality shows his love for Satan during his performances? He has an alter ego named “MacPhisto.” Did you know that MacPhisto is in The Screw Tape Letters, by C.S. Lewis. The book’s characters are demons, and MacPhisto is a demon who works hard at communicating with baby Christians to get them away from God!

“But U2 is much more than a popular rock band. U2 has a great influence in the emerging church and the contemporary worship movement. U2’s lead singer Bono is praised almost universally among contemporary and emerging Christians. Phil Johnson observes that “Bono seems to be the chief theologian of the Emerging Church Movement” (Absolutely Not! Exposing the Post-modern Errors of the Emerging Church, pg. 9).

Oh the sheer horror! The sinfully horrifyingly devilish pic above is enough to lead me away from Biblical Christianity but I’m even more horrified that the article quoted above mentioned C. S. Lewis (a known heretic). Don’t they know that C. S. Lewis is a heretic as per our Clear Teachings? In fact he’s even beloved by Emerging heretics so that makes him equally heretical in keeping with our traditions by our laws of guilt by association. Here are some of the things these Emergent heretics have said about C. S. Lewis (a heretic):

  • “Like you, I have great respect for C. S. Lewis…”—Brian McLaren
  • “I am busy because I am lazy. I indolently let others decide what I will do instead of resolutely deciding myself. It was a favorite theme of C. S. Lewis that only lazy people work hard. By lazily abdicating the essential work of deciding and directing, establishing values and setting goals, other people do it for us.” ― Eugene Peterson
  • “Following Christ includes belonging, not just believing. British author and theologian C.S. Lewis noted that the word membership is of Christian origin, but the world has emptied it of its original meaning.”—Rick Warren
  • Urban Faith notes on Rob Bell:  Bell’s view on hell is like that of C.S. Lewis (not a surprise: he directs readers to Lewis’ Great Divorce in the back of the book): people get what they want.

From all of this we can gather that C.S. Lewis (a heretic) would’ve been a U2 fan were he still around in today’s perilous times—even Bono himself has a fondness for heretic C. S. Lewis:

“Many readers of this blog will be aware of Bono’s affection for C. S. Lewis, and how Lewis has influenced his theological commitments. You hear the echo of Lewis’s trilemma here from the book, Bono in Conversation, distinguishing “karma” from “grace,” which, Bono declares, is a “mind blowing concept…that keeps me on my knees.”

On reading said quote of Bono on Jesus Emerging heretic Frank Viola exclaimed: Is the Lead Singer of U2 the New C.S. Lewis? Other Discernmentalist Ministries have also observed Lewis’ heresies: “CS Lewis – his style dupes many Christians…his style is a Trojan horse for bad theology.” ~ Mike Abendroth. Dr. Hugh Jass himself—Phil Johnson’s mighty Pyromaniacs has stated:

CS Lewis did not believe in Hell and he believed in purgatory. CS Lewis was heavily influenced by his friend JRR Tolkien (who wrote Lord of the Rings) a Roman Catholic and he was also influenced by the writings of GK Chesterton, another Romanist.

Tolkien was disappointed that CS Lewis moved from his atheism but not to the Roman Catholic Church. Lewis was sort of “Anglo-Catholic.” Anyway, Tolkien’s influence on Lewis may explain Lewis’ heterodoxy.

Most importantly the Ways of the Master himself—the Pope of the Truth War John MacArthur (PBUH) declares:

Not many evangelicals would openly claim to believe in purgatory, even if their eschatology bears a striking resemblance to Catholic dogma. Eschewing the Catholic emphasis on works righteousness, a growing number in the church believe that God’s grace extends to sinners beyond the grave, rescuing them from the due penalty of their sin in the afterlife. C.S. Lewis’s book The Great Divorceplays out this theory in narrative form, as unrepentant sinners are coaxed into heaven by the saints.

But that view has no biblical basis—it’s driven by sentiment, not Scripture.

Therefore we can only conclude that NOW THE END BEGINS are leading millions away from Biblical Christianity by mentioning C. S. Lewis (a heretic).

 

 

Mrs. Jobson speaks on Mothballs

June 24, 2019

I’m proud of my wife’s article against the feminist assaults we’ve been facing and how to combat them that I wrote for her in keeping with our Clear Teachings on wifely submission—I tried to submit it on her behalf to The Council On Biblical Manhood and womanhood for publication in the latest issue of their magazine on Biblical womanhood but they rejected it and laughed in my face. I suspect it is because they saw her name as the author—I know it can’t be because of the references to mothballs in the article because they agree with Our Brand. For those of you who don’t know the main definition of mothballs as defined in Volume Two of The Discernmentalist Dictionary is:

MOTHBALLs or (Modernism’s Old Theologies of Hate Bringing About Legalism on  Ladies): (noun)- the only known protection against Mothra and feminist attacks on Discernmentalist Truth. Also useful in warding off Bibliophiles.

Anyways here is my lovely wife’s beautiful and well-written article:

0_300x300_Back_Color-WhiteMy Life As An Unfeminist Submissive Mothball Wearing Wife

By Mrs. Brandy Hose Jobson

Contrary to what our annoyed tortured faithful readers may think Mrs. Jobson indeed loves wearing  her mothball necklace. In fact just smelling them have calmed Mrs. Jobson’s (her)  fears of Mothra’s feminist Agenda assaulting our Truth. Mrs. Jobson wishes more women would learn the joy of being submissive and the benefits of wearing mothballs for protection. I (Don Jobson) told her (my wife Mrs. Jobson) that any time she’s tempted to even think the unbiblical thought of women being able to pastor a church—just keep calm by focusing on her mothballs. Now you can see the Clear benefits of our Teachings. I was telling Mrs. Jobson the other day that if “tolerance” is the core value of political correctness then feminism is it’s most cherished cause–and the implications of apostate culture’s cultural devotion to feminism are monstrous. Feminism is not about equal rights for women but about the feminization of the American male.

il_340x270_1639873720_32ub

My wife’s lovely mothball necklace 4 Protection against Mothra and feminists

It has indeed turned even more monstrous ever since these Mothra attacks started occurring on innocent unsuspecting Southern Baptist churches but thankfully our Brand works like a charm. In fact its extra magical almost like the heretical Mormon cult’s secret undergarments—only ours is Truly Biblical. Sadly though it has yet to be seen as working on gay feminists. This content is for Premium members only. Login or sign up to gain access to over $164440 in Worldview Weekend resources. (Whoops looks like Brannon is charging now for us Discernmentalists to crib from his self-righteous site. How dare he!).

Feminist Mothra dogma decrees that women can never be successful. That shows how out of touch the feminists are. Now Mothra as you may not know was never successful especially since:

Mothra is one of the most powerful psychics in the Toho universe. She has had the ability to use this power benevolently, to communicate with humans, or defensively, to destroy her enemies. As suggested earlier, Mothra is assumed to be divine and draws many parallels to the Phoenix, which makes her one of the more powerful kaiju of the Toho universe. Mothra has become one of Godzilla’s more challenging opponents, having achieved the greatest success rate in battle save Godzilla himself…

Anyways just remember mothballs for your protection against the Mothra feminist hordes. Mrs. Jobson agrees with me because I told her to.

My wife still protected by mothballs from Mothra feminists,

Don Jobson

Gays join the Truth War against Feminists

June 10, 2019

 

-1421216048411761752

“I’m a gay man. I am not a feminist. There’s a shocking statement. How could any gay man not need, want, support, affirm feminism?

What I learned surprised me. I learned that feminism was not about equality. I learned about the feminist history of hatred toward gay men. And eventually, I learned that feminism was actively engaged in a campaign that was doing to all men what others have so often done to gay men: demonize them as sexual predators and abusers in the interests of their own power and their own ideology.

Feminism wasn’t about equality: It was about bigotry.”—Matthew Lye

We couldn’t hardly believe it when our Research Robot Monkeys stumbled upon this shocking statement. We’re so shocked we’re pressed for words. How can this be? Everyone knows that gays are liberals and that feminists are liberals too—and that all liberals love gays and feminists equally. Its part of their pledge to use the Trojan Horse of gay feminism to destroy the American church by legalizing the gay feminist agenda to turn men into effeminate weak gutlesss grace girlie-men. In fact when I showed this Researchmentalism for the very article I’m writing to my co-laborer in Discernmentalism—-Dr. I. Todyaso—he exclaimed: “I hate this but most importantly I hate myself for not knowing who to hate more—but then I thought to myself what would John MacArthur (PBUH) do? Why! Point out his finger of self-righteous judgment at both groups and hate them both equally.” On the one hand—we’d like to thank the gays for helping us hate the feminists more—on the other—we’d like to thank the feminists for helping us to hate the gays more. Even-so you’re not fooling any of us as you’re not really among us Truth Warriors.

Update: Rumor has it that Dr. I. Todyaso has gone into hiding somewhere deep within our Truth Bunker upon viewing this Researchmentalism—but I could’ve sworn I heard his distinctive voice in our ODM cafeteria late last night in the afterhours as I was getting a midnight snack.

Ray Comfort (Awesome) invents Mothball Mobile

June 3, 2019

mbm

DISCERNMENTALIST WOO NEWS—  Kearny is one of those towns with a main street called Kearny Avenue. Most Friday and Saturday nights Ray Comfort (Awesome) would walk Kearny Avenue passing out “Are you a good person?” tracts to groups of young people and feminists. Most of them would laugh at him. Some ridiculed him. A few even assaulted him. But Ray was undeterred. He wanted to be able to connect with some of these kids and preach the law of our Angry God’s wrath to them. Then it dawned on him since feminists (under Mothra’s influence) fear mothballs—why not invent a Mothball Mobile (using recently discovered Mothball technology)—then he could safely pick kids up on Sunday morning—(protected from Mothra and feminist doctrines) in his Mothball Mobile and bring them to church. If the kids are poor Ray would then have the opportunity to preach the Gospel of Capitalism to them so they could be saved through the “invisible hand” of Free-Market economics. Online Discernmentalist ministries are now seeing the benefits of this application of our newly discovered Mothball technology with Ray’s invention we can now more often load up our cars with kids and take them to see Discernmentalist approved movies and bring them to Discernmentalist crusades. Even with all his eccentricity—Ray lives the commands of Christ through merciful grace as well as any redeemed Elect can by preaching the Law and Wrath of God’s anger instead of mercy and grace to sinners. (Source)

Mrs. Jobson is extra excited to hear the good news that our good friend Ray Comfort is inventing this Mothball mobile as she hasn’t been allowed to leave our bunker in months without wearing her mothball necklace for protection—ever-since these Mothra feminist attacks have begun upon the Holy Remnant within our apostate Southern Baptist Convention. We fear that ever-since these feminist priestesses started invading our SBC—that they will return our beloved Convention to the Dark Ages of liberals and the unholy horrors of Progress by divine fiat. We’d like to thank Ray once again for inventing this as the extra protection of mothballs will keep us well-fortified on the go—and safe from being accosted by Mothra or any other strange feminists—while we’re out and about. Now Mrs. Jobson and our Quiverfull of kids will safely be able to see God Is Not Dead: The Finally Final Reckoning when it finally comes out!

 

Don Jobson and Mrs. Jobson through being forced to agree with me approves

 

Celebrities Endorsed Rob Bell’s Dr. Pepper

May 21, 2019

Gene Simmons of Kiss in the past endorsed Rob Bell’s heretical plot to use Dr. Pepper to lure unsuspecting sinners into believing God’s Love wins. Quote one of our old articles—Actual quote from Rob Bell (a heretic): “Hahaha…if I use the same colors on the book cover of Love Wins as Dr. Pepper Cherry, people will have to believe my Universalist message that Love Wins.” Ken Silva who wasn’t half the Discernmentalist that we are—failed to catch that. Thankfully though we have warned you at just how crafty the Emergent Church’s secret Agenda is!

Thankfully our Research Robot Monkeys also heard that Gene recently got saved from the Emergent hordes as he was heard weeping tears of joy at the Pentagon from hearing the good news of their war mongering. We heard he repented and started worshipping America First again—thank our Angry God! Now you may not know but elsewhere Rob Bell (a heretic) said this against our beloved America which proves him a heretic as America should never be questioned:

“Most of the Bible is a history told by people living in lands occupied by conquering superpowers. It is a book written from the underside of power. It’s an oppression narrative. The majority of the Bible was written by a minority people living under the rule and reign of massive, mighty empires, from the Egyptian Empire to the Babylonian Empire to the Persian Empire to the Assyrian Empire to the Roman Empire.

This can make the Bible a very difficult book to understand if you are reading it as a citizen of the most powerful empire the world has ever seen. Without careful study and reflection, and humility, it may even be possible to miss central themes of the Scriptures.”
Rob Bell, Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile

You see there he’s saying Americans can’t understand the Bible—nonsense as we all know Americans (or at least Nationalists) wrote our Bible. Here’s a Trumpism for you to counteract this heresy: “We love winners. We love winners. Winners are winners.”

Our Favorite Brand!

May 18, 2019

tumblr_opcrzz24p51qlxixqo1_400

Many of our tortured faithful readers have been asking us lately which brand of mothballs we use to repel the feminists and Mothra’s assaults on our Absolute Truth. We prefer (and Mrs. Jobson has no choice in this): Enoz Mothra Balls. The smellier the better. We’ve found that they also provide extra protection against atheist Bibliophiles harming our children with strange books. Mrs. Jobson has become even more Biblically submissive to my divine authority since wearing a necklace of them around her neck. Thank our Angry God!

Even our Pope of the Truth War (PBUH) doesn’t teach this essential and important teaching for countering the Mothra-feminist Agenda secretly corrupting our churches—so we’re one step ahead of our Dear Leader.

“All this is not limited to liberal churches and denominations, however. Aburdene and Naisbitt note that the organization Christians for Biblical Equality believes, “Women as well as men exercise the prophetic, priestly, and royal functions” of the church. [4](ibid, p. 128, quoted from “Women Served as Priests,” Grand Rapids Press, November 9, 1991) Evangelical churches are just as susceptible to the feminist onslaught. The fact is, feminism has already gained a foothold within the evangelical community in recent years.”

See no mention of mothballs helping to prevent these assaults. Elsewhere our Pope (PBUH) stated: “If all theologians were to follow that principle of interpretation, Satan wouldn’t need to attack the truthfulness of Scripture; he would only have to cause enough confusion over the “hard passages” for scholars to ignore them.”

I’ve made sure to rub our mothballs over any of these “hard passages” that might be misconstrued of even secretly teaching one hint of Mothra-feminist doctrines against our Truth. Hard passages such as:

Joel 2:28-29 New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)-The Day of the Lord Is Coming: 28 “After that, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
Your old men will have dreams.
Your young men will have visions.
29 In those days I will pour out my Spirit
on those who serve me, men and women alike.

Unfortunately Mothra doctrines are hard to spot without the aid of our Secret Cloaking Reversal Technology as Mothra herself as well as her feminist priestesses are said to have psychic abilities. Quote:

Mothra symbolizes girl power, in a variety of forms—from the sonorous and elegant magic of her miniature twin princess allies, to the overt strength, courage, and perseverance of the great moth herself. Mothra also has characteristics of a mother goddess diety, with her transformations—from egg to caterpillar to moth (who sometimes produces a new egg and continues the cycle.) While most of the Kaiju are lone wolves, Mothra keeps up a social network by way of her telepathic connection

Thankfully you have important ministries of dis-imformation like ours in this Truth War to teach you the correct way through mothballs to stop the Mothra-feminist assault on our Doctrines or else the feminists will win and ordain more feminist Mothra-priestesses to serve the Lord and prophesy aka preach the Gospel/Pastor a church. And in the words of John W. Robbins who explains the tragedy of such an approach:

The demand for the ordination of women, as rebellious as it is in itself, is a symptom of a much more serious malady. The ordination of women might disfigure the church, but the disease of which it is a symptom will kill her unless it is quickly diagnosed and treated. That disease . . . is the rejection of Biblical inerrancy.

So remember Mrs. Jobson (through Mr. Jobson’s authority) approved Enoz Mothra Balls—the only way to stop the Mothra-feminist assault on our Truth and Bibliophiles corrupting kids. Even my co-Truth Warrior Truthslayer agrees as his wife now too is wearing a mothball necklace.