Archive for January, 2011

Think Just Like Us Or Else:

January 31, 2011

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We Are Hardcore Discernmentalists!

January 10, 2011

We are under attack yet again by the world for a Secular dictionary has gotten the definition of Discernmentalists wrong:

Discernmentalists typically focus on perceived heresies in Pentecostalism, Charismatism and Ecumenism, among others. They defend their actions by citing Scriptural injunctions regarding the testing of scripture and cautioning against false teachers. Some Pentecostal/charismatic theologians claim that their interpretations of certain passages have been divinely inspired, a claim other Discernmentalists reject. Many outside the movement regard Discernmentalists as judgmental legalists who have absented themselves from teaching the grace that is a key Christian doctrine.

Discernmentalists should not be confused with anti-cult ministries, which work primarily in alerting Christians to the alleged dangers posed by churches that they consider to be cults.

Some areas attacked by discernmentalists include:

Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ film. Over 13,000 words of rebuttal on one website, on account of Gibson’s Catholicism and other Catholic involvement in production.
– Widely regarded parachurch organisations such as “Promise Keepers”, “Alpha”, “Focus on the Family”, Christian Vegetarian Association, etc.
– The Toronto blessing and similar “hyper-charismatic” movements.
– Many streams of Pentecostal thought.
Denunciation of many noted Christians based on supercritical evaluation of their activities, including those long dead. In addition, reliance upon sole sources of information does not meet normal standards of historical research. Without having in some way been able to record every single thought, act or word of every noted Christian it is impossible to know whether they should be condemned for something they may have later turned away from.

Most discernment ministry organisations are small but have achieved greater influence through the Internet. In summary, the purveyors of these ministries seem to proclaim themselves as ultimate authorities on all of the subjects which they publish an opinion on. Indeed we are the ultimate authorities on every subject that we publish on as we are expert discerners of all things. Note the Absolute Biblically True definition of a Discernmentalist is: Discernmentalist- An expert discerner who knows all, is able to read minds, re-interpret quotes, and misinterpret quotes biblically. Typically involved in the “special ops” of discernment, and has the right to mislead the public when defending the truth or orthodoxy against the unrighteous (ie almost everyone).

Not only are we the ultimate authorities on every subject that we publish on and expert discerners of all things—we are also Hardcore Discernmentalists as we sometimes must discernmentalize our own beliefs to make sure our Doctrines stay 500% Purer than everyone else’s.

Flaming Calvinists?

January 9, 2011

So I had some of our Research Robot Monkeys do some researchmentalism on a supposedly Christian Forum for a  new Discernmentalist article against the many heresies of the Emergent Church when they came across a character who had the title of “Flaming Calvinist:”

Notice there are many errors here concerning this arunma fellow:

  1. How can there be any “flaming Calvinists” that is a contradiction of terms. One can’t be simultaneously saved and a homosexual at the same time—Brian McLaren and the Emergent Church teaches that it’s ok to be gay and that gay Christians are saved. The Bible however is Absolutely Clear that all homosexuality (sodomy) is an unbiblical abomination and an unforgivable sin as clearly taught by Jesus and the Apostles in the Bible. To paraphrase my colleague Dr. I. Todyaso: One thing we do not need is Gay Calvinists out there perverting the Doctrines of Grace. How dare this so called character suggest he can be gay and a Bible-Believing Calvinist at the same time that’s about as oxymoronic as saying one is a Christian and an  Arminian at the same time! (Just ask Sharon about that!) The next thing you know Calvinists will be ordaining homosexuals….blasphemy!
  2. The only flaming that Bible-Believing Christians need is to roast heretics alive over a stake whether it be in reality or cyber-reality as John Knox’s clear teachings teach us
  3. How can anyone hold to the Biblical Doctrines of Grace and yet pledge allegiance to the Democratic Party? The two are antithetical as Democrats are anti-Christian. One can never vote Democrat as a True Bible-Believing Calvinist as Democrats reject the Bible and accept:  welfare queens,  Islamofascism, atheism, homosexuality, abortion and the rest of the sins that we take a stand against.

Emergents Deconstruct ODMafia’s New Ally

January 7, 2011

After chanting Contemplative babbling for a few minutes—those evil Emergents have deconstructed the site of our newest ally in John MacArthur’s Truth Wars©®™. Their New Age Eastern Mystical voodoo seems to have deconstructed Holywrathministriesinc’s website to the point of deconstructing it all the way off of the Internet. We are quite disappointed as we were looking forward to working with “holywrath.wordpress.com is no longer available” in our humble discernmentalist ministry. The ODMafia and the GOIP combined with”holywrath.wordpress.com is no longer available” would have been a triple combo threat in spreading the True Gospel of  God’s Holy Absolute Sovereign Wrath against all those who disagree with us like Postmodern infidels and refuse to bow down before our Pure Doctrines. What a shame…What a shame!

And Now A Word From One Of Our Sponsers

January 3, 2011