(Secondhand Internet Discernmentalist News)— After years of keeping his true identity hidden the highly elusive and private recluse, Ken Silva, our affectionate Uncle in Online Discernmentalism has finally decided to publically bless his adoring fans by coming out of hiding from his secret underground Discernmentalist bunker in a closet at our ranch. Ken has planned a Discernmentalist Tour at various public places–further details are unknown as of now, but of what we do know: we know that he may come to a mall near you along with your favorite Discernmentalists. The tour will include a discernmentalizing session of all the sinful and apostate public. The sessions will be free of charge but donations are welcome.
Secondhand Internet Discernmentalist News has obtained this exclusive photo above of the rare moment of Ken emerging from hiding. The photo was snapped only yesterday by the “ODM” paparazzi league. The photo has been verified by Ken Silva himself that it actually is of the enigmatic Ken Silva of Apprising Ministries. The anonymous photographer said: “This very rare photo was taken as ODMs hurriedly came emerging from their latest powwow somewhere in an underground bunker by brackish lagoons deep within the backwater forests of some secluded hills.”
Sources close to Ken have heard that he has stated on record that he has been planning his first public appearance for years, but wanted to make sure the public would take him seriously enough first. Hopefully more public appearances will follow suit.